Collection of Lame Jokes

[256bits]

View attachment 323333

Is Squidward moonlighting as a maitre d?
A move up from the Crusty Crab.
The scene does look like Bikini Bottom ... a bit ...

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?...DF1AE0C4863E051DF1FEDF1&view=detail&FORM=VIRE

 

[Ibix]

What do you call a shy and nerdy killer whale?

Socially orca-ward.

 

[DrGreg]

Have you heard of Tarka masala?

It's like tikka masala, but it's 'otter.

 

[topsquark]

How did Sherlock Holmes know that the time traveler was hungry?

Spoiler: Thnk about it!

The time traveler went back 4 seconds.

-Dan

 

[gmax137]

How did Sherlock Holmes know that the time traveler was hungry?

arggh. I was noodling over something "alimentary..."

 

[Ibix]

arggh. I was noodling over something "alimentary..."

No, that's how he knew where the diamonds were smuggled. Or was that James Bond?

 

[jack action]

 

[BillTre]

From the dark side:

 

[phinds]

When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

Just once, I want the response to my attempt at username and password to say, “Close enough.”

If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.

 

[WWGD]

When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

Just once, I want the response to my attempt at username and password to say, “Close enough.”

If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.

If it doesn't just demand that they give you a Pepsi. Just a Pepsi....

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[BillTre]

 

[Mayhem]

 

[DaveC426913]

Schrodinger's House. Stairs go up? down? both?

Laying out a house floor plan, I didn't realize I'd chosen my typeface (and/or capitalization) poorly.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[DrGreg]

Schrodinger's House. Stairs go up? down? both?

View attachment 323418

Laying out a house floor plan, I didn't realize I'd chosen my typeface (and/or capitalization) poorly.

That looks like two entangled staircases, that have collapsed.

 

[Mayhem]

Schrodinger's House. Stairs go up? down? both?

View attachment 323418

Laying out a house floor plan, I didn't realize I'd chosen my typeface (and/or capitalization) poorly.

Open shell floor plan.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[topsquark]

A couple of Chuck Norris favorites:

Chuck Norris can recite all of the digits of $\pi$. Backwards.

Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people. Then the grenade exploded.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris got rid of the Periodic Table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of species that Chuck Norris allows to live.

Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

Chuck Norris once went to a feminist rally and left with an ironed shirt and a sandwich.

-Dan

 

[artis]

When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

Do you happen to know a similar drug but with a different prescription , just asking for a friend - his a teacher at elementary school...

 

[topsquark]

Do you happen to know a similar drug but with a different prescription , just asking for a friend - his a teacher at elementary school...

Jim Beam.

-Dan

 

[artis]

Samuel Brinton, the former Biden administration senior Department of Energy official facing charges for alleged airport baggage theft, faces up to five years in prison and a $10,000 fine. Brinton is accused of stealing a bag worth $3,670 at Las Vegas' Harry Reid International Airport on June 6, 2022. The bag contained jewelry valued at $1,700, clothing worth $850 and makeup valued at $500.

Samuel Brinton - the bad guy in a dress (a dress that he just stole from an airport luggage)

Now somebody needs to find a good guy in a dress to stop Samuel.
I suggest RuPaul!

 

[artis]

Priscilla !!! Oh no!



Seems to me the recent situation with US freight train accidents is off the rails...

 

[artis]

Why did the bicycle fall over?

Because it was 2 tired!

 

[Halc]

View attachment 323455

Showing off your best asset I see

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

In homage to pi(e) day:

 

[WWGD]

 

[Bystander]

In homage to pi(e) day:

How is "3.11" pi?

 

[WWGD]

How is "3.11" pi?

How is "3.11" pi?

A little ahead .

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

Saw a bumper sticker yesterday:

It's Not a Competition, Loser

 

[nsaspook]

 

[fresh_42]

My neighbor called the police yesterday because I was listening to AC/DC too loud.

They arrested him.

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 323516

I remember seeing a video of a supposed haunting where a ghost moved items in the house for a five minute period at 1am or something nearly every night. A commentator observed that it was an interesting feature of the ghost that it apparently respected summertime clock changes.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 323526

She saw the light on the night that she passed by his window,
she saw the flickering shadows of love on his blind ...

 

[WWGD]

She saw the light on the night that she passed by his window,
she saw the flickering shadows of love on his blind ...

It was one of those nights when you turn off the lights, and every thing comes into you...

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DrClaude]

View attachment 323516

You're two weeks early: the UK (and the rest of Europe) haven't changed the clocks yet.