Working with Women: Uncomfortable Encounters

[wolram]

At work, The place i work employs lots of women, and my job is to fix
machines, which some times involves getting into inelegant and un comfortable
positions, i am half in the machine and feel some one pinch my butt, i can't
get out fast enough to catch the culprit, and of course they are all
On another occasion i am on my back three parts in a machine and some one
grabs my n**s, i guess it is only fun, but i have to find a way to get revenge
with out dangering relations.

 

[brewnog]

Wedgies.

 

[wolram]

Wedgies.

I could'nt, and any how i would be out numbered 10 to 1

 

[Astronuc]

At work, The place i work employs lots of women, and my job is to fix
machines, which some times involves getting into inelegant and un comfortable
positions, i am half in the machine and feel some one pinch my butt, i can't
get out fast enough to catch the culprit, and of course they are all
On another occasion i am on my back three parts in a machine and some one
grabs my n**s, i guess it is only fun, but i have to find a way to get revenge
with out dangering relations.

You need a lookout whom you can trust.

 

[russ_watters]

Hidden camera.

 

[wolram]

Or may be a body guard, i have thought about itching powder on the womans
loo roll, is that harmless?
OPs i missed Astro's post, but who can i trust

 

[Astronuc]

Or may be a body guard, i have thought about itching powder on the womans loo roll, is that harmless?

No, That's too unkind.

OPs i missed Astro's post, but who can i trust

You know the folks there better than I do.

Russ's idea might be practical.

 

[BobG]

At work, The place i work employs lots of women, and my job is to fix
machines, which some times involves getting into inelegant and un comfortable
positions, i am half in the machine and feel some one pinch my butt, i can't
get out fast enough to catch the culprit, and of course they are all
On another occasion i am on my back three parts in a machine and some one
grabs my n**s, i guess it is only fun, but i have to find a way to get revenge
with out dangering relations.

That sounds like sexual harassment. If you weren't concernced about dangering relations, you could probably hire a lawyer and receive a nice sum of money from your employer.

I would steer clear of random revenge on all women employees (like itching powder on the loo roll, for example), since it could be you facing charges from someone who wasn't concerned about dangering relations.

A better revenge would be one that could only be sprung on a woman actually in the act of 'physically assaulting' you. A charged capacitor and a carefully wired pair of pants might give the culprit an unexpected surprise. Of course, there's always a risk you might prematurely spill your coffee on your pants which might just amuse them even more, but risk is always part of the satisfaction of any endeavor, right?

 

[arildno]

I think it is the startled reaction they're provoking in you they want to see, rather than sexually harass you.

So, next time this happens, instead of rushing out of the machine in order to catch the one doing it, stay where you are and say in a calm voice:
"While you're at it, can't you fondle my d**k as well?".


The worst that might happen is that they follow your suggestion..

 

[wolram]

A better revenge would be one that could only be sprung on a woman actually in the act of 'physically assaulting' you. A charged capacitor and a carefully wired pair of pants might give the culprit an unexpected surprise. Of course, there's always a risk you might prematurely spill your coffee on your pants which might just amuse them even more, but risk is always part of the satisfaction of any endeavor, right?

This seems to be on the right tack Bob would they have a shock and i could say it was static any suggestions for the
hard ware?

 

[wolram]

I think it is the startled reaction they're provoking in you they want to see, rather than sexually harass you.

So, next time this happens, instead of rushing out of the machine in order to catch the one doing it, stay where you are and say in a calm voice:
"While you're at it, can't you fondle my d**k as well?".


The worst that might happen is that they follow your suggestion..

I wouldn't dare, the embarrassment would be to much

 

[BobG]

This seems to be on the right tack Bob would they have a shock and i could say it was static any suggestions for the
hard ware?

Before I give you the details on how to rig this, I have to make the usual trivial disclosures that I've recently taken a job writing up Darwin awards and I have first dibs on the story about how your plan of revenge works out.

