When should one move out and live on his or her own?

[flyingpig]

I find this question interesting, I like to hear what everyone else thinks.

Of course for any person who is still in college, it will be tough and will probably take him or her longer to finish college than everyone else.

Not to mention getting a decent "stable" job to pay off rent. As well as knowing how to cook diverse food and not rely on going to restaurants everyday.

Do you guys think there should be an age where one needs to get out of the house?

 

[BobG]

I moved out and lived on my own when I was 18, as did most of my brothers and sisters. We were all pretty eager to move away from home. In fact, none of us (six still living) live in the same state.

Just a touch of family dysfunction can do wonders for developing independence among the kids.

 

[lisab]

Economic concerns often drive the decision of where to live. But I'd be concerned if a young person reaches age 20 or so, and has no *desire* to move out on their own.

 

[flyingpig]

I moved out and lived on my own when I was 18, as did most of my brothers and sisters. We were all pretty eager to move away from home. In fact, none of us (six still living) live in the same state.

Just a touch of family dysfunction can do wonders for developing independence among the kids.

Do you mean living in the dorms? Or actually paying for rent yourself? How did yuo find a job and manage college? I am interested in what kind of job you have.

 

[BobG]

Do you mean living in the dorms? Or actually paying for rent yourself? How did yuo find a job and manage college? I am interested in what kind of job you have.

At the time, student life didn't seem to be something I could stick with for long periods of time, plus tuition was much lower back in the day.

I spent one term in the dorms. Then dropped out and hitchhiked to California.

Then I got a job. Then I cut my hours to part time and went to school for a term. Then dropped out.

Then I worked for a while. Then I cut my hours to part time and went to school for a term. Then I dropped out. Etc.

Eventually I got a summer construction job that was paying enough I wasn't willing to quit to go back to school.

Then the housing market collapsed and I joined the military and had 20 years to intersperse going to school part time and dropping out for various reasons (deployments, deciding I wanted to get to know my kids again after deployments, etc.).

Some of the others of my family focused a little bit more on finishing their educations through jobs, scholarships, or help from family (I think all of us inherited something from deceased grandparents, great aunts, etc, even if only small amounts and I at least refrained from spending what I did have in the bank during the periods I wasn't going to school). In fact, one of my sisters had a partial scholarship for volleyball until she quit playing to become an assistant coach while still a student (the drawback to athletic scholarships is that you can't supplement your scholarship money with part time jobs, thanks to scandals in moneymaking sports, such as football and basketball).

All in all, only four of us completed a bachelor's degree, period, let alone quickly. The one with the volleyball scholarship did complete hers in about the normal period of time as full time students, but the other two that completed their degree didn't take near as long as I did. The three that didn't complete a degree (including the deceased brother) did attend some college, but they were even less dedicated to student life than I was. Interestingly, 3 of the 4 girls completed their degrees in a reasonable amount of time while I was the only one of the boys to finish a degree and I took a long time to do it.

I think it would be harder to do what we did today.

 

[turbo]

My sisters got married and moved out ASAP. None went further than HS.

I moved back home for two summers because I could live with my parents and be close to a veneer mill that was booming and was desperate for summer help. I was a hard worker, and took all the overtime that they offered me. Back at college, I had an apartment, and bought, restored and resold guitars and tube amps, plus played music for parties, mostly for frats. With minimal support from my parents I was able to attend college full-time and live in an apartment. I cooked all my own meals and learned to peacefully co-exist with lentils, peas, beans, and rice to keep food-costs under control.

@OP, if you think you can support yourself, it's time to consider getting out of the house. If you are attending a local college and it is convenient for you to commute from your parents' home, consider picking up some part-time work and paying them something for your upkeep. I realize that this might be tough in today's economic conditions. I was able to move out and pretty much support myself, but that was over 40 years ago when there were more job opportunities. Good luck, whatever path you choose.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Do you guys think there should be an age where one needs to get out of the house?

Yes. The parents deserve it.

I left home ASAP [about nine months after graduating high school] with everything I owned in a backpack. I also had a 240Z but had to sell it immediately as I could no longer afford the payments.

Huh... I had almost forgotten the last drive in my Z - ~ 120-130 mph for six hours straight [less one gas stop]. It was a miracle we didn't get busted.

 

[Norman]

By the time I was 20, I was fully self-sufficient.

From 18-20 I was going to college (and working) then coming home to my parents for the summer and working. Pretty self-sufficient, but I lived the my parents in the summer.

