Collection of Lame Jokes

[Orodruin]

Is that Martinus Veltman?

If that is what you bee-hold.

 

[malawi_glenn]

i got the joke, but dude was seriously clone of Veltman

 

[malawi_glenn]

probably posted here 500 times already.
I show this to my students when we go over indefinite integrals

 

[fresh_42]

 

[George Jones]

View attachment 305275
probably posted here 500 times already.
I show this to my students when we go over indefinite integrals

Reminds me of my calculus teacher's joke:
$$\int{\frac{d\left(mower\right)}{mower}} = ?$$

 

[berkeman]

If that is what you bee-hold.

I'm still trying to decide whether to delete and infract you for this post, Oro, for the obscene gesture directed at the poor little bees. Except it looks like the bee-holder only has 3 fingers total on his right hand, so I guess I have to give you a pass (again) this time...

 

[Orodruin]

Except it looks like the bee-holder only has 3 fingers total on his right hand

Bees might disagree to being held …

 

[malawi_glenn]

I'm still trying to decide whether to delete and infract you for this post, Oro, for the obscene gesture directed at the poor little bees.

I'll make sure he Bee-have in the future Berke

My aspirin +C joke was deleted :(

 

[Swamp Thing]

Q: What did the snail say when riding the turtle?

A: Ouieeeeeeeeee!

This is the first time I saw an "ISpoiler". At first, I didn't even notice it. Which says something about my screen hygiene.But I happened to hover over the signature line, and then I thought the snail said to the tortoise, "You did not take relativity of simultaneity into account".

 

[Ibix]

I thought the snail said to the tortoise, "You did not take simultaneity of relativity into account".

Technically it's an issue even at a literal snail's pace...

 

[berkeman]

My aspirin +C joke was deleted :(

Looks like that was my fault -- it looks like it was collateral damage for some Moderation I was doing in another thread. Apologies and it's back now:

https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/collection-of-lame-jokes.25301/post-6658995

 

[WWGD]

Minnesota:

View attachment 304696

What did Missis sip, boys,
What did Missis sip?
She sipped a Mini-soda,
That's what she did sip.

I knew her. I really miss Miss (Miss)issippi.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[berkeman]

It's a trick question. That's way more than 50 bananas...

 

[WWGD]

It's a trick question. That's way more than 50 bananas...

It is a weirdly-large amount.

 

[collinsmark]

'Could be a chemistry project, perhaps.

 

[strangerep]

$\hbar = \gamma_\mu h^\mu$

... however, $h\!\!\!/ = \gamma_\mu h^\mu$.

Moral: even when you're desperate, think a bit about where you're having a slash.

 

[malawi_glenn]

View attachment 305328

An old and some what illegible invoice shows that $72$ canned hams were purchased for $x67.9y$.

https://www.physicsforums.com/threa...its-in-this-problem-about-an-invoice.1017358/

 

[DennisN]

Don't mess with the fourth little pig...

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 305328

An old and some what illegible invoice shows that $72$ canned hams were purchased for $x67.9y$.

https://www.physicsforums.com/threa...its-in-this-problem-about-an-invoice.1017358/

I remember a time and location when this actually made sense! (CARE packages)

 

[dextercioby]

...

 

[Ibix]

Careful who you try that on. I can think of a couple of teachers I had who would have produced a microscope, checked for a diagram, and then told him off while the rest of the class jeered at him...

 

[Orodruin]

Careful who you try that on. I can think of a couple of teachers I had who would have produced a microscope, checked for a diagram, and then told him off while the rest of the class jeered at him...

Ma'am, you won't be able to see the neutrino without about 50 kton of water Cherenkov detector.

 

[Ibix]

Ma'am, you won't be able to see the neutrino without about 50 kton of water Cherenkov detector.

I think you copied that neutrino from the one next to it - they're identical.

 

[Orodruin]

I think you copied that neutrino from the one next to it - they're identical.

... not for long ...

 

[Ibix]

... not for long ...

1/3 of the time it is...

 

[dextercioby]

Destroying my non-funny meme pretty much served my purpose of posting a trully lame joke. Have another one.

 

[DaveC426913]

...

Apparently, student is wrong anyway.

A truly gigantic bacterium has been found. Thiomargarita magnifica is as long as 1cm.

 

[Orodruin]

1/3 of the time it is...

That’s not how oscillations work ..

 

[Ibix]

That’s not how oscillations work ..

I'll have to take your word for it. I presume it's a smoothly changing mix of flavour and mass states, and I guess two neutrinos' oscillations aren't necessarily in phase?

 

[dextercioby]

 

[malawi_glenn]

Not sure if this classify as a lame "joke" but it is fun nevertheless.
Game of Thrones TV-series is required to understand.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[malawi_glenn]

I remember a time and location when this actually made sense! (CARE packages)

I mean the problem said that the invoice was illegible, so I would just assume there were 12 hams or something, which is still an unreasoable amount. But 72? That is just mind boggling.

 

[DennisN]

 

[malawi_glenn]

No idea how this works.

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

One morning a husband returns to the cabin after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out, since it is such a beautiful day. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says," Good morning, Ma'am, what are you doing"?
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious"?)
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to write you up a ticket."
"For reading a book"? she replies.
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her again.
"But officer, I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to write you up a ticket and you'll have to pay a fine."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he immediately departed.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

 

[fresh_42]

I hate people who pretend to be intellectual and talk about Mozart even though they've never seen a painting of her.

 

[Borg]

I hate people who pretend to be intellectual and talk about Mozart even though they've never seen a painting of her.

That's usually the case with most art by Mozart.

 

[malawi_glenn]

I hate people who pretend to be intellectual and talk about Mozart even though they've never seen a painting of her.

I've seen the photograph of his wive

 

[fresh_42]

 

[malawi_glenn]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[malawi_glenn]

 

[BillTre]

 

[malawi_glenn]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 305533