How Did You First Say I Love You?

[Moni]

I Love You ******* ;)

I know you’ve already told or will tell anybody whom you consider as your Prince or Princess “I Love You”!

Hmm…but the problem is that…when we first want to tell him/her…the heart beats extremely…and we feel very nervous!

As it’s a different and most exciting experience, I want to know how did you started? Or think to start?

 

[jimmy p]

uh i took the sneaky way out with the one person i loved... i waited for her to say it first!

 

[Moni]

Oh! Jimmy if you wait too much...she may say it to another guy

 

[jimmy p]

well i was in a relationship with her at the time. Besides i would rather not leave myself exposed like that. I would probably not tell a girl i loved her until she told me, no matter how strongly i felt for her.

 

[Moni]

Hmm ... but if she also thinks like you ?

 

[jimmy p]

i wouldn't know that...hmmm if that were to occur, then i suppose we would find away of showing it until it becomes REAL obvious and doesn't seem so daunting to say it.

 

[Moni]

Hmm...Jimmy is the only Lover boy here...and all others are pure Physicist in mind

 

[Adrian Baker]

Originally posted by Moni
Hmm...Jimmy is the only Lover boy here...and all others are pure Physicist in mind

I suppose you could start a conversation with the idea that according to the 'many worlds' interpretation of QM, there is at least one Universe where you are very much in love with that person...

(Its a start!)

 

[jimmy p]

what can i say, I am a romantic at heart...but not in mind unfortunately, I am too bitter.

 

[Moni]

Originally posted by Adrian Baker
I suppose you could start a conversation with the idea that according to the 'many worlds' interpretation of QM, there is at least one Universe where you are very much in love with that person...

(Its a start!)

Then in which Universe you found yours Princess Adrian?
Hmm...sorry not in this universe [b(]

 

[Monique]

I love you too Moni! or is it just a coincidence that my name fits right in there? Ofcourse Tsunami would fit too.. becarefull Ivan doesn't see this thread.. secret admirers and all

Um, the topic was? Well, how can you love someone if they don't love you back? It is not one way traffic.. in that case it would just be something more tame to convey the feeling and see if it is returned, after which there is space for real love to grow its roots deeply into the heart.

Don't confuse infatuation with love.. your heart will definitely get broken :)

 

[Moni]

Thanks Monique yeah! That Moni+que ha..ha..that's why we stay togather side by side at least in the online status member list

Actually, from my part...Love is not like any traffic system!
When you love somebody...do you always expect he/she will also love you?...oh! isn't that a selfish idea "If he/she Loves me, I'll love him/her"?

You see Indian movies much you know...how Love is treated in this part of the world...but from my side...I think Love is devine! It's same from the Shakespeare to this moderntime...and of course will remain so so...

Besides...by Love we also mean Love towards our parents, brothers, sisters and of course God!

We Love to live, Love to play, Love to play guitars ;), Love to sing, Love to pray, Love to do well of others, Loved to be Loved by others...

But when it comes to any male and female relationship, it may be Love towards a friend, or admire or sister or mother...grandmother...

This is just a feelings...we love to maintain in our mind...no matters she loves me or not...from my part I love her...and that's the real feeling...and always I want, what she wants for herself to be the best...that's true Love and that comes from Heaven ...

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Monique
Don't confuse infatuation with love.. your heart will definitely get broken :)

OK, oh wise one. Explain the difference.

I am interested in hearing women's criteria for when the word "love" is appropriate and accurate between a man and a woman. What conditions have to be met for it to be "love"?

Sorry, I have a complex about this issue, just now. It seems to be a catch 22: if you don't say it, you aren't committed, if you do say it you don't seem to realize the magnitude of the word.

 

[Evo]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
I am interested in hearing women's criteria for when the word "love" is appropriate and accurate between a man and a woman. What conditions have to be met for it to be "love"?

You'll probably get a different answer from each woman.

For me, you should be able to see it in their eyes, hear it in their voice, it will be demonstrated by their actions, it will be obvious before the words are ever said & will not be a surprise. Ok, that's ideally. It even happened that way a few times.

What I mean by the above is do they start referencing the two of you as a couple, long term, talking about the future, want you to meet their friends, their family, become part of their "inner circle", little things like that will let you know what's on their mind.

