Dealing with Families: Tales of a Woman in her 40s

[Ivan Seeking]

Soooooooooo, how about those families? Frankly, mine drives me nuts!

A woman in her late forties I would guess, an English Professor once told us, "if you think that you need professional counseling I can save you a lot of time and money - its all your mothers fault!"

Yes, between my sisters and my mother...

I do great with Tsu's family, mostly Her sister and I get into it from time to time, but we love each other, and I do great with Tsu's mom and dad.

We both do great with our cats.

 

[Evo]

My mom has always been great, except she never punished my brother for all the things he did to me, ok, I never got punished either, but I didn't make my older brother's life HELL. Ivan, I know you and my brother would have been best buddies.

My dad was convinced I was a communist because of the radio station I volunteered at when I was 15. He voted for George Wallace. We rarely spoke except to shout at each other. But he loved me in his own weird way, I guess. I grew up without him because he worked in South America until I was 15, then he took a job in town and lived at our lake house, I don't think if I added up all the time I spent with him in my entire life it would total 4 hours.

No other family members lived anywhere near us, so I had only rare meetings with relatives. I never met either of my grandfathers.

Gee, I guess that's why I am dysfunctional.

Since I'm single, no in-laws.

 

[Moonbear]

My family is probably too weird to be described. My step-father is okay, I get along with him alright. Mom drives me absolutely batty! She never shuts up! It's like having a running commentary on every insignificant thing you pass. She is completely incapable of sitting for more than a minute in silence. And she thinks she knows EVERYTHING! I don't talk to her about anything I do, because she'll be thinking she can tell me how to do it better. And, no, she doesn't know much of anything about anything, but will never admit she's wrong either. She's always favored my sister. Every year, she visits my sister, but has never once visited me. Not that I'm complaining too much about that, but her complete lack of effort speaks volumes.

My sister and I get along somewhat well enough. With my nephew around, we have something more to talk about. We just are completely different people, so never really had a lot to talk about. I can't stand my brother-in-law. He's always whining about something, and I can never figure out what's so bad about whatever he's whining about. He gets insulted if you offer to help out, insulted if you don't offer to help out, insulted if you do help out...you get the point. I call my sister when I know he isn't home, so then I just have to see him during the holidays. That's the only time I start liking my mom's incessant talking, because it keeps my brother-in-law from whining too much. My parents don't like him much either; he isn't too bright and they think he's pretty useless. He's the one who wired a light fixture so it wouldn't turn off then got all pissy when my step-father and I spent several hours tracing the wiring and testing circuits to figure out what he did wrong and fix it, as if we were doing it just to show him off when we weren't planning on doing home repairs while visiting...it's a wonder he hasn't burned down their house yet.

I've got a zillion step-siblings...oh, okay, 7 of them...well 4 are step-siblings (step-dads kids) and the other 3 are I don't know what...my step-dad's step-kids from his second wife (my mom is his third wife, his second died from lung cancer and I know his first wife is also dead, but nobody ever talks about what happened, so I don't ask). One step-sister and one step-brother I get along well with, though it's been a long time since I've been in touch with either. No reason not to be, just nobody bothers to pick up the phone and make a call...I don't have my step-brother's phone number even, and I really should call because he's going through a rough spell, got injured on the job (was a roofer and fell off a roof), so is on disability now and mom tells me that as of Thanksgiving, he still wasn't able to use one leg.

One step-brother I used to get along with, but we had a falling out with him (as did most of the rest of the family) when he got back together with his obnoxious wife (think foul-mouthed biker chick without the bike). They have 3 kids, but I've only spent time with the oldest. I used to babysit the kid when he and his wife were separated and fighting over custody (They both cheated on each other and caught each other! What a match made in heaven.) I never thought either was a fit parent, so did my best to spend as much time with the kid as possible, but then they got back together and acted like we all owed them the help we gave them rather than thanking us for it.

Then there's the one step-brother I've met maybe two or three times. He's got a bunch of brats for step-kids...the oldest brat is only a bit younger than I am, spent most of his childhood on house arrest I think. Oh, that's when I met the other step-step brother, or whatever he is. Well, sort of met. He was face-down on the couch, passed out drunk. I've never seen him sober, and wouldn't recognize him in a line-up. I'm not sure if anyone has heard from him in a long while. We weren't even sure if he was still alive for a while, then I think he surfaced somewhere, but honestly, nobody really bothers to try to find him. I have no reason at all to want to be in their company. Then two step-step-sisters who I know, one lived with us for a while, and I think they're both selfish b*****s. Well, the one I sort of got along with, but she never had any control over her youngest kid, and punished the oldest one for the youngest one's transgressions. Pretty much, they're all screwed up! I think it was just too many kids growing up in one house to keep track of them all and keep them out of trouble. I'm glad I wasn't raised with the bunch of them!