I've even started a rough draft:

Dateline __ ___, 2005 -- Wolram, of Warkshire, England, was fatally injured when his vehicle suddenly swerved and accelerated into a busy crossroads against the red light. His vehicle was struck twice in the starboard wing and once in the port wing by a lorry, a saloon, and a double decker bus. Wolram's vehicle subsequently rolled seven times before coming to rest in a drainage culvert. After three hours of toil by rescue workers, his singed body was retrieved from the vehicle. Although suffering multiple burn wounds, official cause of death was drowning. In spite of no flames being reported by witnesses, Wolram's lower body was completely singed from the waist down. Further investigation revealed that Wolram was driving to work in a homemade pair of electric trousers when the vehicle in front of him inexplicably stopped just because the light was about to change from yellow to red. Shocked by the driver's unexpected actions, Wolram spilled his coffee on his pants, resulting in a severe electric shock that caused his body to spasm uncontrollably. Unfortunately, Wolram's foot was on the gas pedal and his hand on the steering wheel when the spasms occurred. No explanation for why a person would wear electric trousers was immediately available. Coworkers said Wolram seemed to exhibit no unusual sexual habits, much to their disappointment.

 

[wolram]

Before I give you the details on how to rig this, I have to make the usual trivial disclosures that I've recently taken a job writing up Darwin awards and I have first dibs on the story about how your plan of revenge works out.

I've even started a rough draft:

Dateline __ ___, 2005 -- Wolram, of Warkshire, England, was fatally injured when his vehicle suddenly swerved and accelerated into a busy crossroads against the red light. His vehicle was struck twice in the starboard wing and once in the port wing by a lorry, a saloon, and a double decker bus. Wolram's vehicle subsequently rolled seven times before coming to rest in a drainage culvert. After three hours of toil by rescue workers, his singed body was retrieved from the vehicle. Although suffering multiple burn wounds, official cause of death was drowning. In spite of no flames being reported by witnesses, Wolram's lower body was completely singed from the waist down. Further investigation revealed that Wolram was driving to work in a homemade pair of electric trousers when the vehicle in front of him inexplicably stopped just because the light was about to change from yellow to red. Shocked by the driver's unexpected actions, Wolram spilled his coffee on his pants, resulting in a severe electric shock that caused his body to spasm uncontrollably. Unfortunately, Wolram's foot was on the gas pedal and his hand on the steering wheel when the spasms occurred. No explanation for why a person would wear electric trousers was immediately available. Coworkers said Wolram seemed to exhibit no unusual sexual habits, much to their disappointment.

Rotten begger, i though you were going to help, alas woe is me

 

[Zantra]

get some of that invisible uv light powder and sprinkle it coupiously on your twig and berries and your backside. Next time someone grabs you, have a UV light handy and you can track down the culprit.

 

[wolram]

Am i the only one? has anyone been in the same position?

 

[honestrosewater]

Am i the only one? has anyone been in the same position?

No, every place I've worked has had a sexual harassment policy, which is brought to everyone's attention and taken seriously. Has it not been an issue in the UK? I think whoever is in charge should step into make sure good-natured fun doesn't cross the line.

But if you're just having fun, I like Zantra's idea.

 

[honestrosewater]

I don't know how well it would work, but if you can find and position horns in the right places, I think that would be funny and draw immediate attention.
Like this:
http://www.otherlandtoys.co.uk/horn350.jpg

 

[wolram]

No, every place I've worked has had a sexual harassment policy, which is brought to everyone's attention and taken seriously. Has it not been an issue in the UK? I think whoever is in charge should step into make sure good-natured fun doesn't cross the line.

But if you're just having fun, I like Zantra's idea.

