Collection of Science Jokes P2

[fresh_42]

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CiEPqjKWwAAutWp.jpg

 

[Riya23]

Student: How can I calculate the volume of cat?
Engineer: put it in tank of water and measure the rise of the water level
Mathematician: we can calculate the volume integral over its full body
Physicist: let's suppose the cat is sphereical
Student_O

 

[256bits]

Every time I see one of those, I just can't wrap my head around the fact that DOS - which I was required to load every time I opened the computer - was holding on a single floppy and I had a functional computer. Now, to get my functional computer, I need Windows, that would require something like 30 000 floppies! Imagine loading that every time you open the computer!

Nah - Just one floppy would do!

 

[mfb]

Engineer: put [the cat] in tank of water and measure the rise of the water level

The typical first design iteration. It works on paper, but it doesn't work in practice.

 

[davenn]

It works on paper, but it doesn't work in practice.

yup, cats have a particular hatred towards water

 

[DrGreg]

Student: How can I calculate the volume of cat?

Sound engineer: Put a microphone next to it and look at the VU meter.

 

[davenn]

this is from a serious sci article
http://www.thespaceacademy.org/2017/11/nasa-wants-to-probe-deeper-into-uranus.html

But surely they could have worded it better hahahahaha

 

[fresh_42]

this is from a serious sci article
http://www.thespaceacademy.org/2017/11/nasa-wants-to-probe-deeper-into-uranus.html

But surely they could have worded it better hahahahaha

View attachment 214574

That's a typo. The first "A" in the organization's name must be dropped.

 

[256bits]

That's a typo. The first "A" in the organization's name must be dropped.

Or the "N"

 

[Tom.G]

Now, now, folks. Lopping off arbitrary pieces of arbitray Government Agencies is not something everybody would agree with.(hope it sneaks by the censors)

 

[256bits]

Now, now, folks. Lopping off arbitrary pieces of arbitray Government Agencies is not something everybody would agree with.(hope it sneaks by the censors)

To those splendid individuals employed at NASA, which is a fine organization in and of itself, made so through dedication, knowledge, and talent that has brought it to be at the leading frontier of science and technology. NASA rolls off the tongue easily and invokes imagination of space faring children and future astronauts. NASA is Mercury, Gemini, Apollo, Walter Cronkite, Neil Armstrong, Tang, rising at 0400 to see a live rocket launch, a bamboo bound Grade 5 book science project of all things on the moon landings. Rockets, satellites, and space stations. What inspired the likes of Julie Payette ( Governor General of Canada ) or Richard Hatfield to take the journey to travel into space and look down upon the fragile earth, and what made it possible for their dream to come true. NASA gets a "N" for such things as Nifty, Notable, and Necessary. Keep up the good work.

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

 

[DennisN]

View attachment 214143
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CiEPqjKWwAAutWp.jpg

 

[AlexCaledin]

Student: How can I calculate the volume of cat?
Engineer: put it in tank of water and measure the rise of the water level
Mathematician: we can calculate the volume integral over its full body
Physicist: let's suppose the cat is sphereical

Physics Teacher: divide your cat's mass by the Cat Density which must be somewhere in the end of the textbook

 

[collinsmark]

 

[DrGreg]

Don't believe anything an allegator says; it's just an allegation.

 

[BillTre]

Does a Caiman, come again?

 

[AlexCaledin]

The Duck Matter is just unobserved ducks in superposition state (we cannot observe them because they are ducking every photon, to avoid being observed dead) :

 

[davenn]

 

[mathwonk]

@Dr. Claude, and anyone who tthinks floppy discs are old school: I started out programming for a Univac Mark 1. no floppies, just punch cards. the computer filled a large room.

 

[jack action]

@Dr. Claude, and anyone who tthinks floppy discs are old school: I started out programming for a Univac Mark 1. no floppies, just punch cards. the computer filled a large room.

I wonder how many punch cards one have to load to install and run Windows 10 ...

 

[Bystander]

how many punch cards one have to load to install and run Windows 10 ...

... , plus or minus the "shovelware?"

 

[jack action]

... , plus or minus the "shovelware?"

It's Windows 10, there are no useless or low quality programs included in that OS.

 

[OCR]

It's Windows 10...

I don't know if Windows 10 has anything to do with it...

But I sure notice a speed increase with this...

I think, anyway... lol

 

[davenn]

I don't know if Windows 10 has anything to do with it...