I kind of wish I did have in-laws. They can't be any worse, and I wouldn't mind having some family I might enjoy spending time with and an excuse to visit them for holidays.

 

[Evo]

Moonbear, how did you grow up so normal among such a mess? Oy.

I am kind of glad I had such a family-less life. I remember meeting my step grandmother when I was 18. She lived in Paris. Her maid let us in, marble floors and staircases. We were taken to the drawing room for high tea. Real Louis XIV furniture. My sister and I tried sitting on a small couch and kept slipping off of it, overstuffed, uncomfortable thing. My grandmother looked appalled that we were sitting on it. Maybe we weren't supposed to. Last time I ever saw her.

 

[Entropy]

My grandmom just died the day before Thanksgiving. Met a bunch of relatives I hadn't seen in 10+ years and some I'd had never met. Funny how they seemed to find the time to come to this year's Thanksgiving and trash my grandmom's house and not any other ones. One of my aunts and uncles who were staying at my grandmom's house with me and my family brought there dumb little dog and let it jump and crawl all over the furniture. My grandmom hated house animals. Worst of all my relatives couldn't even wait a day to start dividing up all my grandmom's jewelry. I know my grandmom would have been turning in her grave, if she had been buried yet. Good for nothing rednecks. It was really just one of my aunts and uncles and their kids that were the problem. My most of my other relatives, thankfully, aren't trash.

The family I live with, mom, dad, and my sister are cool. Except for my sister whos the devil in the flesh.

 

[selfAdjoint]

The main problem with my family is they're most of them dead. All those witty come-backs will never be snapped, all those reconciliations will never take place. Most of the younger generation are good people that I look forward to being with, but in each branch of the family there's one rotter that everybody else avoids.

 

[BobG]

There were seven kids in my family and all have lived very different lives. At one time, all seven lived in different states. Currently, one is dead and two live in the same town as my parents. Everyone else is scattered around the country (well, at least the part West of the Mississippi). We get along great when we actually get to see each other.

My parents have definitely changed. We used to move all the time. Eventually, when the kids started moving out, my parents figured out what the problem was. Now that the kids are gone, they've lived in the same house for over 25 years.

My Dad was a Republican for most of the time I lived at home, although sometimes my Mom would convince him to vote Democratic (in fact, one election, he wound up voting Democratic and she wound up voting Republican). Now, they are both liberal Democrats active in prison reform and other liberal causes (in fact, I think the only reason they live in Louisiana is because there's just so much for them to reform).

When I lived at home, coming home drunk would get you in trouble. After all of us kids had moved out, they had a New Year's Eve party where everyone was running around wearing pointy party hats over their breasts and groins.

My wife's family had the police do a background check on me. In spite of that, I've always gotten along great with them.

 

[relskid]

my family's weird, but not in the funny/cool way. my parents seem to care less and less these days, but get emotional whenever my brothers and i dish out the apathy course (that's a pretty lame saying. i just thought it up as i typed this).

both my parents had horrible childhoods and/or sucky parents to raise them. my mom was the 7th child of 12 kids, so she didn't get a lot of attention or love. she was raised as those cliche poor black seven day adventist kids in the fifties and sixties you hear about. actually, I've never really heard much about those type of people. anywho, she was never loved enough as a child and was always punished for stupid things (i.e. forgetting to wash a dish, or missing a window when washing them...) so she became one of those parents who goes incredibly easy on their kids because they don't want their kids to live the horrible life that they did. so pretty much, she doesn't do much as a parent.

my dad's mother was crazy. like, killer nazi crazy. i am seriously surprised she didn't slap on a swastika and start gassing up jews. the only cool person on my dad's side was his father. my dad's brother and sister are crazy like their mother. my grandparents got divorced sometime during my dad, uncle, and aunt's childhood (my grandpa later coming out of the closet. that was kind of weird), so my dad had to live in a house full of crazy people. obviously, he became a crazy drunk hippie type of guy, married three times (two kids with the first wife, the second turned out to be a crazy lesbian, and finally, my mom), had five kids, and still doesn't really know much about the parenting thing.

