Collection of Lame Jokes

[wrobel]

 

[Mark44]

I'd really like to thank you all who set me straight on the meaning of plethora.
It means a lot to me.

 

[Mark44]

A pirate in Comic Sans walks into a bar.
Bartender: "Sorry, we don't serve your type in here."

 

[Mark44]

A synonym strolls into a local tavern ...

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[BillTre]

I once saw on a large air vent in a physics building, a little official looking label (matching campus P. plant style) saying:
"Warped Space Entrance, Authorized Personnel Only".

It went away in a few weeks.

 

[davenn]

View attachment 273671

but everything else is allowed hahaha

 

[davenn]

 

[DrClaude]

What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday the rest are week days.

But Saturday and Sunday are not very strong either, they are weakened.

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 273672

I think I would take that as proof that baby Yoda had fallen to the dark side...

 

[jedishrfu]

Spoiler: Do you know how to catch a unique rabbit?

You neak up on it.

Spoiler: Do you know how to catch a tame rabbit?

The tame way you neak up on it.

 

[jedishrfu]

View attachment 273681​

There's actually a story behind this picture. The little girl and her brother were playing at home when they heard the commotion over the fire. They with their dad went to investigate and the dad snapped the photo. The fire was part of a planned burn of a derelict property for fire dept training.

https://www.hongkiat.com/blog/stories-behind-memes/

https://thetab.com/uk/2019/12/16/meme-origins-stories-explained-134922

 

[fresh_42]

Spoiler: Do you know how a hunter catches a rabbit?

He chases it with his pack and shoots at it.

Spoiler: Do you know how a mathematician catches a rabbit?

He divides the forest into two, looks which part the rabbit is in. Then he divides this one into two, looks which part ...

Spoiler: Do you know how a CIA (*) agent catches a rabbit?

He catches a wild boar and beats it until it admits to be a rabbit.

(*) This is only culturally adapted. My version goes with german cops. No offense to the US. I just thought it fits better with an intelligence service and nobody knows BND.

 

[jack action]

How do you kill a blue elephant?

Spoiler: Answer

Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a red elephant?

Spoiler: Answer

Twist its trunk until it turns blue and then shoot it with a red elephant gun.

 

[fresh_42]

An international team has found a mammoth in the Siberian tundra. The scientists bet which one of them can determine its age most precisely. The German scientist crawled into the cave and returned after 10 minutes: "It is 3.5 million years old." I can do better, said the American and crawled into the cave. He returned after an hour and said: "It is 3.47 million years old." At last the Russian scientist vanished in the cave. His colleagues waited for an hour, two hours, three hours, but it wasn't before the next day when he returned. "And? What do you think?" - "It is 3,468,324 years, 5 month and 2 days old!" - "Wow! How can you know?" - "The interrogation was tough, but in the end he confessed."

 

[DrGreg]

An international team has found a mammoth in the Siberian tundra. The scientists bet which one of them can determine its age most precisely. The German scientist crawled into the cave and returned after 10 minutes: "It is 3.5 million years old." I can do better, said the American and crawled into the cave. He returned after an hour and said: "It is 3.47 million years old." At last the Russian scientist vanished in the cave. His colleagues waited for an hour, two hours, three hours, but it wasn't before the next day when he returned. "And? What do you think?" - "It is 3,468,324 years, 5 month and 2 days old!" - "Wow! How can you know?" - "The interrogation was tough, but in the end he confessed."

Museum visitor: "How old is the mammoth skeleton?"
Museum attendant: "3,500,003 years."
Visitor: "Wow! How can you know?"
Attendant: "When I started working here 3 years ago, it was 3,500,000 years old."

 

[Keith_McClary]

Then the mammoth walked out of the cave and said ...

 

[mfb]

Spoiler: Do you know how a mathematician catches a rabbit?

He divides the forest into two, looks which part the rabbit is in. Then he divides this one into two, looks which part ...

Too inefficient. You make a small cage, dividing the surface of Earth into two parts and define the larger part of Earth's surface to be the inside.

 

[fresh_42]

Too inefficient. You make a small cage, dividing the surface of Earth into two parts and define the larger part of Earth's surface to be the inside.

That's what logicians do. The rest uses a Möbius-transformation on the Riemann sphere, or Cauchy's integral formula in case the rabbit's residue is known.

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[Ibix]

Spoiler: Do you know how a hunter catches a rabbit?

He chases it with his pack and shoots at it.

Spoiler: Do you know how a mathematician catches a rabbit?

He divides the forest into two, looks which part the rabbit is in. Then he divides this one into two, looks which part ...

Spoiler: Do you know how a CIA (*) agent catches a rabbit?

He catches a wild boar and beats it until it admits to be a rabbit.

(*) This is only culturally adapted. My version goes with german cops. No offense to the US. I just thought it fits better with an intelligence service and nobody knows BND.

I thought that the usual method of catching a rabbit was to paint yourself orange and make a noise like a carrot.

 

[sysprog]