Collection of Lame Jokes

[David Lewis]

This one has set up a gift shop at the exit.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[phinds]

She said she missed me

Normally, that would make me happy, but ...

She was busy reloading.

 

[malawi_glenn]

 

[nuuskur]

 

[malawi_glenn]

 

[Borg]

This is my wife exactly but you have to add continual Facebook Messenger sounds from likes - either a loud fireworks sound or do, Do, DO, POP!

 

[256bits]

View attachment 305467

And don't address your dog with 'Lady, come here!' at the dog park.

 

[phinds]

 

[jbriggs444]

View attachment 305577

Topologically, it is a donut. Break off the handle and see if that helps.

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 305577

Did you know that it is not recommendable to yawn around your coffee machine? They can feel it! As soon as they recognize they start to demand to fill up all possible stuff, take extra long to get hot, and request descaling.

 

[WWGD]

Topologically, it is a donut. Break off the handle and see if that helps.

Though it's harder to dunk your cup in coffee ;).

 

[Ibix]

Though it's harder to dunk your cup in coffee ;).

Maybe you should drink from a Klein bottle...

 

[JeffJo]

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says to it: "Hey, haven't you been in here every day this week? Are you some kind of a lush or something?"

The horse replies "I don't think I am," and immediately disappears in a puff of smoke.

You see, a famous philosopher once explained that his own existence was real by saying "I think, therefore I am." Since the horse denied that statement, it ceased to exist.

I'd have explained that earlier, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse.

 

[Bystander]

I'd have explained that earlier, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse

We really need that groan emoji...

We really, really, really do.

 

[malawi_glenn]

Though it's harder to dunk your cup in coffee ;).

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 305594

It's missing the handle ! You gave me a plate!

 

[Ibix]

We really need that groan emoji...

We really, really, really do.

How about this one?

It's a potted plant, so it's grown.

 

[WWGD]

Groan emoji was here when it was younger. It's not here anymore now it's all groan up and so left.

 

[malawi_glenn]

It's missing the handle ! You gave me plate!

You need to perform a rotation

 

[WWGD]

You need to perform a rotation
View attachment 305596

My bad. I didnt see the part with the icing ;).

 

[malawi_glenn]

My bad. I didnt see the part with the icing ;)

But my wife insists buying those coffee "mugs" with no handles. I don't get it, she never drinks coffee and they can not be smoothly transitioned into dounoughts. Garbage

 

[Orodruin]

But my wife insists buying those coffee "mugs" with no handles. I don't get it, she never drinks coffee and they can not be smoothly transitioned into dounoughts. Garbage

All you need is a 9 mm drill.

 

[malawi_glenn]

All you need is a 9 mm drill.

I have some drills.
Could be tomorrows DIY project.

I was thinking about this as my revenge

I don't like colmans mustard, but my wife does not like any kind of mustard. Not even dijon.

 

[WWGD]

But my wife insists buying those coffee "mugs" with no handles. I don't get it, she never drinks coffee and they can not be smoothly transitioned into dounoughts. Garbage

dough not buy them then.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DrGreg]

That doesn't work in my country.

But Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch does.

 

[phinds]

So there was this flasher, getting older, slowing down, worrying more about getting caught. He started thinking about retirement but his final decision was that he would stick it out for a few more years.

 

[Orodruin]

That doesn't work in my country.

But Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch does.

Why don’t you shorten it in colloquial situations to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerych?

 

[256bits]

So there was this flasher, getting older, slowing down, worrying more about getting caught. He started thinking about retirement but his final decision was that he would stick it out for a few more years.

Cricket audience.

 

[Orodruin]

I was shocked by the electricity bill last month.
I went like ”Watt?” when I saw it.
But now the tension is zero.

 

[Ibix]

Why don’t you shorten it in colloquial situations to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerych?

Llanfairpwll or Llanfair PG are, I believe, the usual abbreviations. The origin of the name is unclear according to Wikipedia, but may have been a publicity stunt.

 

[fresh_42]

That doesn't work in my country.

But Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch does.

I am simply happy that my favorite whisky is from Scotland and not Wales.

 

[DrGreg]

That doesn't work in my country.

But Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch does.

I can still remember a silly joke from the British 1970s TV comedy The Goodies.

People get into a railway carriage at a railway station.

Through the carriage window we can see the start of the station sign, "Llanfairpwll...".

As the train moves off, we see the name on the sign slowly pass outside the window, "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch".

When "...gogogoch" appears, the train stops and everyone gets out of the train.

 

[collinsmark]

I can still remember a silly joke from the British 1970s TV comedy The Goodies.

People get into a railway carriage at a railway station.

Through the carriage window we can see the start of the station sign, "Llanfairpwll...".

As the train moves off, we see the name on the sign slowly pass outside the window, "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch".

When "...gogogoch" appears, the train stops and everyone gets out of the train.

Here's a link to the episode. It's "The Goodies," Season 05, Episode 04, "Wacky Wales."



Sorry that the video link has some unskippable ads, but it was all I could find. The train scene stars at around 4:30, if you don't want to watch the whole episode.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[malawi_glenn]

They don't sell green bananas at your store then?

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

I have some drills.
Could be tomorrows DIY project.

I was thinking about this as my revenge
View attachment 305598
I don't like colmans mustard, but my wife does not like any kind of mustard. Not even dijon.

Whatever happened to XLax, Laxatives??

 

[WWGD]

Llanfairpwll or Llanfair PG are, I believe, the usual abbreviations. The origin of the name is unclear according to Wikipedia, but may have been a publicity stunt.

The town of Truth or Consequences in New Mexico, was named after a TV game show.

 

[OCR]

The town of Truth or Consequences in New Mexico, was named after a TV game show.

Yes, it was!

.

 

[malawi_glenn]

 

[BillTre]

 

[malawi_glenn]

Let's hope this is not inapproriate

 

[Wrichik Basu]

Let's hope this is not inapproriate

I think this has been posted here before, so not inappropriate.

 

[malawi_glenn]

I think this has been posted here before, so not inappropriate.

My wife just sent it to me, so I guess it is not inappropriate for that sake either

 

[fresh_42]