Collection of Lame Jokes

[Borg]

C:\ ... It figures: another Microsoft product.

In my case it's usually found on a different drive - I:\APOLOGIZE

 

[fresh_42]

In my case it's usually found on a different drive - I:\APOLOGIZE

You have to be very careful with drive "I" at the command level. There is a DOS command (Dangerous Operation Set) called AMRIGHT -y which automatically overwrites the FAT (Faulty Argument Trial) in older systems as well as the NTFS (Never Try Female Senses) of the device. It should only be used in -n Never mode, or you have to reformat the disc.

 

[Borg]

FAT (Faulty Argument Trial)

This should not be mistaken for the "Does this dress make me look FAT?" query which can result in SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES 9.0 if answered incorrectly.

 

[fresh_42]

This should not be mistaken for the "Does this dress make me look FAT?" query which can result in SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES 9.0 if answered incorrectly.

It results in serious consequences if answered at all! One of quite a few lose-lose programs! The rule of thumb is: .COMmunication programs are ok., .EXEcution programs are dangerous.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[mfb]

You'll never find it in steps of whole coffees.

https://xkcd.com/323/

 

[davenn]

 

[jack action]

 

[Ibix]

What's the best thing about living in Switzerland?

I dunno, but the flag is a big plus.

 

[mfb]

I recently joined an ambidextrous group...

It didn’t feel right, so I left.

 

[member 656954]

So I asked a physics major I know whether he ascribes to Everett's many-worlds interpretation.

"Yes and no," he replied.

 

[davenn]

todays pun

 

[fresh_42]

todays pun

View attachment 250475

Well, actually they do, by $\sim 9.36\,\%$, at least here.

 

[Borg]

Well, actually they do, by $\sim 9.36\,\%$, at least here.

I heard that the factory shut down.

 

[fresh_42]

I heard that the factory shut down.

Now that you say it. It's actually $\sim 118,72 \,\%$ since our your sticks are $2\,m$ long. The one meter sticks are more toys and ad gifts. But we do call them yardsticks, inchsticks to translate exactly.

 

[Bystander]

todays pun

I really do not get it.

 

[Borg]

I really do not get it.

It's a double entendre. You can interpret it as they don't make them any longer than a yard or that they don't make them any more.

 

[Bystander]

It's a double entendre. You can interpret it as they don't make them any longer than a yard or that they don't make them any more.

Yes; and? Yes; and?

 

[Borg]

They no longer make them?

 

[davenn]

Yes; and? Yes; and?

They no longer make them?

They make metre sticks now

 

[Ibix]

They make metre sticks now

...which are longer and why they don't make yardsticks any longer.

 

[BillTre]

 

[Mark44]

I recently joined an ambidextrous group...

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous...

 

[Ibix]

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous...

If I gave my left arm, it would be really hard to falsify my claim that I used to be ambidextrous.

Actually, given my normal levels of coordination I think I may be ambisinistrous.

 

[davenn]

View attachment 250488

Haha
our tour guide gave that saying several times each time we past cyclists on the road as we were traveling through the Canadian Rockies a month ago

 

[davenn]

 

[mfb]

Shouldn't Germany just be one flag, and the first two images need to be something else?

 

[jtbell]

Three accountants and three engineers are traveling together by train to a conference.

At the station, each of the accountants buys a ticket, but only one of the engineers does.

Perplexed, the accountants ask, "How are you all going to ride on only one ticket?" The engineers respond, "Wait and see."

The train pulls in. The engineers immediately cram into a restroom together.

After the train leaves, the conductor comes by, knocks on the restroom door, and says "Ticket, please." The door opens a crack, and one arm reaches out with the ticket. The conductor takes it and goes on his way.

The accountants agree that this is a neat trick, and resolve to try it on the return trip.

At the beginning of the return trip, one of the accountants buys a ticket, but none of the engineers do.

Perplexed, the accountants ask, "How are you all going to ride without any ticket?" The engineers respond, "Wait and see."

The train pulls in. The accountants immediately cram into one restroom together, and the engineers cram into another one.

After the train leaves, one of the engineers emerges from their restroom, darts over to the accountants' restroom, knocks on the door, and says "Ticket, please."

 

[Borg]

I guess they weren't accounting for that possibility.

 

[Ibix]

I guess they weren't accounting for that possibility.

Indeed. The trick seems like social engineering.