Collection of Lame Jokes

[davenn]

My wife to me
It also applies to telescopes, meteorites and minerals hahaha

 

[jack action]

My wife to me
It also applies to telescopes, meteorites and minerals hahaha


View attachment 369757

Too many radios? Telescopes? Meteorites? Minerals?

How cute.

 

[DaveC426913]

Too many radios? Telescopes? Meteorites? Minerals?

How cute.

View attachment 369761​

My neighbour - with whom I shared a driveway for 30 years.

 

[berkeman]

A little more Medic humor...

 

[BillTre]

Seems to be a real name:

 

[BillTre]

 

[jtbell]

Just now I saw a question on another forum about magazines to read on the toilet. It took me way back to when I was a kid in the 1960s. My Finnish-American aunt and uncle had this on the wall in their basement toilet:

"Every moment is a reading moment. Buy a magazine too, today."

I entered the first line (in Finnish) into a Google image search, and sure enough, it popped up!

 

[kuruman]

Does it say anywhere "and you know what to do with the paper when you're done"?

 

[jtbell]

Don't flush it down the drain unless you want to help your plumber buy a new truck.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[gmax137]

"Safety Third" lol

 

[DaveC426913]

 

[symbolipoint]

DaveC426913
That one reminds me of the "file id description in zip file" which was to be included with any zipped file; and was a file in plain text to identify and describe the zipped file contents.

DIZ was supposed to resemble ZIP upside down and backwards.
FILE_ID.DIZ

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FILE_ID.DIZ

 

[DaveC426913]

DaveC426913
That one reminds me of the "file id description in zip file" which was to be included with any zipped file; and was a file in plain text to identify and describe the zipped file contents.

DIZ was supposed to resemble ZIP upside down and backwards.
FILE_ID.DIZ

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FILE_ID.DIZ

 

[Ibix]

In honour of the currently running Monty Hall thread, and with deep deep apologies to The Clash:

Monty, you got to tell me which
Should I stick or should I switch?
If you say that I chose a goat
Well to switch would float my boat
So you got to tell me which
Should I stick, or should I switch?
It's always car, car, car
But I'm too confused by far
One door is car, the others goat
So if you want to know my vote
Well, come on and tell me which
Should I stick or should I switch?
[Chorus]
Should I stick, or should I switch now?
Should I stick, or should I switch now?
If I switch there may be trouble
And if I stick, it will be double
So come on and tell me which

 

[jtbell]

"You otter be in the movies!"

 

[gmax137]

Otter?

 

[WWGD]

"You otter be in the movies!"

View attachment 369883

Thanks for reminding me I just forgot to flush!

 

[jtbell]

 

[jtbell]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[jtbell]

^^ But how does it sound?

 

[berkeman]

 

[jtbell]

 

[berkeman]

 

[WWGD]

You're not allowed to smoke at the menswear store. Clothes, but no cigar.

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 369979

I looked so good when I was 1, people would tell me " Hey, you look like you're zero!"

 

[WWGD]

A little more Medic humor...

View attachment 369762

And Twinkies. 1,000 boxes. I wonder if when they burn seized drugs , it's like burning and smoking a giant joint.

 

[jtbell]

I guess some people would otherwise confuse these with Subway's [edible] wraps.

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 369999

I guess some people would otherwise confuse these with Subway's [edible] wraps.

Underwear comes with instructions. Fortunately they're for washing. We're not that far gone into idiocracy.