Collection of Science Jokes P2

[DrGreg]

A fencing instructor named Fisk
Had an action incredibly brisk
So fast was his action
The Fitzgerald contraction
Foreshortened his foil to a disc

And the corollary (from a year ago):

There was a young lady called Bright,
Who traveled far faster than light.
She went out one day,
In a relative way,
And came back the previous night.

 

[collinsmark]

Zach Weinersmith seems to be on a roll with physics/mathematics based cartoons this past week or so. This one is from today.

(Source: http://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/thermodynamics)

The image on the website also has the following mouse-over text, "I originally posted this as a twitter joke and a horde of angry people believed I was serious, resulting in dozens of angry replies, hastening the heat death of the universe."

 

[Keith_McClary]

Free Range by Bill Whitehead for December 19, 2018 (Can't rip image.)
Science journalist or grant writer?

 

[andrew s 1905]

My attempt at a scienceLimerick

Einstein argued with Bohr
Into Quantum Mechanics here tore
It just can't be right
To predict faster than light
As that's not allowed I am quite sure (or for the Physicist "It's subtly hidden in Bell states I'm sure")

Regards Andrew

 

[Klystron]

I like prime numbers but there's something about that set. Other than two, the members are all so... odd.

 

[Klystron]

My attempt at alliterative math humor if nasty celestial object influenced average ancient weather:

Maunder Minimum means means mean meteor.

 

[Bandersnatch]

 

[davenn]

 

[Borg]

They forgot to identify the power line on the right side of the image.

 

[Baluncore]

I like prime numbers but there's something about that set. Other than two, the members are all so... odd.

All prime numbers are odd, with the exception of 2.
That must make 2 the oddest prime number of all.

 

[davenn]

not so much a joke as an awesome wall clock ...

 

[Stavros Kiri]

not so much a joke as an awesome wall clock ...

View attachment 236798

Gee! ... if I knew there was a test to tell the time I would have studied!

Actually I saw a similar one in a cafe the other day. But I thought "That's not a clock! It's a 'time machine' ..." ... It gets you into the future! Because by the time you read the time out of it, you're already way into the future! ...

 

[DennisN]

I know there are experienced skywatchers and amateur astronomers on PF, so I ask for some help:
Where can I find the Samsung Galaxy in the night sky?

 

[Klystron]

I know there are experienced skywatchers and amateur astronomers on PF, so I ask for some help:
Where can I find the Samsung Galaxy in the night sky?

It's just behind this pulsar

 

[fresh_42]

It's actually a super-cluster!

 

[Stavros Kiri]

I know there are experienced skywatchers and amateur astronomers on PF, so I ask for some help:
Where can I find the Samsung Galaxy in the night sky?

GSM arena, where else? ...
[Just raise your device's screen towards/against the night sky while you do the search! ... ]

 

[davenn]

They forgot to identify the power line on the right side of the image.

That's the load

 

[Ibix]

That's the load

It's going to reduce the available power.

 

[fresh_42]

That's the load

I thought the entire thing is one of the classical simple machines, if not the oldest at all! The right side would be the lever. Btw., do lever and liver have the same etymological origin? Is there a deeper truth in here?

 

[Anthony Beckwith]

There is another joke which became viral in the 90's with the internet getting more and more popular.

Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."
Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."
Americans: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."
Canadians: "No, I say again, you divert YOUR course."
Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP."
Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."

Usually it's been commentated as being 'real'. Actually the joke dates back to the 30's and whether it's real or not cannot be said anymore. Someone once replied to an anecdote I told him: "I doubt it's true. However, the point is: It could be true."

I have heard the same joke before but instead of Canadians was the Irish and there was a lot more going back and forward before the punch line.

 

[Ibix]

Anyone in favour of eugenics should be forbidden to reproduce.

 

[Klystron]

I know there are experienced skywatchers and amateur astronomers on PF, so I ask for some help:
Where can I find the Samsung Galaxy in the night sky?

An illustrious cluster member of the Appliance Sector known for microwave emissions...

plus tasty meals.

It's actually a super-cluster.

 

[fresh_42]

An illustrious cluster member of the Appliance Sector known for microwave emissions & tasty meals.
View attachment 237068

Looks a bit as if ALF was using it for his favorite meal.

 

[Keith_McClary]

An illustrious cluster member of the Appliance Sector known for microwave emissions...
View attachment 237068

Turns out, it's in Oz:
Microwave oven baffled astronomers for decades

Alternate answer, a bit west of the Subaru constellation.

 

[fresh_42]

Why do we order round pizza in a square box and eat them as triangles?

 

[Klystron]

Why do we order round pizza in a square box and eat them as triangles?

So, order a rectangular pizza and munch little rectangles. Watch the sharp corners!

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Bandersnatch]

 

[davenn]

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Why do we order round pizza in a square box and eat them as triangles?

Because you cut the round pizza in the square box and you get the triangles(~...). If you don't want to eat them I will! ...