If the relationship is "right" the other person shouldn't expect you to say anything, because they should already know it. If they take the first step and tell "you" that they love you, it's decision time for you. If you're not there "emotionally" yet, you've got a lot of thinking to do. Is this someone you might get to love? If so, do you go ahead and tell them you love them too? Or do you try to scale them back and risk ending the relationship? That's a real tough spot to be in.

Only you know what you are feeling towards the other person. My advice? Be true to yourself. Do and say what you really feel...tactfully, if you know it's not what they want to hear. If the other person is the right one, they should accept this. Good relationships cannot be built on lies or doubts. You will only make things worse in the end.

 

[Moni]

Originally posted by Evo

Be true to yourself. Do and say what you really feel...tactfully, if you know it's not what they want to hear. If the other person is the right one, they should accept this. Good relationships cannot be built on lies or doubts. You will only make things worse in the end.

Xellent Evo! What you've said, I 100% agree with that!

But what you've said...those can happen in long term relations...it's true that I also don't believe in Love at first site

But only just after watching someone...you get a feelings that you love him/her...then...How you'll introduce yourself to his/her?

These times...one thing always echos in mind "What he/she will think about me? What if he/she refuese" not?

Those are the problems in this part

 

[Evo]

Originally posted by Moni
But only just after watching someone...you get a feelings that you love him/her...then...How you'll introduce yourself to his/her?

These times...one thing always echos in mind "What he/she will think about me? What if he/she refuese" not?

Those are the problems in this part

Do you mean when you first see someone that you are attracted to and want to meet them?

Ok, this won't always be 100% (Monique, Tsunami, jump in here), but when I used to go out and I saw someone I was attracted to, I let them know by looking directly at them and smiling, then I would turn my head away for a moment, then look back at them, and if they are still looking, I give them another smile. If they can't pick up that hint, they're dead. This doesn't mean she has to make eye contact with you, she may be too shy.

If the girl keeps sneaking peeks at you, she's probably interested. If I was not interested in a guy, I would make a point to not look in his direction at all.

Another thing girls do if they like a guy they see is to find some excuse to "walk by him" to make sure he sees her and to test his attraction.

It may take awhile, but you'll start picking up on these (not so) subtle signs.

Bottom line, if she completely avoids looking at you, if she never smiles in your direction, if she starts to walk away when you approach, it probably would not be wise to hit on her.

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by Evo
Do you mean when you first see someone that you are attracted to and want to meet them?

Ok, this won't always be 100% (Monique, Tsunami, jump in here), but when I used to go out and I saw someone I was attracted to, I let them know by looking directly at them and smiling, then I would turn my head away for a moment, then look back at them, and if they are still looking, I give them another smile. If they can't pick up that hint, they're dead. Just died...[/color] This doesn't mean she has to make eye contact with you, she may be too shy.
If the girl keeps sneaking peeks at you, she's probably interested. If I was not interested in a guy, I would make a point to not look in his direction at all.
Another thing girls do if they like a guy they see is to find some excuse to "walk by him" to make sure he sees her and to test his attraction.
It may take awhile, but you'll start picking up on these (not so) subtle signs. Huh??[/color]
Bottom line, if she completely avoids looking at you, if she never smiles in your direction, if she starts to walk away when you approach, it probably would not be wise to hit on her. Pleeeease tell me what that expression means...:"Hit on Her!" Huh?[/color]

Thanks

 

[Evo]

Originally posted by EVO -Bottom line, if she completely avoids looking at you, if she never smiles in your direction, if she starts to walk away when you approach, it probably would not be wise to hit on her.

Originally posted by Mr Robin Parsons - Pleeeease tell me what that expression means...:"Hit on Her!" Huh?

It means to "make a move" to go up to her and say something. Hopefully something clever. Ah, and there's the hard part...what DO you say??

 

[mark1]

Bottom line, if she completely avoids looking at you, if she never smiles in your direction, if she starts to walk away when you approach, it probably would not be wise to hit on her. Pleeeease tell me what that expression means...:"Hit on Her!" Huh?

its an expression that means "to ask her out on a date, or to show her that you are romanticly interested in her"

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Evo
You'll probably get a different answer from each woman.

For me, you should be able to see it in their eyes, hear it in their voice, it will be demonstrated by their actions, it will be obvious before the words are ever said & will not be a surprise. Ok, that's ideally. It even happened that way a few times.

What I mean by the above is do they start referencing the two of you as a couple, long term, talking about the future, want you to meet their friends, their family, become part of their "inner circle", little things like that will let you know what's on their mind.