Its not a serious problem, and Zantra's idea sounds great, When i find the
culprit/s i will fill their wellies, "they have to wear them", with jelly

 

[wolram]

I don't know how well it would work, but if you can find and position horns in the right places, I think that would be funny and draw immediate attention.
Like this:
http://www.otherlandtoys.co.uk/horn350.jpg

 

[Astronuc]

Taking Rose's idea a bit further - get a Pneumatic Horn

The pneumatic horn on a locomotive is used to indicate or warn of the presence of the vehicle on the tracks. The simple construction of the horn provides low maintenance costs. It is equipped with an extended-life diaphragm mounted entirely in rubber to help reduce wear and breakage. The air pressure required to operate the horn must be greater than 90 psig to produce a sound level of 100 dBa or greater at a distance of 100 feet in front of the locomotive.

http://www.wabtec.com/upload/product/locomotive/7.jpg

or this one by Nathan - http://atsf.railfan.net/airhorns/k5h.html

Very nice sound

 

[Mk]

Though wolram's eardrums would implode quicker than a badly made soufflé in a bowling alley.

 

[wolram]

Taking Rose's idea a bit further - get a Pneumatic Horn

Very nice sound

And you said not to use itching powder, The place would be like a
war zone if i let those babies off

 

[arildno]

Another option you could choose, is to put a live (preferably non-venomous) serpent in your underwear. The pincher will surely scream, and you will recognize her voice.

 

[wolram]

Another option you could choose, is to put a live (preferably non-venomous) serpent in your underwear. The pincher will surely scream, and you will recognize her voice.

Yes and they will all think i am happy to see them

 

[arildno]

Yes and they will all think i am happy to see them

It is rather interesting that you do not object in principle to have a serpent snuggle itself about your own...

 

[matthyaouw]

Please, for the love of God make sure it isn't a constricer.

 

[arildno]

Please, for the love of God make sure it isn't a constricer.

What's wrong with getting a really good squeeze?

 

[Lisa!]

At work, The place i work employs lots of women, and my job is to fix
machines, which some times involves getting into inelegant and un comfortable
positions, i am half in the machine and feel some one pinch my butt, i can't
get out fast enough to catch the culprit, and of course they are all
On another occasion i am on my back three parts in a machine and some one
grabs my n**s, i guess it is only fun, but i have to find a way to get revenge
with out dangering relations.

You need a pscychologist or perhaps they need a psychologist!But for sure you or perhaps women around you suffer from different symptoms!

 

[arildno]

Perhaps what you really need at the office is a female proctologist..

 

[wolram]

What's wrong with getting a really good squeeze?

It wouldn't work, we are not allowed pets in the factory, imagine finding a
snake in your trifle

 

[Lisa!]

Why don't you have any friends btw them to help you?

 

[wolram]

You need a pscychologist or perhaps they need a psychologist!But for sure you or perhaps women around you suffer from different symptoms!

Oh boy she is here the female head doctor
are you not tired of torturing us guys

 

[wolram]

Why don't you have any friends btw them to help you?

It is a code of honor, no one rats on a mate, even if one did the others would
close ranks, and the ratter would be in deep ****

 

[arildno]

It is a code of honor, no one rats on a mate, even if one did the others would
close ranks, and the ratter would be in deep ****

That's what they need the proctologist for..

 

[wolram]

That's what they need the proctologist for..

I can think of a very good use for our biggest jelly depositor

 

[Lisa!]

Oh boy she is here the female head doctor
are you not tired of torturing us guys

I'm just trying to help you! You know I think you're dreaming about this situation but you don't realize it's a dream. Or perhaps you're right and they really do it. So I have to say they must be crazy.

Ok suppose they really do it. So we should find out why they do it. I think you should post a photo of yourself here and then we may be able to tel you why. And for sure it's a lot easier to find a solution to your problem when we know about the reasons. Any way there are 2 posibilities :
1. they dislike seeing you there. so somehow they're protesting in this way.
2.they like you and they try to let you know!
(The second posibilities is almost impossible if they're not stupid, crazy or...)

 

[wolram]

I'm just trying to help you! You know I think you're dreaming about this situation but you don't realize it's a dream. Or perhaps you're right and they really do it. So I have to say they must be crazy.

