Collection of Lame Jokes

[benorin]

Did you hear the one about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend?

Dude, Hurkylese this has me rolling

 

[benorin]

Irony is getting pregnant on a pull-out couch

 

[phinds]

 

[WWGD]

They've made a new candy bar by adding Viagra to the candy bar Oh Henry. It's called Oh, Oh, Oh Henry!

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

New network name:
ItHurtsWhenIP.

 

[BillTre]

 

[dwarde]

 

[WWGD]

Saudi Prince in joint venture with Cadbury.
Now called " The Chocolate Sheik".

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 352516

When did Chuck Norris shave his head?

 

[BillTre]

 

[berkeman]

LOL

 

[dwarde]

 

[WWGD]

Most sneezing takes place in Mass Achoo Setts.

 

[Orodruin]

 

[jack action]

View attachment 352575

Once, I was driving on the highway and my trunk unlatched just enough to light up the dash light. A little bit of panic. What do I do? Do I stop in traffic on the highway to close it back? Seems dangerous. But what if the trunk lid fully opens? Not even the time to evaluate all possible outcomes, I hit a bump on the road and it closed back by itself. Thank you!

 

[nuuskur]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 352607

An infinitesimal step forward for both men, mankind.

 

[berkeman]

I know you hear this all the time, but the end is the best...

 

[Borg]

There's been a 2 ltr pepsi on a table in the kitchen at work for a couple of days. Someone put an open package of Mentos next to it with a note that says "Do it".

 

[BillTre]

 

[jtbell]

The pacifist vegetarian's slogan:

"Give peas a chance."

 

[jack action]

 

[DrGreg]

The pacifist vegetarian's slogan:

"Give peas a chance."

Once a famous sight on London's M25 motorway.

Further information: Chalfont Viaduct

Give Peas A Chance - geograph.org.uk - 1723109
Sebastian Ballard, CC BY-SA 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 352730

I got the joke at almost exactly the same moment as my reflexive "open image in new tab" click finished its work, leaving me staring at a large and blurry image and feeling like a fool.

 

[nuuskur]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jtbell]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 352776

I remember the sign written in a gravestone " I told you I was sick".

 

[DrGreg]

I remember the sign written in a gravestone " I told you I was sick".

The comedian Spike Milligan wanted "I told you I was ill" on his gravestone, but the church authorities would not permit it. But they did allow "Dúirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite" which is Gaelic for the same phrase.

Ref : http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/southern_counties/3742443.stm

 

[WWGD]

The comedian Spike Milligan wanted "I told you I was ill" on his gravestone, but the church authorities would not permit it. But they did allow "Dúirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite" which is Gaelic for the same phrase.

Ref : http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/southern_counties/3742443.stm

Edit: He could have tried in the US:

 

[berkeman]

 

[gmax137]

Brain freeze? That one took me an embarrassingly long time...

 

[nsaspook]

 

[phinds]

After I explained my life style to a nutritionist acquaintance of mine, she said

If you would just quit drinking so much Coke and switch to tea you could easily lose at least 70% of the joy in your life.

 

[WWGD]

 

[nuuskur]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[berkeman]

 

[jtbell]

But what was that wheelbarrow carrying before he sat in it?

 

[DaveC426913]

But what was that wheelbarrow carrying before he sat in it?

Almost certainly air.

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

I REALLY love this one:

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]