If the relationship is "right" the other person shouldn't expect you to say anything, because they should already know it. If they take the first step and tell "you" that they love you, it's decision time for you. If you're not there "emotionally" yet, you've got a lot of thinking to do. Is this someone you might get to love? If so, do you go ahead and tell them you love them too? Or do you try to scale them back and risk ending the relationship? That's a real tough spot to be in.

Only you know what you are feeling towards the other person. My advice? Be true to yourself. Do and say what you really feel...tactfully, if you know it's not what they want to hear. If the other person is the right one, they should accept this. Good relationships cannot be built on lies or doubts. You will only make things worse in the end.

Yes, all this is an excellent articulation of what I was formerly under the impression ought to be appropriate.

However, as you said, every woman will have a different answer.

 

[jimmy p]

see i usually take the signs that Evo has given as that i have something on my face, and that's why they are looking. [b(] I then get all paranoid and look like a freak trying to subtly find out what this girl is looking at. Or i find out what is going on interesting behind my back cos she can't be looking at me.

 

[Evo]

Chopni, you are so handsome! I hope you're kidding. If not, now you know that they're attracted to you.

 

[jimmy p]

Unfortunately i am not kidding. I don't have that much experience with women and i don't get hints. Usually it requires people to tell me or make a poster for me to understand what they are hinting. Now i will know what the girls want...tho i will still have the nagging feeling that i have something on my face..

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by Evo
It means to "make a move" Not the 'implication' I have been "led to believe" (not really...they wanted me to believe it...)[/color] to go up to her and say something. Hopefully something clever. Ah, and there's the hard part...what DO you say??

Myself, I would try something clever, like "hi", or "Hello"...

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by mark1
its an expression that means "to ask her out on a date, or to show her that you are romanticly interested in her"

Personally, that had been about what I had thought, as well, but it seems that there had been a 'group of persons' wanting me to 'experiance it' as it was a more literal thing, the act of speaking to this person as being somewhat of a physical accosting...really throws/threw me off into wierd space, sorta, cause I don't know what to do with that...not a clue... and no assistance was ever offered for that, help in trying to find some sort of resolution, WOW did that get bad...

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by jimmy p
see i usually take the signs that Evo has given as that i have something on my face, and that's why they are looking. [b(] I then get all paranoid and look like a freak trying to subtly find out what this girl is looking at. Or i find out what is going on interesting behind my back cos she can't be looking at me.

Either that, or, she is doing it for the guy right behind you...OYE!

 

[Monique]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
OK, oh wise one. Explain the difference.

Ever heard of 'love is blind'? When the hormones are rageing and you are infatuated, you think the person is a goddess and vica versa. When the hormones loose their strength after about 6 mo. interest is lost, arguments happen and a breakup is waiting around the corner.

With love though, the chemistry is different. You know the person and accept their flaws. The hormones are not rageing, rather it are slow burning coals that release their heat over time :)

 

[The_Professional]

Originally posted by Moni
I know you’ve already told or will tell anybody whom you consider as your Prince or Princess “I Love You”!

Hmm…but the problem is that…when we first want to tell him/her…the heart beats extremely…and we feel very nervous!

As it’s a different and most exciting experience, I want to know how did you started? Or think to start?

I still haven't gotten to the point in my life where I've said I love you, although I came close. It's a word I don't throw around like cheese on pizza. And the man is not supposed to say I love you first.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Monique
Ever heard of 'love is blind'? When the hormones are rageing and you are infatuated, you think the person is a goddess and vica versa. When the hormones loose their strength after about 6 mo. interest is lost, arguments happen and a breakup is waiting around the corner.

With love though, the chemistry is different. You know the person and accept their flaws. The hormones are not rageing, rather it are slow burning coals that release their heat over time :)

I see the distnction you're making. However, you don't believe the first kind of experience can mellow and blend into and then become the second kind?

 

[Evo]

Originally posted by The_Professional
the man is not supposed to say I love you first.

UHM, NO! The MAN is supposed to say it first! Sheesh, have you not read the manual?

 

[Monique]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
I see the distnction you're making. However, you don't believe the first kind of experience can mellow and blend into and then become the second kind?

Oh certainly, but I think people put too much importance on being in love rather than loving someone. I think the high divorce rates are rediculous.

 

[Evo]

Originally posted by Monique
Oh certainly, but I think people put too much importance on being in love rather than loving someone. I think the high divorce rates are rediculous.

