Collection of Lame Jokes

[Borg]

There's a highway to hell,
but only a stairway to heaven.

Guess, expectations are clear.

I guess that also explains why heaven has a gate and hell has a pit.

 

[Ibix]

There's a highway to hell,
but only a stairway to heaven.

Guess, expectations are clear.

Driving is evil? I guess God's gone green.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

What's so very special and unique about every Thursday, for all people around the world, no matter what ?

Spoiler

It's exactly when a week has passed since last Thursday and it's one day before Friday ...

 

[jtbell]

Today I drove past a beauty salon named "Curl Up & Dye".

 

[davenn]

Today I drove past a beauty salon named "Curl Up & Dye".

hahahaha ... ohhh dear

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

It's certainly a drug-free shelfspace.

 

[fresh_42]

What makes the Golden Gate Bridge really a modern wonder of the world?

Spoiler

It has been built in budget and in time!

 

[nuuskur]

 

[mfb]

You could sell a reliable cure for cancer for the same money people pay for a lifetime supply of cancer drugs today. And you would gain an instant monopoly.

 

[davenn]

 

[Stavros Kiri]

You could sell a reliable cure for cancer for the same money people pay for a lifetime supply of cancer drugs today. And you would gain an instant monopoly.

Any ideas? (What do you have in mind? LEM protein? / cf. ImmunarT Ltd. for monopoly)

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

But I think Scottish English is just a dialect, although a fairly well developed one.

Try finding "Edenborrow" on a map of Scotland. ;)

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

not sure I like the word exactly in this context, but ohh well

 

[Ibix]

Better: What do you call a snake that coils into a circle exactly 1m in diameter?

Of course, that's a metric πthon. Imperial πthons would also be possible.

 

[nuuskur]

Better: What do you call a snake that coils into a circle exactly 1m in diameter?

Of course, that's a metric πthon. Imperial πthons would also be possible.

Offtopic:
What about rebel $\pi$thons?

 

[Ibix]

Offtopic:
What about rebel $\pi$thons?

They coil into circles exactly 1m in diameter and 3m in circumference.

 

[sophiecentaur]

So any python could become a πthon - just by coiling itself into an exact circle.π

 

[Ibix]

Indeed. I believe we stand here on the cusp of a completely new system of reptile-based measurement. I'll post a paper on vixra shortly.

 

[fresh_42]

Indeed. I believe we stand here on the cusp of a completely new system of reptile-based measurement. I'll post a paper on vixra shortly.

Don't forget to mention this imaginary guy:

 

[mfb]

They coil into circles exactly 1m in diameter and 3m in circumference.

The rebel planet must be really small then. Just 12 meters circumference.

 

[Ibix]

The rebel planet must be really small then. Just 12 meters circumference.

It took me longer than it should to get that one.

 

[Ibix]

Don't forget to mention this imaginary guy:

On a side note, how does anything ever eat a chameleon? The photographer did all of the work for me here. The only thing they could have done to make the animal more obvious would be to trace the outline with a magic marker. And I still have trouble picking it out of the background...

 

[dkotschessaa]

On a side note, how does anything ever eat a chameleon? The photographer did all of the work for me here. The only thing they could have done to make the animal more obvious would be to trace the outline with a magic marker. And I still have trouble picking it out of the background...

Probably just eats the leaves and hopes it gets lucky...

 

[nikkkom]

On a side note, how does anything ever eat a chameleon? The photographer did all of the work for me here. The only thing they could have done to make the animal more obvious would be to trace the outline with a magic marker. And I still have trouble picking it out of the background...

Ha. Try to find a frog in this pic.

 

[sophiecentaur]

It's standing to the left of the rhinoceros. You can recognise the frog as it has a carnation in its buttonhole.

 

[Ibix]

Ha. Try to find a frog in this pic.

The only thing I can see that looks vaguely frog-like is about two thirds of the way across amd a third down. A small orange triangular region just above the right hand end of the large grey-brown leaf oriented top-left/bottom-right.

Rejected response: Do not try to find the frog; that's impossible. Instead remember only the truth: there is no frog.

 

[fresh_42]

I asked my son to hand me the newspaper. He said I should get used to modern times and handed me the iPad. So what, the fly is dead now.

 

[jtbell]

From an advertisement in the program book for the concert that I attended yesterday:

Please stay awake during the symphony, there will be time to rest later. (And we've got just the place.)
—Lake View Cemetery