Collection of Lame Jokes

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The discussion revolves around sharing and enjoying "lame" jokes, with participants contributing various puns and one-liners. Jokes include classic setups like "A duck walks into a pharmacy..." and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" along with playful wordplay, such as "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." The humor is characterized by its groan-inducing quality, with many jokes eliciting laughter despite their simplicity. Participants also engage in light banter about the nature of humor, with some jokes being deemed too funny to qualify as "lame." The thread highlights a shared enjoyment of corny humor and the camaraderie that comes from exchanging jokes, creating a lighthearted atmosphere.
  • #15,851
Again. I rarely go out to eat. Today, a hair on my salad. " I said Romaine, not Rogaine".
 
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  • #15,852
Screenshot_20230621_103736_Samsung Internet.jpg
 
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Likes DennisN, nuuskur and davenn
  • #15,853
WWGD said:

I preferred race driving. That makes a lot more fun, for the passenger (kid) as for the driver (me).
 
  • #15,854
Weird conversation at other table.
" Let me have this to go, please"
" You wanna box for it?"
" No, you keep it, I don't want to fight ."
 
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  • #15,855
My favorite response at the doctor's office when they ask if I'm allergic to anything.

Just poison.
 
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Likes nuuskur and jack action
  • #15,856
1687663227881.png
 
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  • #15,857
Borg said:
My favorite response at the doctor's office when they ask if I'm allergic to anything.

Just poison.
Well, other than the obvious poisons, anything could become poisonous to you if you are allergic to it.
 
  • #15,858
Just seen a guy with a t-shirt saying "I don't snore, I dream I'm a motorcycle".
 
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  • #15,859
Borg said:
My favorite response at the doctor's office when they ask if I'm allergic to anything.

Just poison.
A friend who is a retired GP claimed that amputation at the neck solved most complaints, apart from a slight attack of death.
 
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  • #15,860
Do you think coffins made out of glass will catch on?

Remains to be seen.
 
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  • #15,861
I was going to meet a girl I've been dating at the gym this morning, but she didn't show up. I don't think we're going to work out.
 
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  • #15,862
_nc_ohc=4W6kNZlrpAgAX_uMTEX&_nc_ht=scontent-fra5-1.jpg
 
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  • #15,863
Horror Movie.jpg
 
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  • #15,865
Me: The Earth isn't flat

Fiat Earther: Correct

Me: Huh?

Fiat Earther: It's the shape of an Italian car

Me: What?

Fiat Earther: You read my name wrong, didn't you?
 
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  • #15,866
This just in from Texas: Local weather station has posted a recipe for how to cook lasagna in your mailbox.
 
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  • #15,867
_nc_ohc=Gcbh-jdIQ34AX_ML680&_nc_ht=scontent-fra3-1.jpg
 
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  • #15,868
Screenshot_20230626_094305_Samsung Internet.jpg
 
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Likes nuuskur, berkeman and hmmm27
  • #15,869
3a1abf88887317e2f4f41243dca615ed.jpg

-Dan
 
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Likes pinball1970, collinsmark, Filip Larsen and 7 others
  • #15,870
topsquark said:
Poor old guy with arthritis was shot in downtown L.A, for flashing the wrong signs.
 
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  • #15,871
Screenshot 2023-06-29 at 10.13.26 AM.png
 
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Likes Ibix, jack action and Borg
  • #15,872
howling wolf small.jpg
 
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Likes DrClaude and BillTre
  • #15,873
1688139889716.png
 
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  • #15,874
Screenshot 2023-06-30 at 7.49.37 AM.png
 
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Likes WWGD, berkeman and Ibix
  • #15,875
BillTre said:
According to one old Star Trek novel the Time Being is a blubbery hippopotamus-like creature. It has no muscle tone at all because it never does anything for itself - other people do things for the Time Being.
 
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Likes topsquark and BillTre
  • #15,878
Swamp Thing said:
To good to be true?
Or an ironic employee.
 
  • #15,879
  • #15,880
Can you believe it? Someone has glued my pack of cards together! I can't deal with this.
 
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  • #15,881
From Facebook today:

1688327563897.png
 
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  • #15,882
berkeman said:
From Facebook today:

View attachment 328679
I used to walk to work across the bridge over the lake in St James' Park (picture). One morning I turned the corner on to the bridge and saw a woman coming the other way talking on her phone. I also saw a goose that had just taken off from the lake. The bridge is low with fairly high guard rails, and water fowl taking off have to make quite an early decision if they're going over or under. The goose had committed to "over", presumably before noticing the woman, and was on a collision course with absolutely no manoeuvring room or airspeed to play with, and the woman was phone zombied. I'm not sure I actually had time to yell anything, but what flashed across my brain was the supremely unhelpful comment "I can't yell duck, it's a goose".

(Fortunately the bird scraped together enough altitude to merely rearrange the woman's hair with its belly feathers, and she just kind of flinched and carried on her conversation...)
 
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  • #15,883
Ibix said:
Can you believe it? Someone has glued my pack of cards together! I can't deal with this.
Took me four times??!!
 
  • #15,884
Bystander said:
Took me four times??!!
Me too, dammit !
 
  • #15,885
1688333580603.png
 
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  • #15,886
phinds said:
Me too, dammit !
That makes me feel a little better.
 
  • #15,888
jack action said:
Yep, been there and done that. Except usually in my case it was Marketing instead of Designer... :wink:
 
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Likes DaveE and jack action
  • #15,889
Ever noticed the fallacy behind this line?

speed.jpg
 
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Likes pinball1970, DrClaude, BillTre and 1 other person
  • #15,890
berkeman said:
Yep, been there and done that. Except usually in my case it was Marketing instead of Designer... :wink:
Mine was a manager who didn't muzzle me and instead asked me to describe the features to another group within the company. Yeah, that didn't end well. :rolleyes:
 
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  • #15,891
Borg said:
Mine was a manager who didn't muzzle me and instead asked me to describe the features to another group within the company. Yeah, that didn't end well. :rolleyes:
Something like this? :smile:

 
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  • #15,892
i didn't muzzle myself when I saw this guy wearing a "Harvard" sweater and mumbled to myself, while obviously staring at the sweater, apparently too loud: " Yeah, right".
 
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  • #15,893
LOL, I saw this posted in a local rural Silicon Valley Facebook group today. Happy 4th of July! :wink:

1688420537314.png
 
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  • #15,894
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  • #15,895
berkeman said:
LOL, I saw this posted in a local rural Silicon Valley Facebook group today. Happy 4th of July! :wink:

View attachment 328723
How does one do something 24/7 when confining it to one day?
 
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  • #15,896
Halc said:
How does one do something 24/7 when confining it to one day?
In some places around here in Silicon Valley (Oakland especially), it goes on for several days straight.
 
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  • #15,897
It's like my birthday. Technically, it's centred on one day, but I welcome celebrations 24/7 all week.
 
  • #15,898
DaveC426913 said:
It's like my birthday. Technically, it's centred on one day, but I welcome celebrations 24/7 all week.
8760 not a thing yet?
 
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  • #15,899
Halc said:
How does one do something 24/7 when confining it to one day?

berkeman said:
In some places around here in Silicon Valley (Oakland especially), it goes on for several days straight.

In San Francisco leading up to and especially during the heart of the pandemic it was an all year thing. There would be peaks of activity on holidays or if a local sports team won but there would also be skyrockets and loud explosions pretty much every night for no apparent reason. It seems to have calmed down a lot lately. I don't know why.
 
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  • #15,900
Waldo's making it too easy for us:
Screenshot_20230704_181612_Samsung Internet.jpg
 

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