Ok suppose they really do it. So we should find out why they do it. I think you should post a photo of yourself here and then we may be able to tel you why. And for sure it's a lot easier to find a solution to your problem when we know about the reasons. Any way there are 2 posibilities :
1. they dislike seeing you there. so somehow they're protesting in this way.
2.they like you and they try to let you know!
(The second posibilities is almost impossible if they're not stupid, crazy or...)

Look under KIA for pic.
And there you go again, torture, torture
you are just so cruel
but if it helps your delusions, i will play along

 

[Lisa!]

Look under KIA for pic.
And there you go again, torture, torture
you are just so cruel
but if it helps your delusions, i will play along

You don't expect me to look at your photo, do you? I meant other guys do it. OK I'm going out of here now. Have a nice time with your dreams!

 

[Astronuc]

Why don't you have any friends btw them to help you?

Danger comes to mind. I think Danger would happily trade places with you Wooly.

 

[wolram]

Danger comes to mind. I think Danger would happily trade places with you Wooly.

Ok, danger, do you except the challenge? mind you they are not all , well
may be one, no i would be lying, none are very un ugly

 

[wolram]

You don't expect me to look at your photo, do you? I meant other guys do it. OK I'm going out of here now. Have a nice time with your dreams!

Thank the stars, the nut cracker has gone

 

[hypatia]

You would need to post a picture of your backside, it maybe that its just too pinchable to resist.

 

[*Kia*]

well, I have a small discreet uv light available.
Seeing as I work in a cash office I have access to portable blacklights for money checking.

Seeing as I am a child of the cyber era (a clubber, a raver, call us what you will) I also have quantities of uv liquid - clear to the naked eye but wonderfully decorative along with the blacklight!

 

[Evo]

Wolram, what you are describing is illegal in the workplace.

Has your employer failed to advise workers in your company that this is illegal, won't be tolerated, and the consequences of doing it? If not, you could be a rich man.

If you really do not care for what is happening but are afraid of making an official complaint, I would just make it a point to casually bring up the fact that certain behavior is illegal to anyone you talk to at work. Unless the person(s) doing this are dumber than dirt, they should get the hint. This way you haven't "ratted anyone out".

http://www.accident-compensation-information.co.uk/html/sexual_harassment.html

 

[Math Is Hard]

I feel for you Wolram. I, too must crawl around under desks at my job and this sometimes leaves me in vulnerable positions (in a skirt, to make matters worse). I think there is real sexism going on here. No one would DARE to pinch my bum because I am female and it would be so easy to for me to start a lawsuit over the incident. It's not fair that women assume it's OK to touch a man inappropriately, that it's just all in good fun, and the man is actually enjoying it.

But OK, enough soapboxing. What you oughtta do is paint your backside up with some heavy-duty industrial-strength adhesive. Then, when the little minx goes for your goodies, she'll be stuck like a cockroach in a glue-trap!

 

[Smurf]

But OK, enough soapboxing. What you oughtta do is paint your backside up with some heavy-duty industrial-strength adhesive. Then, when the little minx goes for your goodies, she'll be stuck like a cockroach in a glue-trap!

Yeah! And then you can make a big scene and scream at her to stop violating you and get her all embarassed because she can't get her hand off you.

 

[honestrosewater]

If you go for UV powder/liquid, use red - you can say that you caught her red-handed.

 

[Mk]

Or you could implant a landmine before you move into a volitale position. She'll be surprised.

 

[Lisa!]

Her fingerprint could help!

Thank the stars, the nut cracker has gone

Ok wolram, I'm going to be so nice and polite whenever I have to talk to you!

Dear Sir, I hope you forgive me if I've bothered you!

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Wow... similar things happened at the coffee house I worked at. The scary thing is that the manager was the culprit and was never fired because none of the girls cared. Only once did one complain and then she apearantly decided that she was over it and was friendly with him again. Damn California girls, now I know what the Beach Boys were singing about.