But I sure notice a speed increase with this...

View attachment 215516
I think, anyway... lol

ha ... I have had the opposite ... with the latest update of FF it has ground to super slow a total nightmare
I uninstalled and reinstalled ... didn't fix so uninstalled and installed chrome instead

IE is still my main browser .. FF was a backup that served other purposes ... but no longer it's now ( in the words of Arnie) "Hasta la vista, baby"
Chrome is running properly and can now be my secondary browserDave

 

[mjc123]

Don't believe anything an allegator says; it's just an allegation.

I remember some years ago on TV news, somebody saying "I totally refute [sic] these allegations, and I would like to confront the alligators!"

 

[DennisN]

 

[ISamson]

View attachment 215688

View attachment 215689

View attachment 215690

View attachment 215691

I wanted to post the cat one!
I like it.

 

[DrGreg]

Did Schrödinger ever try this?

 

[fresh_42]

Did Schrödinger ever try this?

No. The cat's awkward situation dates back to 1935, whereas Murphy's Law has been introduced by John W. Campbell while he was editor of Astounding Science Fiction, which he became in 1937. Close, but no.

 

[DrGreg]

Scientists have grown vocal chords from stem cells.

The results speak for themselves.



As announced 15 minutes ago on BBC Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue.

 

[Mark44]

Math problem...
$\frac 1 n \cdot sin~ x$
$= \frac 1 {\rlap{/}n} \cdot si \rlap{/}n~ x =$
$= 1 \cdot \text{six} = 6$

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

 

[ChowPuppy]

Woke up today. Moved to the left, moved to the right.

Nothing changed, it's just a-Noether day.

 

[fresh_42]

The good news is, we've accelerated scientific progress by a factor ten:

Democritus - Rutherford: 2,300 years
Euclid - Bolyai: 2,100 years
Archimedes - Bernoulli: 2,000 years

Cardano - Galois: 287 years
Newton - Einstein: 228 years
Fermat - Wiles: 353 years

The bad news is: Since when do we assume dark matter?

 

[mfb]

GIM - Richter/Ting et al: 4 years (charm quark)
(C)KM - Lederman et al: 4 years (bottom quark)

You'll find a result for every range you want.

 

[collinsmark]

What do you get when you zap a seal with some electric charge?

Spoiler

A sea lion!

 

[Demystifier]

The Higgs boson walks into a church. The priest says we don't allow higgs bosons here. The higgs boson says but without me how can you have mass?

 

[mfb]

“Simple: We don’t spin.”

scnr[/size]

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Self-driving cars?
(https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/do-you-feel-safer-with-self-driving-cars-on-the-road.925388/)
At least better than this:
https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/lame-jokes.25301/page-203#post-5845263

 

[mfb]

Sex education for engineers

 

[extranjero]

This my simple idea can not be published in Nature, so, I publish it here :)
(Also, it can be used for getting military grants and in pseudoscience TV shows)

 

[collinsmark]

'Really more of a computer science joke, but anyway,

[Source: https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/language]

 

[fresh_42]

'Really more of a computer science joke, but anyway,

View attachment 217768
[Source: https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/language]

I had fun and answered this post with a sentence in my language and let Google translate it into English. The funny result was surprisingly close to the original ("suppose" is wrong, should have been "understood" plus various other mistakes), although of a terrible style and far too few commas:

Oh, if only you knew how little funny this is for me, who is used to speaking in nested sentences with objects placed at the beginning, for which this is more the normal state than the exception, then you presumably suppose that a simple substitution of the parentheses with commas, plus a translation that should be better than this sentence translated by Google Translate, resulted in a common sentence in my language, and how difficult it is for me to translate my English-language sentences into to cut it down in a kind of unnatural way, and to force it into an often too tight corset of a strict order of subject, predicate, and object, that they seem natural to a reader who is able to speak English.

 

[lekh2003]

xkcd.com is the place for tech enthusiasts and physicists to laugh. I would put some jokes here, but it would do everyone good to visit.

 

[fresh_42]

Flat Earth debunked.

https://www.facebook.com/tickld

 

[DennisN]

Time for some programming jokes (computer science)

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Time for some programming jokes (computer science)

Some people have seen lots of bugs ...
https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/what-was-your-first-computer.934851/page-6#post-5912747

 

[Stavros Kiri]

And some "hi-tech" fixing ...
[Some guys just won't give up ... until it's "fixed" ...]