Monique, I have to agree with everything you've posted here.

 

[himanshu121]

So We can develop a Body Langauge Out Of this post for Male And Female Signals.

EVO's Quotes are the Gestures Send out by a woman to a man. and these are true.Okays Here is what i have observed from women side.

I noticed that girls send out signals via eyes
They look directly into eyes till a man sees it and then they disconnect the vision line. Is This a teasing If this is, then it turns me on, really ON

Okay Last Week when I went to a marriage there was a very
HOT girl Who constantly looked into my eyes and took her seat just next to me But with her mom/dad as well So i was in no position to talk to her. But i was responding to her signals. But i feel i missed a chance.[b(]

So i don't want to miss many chance from now Pls tell me EVO, MONIQUE & all the girls how to respond in a proper manner to their gestures(incl Teasing)

 

[chroot]

I have a broken radar.

I'll go out, and automatically pick the most attractive girl in the room (to me, of course). I'll look at her every couple of minutes, like a nervous habit -- some form of hormone-induced obsessive-compulsive disorder. She won't look at me once, but I'll keep checking periodically like a miswired robot anyway. If she notices me looking at her but chooses not to return eye contact, my insistence surely only makes things worse.

I'll go home without ever interacting, even via eye contact, with the girl whom I found interesting. Later, a friend will inform me that a different cute girl, in a different spot in the room, was doing everything she could to get my attention... unbeknownst to me... and I repeatedly ignored her.

*shrug*

- Warren

 

[jimmy p]

Thats what i call a successful night out! at least someone was interested in you, other than looking at you cos (or there is the possibility that) you have something on your face!

Anyway? since when has the guy got to declare his love first? I certainly wouldnt. Hell no. I make a fool of myself about everything else! I am like Hugh Grant. [b(]

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Evo
...when I used to go out and I saw someone I was attracted to, I let them know by looking directly at them and smiling, then I would turn my head away for a moment, then look back at them, and if they are still looking, I give them another smile. If they can't pick up that hint, they're dead.

Actually, they may just have an XY chromosome. I don't know if you've seen the info and studies on male/female brain differences, but it has been demonstrated with pet scans that women are wired much better than men when it comes to interpreting facial expressions.

The corpus callosum, the network of connections between the two hemispheres of the brain, is an average of 20% larger in women than men.

They did P.E.T. scans on women and men while giving them the task of interpreting the facial expressions of people. Women were able to correctly interpret them faster than men using much less brain area than men. It took the men longer, and they had to press a great deal more of their brains into service to get it done. The difference in the P.E.T. scans was obvious: the mens' had much larger bright areas than the womens' indicating that they were metabolizing much more glucose in the process.

So, I hope the women will be patient and realize that what seems an obvious signal to you, may yet be a source of confusion for any guy. We don't have the natural ability to see and comprehend expressions that you do.

For a man to be able to do this as well as a woman would require that he train and practise. First, though, he would have to realize that such a gap in "signal strength" exists.

Smiles aren't necessarily clear. Is it a polite smile? A hollow social smile? Does she smile at every guy that way? Etc.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Monique
Oh certainly, but I think people put too much importance on being in love rather than loving someone. I think the high divorce rates are rediculous.

I certainly agree about the divorce rates. I'm not sure I would chalk this up to people getting married precipitously during the infatuation phase so much as there not being enough emphasis in general on men and women learning to talk each other's language.

On that note, you will have to translate the difference between "being in love" and "loving someone".

It is my impression that a large percentage of women are constantly engaged in creating exponentially increasing degrees of subtlety concerning all possible variants of the terminology of love and romance among themselves without realizing that they've failed to include men in the process, and are dismayed when men can't follow the distinctions.

Sometimes women will kindly translate. At others all they are is dissapointed that you don't already get it.

 

[Monique]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
On that note, you will have to translate the difference between "being in love" and "loving someone".

I Dutch we've got different words for them

It is my impression that a large percentage of women are constantly engaged in creating exponentially increasing degrees of subtlety concerning all possible variants of the terminology of love and romance among themselves without realizing that they've failed to include men in the process, and are dismayed when men can't follow the distinctions.

Sometimes women will kindly translate. At others all they are is dissapointed that you don't already get it.

Oh, I'd have to agree here. I think the last has something to do with the amount of attention needed.. which most women need lots of :P

 

[Monique]

verliefd: AMOROUS; ENAMOURED; IN LOVE; SWEET
houden van: LOVE; FANCY; LIKE

 

[chroot]

Dag Monique,

My Dutch is still rusty. In fact, I have only learned one word. Dag. Dag!

