Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

View attachment 234250

https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/science-jokes-p2.847743/page-46#post-6090298

 

[Borg]

I saw it on another forum but now I remember seeing your post. So much for my ability to remember...

 

[Bystander]

So much for my ability to remember...

Twenty lashes with a soggy noodle.

 

[jtbell]

 

[davenn]

 

[DaveC426913]

*WARNING - NAUGHTINESS*

"Chief Running Bear, how do we get our names?"

"Well, little one, when we are born, our mother opens up the tent flap to peer outside, and we are named after the first thing she sees. So it was with your sister, Prancing Horse, your brother Sitting Mink your mother Pouncing Lynx and her mother before her, Swooping Hawk. It's a good question - but why do you ask, Sh*tting Dog?"

 

[jtbell]

This morning it's soooo cold in New York City that...

the Spider-Man balloon in the Thanksgiving Day parade is wearing two layers of costumes.

 

[Ibix]

Wow! There was a kidnapping at my son's school today. But it was ok - he woke up.

 

[fresh_42]

Who invented the round table?

Spoiler

Sir Cumference.

 

[Ibix]

Who invented the round table?

Spoiler

Sir Cumference.

Its area is $\pi(\mathrm{Arthur})^2$

 

[Ibix]

Its area is $\pi(\mathrm{Arthur})^2$

Arthur and his knights were, of course, searching for the Non-Simply Connected Grail.

 

[fresh_42]

Its area is $\pi(\mathrm{Arthur})^2$

You launch a lot of assumptions here! Smells as if there is myrrh in somehow. But maybe I'm in more glens than fair.

 

[DrClaude]

Who invented the round table?

Spoiler

Sir Cumference.

These are good books to teach math to children.

Spoiler

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sir_Cumference

 

[jtbell]

What kind of vehicle does a podiatrist drive to work?

Spoiler

A toe truck.

 

[jtbell]

Haha, just for grins I did a Google search and came up with this:

 

[Ibix]

What kind of vehicle does a podiatrist drive to work?

Spoiler

A toe truck.

And a tree surgeon?

Stick shift.

Spoiler

Contract killers prefer automatics

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

one for my fellow Monty Python fans

 

[jack action]

 

[Stavros Kiri]

I couldn't help it filling in for the 5000th joke:

A Frenchman and a US American are competing in Paris for "tallest buildings" ... :
A: what building is that?
F: Tour Triangle. Really big!
A: Pfff! That's nothing. In the US we build those in a week! ...

A: And this one?
F: Tour Montparnasse. Our biggest true skyscraper here in Paris!
A: No big deal. In Manhattan they build those in ten days! ...

Then the Frenchman gets pissed off and takes him under the the Eiffel Tower ...
A: Which one is that? It's kind of cute!
F: Gee! I don't know what to tell you! ... Yesterday I passed by, it wasn't here! ...

 

[DaveC426913]

I don't get it...

 

[Stavros Kiri]

I don't get it...

Are you asking me to explain it or a clue?

 

[DaveC426913]

Are you asking me to explain it or a clue?

Your choice.

I'm noticing similarities between Tour and Tower, and trying to think of a French word that sounds like 'Eiffel' but means something like 'instant'.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Your choice.

I'm noticing similarities between Tour and Tower, and trying to think of a French word that sounds like 'Eiffel' but means something like 'instant'.

No pun. Just a direct joke, focussed on "how long [it takes to build them]" ...

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Wow! There was a kidnapping at my son's school today. But it was ok - he woke up.

He woke up? Or you did?

 

[DaveC426913]

He woke up? Or you did?

The napping kid.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

The napping kid.

Smart! Thanks

 

[Ibix]

What type of photos do Santa's little helpers take?

Elfies.

(Courtesy of an advent calendar).

 

[fresh_42]

What do you call a Santa who missed the chimney?

Spoiler

Santa Close.