Becoming an Illegal Alien (retroactively)

[Evo]

Ok, this letter is tongue in cheek, but I thought it took a humorus poke at a not so humorus issue.

The Honorable Joe Lieberman
Senate Office Building
309 Hart
Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Lieberman,

As a native to CT. and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service,
I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of
Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an
illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes
every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes
in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be
illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of
renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance
premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age
children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal
(retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be
most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,





What are you waiting on?

 

[Math Is Hard]

Yep, that's just how it is.

It really burns my biscuits because my friend has been waiting for her husband to come and live with her in the U.S. for over a year now. He's trying to come here LEGALLY from Nigeria and it's been the biggest mess of red tape you've ever seen. He's a very educated guy, an IT professional, and I have no doubt that one day he and my friend (she is a talented software developer) will form their own company here and they will create jobs for U.S. citizens with their business. But for now, she waits and waits. And waits.

Meanwhile, the poor and uneducated teem across the borders and we literally hold out rewards for them to come here ILLEGALLY. We welcome with open arms the lawbreakers, the drug runners, and the people who do nothing but suck our resources dry.

What is wrong with this picture?

 

[Thrice]

Yeah illegals have it so easy.

 

[Math Is Hard]

B of A finds a whole new group to stick it to. You know we are talking finance charges up the WAZZOO here.

http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=domesticNews&storyid=2007-02-13T053517Z_01_N13447905_RTRUKOC_0_US-BOFA-CARD.xml&src=rss&rpc=22

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Bank of America Corp. has begun offering credit cards to customers without Social Security numbers, typically illegal immigrants, the Wall Street Journal reported on Tuesday.

In recent years, banks across the country have been offering checking accounts and even mortgages to the nation's fast-growing ranks of undocumented immigrants, most of whom are Hispanic, the paper said, adding these immigrants generally have not been able to get major credit cards.

The new Bank of America card is open to people who lack both a Social Security number and a credit history, as long as they have held a checking account with the bank for three months without an overdraft, the Journal said.

Bank of America tested the program last year at five branches in Los Angeles, and last week expanded it to 51 branches in Los Angeles County, home to the largest concentration of illegal immigrants in the U.S., the Journal said.The bank hopes to roll out the program nationally later this year, the paper said.

A Bank of America spokesman was not immediately available to comment.

 

[hypatia]

Jeez oh petes that burns my britches!

 

[humanino]

Let me tell you that, I am legally working here, it has been almost one month. Of course, I do not have a SSN yet. Unfortunately, they misspelled my name in the database at the custom. I can expect 2 to 4 weeks of delay, before I get a SSN. In the meantime, I cannot get a bank account, so I cannot rent an appartement, so I cannot have internet to speak with my family back home, I cannot buy a car... without SSN, basically I do not exist.

I have no credit history, I have no (american) driver license.

Bank of America, indeed, saves my life for the next month. Sorry guys, but many thanks to B of A

edit Let me make it clear that, at best, I would get my SSN after one month here. It will probably take another month from now.

 

[ptabor]

Let me tell you that, I am legally working here, it has been almost one month. Of course, I do not have a SSN yet. Unfortunately, they misspelled my name in the database at the custom. I can expect 2 to 4 weeks of delay, before I get a SSN. In the meantime, I cannot get a bank account, so I cannot rent an appartement, so I cannot have internet to speak with my family back home, I cannot buy a car... without SSN, basically I do not exist.

I have no credit history, I have no (american) driver license.

Bank of America, indeed, saves my life for the next month. Sorry guys, but many thanks to B of A

edit Let me make it clear that, at best, I would get my SSN after one month here. It will probably take another month from now.

Welcome to the United States.

 

[humanino]

Welcome to the United States.

Don't worry, it is everywhere a horrible pain to go through administrative procedures.
Although I must admit that your SSN is really a funny story. Especially considering that the only use I will get from it, apart from not getting any social security whatsoever, is to pay taxes as every decent american citizen

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Let me tell you that, I am legally working here, it has been almost one month. Of course, I do not have a SSN yet. Unfortunately, they misspelled my name in the database at the custom. I can expect 2 to 4 weeks of delay, before I get a SSN. In the meantime, I cannot get a bank account, so I cannot rent an appartement, so I cannot have internet to speak with my family back home, I cannot buy a car... without SSN, basically I do not exist.

I have no credit history, I have no (american) driver license.

Bank of America, indeed, saves my life for the next month. Sorry guys, but many thanks to B of A

edit Let me make it clear that, at best, I would get my SSN after one month here. It will probably take another month from now.

That is an interesting disinction.

This is not the same as pandering to the illegals. YOU, for example, can prove that you're here legally. That makes all the difference. We have always been a nation that welcomes physicists.

 

[Evo]

Although I must admit that your SSN is really a funny story. Especially considering that the only use I will get from it, apart from not getting any social security whatsoever, is to pay taxes as every decent american citizen

Look on the bright side, you're helping to pay for my retirement. :tongue:

 

[Moonbear]

Humanino, thanks for your perspective on this. I was really trying to figure out what the Bank of America was thinking in allowing this, and at least you've provided one legal explanation of where their policy of not requiring a SSN would make some sense.

When I heard about it, aside from the legal/illegal debate, my thought was "Are they nuts?" Someone with a credit history of an entire 3 months is given a line of credit? And, if they haven't even gotten a SSN, how easily can they max out that credit and disappear? It seems like an awfully high risk group to offer credit cards to...do they at least require a co-signer who has a SSN and good credit history? Why not just stick with a debit card so they can't spend more than is in their account if they have nothing other than the contents of their bank account to secure their credit line? Shouldn't they at least require a certain minimum balance on the account to keep the card, and then have the credit limit lower than the account balance?

 

[humanino]

Look on the bright side, you're helping to pay for my retirement. :tongue:

I was told that I can be re-imbursed if I leave the country within 3 years