From my junior year until graduation, I fully supported myself. I had to work 3 jobs at one point to afford school and an apartment (in the slums with roommates), but I did it. Still paying off those student loans... I still remember my grandmother coming to visit the apartment there - we called it the tenement. She tried to hide her reaction but I still saw it. I had to laugh a little.

I was always pretty independent and rebellious. I didn't want my parents to be able to hold anything over my head. My parents were cool with it, though. Let me make my own mistakes.

 

[Evo]

I don't believe that there is any age that one "needs" to get out of the house. Especially now, with times so hard.

It's up to the people involved, the situation at home. Usually kids in their late teens early 20's want to move out so that they can do things that their parents might not allow in their home.

Usually, the option to go to the school of your choice means leaving home.

There's no rule, and if it's agreeable to all and convenient for the child to remain at home, why not? What's the difference if they moved into someone else's home and then visited the parents? With today's crazy schedules, most parents and children may live under one roof and rarely see each other.

Personally, I moved into my own place when I was 16 and started college, both of my kids moved out on their own after high school, both moved back for a few months, then moved out again.

 

[jtbell]

I never really "moved out" as a discrete, cord-cutting step.

My parents paid for my undergraduate, including room and board in the dorms, at a college that was far enough away to make commuting from home impractical (I didn't have a car then, anyway), but close enough that they could bring me home for the weekend once or twice a month. I stayed at school a couple of summers doing research or working as a department assistant, and one of those times I shared an apartment and learned how to make some food edible (I hesitate to dignify it with the term "cooking." )

Then I went to grad school further away. Now I was self-supporting (teaching and research assistantships) and sharing apartments with fellow grad students. But I still had my bedroom back home with some of my old stuff in it, and I stayed there when I visited a couple of times a year.

A couple of years before I finished grad school, my parents sold the house to move into an apartment, and I came home to throw away or take back the rest of my stuff, and pick up some furniture that my parents didn't have space for in their new apartment.

 

[BobG]

I stayed at school a couple of summers doing research or working as a department assistant, and one of those times I shared an apartment and learned how to make some food edible (I hesitate to dignify it with the term "cooking." )

A couple of years before I finished grad school, my parents sold the house to move into an apartment, and I came home to throw away or take back the rest of my stuff, and pick up some furniture that my parents didn't have space for in their new apartment.

Your parents were nice. My parents sold anything I left behind at a garage sale.

I sure wish they would have given me more than six months notice to pick it up. I really wanted to keep some of that stuff.

Renting a room from a married couple was always a good tactic. It meant real food. For the first year or two on my own, my digestive system tended to go through a violent readjustment period for a couple of weeks whenever I had to do my own cooking.

The trial and error method of learning how to cook does work eventually, though. The most important lesson was not to use anything that's been in the refrigerator longer than six months in any of my recipes.

 

[I like Serena]

My parents paid for my undergraduate, including room and board in the dorms, at a college that was far enough away to make commuting from home impractical

Your parents were nice. My parents sold anything I left behind at a garage sale.

My parents saved their entire lives and never spent a nickel, just to be able to finance the study of their 4 children.
As a result we all finished university, while in the rest of my family there is no one that even started university, and only a couple that did college.
They paid for everything because they believed we should not have to work, but we should spend all our time and energy studying or at least have the opportunity to do so.

I'm impressed that my parents did that!
I hope do be able to do the same for my kids if I ever have any.

We all went out of house to stay in dorm rooms, since commuting was impractical.
I'm not sure why, but my brothers and me never questioned this, and we all enjoyed university and fraternities, finished university in time, and went on to a job.

Once upon a time I thought we were smarter than the rest of our family.
But now I know we're not.
Both our parents left their birth place, contrary to the rest of the family, because they wanted more out of life.
We were just raised in an environment where we were stimulated and expected to get the highest education we could, and I guess it paid off.

 

[khemist]

I moved out because my dad was pissed at me for smoking weed in the house.

When the time is right, it will happen.

 

[turbo]

I was the first person in my extended family to attend college. My 2-years younger cousin was the second. He was the project leader for Lockheed Martin on the last Hubble service mission. We done OK. My cousin worked part-time and summers driving truck for his father's company delivering wood-chips to pulp mills and contributed to his own education. He stayed at home longer than I did, but it was understandable, given his circumstances.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Mid 40s.