- Warren

 

[Monique]

Hoi Chroot, that means you already know 2! words! Dag is used as a hello and a bye greeting. The same with hoi, now you already know four words!

1, 2, 4.. isn't that an exponential growth!?

 

[chroot]

Vier Wörter! Aber kann Ich bereits spreche sehr gut Deutsch...

I'm going to learn Dutch, too, don't worry. The Dutch speakers on my audio tapes sound soooooo funny! Even just saying "Frau Peterson" they sound so silly it almost makes me laugh. I wonder if you all sound that way.

- Warren

 

[Monique]

Sie muß Tsunami bitten, wie holländische sprechen :)

 

[chroot]

Tsunami spreche auch holländische?? Das ist so gile!

- Warren

 

[Monique]

Ja ich denke daß sie einige Wörter kennt, und sie ist einige male nach Holland gewesen, Tsunami? :)

Ik herinner mij: "dankjewel"

 

[chroot]

Ich dachte daß du hat gesagt dir nicht Deutsch sprechen?

(Thread hijack alert...)

- Warren

 

[Njorl]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
It is my impression that a large percentage of women are constantly engaged in creating exponentially increasing degrees of subtlety concerning all possible variants of the terminology of love and romance among themselves without realizing that they've failed to include men in the process, and are dismayed when men can't follow the distinctions.

Sometimes women will kindly translate. At others all they are is dissapointed that you don't already get it.

My favorite response from women to my still as yet undetermined many transgressions is, "Well, if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you."

I have always managed to supress the urge to say, "I'm sure if I DID know, you'd never shut up about it!"

I am ever so glad to have met my wife (um ... she was not my wife at the time, but you know what I mean.) I had become convinced that almost all women were crazy. My wife largely agreed with me, but keenly pointed out that most men will have nothing to do with the women who are not crazy. Men are like mice who prefer electric shocks to food pellets. Then again, what the hell is in those food pellets? My wife, I decided, is not crazy. She did learn how to fake it though, just to get by.

Njorl

 

[Monique]

Chroot: I don't spéak german, writing or reading is less a problem though, since there is time for the dutch/german switch to occur :)

Originally posted by Njorl
My favorite response from women to my still as yet undetermined many transgressions is, "Well, if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you."

why does that sound so familiar.. In the light of Zoobie's post it actually is logical.. if men are unable to pick up the most obvious signals :P

 

[The_Professional]

Originally posted by Evo
UHM, NO! The MAN is supposed to say it first! Sheesh, have you not read the manual?

Yes I've read that manual. And from my personal experience, it does not work.

 

[Moni]

Originally posted by Evo
Do you mean when you first see someone that you are attracted to and want to meet them?

Ok, this won't always be 100% (Monique, Tsunami, jump in here), but when I used to go out and I saw someone I was attracted to, I let them know by looking directly at them and smiling, then I would turn my head away for a moment, then look back at them, and if they are still looking, I give them another smile. If they can't pick up that hint, they're dead. This doesn't mean she has to make eye contact with you, she may be too shy.

If the girl keeps sneaking peeks at you, she's probably interested. If I was not interested in a guy, I would make a point to not look in his direction at all.

Another thing girls do if they like a guy they see is to find some excuse to "walk by him" to make sure he sees her and to test his attraction.

It may take awhile, but you'll start picking up on these (not so) subtle signs.

Bottom line, if she completely avoids looking at you, if she never smiles in your direction, if she starts to walk away when you approach, it probably would not be wise to hit on her.

Thanks Evo, for your nice, descriptive and logical statements...I really like this :)

Actually why I've started this thread you'll understand :)

Few days ago, I was just walking in the park, suddenly saw a very beautiful girl :) Pic? Here it is collected from her School Mag.

http://forums.metrobangla.com/files/o.jpg

I was interested about her and telephoned her...after some formal conversation when she knew that I'm from different religion she just said...she'll never ever be interested on me :( is this my fault?

And what about models? They lead a very Hi-Fi life, and we the simple ones are outside there scope...but we often attracted by them...then what should we do? try anyting or just watch?

And do you believe in Online Love? Hmm...it seems Monique is interested ;)...but honestly I don't believe in Online Loves :S

anyway thanks for your suggesion ;)