Collection of Lame Jokes

[berkeman]

I don't mind dumb jokes, I just don't like ones that don't seem to actually BE jokes (presumably because I don't get it)

Deliver a baby -- standard.

De-liver a baby -- gross.

Have a nice day

 

[strangerep]

"I went to see a Doctor to see if he could do anything about my baldness. He said the problem was in my genes. I told him he was crazy I got plenty of hair there. Where I need it is on my head!"

Oh, and did you hear about the magician who couldn't pull a rabbit out of his hat? So he pulled a hair out of his bum instead.

 

[Ibix]

import time, datetime

def get_tomorrows_date():
    time.sleep(60*60*24)
    return datetime.date.today()

print(get_tomorrows_date())

You could improve efficiency by calculating the remaining time until midnight and only sleeping that long.

 

[fresh_42]

It's a dumb joke, just let it go by...

And it is a repetition.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Keith_McClary]

Tycoons bound for ISS aren't tourists, insists space company​

If they were tourists, they could not deduct it as a business expense, like all the other space tourists do.

 

[WWGD]

And it is a repetition.

See #12030 https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/collection-of-lame-jokes.25301/page-401
and #12056.

 

[BillTre]

 

[jack action]

 

[phinds]

This pretty well captures my phone bill

 

[phinds]

 

[jack action]

 

[DennisN]

 

[DaveC426913]

I didn't know what to make of this..

Pfft. Even I know this one. It's sports!

 

[phinds]

 

[DrClaude]

View attachment 297868​

Poor guy, he wasn't very fortunate.

 

[fresh_42]

"Mama, I want a bunny!"
"I have already planned something else for lunch."

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[jack action]

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[BillTre]

Pranking the Russian embassy in DC:

 

[Keith_McClary]

Pranking the Russian embassy in DC:

View attachment 298072

They will have to change it. The Ukrainian Department of deRussianization has decreed that it is spelled ZELENSKYY.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for October 06, 2010​

Now I know where this widely used ploy comes from.

 

[Hamiltonian]

 

[jack action]

Programmers always put two glasses on their bedside table before going to sleep:

• One filled with water in case they get thirsty;
• One empty in case they don't.

 

[jack action]

1. Buy a 3D printer
2. Print the 3D printer
3. Return the 3D printer

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[DennisN]

View attachment 298096​

Have you seen the hilarious "Mono Lisa"? :

(from Uncyclopedia)

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

I'd rather die on my feet than live with my niece.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 298147​

Cobol would be the better choice!

 

[Borg]

Or an abacus.

 

[ergospherical]

 

[jack action]

Is that Schrödinger's cat in the end? So it's alive?

 

[fresh_42]

Is that Schrödinger's cat in the end? So it's alive?

Yes, with 90% certainty. The author of that post here already calculated it himself.

https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/math-challenge-august-2020.991944/#post-6374281

 

[Filip Larsen]

People, please hold on to your lame jokes until we are on page 405 or we won't get them ...

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]