Dismiss Notice
Join Physics Forums Today!
The friendliest, high quality science and math community on the planet! Everyone who loves science is here!

Age gap

  1. Feb 16, 2012 #1
    I'm going to go ahead and put this to the board, figure I might as well. I'm 30 years old, and a pretty quiet person. Friendly, polite, but stand-offish with most people. Anyway, enough with the background.

    There's a girl at my work who I think is great. She's gorgeous, a little reserved, and has a lovely manner. I found out she's 21, I thought she was a bit older than that. I work pretty hard and keep to myself and I don't make big attempts to speak to her, although we have conversed here and there.

    I'm not about to make any drastic moves, but I can't help wondering if I should pursue this, and the age gap has me kind of awkward. If I think back to my little sister being 21, I think my parents would have freaked if she brought home a 30 year old, but at the same time I think I'm mature enough to realise that people are people, and while I'm no beacon of virtue I'm not a dirty old idiot either. I've hardly spoken to a girl in about 8 years, might as well have been a priest for all the chaste I practise.

    So I'll throw it out there, any thoughts?

    Funny how I chose this forum to ask, but I enjoy the intelligent discourse. :)
  2. jcsd
  3. Feb 16, 2012 #2


    User Avatar

    Staff: Mentor

    Just curious, I thought from your name that you're female. Nine years isn't much of an age difference as you get older, but at 21, she might see it differently. Has she shown any interest in you?
  4. Feb 16, 2012 #3


    User Avatar
    Staff Emeritus
    Science Advisor
    Gold Member

    It really depends on her maturity level. If she's mature, then there is no problem being 9 years apart. But if she's still into partying and staying up all night, then the gap may seem a lot larger than 9 years.
  5. Feb 16, 2012 #4
    I'm male actually, I choose my forum names from the backs of CDs, just happens to be a song I quite like, although in retrospect, it does sound kinda feminine. Oh well haha.

    Re: her showing interest. I think so, yes, but I hold my cards quite close to my chest and haven't been particularly flirtatious. I don't want to give her the wrong idea when I'm not really sure about it. There have been a few situations where I think I would be dumb to say there wasn't a twinkle in her eye, I'm pretty daft but I'm not totally blind. :P I'm a smiling sort in general, especially at work, and she returns them warmly (a lot of people don't).
  6. Feb 17, 2012 #5
    I say go for it! Why not give it a try, don't know if she will be receptive if you don't get out there
  7. Feb 17, 2012 #6
    :))) so hot! It depends on the girl and whether she likes older guys or if she has a age limit in her mind. Some 21 year olds can be quite mature and don't mind the age gap, but others are still like teenagers mentally.

    ok, so my advice is to talk to her. Just casually, don't have to hit on her or flirt. Just get to know what she's like - if she is mature for her age and how you imagine her to be. Then you can decide whether to pursue it further. Check out whether she likes you too or if she's just being friendly generally.
  8. Feb 17, 2012 #7


    User Avatar
    Science Advisor

    i married my wife when i was 23, and she was 31. age was never an issue.
  9. Feb 17, 2012 #8
    At this early stage my hangups are more about the age gap, not so much her possible response. I'm concerned about me as well (!), I'd hate to play it wrong and later realise that I shouldn't have. I appreciate the positive vibe though!

    That's sound advice. Talking is free. I really have no intention of flirting with her, and I'm not in any great rush.
  10. Feb 17, 2012 #9
    Age difference is not something to care about, imo. The thing to bother about is that you know with high probability that the relation won't last.
  11. Feb 17, 2012 #10


    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    Age difference narrows as you both age. If I had married a 21 year old at your age, I'd be ~60 and she'd be 51. Not too much of a problem, especially if she was mature when we married. Don't use age-differential as an excuse not to get to know her. Something good might come of it.
  12. Feb 17, 2012 #11
    She certainly seems worth knowing. It's rare that I meet a girl who makes me weak at the knees! I've only spoken to her a handful of times and my impression is that she is somewhat mature. There's a fair bit of crude conversation at my workplace and she doesn't partake in it, and neither do I, which I think is maybe why I noticed her in the first place. That and she has the face and voice of an angel. :)
  13. Feb 20, 2012 #12
    Everyone is an individual. To me, the biggest problem here is that you have an issue with it. If it causes you to think of her in a derogatory way, it's probably not a good idea. You should respect people you are interested in. That's my point of view. If you liked her before you knew how old she was, but then once you found out that changed your opinion of her, it seems to me (no offense) to be a lack of maturity on your part.
  14. Feb 20, 2012 #13
    Well, normally she wouldn't be as mature as you are. Then again, that's also true for half of the people you meet in the street. So whatever.
  15. Feb 20, 2012 #14
    Does she have a Facebook account? If so, check her profile picture. If it is of her in the bathroom with big hair, very little clothes on, and a "duck face", I'd say pass. If not, you should go for it.
  16. Feb 20, 2012 #15
    I appreciate what you are saying here, but I'd like to clarify my position as I think you have assigned me a view that I do not hold.

    There's a really good chance that her maturity level is higher than mine, I've grown up slowly. My requirements in that department extend to not taking delight in fart / sex jokes and having interests beyond the latest sitcom. These things are already evaluated. She even likes real music.

    The problem I have with the age gap is twofold, first the stigma of "older chasing younger" which worries me, because I have the utmost respect for women and I don't want to act inappropriately. I don't chase tail. I'm not looking at her through lust-filled eyes, and I don't want to be that guy. Second, I'm a boring sod. I went out so much in my twenties that I can't bear it any more. I won't go into it too much, but I was a complete waster. These days, I feel anxious and out of place in pubs and nightclubs. I fear I would just be a burden, a homebody who gets his kicks from programming and reading books.
  17. Feb 20, 2012 #16
    Nine years is just to much. You are a complete weirdo. Dating someone so young is immoral and totally unfair to guys that are only 7 or 8 years older then her.
  18. Feb 20, 2012 #17
    By which you mean you of course. :biggrin:
  19. Feb 20, 2012 #18


    User Avatar
    Staff Emeritus
    Science Advisor
    Gold Member

    I think "immoral" is a bit strong :tongue2:.
  20. Feb 20, 2012 #19
    I caught a fair bit of sarcasm in that one, bp_psy. :)
  21. Feb 21, 2012 #20
    I'm not sure who you're trying to convince here - yourself or the people around you.

    Honestly, if you're interested in her, she appeals to you on more than just one level then for it. The only thing you'll gain by not trying it is a sense of regret.

    The only thing I would caution you on is the fact that dating/seeing a co-worker can turn nasty if the relationship sours. It also makes it a little difficult to find some time to yourself.
Share this great discussion with others via Reddit, Google+, Twitter, or Facebook