my parents didn't go to college. whoo. first generationerz.

my half-brother, scott is sadly, a loser. he hated my dad for half of his life, so he never accepted anything my dad had to offer him. he lives in washington now, married a minor who lied about her age, and now has two kids, with another on the way. I've probably spent about a total of 2 months out of my entire life with scott. i don't know him that well, and frankly, i don't really want to.

my half-sister is the sane one in the family. she's the pretty, smart, and popular one who married rich. she has a perfect life, living in a mansion near the beach, and has three kids. i envy her. if i turn out half as good as her, then I've accomplished something great in my life. if i had to pick favorites, she'd be the one, or maybe my brother jonathan... hmm...

my brother, jonathan, is the weird, funny guy who everyone liked as a person. he speaks his mind, is pretty smart (though his spelling is far from great), and understands a lot of how the world works. i spend a lot of my time hanging out with him. i think he'd qualify as my best friend. of course, every person has a bad side, and his being the know-it-all side. he sometimes comes off thinking that he's the smartest guy in the world, so we shouldn't even think of messing with him. he's great though. he looks out for me, and helps me with all the crazy things that go on in my life. he's a pretty dependable guy (well, not so much. i was late for school 80% of the time, because of him and his never being ready for school on time...).

my little brother joseph. argh. we don't get along so well. he's just too weird for my own liking. insane weird. he talks to himself, and is always so pissy. he also screams ADD and/or ADHD, and yet my mom doesn't want to even get him checked out to see if he does have one of those. i really don't have much to say about joseph, because i know that i would just start ranting about all the things that annoy me about him, and end up sounding like an even worse sister than i already am.

and well, me, I'm that one girl in the family. people tell me that I'm the "sane one." I'm too bottled up with everything. I'm pretty mean too, or at least behind people's backs i am. i don't really know how to describe me. I'm an A- average senior in high school, who still doesn't drive, and am a big wimp when it comes to scary movies. there has been a recent development in which my parents are finally starting to drive me insane (i'm a late bloomer with this). i guess i finally realized that their lack of parenting skills has ruined a lot of my childhood. i don't have any hobbies, or any talents, and I've been given the false hopes that anything can happen if i pray hard enough.

 

[Moonbear]

Hey, relskid, what do you say we toss our families together and see what happens?

Evo, you know how every family has to have one wacky relative? Well, when they're all wacky, someone has to be the normal one! It keeps me grounded.

Relskid, never fear...look at the family I have and you'll see that you too can grow up normal even in the craziest of families! (Okay, I'm hardly "normal," but it's all relative, y'know? )

 

[relskid]

Hey, relskid, what do you say we toss our families together and see what happens?

that's the best idea I've ever hear in my entire life. yes, even better than that one involving a bear, a roman candle, vasoline.

Relskid, never fear...look at the family I have and you'll see that you too can grow up normal even in the craziest of families! (Okay, I'm hardly "normal," but it's all relative, y'know? )

hey, you're not in the looney bin, so that's all the reassurance i need. :D

 

[Kerrie]

only child here, my dad is 3000 miles away, and my mom--well, we don't speak (which i am okay with)...just me, my kids and my husband and that is very perfect for me! although i hear my new brother-in-law is coming from Pennsylvania to possibly live here in Oregon with us...geez, now my food bill is really going to go through the roof...

 

[tribdog]

My family is probably too weird to be described. My step-father is okay, I get along with him alright. Mom drives me absolutely batty! She never shuts up! It's like having a running commentary on every insignificant thing you pass. She is completely incapable of sitting for more than a minute in silence. And she thinks she knows EVERYTHING! I don't talk to her about anything I do, because she'll be thinking she can tell me how to do it better. And, no, she doesn't know much of anything about anything, but will never admit she's wrong either. She's always favored my sister. Every year, she visits my sister, but has never once visited me. Not that I'm complaining too much about that, but her complete lack of effort speaks volumes.

