Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

 

[phinds]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 316788

Diane Barrows: Hey, a girl's bear's got to have her standards.

 

[Borg]

People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to be a comedian", well nobody's laughing now.

 

[Borg]

I knew someone who worked for a road crew. I refused to believe that he was stealing on the job but when I visited his house, all the signs were there.

 

[Borg]

 

[DennisN]

Can you bear a couple of more jokes on the topic?

 

[fresh_42]

Congratulations! It's a forklift!​

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[bland]

This is not a joke, but it's pretty lame so it goes here...

I was just mulling over that a pound of feathers is heavier than a pound of gold, but an ounce of gold is heavier than an ounce of feathers.

 

[bland]

OK what did the woman say when a steam roller ran over her cat.

 

[davenn]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 316826

Needs a "No way!" reaction.

 

[gmax137]

I worked in a power plant with a guy named Jose. He had "Hose B" written in Sharpie on his hard hat.

 

[BWV]

great NYT parody article

 

[DrClaude]

great NYT parody article

Le Sot Crédule

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Bystander]

View attachment 316880

Name's Stretch?

 

[kuruman]

Name's Stretch?

Katzhund.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Robert Jansen]

Lamest joke you know ...

What's another word for thesaurus?

 

[Ibix]

What's another word for thesaurus?

"That book by Roger, something about a dinosaur," according to contacts in the world of bookselling.

 

[BillTre]

 

[phinds]

 

[DennisN]

What an offer!

 

[Borg]

They run those specials at my grocery store all the time. You just have to notice that they've doubled the price from the previous week. When the 'sale' ends, the price reverts back to what it was.

 

[jack action]

 

[phinds]

My emotional support animal is a chicken. A Kentucky fried chicken. With a biscuit. It gives me great comfort.

 

[Borg]

In that case, I have an occasional support pizza.

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

My wife is now labeling our milk cartons

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[OCR]

Lol. . .

Funny videos

.

 

[orsova]

One dad joke to rule them all:

 

[pinball1970]

Le question est difficile a conprendre.

Me too

 

[pinball1970]

Those who know, know. lol...

View attachment 316663

Where does he plug in?

 

[pinball1970]

One dad joke to rule them all:

That's an awesome dad joke. However the world's funniest joke belongs to our very own Earnest Scribbler.

 

[Sagittarius A-Star]

 

[Sagittarius A-Star]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
QUANTUM PHYSICIST: Because you measured its momentum too precisely.
COLONEL SANDERS (Founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken): I missed one?

 

[pinball1970]

View attachment 316971

It could be Churchill or possibly W C Fields but there is a put down I remember.

After a brief conversation with a lady she looked at the gentleman in disgust and said,
"You are drunken."
He turned to her and said,
"Yes, and you madam you are ugly but in the morning I will be sober."

 

[fresh_42]

It could be Churchill or possibly W C Fields but there is a put down I remember.

After a brief conversation with a lady she looked at the gentleman in disgust and said,
"You are drunken."
He turned to her and said,
"Yes, and you madam you are ugly but in the morning I will be sober."

Yeah, either Churchill, Twain, or Shaw.

 

[Ibix]

It could be Churchill or possibly W C Fields but there is a put down I remember.

After a brief conversation with a lady she looked at the gentleman in disgust and said,
"You are drunken."
He turned to her and said,
"Yes, and you madam you are ugly but in the morning I will be sober."

Churchill, to Nancy Astor, I believe.

 

[Ibix]

Yeah, either Churchill, Twain, or Shaw.

Eventually, all quotes will be attributed to Mark Twain.

 

[pinball1970]

Churchill, to Nancy Astor, I believe.

It is mean, I could never say that to anyone. Do I find it funny? Yes because if it was off the cuff..

There is another quote similar (but different)

Upper class gentlemen did not regularly bathe in the 18th century, they thought it was uncouth and something only commoners did. They used perfume instead. (This could be BS, a brother (cleric) taught me this at sixth form college )

A well off dandy was talking to a lady when she suddenly announced,
'Sir, you smell.'
He replied,
'No madam, YOU smell. I stink.'