Collection of Lame Jokes

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The discussion revolves around sharing and enjoying "lame" jokes, with participants contributing various puns and one-liners. Jokes include classic setups like "A duck walks into a pharmacy..." and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" along with playful wordplay, such as "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." The humor is characterized by its groan-inducing quality, with many jokes eliciting laughter despite their simplicity. Participants also engage in light banter about the nature of humor, with some jokes being deemed too funny to qualify as "lame." The thread highlights a shared enjoyment of corny humor and the camaraderie that comes from exchanging jokes, creating a lighthearted atmosphere.
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  • #17,406
An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly an Eurofighter with a Tempo Mach 2 appears.

The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now have a look here!"

He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks: "Well, how was that?"

The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but watch this!"

The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly straight, at the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?

Confused, the jet pilot asks, "What did you do?"

The Airbus pilot laughs and says: "I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry."

The moral of the story is: When you’re young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more important.

This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older and Smarter.
 
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  • #17,407
Not exactly a lame joke, but it still made me laugh. And it's an incredible blunder by a normally very professional organization (MotoGP).

The penultimate race is in Qatar today, with the title on the line. Because they are racing in the very hot desert and to align the broadcast better with their TV audience, they run the final race in the dark in the early evening.

But they apparently still felt the need to have the "umbrella ladies" assisting the riders on the starting grid, so they would not get overheated by the racetrack lights... :oldeyes:

Umbrella in Quatar.jpg
 
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  • #17,408
Anyone that knows me and one of my passions .....

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berkeman said:
But they still apparenly still felt the need to have the "umbrella ladies" assisting the riders on the starting grid, so they would not get overheated by the racetrack lights... :oldeyes:
Maybe they're not there for their umbrellas?...
 
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DrClaude said:
Maybe they're not there for their umbrellas?...
LOL. But having thought about it overnight now, I'm guessing they are there for the advertisements on the umbrellas. MotoGP is pretty commercial (and successful as a business), so it would probably tick off the sponsors if all of their advertisements were not on display.
 
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  • #17,412
berkeman said:
LOL. But having thought about it overnight now, I'm guessing they are there for the advertisements on the umbrellas. MotoGP is pretty commercial (and successful as a business), so it would probably tick off the sponsors if all of their advertisements were not on display.
... and then there are those sandstorms ...
 
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Politics and drinks.jpg

(no, I'm not like that, but I thought the joke was funny 😃)
 
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fresh_42 said:
It's more about holding off George Michael over here.
Oh, I know so well what you mean. Same here 🙂.
 
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  • #17,428
Saw a bumper sticker today:

ROCK IS DEAD
long live paper and scissors
 
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Free extra sauce for everyone, fitty is paying for it!
 
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berkeman said:
I'm guessing they are there for the advertisements on the umbrellas.
Oh, yes, this also... :wink:
 
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THANKSGIVING EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly, it's rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Thanksgiving!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. And make sure butter is involved. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Thanksgiving dinner is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted cookies in the shape and size of whatever, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert, Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards. **

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

** I note that I disagree w/ this one. I LOVE fruitcake. (I do, of course, recognize that I am one of only perhaps 6 people in the entire civilized world who do, but still ...)
 
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** Me too. In fact, I'm making fruitcake tonight! Yum!

-Dan
 
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topsquark said:
** Me too. In fact, I'm making fruitcake tonight! Yum!

-Dan
Ah, reminds me, need to call back my ex gf.
 
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fresh_42 said:

G K Chesterton was too obese to volunteer in World War I.
At a party, a lady asked him, "Why aren't you out at the Front, young man?"
He replied, "If you will step to my side, madam, you will see that I am".

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  • #17,445
From the TSA: You can carry your green beans and mac & cheese and yams on the plane, but the gravy has to go by boat.

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  • #17,449
That's missing the contestant who completes the final square here.

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