I had a sheltered childhood up to the age of 18 and then I was given 3 months notice to get out of the house and live on my own. I was scared, but I did it. When I was in my mid 40s with a wife and two kids, I returned to the US from living in Japan. I moved in with my mother for a couple of months while looking for a job and a house. Then she said that she didn't want me to move out. She wasn't thinking straight. She wanted to be near the grandkids, but she didn't appreciate how it would cramp her lifestyle. Anyway, I set myself up with job and home and didn't stay long with her.

 

[Astronuc]

I don't believe that there is any age that one "needs" to get out of the house. Especially now, with times so hard.

It's up to the people involved, the situation at home. Usually kids in their late teens early 20's want to move out so that they can do things that their parents might not allow in their home.

Usually, the option to go to the school of your choice means leaving home.

There's no rule, and if it's agreeable to all and convenient for the child to remain at home, why not? What's the difference if they moved into someone else's home and then visited the parents? With today's crazy schedules, most parents and children may live under one roof and rarely see each other.

Personally, I moved into my own place when I was 16 and started college, both of my kids moved out on their own after high school, both moved back for a few months, then moved out again.

The Babyboomer generation has created the Boomerang generation. jk

Times are tough, but then they weren't necessarily easy 30-40 years ago.

I had three younger siblings, two brothers and sister. I left home ASAP (at 17), and my youngest brother moved out of the bedroom he shared with our sister, and into my the bedroom I had shared with my other brother. My parents paid for about half of my first year at university, then after that, I paid my own way, and then helped my parents pay for my siblings to go to university.

I couldn't wait to get out on my own. I never looked back.

 

[Loren Booda]

If I had had to move out at 18, I would have been homeless at 19.

In one year, I celebrate a half century at home. I am s-o-o-o fortunate.

 

[BobG]

I know a woman that's in her 50's and lives with her mother.

Okay, that's mainly because her mother couldn't care for herself anymore, so her mother actually lives in her house while she rents out her mother's house.

That seems to be working out well. Social workers paid her a visit a few months ago to investigate whether she was abusing her, but she hasn't heard from them since, so I think that probably means they'll eventually decide she's not abusing her. Or maybe that's how those investigations work - check back in a few months and see if the elderly person is still alive.

 

[WatermelonPig]

I'm 19 now. I plan to move out by the end of this coming academic year (I'll be 20). Just need to finish saving for my car and organizing a contract with three other people to share a place. I wish I had worked jobs in high school. That would've helped me move out at 18. But then again, it was just because I got rejected from everywhere. :P

 

[BobG]

I wish we had one more member named 'pig' and a member named 'wolf'. It would add to our discussion about when to move out.

 

[Evo]

What about all of the tv sitcoms where the parents live with the kids? I thought this was common? I know growing up, it was pretty much accepted that you take your parents in when you get older.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086827/

My daughter told me that when she graduates and gets a good job that I have to move in with her and she's going to take care of me for the rest of my life.

 

[mathal]

I am 61. I left at 19 after dropping out of University twice-Science and then Arts. I got early acceptance to Queens University but this was 'out of town' and I had no scholarship so I would have needed support to go there. I went through the motions of going to the home town University but what I really needed was to get away from my emotionally abusive mother and a passive, to the point of being a non entity in the family, father. It took until 19 to get up the nerve to go out on my own. The message I got from mother was that the 'outside world' was even more hostile to me than she was and the only reason she was so 'nice' was because she was my mother.

So I would say -when should one move out -it depends.

Bottom line is none of us can be other than who we are. Go for it and remember excrement occurs.

mathal

 

[Evo]

I am 61. I left at 19 after dropping out of University twice-Science and then Arts. I got early acceptance to Queens University but this was 'out of town' and I had no scholarship so I would have needed support to go there. I went through the motions of going to the home town University but what I really needed was to get away from my emotionally abusive mother and a passive, to the point of being a non entity in the family, father. It took until 19 to get up the nerve to go out on my own. The message I got from mother was that the 'outside world' was even more hostile to me than she was and the only reason she was so 'nice' was because she was my mother.

So I would say -when should one move out -it depends.

Bottom line is none of us can be other than who we are. Go for it and remember excrement occurs.

mathal

So sad to hear about neglect/abuse by a parent, but it's much more widespread than realized. I know this from all of the abused friends of my children. It was so sad, they came from respectable, wealthy families and they were so emotionally abused, if not physically. Many repeatedly told me they wished I was their mother and pretended I could adopt them.

Their parents would kick them out of the house and they'd call me in tears. I'd go pick them up. They were underaged, so the parents wouldn't argue about taking them back. I'm sorry that I never reported these people to the authorities, but they were filthy stinking rich so I knew it was of no use.

