Collection of Lame Jokes

[pinball1970]

@phinds, your wolf image is needed...

I'm no Phinds but but I can do a decent b dum dishhhhh.

 

[Borg]

A 141 Years Old Troll (from the same article link above):

I think that in our future, AI will be able to generate a facsimile of us from our online postings and allow future generations to have conversations with us. Some people would be in serious trouble.

Borg will be seen as a visionary for predicting this capability. To those in the future, go to page 151.

 

[Ibix]

To those in the future, go to page 150.

<Searches for marginal notes>.

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 333416

Who needs Zeno of Elea and his paradoxes if we have the internet? Bertrand Russell would have been delighted!

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 333417

It makes me feel slightly less sad if/when they get killed ;).

 

[DaveC426913]

I think that in our future, AI will be able to generate a facsimile of us from our online postings and allow future generations to have conversations with us. Some people would be in serious trouble.

This has hair-raising shades of Roko's Basilisk.

"...an otherwise benevolent artificial superintelligence (AI) in the future would be incentivized to create a virtual reality simulation to torture anyone who knew of its potential existence but did not directly contribute to its advancement or development, in order to incentivise said advancement."

The creepy part being

"...its stipulation that knowing about the theory and its basilisk made one vulnerable to the basilisk itself."

 

[fresh_42]

"What do you look like? Where did you get your black eyes from?"

"You remember that I have this latent OCD problem? Now there was this woman in front of me on the escalator in the department store with her skirt stuck up her butt. I pulled it out and she turned around and slapped me hard!"

"And the other eye?"

"I pushed it back in."

 

[fresh_42]

Here's a riddle: Who gets to drive first?

Spoiler

I could have erased the German comment since the picture is self-explaining, but that would have caused an upload of an entire picture instead of only a few bytes for the link.

 

[fresh_42]

I could have erased the German comment since the picture is self-explaining, but that would have caused an upload of an entire picture instead of only a few bytes for the link.

 

[topsquark]

Ach!

-Dan

 

[strangerep]

Who gets to drive first?

I experienced that a couple of times in Malaysia. On some intersections without traffic lights, people would just start driving across if the 1st lane was open and then wait for an opening in the 2nd lane, then completing the crossing. Once traffic densities from multiple directions reached a threshold the result was a Gordian knot. We all had to wait for a policeman to come along on a motorbike and sort it out.

They had a similar mentality with elevators: when the doors opened, people outside would just push to get in, all together, while those inside were trying to get out, all together.

 

[Ibix]

I was driving a hearse on the motorway. The police pulled me over for undertaking.

 

[Borg]

To those in the future, go to page 150.

<Searches for marginal notes>.

Hmm, maybe it's page 151.

 

[jack action]

I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

No matter how good the hand soap smells, never walk out of a bathroom sniffing your fingers.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[davenn]

 

[dextercioby]

How to really spook for Halloween.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[davenn]

Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a Psychiatrist and told him I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the psychiatrist. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."

"How much do you charge"

"Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.

"I’ll sleep on it and I will come back to you if needed," I said.
Six months later the Psychiatrist met me on the street.

"Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having" he asked.

"Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new SUV."

"Is that so!" With a bit of an attitude he said, "And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed – ain’t nobody under there now!"

 

[fresh_42]

Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a Psychiatrist and told him I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the psychiatrist. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."

"How much do you charge"

"Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.

"I’ll sleep on it and I will come back to you if needed," I said.
Six months later the Psychiatrist met me on the street.

"Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having" he asked.

"Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new SUV."

"Is that so!" With a bit of an attitude he said, "And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed – ain’t nobody under there now!"

You got to know your OCD!

 

[fresh_42]

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year outside of Buffalo, New York scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 120 years. They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Wheeling WV archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet somewhere just outside Woodsdale. Shortly after, a story in the The Intelligencer read, "WV archaeologists, reporting a finding of 200 year old copper cable, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.One week later, a local newspaper in Barton Ohio reported the following: "After digging down about 30 feet deep in his pasture near the community of Hell’s Kitchen, Pete Riley, a hell of an engineer and a self-taught archaeologist and gynecologist reported that he found absolutely nothing. Riley has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Ohio had already gone wireless."

https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=2495184987324267&set=a.639801042862680

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 333531

 

[fresh_42]

Here is one for you, @pinball1970

 

[pinball1970]

Here is one for you, @pinball1970

View attachment 333535

Yes, not the best start for us. Painful to watch at times.

 

[fresh_42]

Yes, not the best start for us. Painful to watch at times.

Do not complain. I have a mug from QPR.