Collection of Lame Jokes

[quddusaliquddus]

Lamest joke you know ... :zzz:

 

[jimmy p]

My dad was a pistol, that makes me a son of a gun...

 

[Artman]

A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, "Give me some chapstick and put it on my bill."

 

[jimmy p]

A man walks into a bar... ouch

 

[arildno]

-Watch out for the vacuum cleaner!
-What vacuuuuuuuuuuu...

 

[Jenn_ucsb]

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?...


...a stick

 

[Artman]

Where do you find a turtle with no legs?

Right where you left it.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

The first dirty joke that my parents told me: A white horse fell in the mud.

Why do cows wear bells? Their horns don't work.

 

[enigma]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender takes one look at it and asks: "So, why the long face?"

 

[quddusaliquddus]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender takes one look at it and asks: "So, why the long face?"

...sorry. This joke doesn't qualify to be in this thread as in my opinion it is funny

 

[enigma]

Oh, I think it's hilarious too...

But the groan-to-laugh ratio is up around 90% when I tell it.

 

[Hurkyl]

Did you hear the one about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend?

 

[quddusaliquddus]

Maaaan! LOL. I'm a sucker for lame jokes! Hurkyl - u deserved a prize 4 urs ;D

 

[Hurkyl]

I generally dislike that type of humor, but this one is just too good to ignore.

 

[jimmy p]

What is green, has 8 legs and will kill you if it falls from a tree??

A snooker table.

 

[Shahil]

...terrible...

When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a driveway!

 

[Echo 6 Sierra]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He was stapled to Sid Vicious.

 

[Njorl]

I dated a girl who was a magician. She put her hand on my lap and I turned into a motel!

 

[jimmy p]

What is long, brown and runs around the garden??

A fence.

 

[Andy]

Why do women wear make up and perfume?








Because they're Ugly and Smelly.

 

[Math Is Hard]

A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender points to a sign behind the bar that says NO STRINGS ALLOWED. Dejectedly, the piece of string leaves the bar... but then he has an idea. He ruffles out his edges a little bit and ties himself into a bow. Then he walks back into the bar, hops up on the barstool, and again orders a beverage. The bartender is deceived by the string's appearance only for a moment.
"hey...what are you doing back in here?" says the bartender. "You're that piece of string aren't you?"

"No Sir!" says the string, "I'm a frayed knot!"

 

[Trogdor]

What's black and white and has wheels?

a zebra! and i lied about the wheels

 

[Stockman]

Q: Which car is the biggest car A: The big car

 

[quddusaliquddus]

Where will i b @ today? - for those people who want to know - yes u people -

I am going to my exam @ 2.30 but i will go out @ 2. I will afterwards head to the fees department to get the crap sorted out...or i might come straight home. i am stil undecided. my exam lasts 2 hours so it ends @ 4.30 (i think-need to chek this). I might come out earlier than that because I might not b able to do anymore. Hope ur satisfied. i will go via harford street n my exam is in BSM 115.

 

[BoulderHead]

A man walks into a bar and proclaims;
I’m feeling mean enough tonight to whip a bear!
Following that, a burly giant of a man walks over to him and asks;
and just what kind of a bear would that be?
The first man uses his thumb and forefinger to illustrate his point as he responds;
a liiiiitle bitty bear!

 

[sun_universal]

:surprise: Why does a chicken say buck buck ?


Cause it can't say two dollars!

 

[Gokul43201]

Rudi looks out the window of his Moscow apartment and says to his wife "Honey ! It's going to rain." The wife disagrees, on account of the bright sun and no clouds. Nevertheless, it starts to pour in a few minutes. The baffled wife askes Rudi how he knew.

Comes the reply, "Rudolf, the Red knows rain, dear !"

 

[Chrono]

Let me try, here.

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? A 1997 World Hide-and-Seek champion.

Did you hear about the two ants on the toilet seat? One of them got pissed off.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

not quite a joke, but...

I'm as busy as a one legged man in a tap dancing contest.

Did you hear about Bush's mission to the sun?
How you ask?
They plan to go at night.

 

[physicsisphirst]

Lamest joke you know ... :zzz:

A Lemur once had a big toe
Which continued to grow and grow
It became so long
He had to hobble along
So they called him LAMEur you know

The above is an example of a LAMErick. If you don't like it don't bLAME me - I'm not cLAMEing that it is funny, so you may as well just start LAMEnting.

In fiendship,
prad