One broke their mother's Ming vase and she called the police on him. He was arrested and then put on "probation". When his parents decided they wanted to go to Russia, they made a deal with the local police department to have him put in jail while they were on vacation! Yes, we're a tiny wealthy community, these kind of things really happen. I've mentioned him before, he was the one that called me his mother and named his rifle after me for luck when he joined the marines to get away from his parents and was sent to Iraq.

 

[Loren Booda]

I am 61. I left at 19 after dropping out of University twice-Science and then Arts. I got early acceptance to Queens University but this was 'out of town' and I had no scholarship so I would have needed support to go there. I went through the motions of going to the home town University but what I really needed was to get away from my emotionally abusive mother and a passive, to the point of being a non entity in the family, father. It took until 19 to get up the nerve to go out on my own. The message I got from mother was that the 'outside world' was even more hostile to me than she was and the only reason she was so 'nice' was because she was my mother.

So I would say -when should one move out -it depends.

Bottom line is none of us can be other than who we are. Go for it and remember excrement occurs.

mathal

Your situation makes me consider what a different world we would live in if entrance to university was based solely on merit and not wealth. As it is, we learn little about and live apart from those of modest means.

 

[Evo]

Your situation makes me consider what a different world we would live in if entrance to university was based solely on merit and not wealth. As it is, we learn little about and live apart from those of modest means.

wealth has obvious advantages.

My daughter is an outstanding student, doing reasearch and extra-curricular activities with her goal toward acceptance in an IVY college for her PhD.

Her father is an Ivy League graduate, so as an alumni, she has preference. The IVY league school he went to only accepts 3-6 grad students in her field per year. She has a 4.0 gpa and all of these extra bonus activities going for her, her dad is an alumni. BUT, her dad isn't willing to make an endowment to the school in excess of $100,000 to get her in, so kids less worthy will probably take the slots because as we know, endowment kids get the first slots.

 

[flyingpig]

Yes. The parents deserve it.

I left home ASAP [about nine months after graduating high school] with everything I owned in a backpack. I also had a 240Z but had to sell it immediately as I could no longer afford the payments.

Huh... I had almost forgotten the last drive in my Z - ~ 120-130 mph for six hours straight [less one gas stop]. It was a miracle we didn't get busted.

Did you cook yourself? I am a guy just to let you know...

What happens if your parents don't want you to live alone? Because my mother frightens me sometimes when she says she will live me and my "future wife"...

 

[BobG]

Did you cook yourself? I am a guy just to let you know...

What happens if your parents don't want you to live alone? Because my mother frightens me sometimes when she says she will live me and my "future wife"...

I like her sense of planning. I plan on doing the same, except I've planned this out in much more detail.

I'll spend six or seven months walking around the house singing "You got it. Toyota."

Then, unexpectedly, I'll switch to singing, "The single most double in the world is ... double good, double good, Double Mint Gum" for six or seven months with new jingles periodically just to keep things interesting.

When we go places, I'll have to sit in the front seat while the wife or husband sit in the backseat since my joints will be too stiff to get into and out of the back seat. I'll read all of the signs we see along the road out loud, just so no one misses anything.

Once in a while, I'll let my dentures fall out my mouth and the dog will grab them and I'll have to chase the dog around the house, but I'll never catch him since my joints are old and stiff. The dog will hide my dentures and someone finding them unexpectedly under the couch cushion will make their day more pleasant and exciting.

They'll love me!

And well they should, since we'll all be living big off of my social security check. In fact, I consider living with your kids one way to make sure the younger generation keeps paying social security taxes. They'll actually have a stake in making sure their parents keep receiving social security checks.

 

[hotvette]

How long someone lives with their parents largely depends on two primary factors (1) living environment at home, and (2) economic environment meaning jobs. I've heard of many a college grad who live with their parents because they can't find a sustainable job. My nephew dropped out of college his senior year and lived with his parents for 5+ years until he got a good job (and a girlfriend). A guy in my rural home town worked as a grocery store stock boy and was living with his parents into his 30's.

I essentially moved out (in my mind) when I went off to college. My mom moved to a different town when I was a freshman (after my sister graduated from HS) so I didn't really consider her house 'home'. It was just a place to stay on semester breaks and for a couple of summers. I could have stayed much more but remained at school one summer (research job) and had out of state summer jobs in subsequent years (adventure). After grad school, engineering jobs were plentiful so was truly on my own.

 

[flyingpig]

Any advice to start living on your own? I can probably work as a cashier...