My sister and I get along somewhat well enough. With my nephew around, we have something more to talk about. We just are completely different people, so never really had a lot to talk about. I can't stand my brother-in-law. He's always whining about something, and I can never figure out what's so bad about whatever he's whining about. He gets insulted if you offer to help out, insulted if you don't offer to help out, insulted if you do help out...you get the point. I call my sister when I know he isn't home, so then I just have to see him during the holidays. That's the only time I start liking my mom's incessant talking, because it keeps my brother-in-law from whining too much. My parents don't like him much either; he isn't too bright and they think he's pretty useless. He's the one who wired a light fixture so it wouldn't turn off then got all pissy when my step-father and I spent several hours tracing the wiring and testing circuits to figure out what he did wrong and fix it, as if we were doing it just to show him off when we weren't planning on doing home repairs while visiting...it's a wonder he hasn't burned down their house yet.

I've got a zillion step-siblings...oh, okay, 7 of them...well 4 are step-siblings (step-dads kids) and the other 3 are I don't know what...my step-dad's step-kids from his second wife (my mom is his third wife, his second died from lung cancer and I know his first wife is also dead, but nobody ever talks about what happened, so I don't ask). One step-sister and one step-brother I get along well with, though it's been a long time since I've been in touch with either. No reason not to be, just nobody bothers to pick up the phone and make a call...I don't have my step-brother's phone number even, and I really should call because he's going through a rough spell, got injured on the job (was a roofer and fell off a roof), so is on disability now and mom tells me that as of Thanksgiving, he still wasn't able to use one leg.

One step-brother I used to get along with, but we had a falling out with him (as did most of the rest of the family) when he got back together with his obnoxious wife (think foul-mouthed biker chick without the bike). They have 3 kids, but I've only spent time with the oldest. I used to babysit the kid when he and his wife were separated and fighting over custody (They both cheated on each other and caught each other! What a match made in heaven.) I never thought either was a fit parent, so did my best to spend as much time with the kid as possible, but then they got back together and acted like we all owed them the help we gave them rather than thanking us for it.

Then there's the one step-brother I've met maybe two or three times. He's got a bunch of brats for step-kids...the oldest brat is only a bit younger than I am, spent most of his childhood on house arrest I think. Oh, that's when I met the other step-step brother, or whatever he is. Well, sort of met. He was face-down on the couch, passed out drunk. I've never seen him sober, and wouldn't recognize him in a line-up. I'm not sure if anyone has heard from him in a long while. We weren't even sure if he was still alive for a while, then I think he surfaced somewhere, but honestly, nobody really bothers to try to find him. I have no reason at all to want to be in their company. Then two step-step-sisters who I know, one lived with us for a while, and I think they're both selfish b*****s. Well, the one I sort of got along with, but she never had any control over her youngest kid, and punished the oldest one for the youngest one's transgressions. Pretty much, they're all screwed up! I think it was just too many kids growing up in one house to keep track of them all and keep them out of trouble. I'm glad I wasn't raised with the bunch of them!

I kind of wish I did have in-laws. They can't be any worse, and I wouldn't mind having some family I might enjoy spending time with and an excuse to visit them for holidays.

Now don't take this the wrong way. I love it when you talk, but your mom drives you crazy because she never shuts up?

 

[DeathKnight]

I may be wrong but I have found out one thing: Loads of people in the West don't get along well with their families. Its quite different from what we have in Asia (Atleast the part of Asia where I live). Here for about 80-90% people their parents are everything whether they are correct or wrong. Was wondering the reason behind it. Couldnt find though.
BTW
Well I live with my mom and dad, 3 brothers and my grandmother. I love my family, all of them. My grandmother is bit old-minded and will find one thing or another wrong with almost everything I do but I still get along well with her. My eldest brother likes to be a bit BOSSy(I hope you get what I mean) but besides this I have absolutely no problem with him.
Lastly, I apologize in advance if I have hurt or offended anyone in any way. Hope you people don't feel that way. :)
Abdullah

 

[tribdog]

lol, I'm hurt AND offended
actually my grandparents lived with us for a while. until the icebergs started heading out to sea and we sent gramps and grams on their final journey

 

[DeathKnight]

I hate to be insulted (and to offend others). I feel extremely bad when someone insults me. Just wrote that last line to prevent this from happening.

 

[quantumdude]

My "mom" says she found me in a cabbage patch. I think my real parents ended up being served with corned beef.

 

[Moonbear]

Now don't take this the wrong way. I love it when you talk, but your mom drives you crazy because she never shuts up?

Maybe the quality of conversation makes a difference, or whether the talking even involves a conversation at all! You know how sometimes it's nice to just look out the window and quietly enjoy whatever is outside? Not with mom around! Seriously, from the moment she wakes up to the moment she goes to sleep, she is constantly talking. It's worst on long car rides where I can't just go to another room.
Mom: Look, a rabbit! Another rabbit! Did you see all the deer out yesterday? I wonder when the trees will start turning colors?
Me: Probably in the Fall just like every year.
Mom: Look at how long the grass is. Someone should cut it. That car sure was in a hurry, these kids just race through the neighborhood anymore. Did you see that bird?
Me: No, I'm trying to read.
Mom: Oh, you're reading (insert title). That's supposed to be a good book. How is it? Is it a good book?
Me: I'm on Chapter 2.
Mom: Well, (insert name) says it's about (insert completely irrelevant description of another book with a similar sounding title) and they might be making a movie about it. Maybe we'll watch it when it's on cable. Do you know we have 400 channels on cable now? But 100 of them are just music.
Me: Can we just turn the radio on?
Mom: You know how I hate the radio, just all that constant noise and talking.
Me: (turns on radio anyway, on lowest volume audible over the chatter)
Mom: That's too loud.
Me: It's the only way I can hear it over you.
Mom: Then turn it off completely.
Me: (tries harder to focus on book and tune out mom)
Mom: (still babbling away despite lack of audience)

If you don't believe me, you're welcome to come along when I visit her. She loves talking to new people; they still listen.

 

[BobG]

Mom: Look, a rabbit! Another rabbit! Did you see all the deer out yesterday? I wonder when the trees will start turning colors?

Not nearly as traumatic a conversation as my nephews and nieces had with their mom.

Driving down the road and she says "Look kids, there's the Easter Bunny".

Thump. Thump.

"Mo-oo-om! You just killed the Easter Bunny!"

"Oh, god. Not again. I hate it when the rabbit dies."

 

[Ivan Seeking]

My "mom" says she found me in a cabbage patch. I think my real parents ended up being served with corned beef.

Talk about emotional baggage! I mean your parents being eaten and everything.

 

[tribdog]

I hate to be insulted (and to offend others). I feel extremely bad when someone insults me. Just wrote that last line to prevent this from happening.

I love being insulted if done cleverly and I live for offending others. If I never insult you I probably don't like you. The world would be such a nicer place if everyone could learn how to take a joke.
Also if you are going to call yourself DeathKnight you better be prepared for a few insults.

 

[Moonbear]

Not nearly as traumatic a conversation as my nephews and nieces had with their mom.

Driving down the road and she says "Look kids, there's the Easter Bunny".

Thump. Thump.

"Mo-oo-om! You just killed the Easter Bunny!"

"Oh, god. Not again. I hate it when the rabbit dies."

No, that's more like the things my step-dad would say. Hmmm...maybe that's why the step-siblings all seem so traumatized.

Tom, I think my real parents were in that cabbage patch with yours. I can't for the life of me figure out how nature or nurture applies when I look at my parents and how they raised me.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I swear my mother drives me nuts. When I call her, she talks for an hour about absolutely nothing, and when I try to say something she has to go! She just talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and...

 

[Moonbear]

I swear my mother drives me nuts. When I call her, she talks for an hour about absolutely nothing, and when I try to say something she has to go! She just talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and...

My long lost brother!

Does she also talk loud enough that you can hold out the receiver and everyone in the room can hear what she's saying without using speakerphone? I don't even listen anymore, just ocassionally mutter an "mmm hmm" and she keeps right on going. She'll ask how I'm doing, and I start to answer, when about 3 words in, she starts in talking about something else. I guess she didn't really want to know.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I almost quoted your first post in this thread to Tsu. I was betting that she would think I had posted it about my mother.

When she read it she looked at me and asked, "hey, who does this remind you of?".

 

[Moonbear]

I almost quoted your first post in this thread to Tsu. I was betting that she would think I had posted it about my mother.

When she read it she looked at me and asked, "hey, who does this remind you of?".

LOL! Hey, where's JimmyP? I want to know what sort of odds he'll give us if we put my mom on the phone with your mom and bet on which one gets the most words in?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

LOL! Hey, where's JimmyP? I want to know what sort of odds he'll give us if we put my mom on the phone with your mom and bet on which one gets the most words in?

No one would ever hear anything. We could use a simplexed line and no one would notice.

When my mother is pitted against equally avid talkers, and we do know of two, she starts throwing out insults veiled with a humorous tone and smile: Hey! Are you ever going to shut up? Are you going to let anyone else talk? We all just look at her with amazement! I think she knows exactly what's happening and she just doesn't care.