Did My Mom's Heart Attack Change Our Plans?

[rhody]

To all,

Yesterday mid morning my Mom had a heart attack at home in Grand Junction, Colorado. Fortunately her close neighbor was there to call 911 who responded immediately. Unfortunately it was so massive there was nothing that could have saved her. I have since spoken to the neighbor, and had a chance to share Mom's last thoughts which was of some comfort. She will be buried next to my Dad in Williamstown, Mass, who passed away in 2008 after suffering from Alzheimer's. Needless to say, I will miss them both. Mom was planning to sell her house and move back east to be closer to us, but due to the tight housing market their were no offers on her house. A sad day.

Rhody...

 

[TubbaBlubba]

There is not anything appropriate I can think of saying, other than that I am sorry for you.

 

[arildno]

To all,

Yesterday mid morning my Mom had a heart attack at home in Grand Junction, Colorado. Fortunately her close neighbor was there to call 911 who responded immediately. Unfortunately it was so massive there was nothing that could have saved her. I have since spoken to the neighbor, and had a chance to share Mom's last thoughts which was of some comfort. She will be buried next to my Dad in Williamstown, Mass, who passed away in 2008 after suffering from Alzheimer's. Needless to say, I will miss them both. Mom was planning to sell her house and move back east to be closer to us, but due to the tight housing market their were no offers on her house. A sad day.

Rhody...

My condolences to you, rhody.
You will not "get through" your grief, ever, but will gradually, in verbal and non-verbal ways understand how your Mom and Dad has shaped you, and will remain sources of inspiration within your life.
With time, your grief will become a gratitude towards them, and it will be natural for you to re-visit them in private moments of your mind.

 

[Borg]

Very sorry to hear this rhody. Sincerest condolences.

 

[lisab]

I'm so sorry to hear this, rhody. My thoughts are with you and your family.

 

[Andre]

My condolences, Rhody

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

My condolences to you and your family at this sad time.

 

[vanesch]

I'm deeply sorry to read this, but as someone already said, there are no appropriate words.
I can only wish you strength to overcome this suffering.

 

[Pyrrhus]

Unfortunate news, I hope you are ok. My condolences.

 

[GeorginaS]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss, Rhody. My condolences to you and your family.

 

[Evo]

I am so very sorry to hear this Rhody. How are you doing?

 

[turbo]

My condolences. Take care of yourself and talk to your loved ones while you get through this. Best regards.

 

[GeorgCantor]

My condolences Rhody, that's really sad to hear. We are here for you, anytime you need help or need to talk to someone.

 

[arunma]

Wow Rhody, I'm really sorry to hear this. Can't imagine what it's like losing a parent. I hope you're all right.

 

[drizzle]

I just shed a tear as I read your post, it must be tough... My condolences to you sir.

 

[Astronuc]

Rhody, please accept my condolences to you and your family.

 

[Dembadon]

I am very sorry, Rhody. I offer my condolences and hope that this process goes as smoothly as possible for you and your family.

 

[HeLiXe]

This news actually brought tears to my eyes. I am very sorry to hear about the passing of your dearest mom, Rhody. My sincere condolences to you and your family.

 

[Math Is Hard]

I am so sorry, Rhody.

 

[radou]

Sorry to hear it, my condolences.

 

[hypatia]

That is such sad news, sending all good thoughts your way.

 

[Loren Booda]

Thoughts that helped me through the deaths of my parents were anecdotes from their friends and coworkers - stories I had never known about them.

 

[dlgoff]

My condolences Rhody. RIP dear lady.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

My mother died in May and like you I am now an orphan. Today I went to work on cleaning out her house so we can sell it. As we were taking stuff to the sidewalk, people would stop and ask us what happed to the old lady who lived there. Half a dozen in an hour's period. It helps to know how many people miss her besides her family.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Our condolences to you and your family, Rhody.

 

[mcknia07]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. I know what it's like to lose someone that you love, it's not easy. You will be in my thoughts through this tough time.

 

[Loren Booda]

My mother died in May and like you I am now an orphan. Today I went to work on cleaning out her house so we can sell it. As we were taking stuff to the sidewalk, people would stop and ask us what happed to the old lady who lived there. Half a dozen in an hour's period. It helps to know how many people miss her besides her family.

I still cling onto my childhood home (now house), its contents and its yard. These are small consolation to the memories of my caring parents.

 

[Danger]

Everyone treats death in their own way, Rhody. My choice is not to grieve one's passing, but to celebrate having had that person in my life. My ex (W) would cry incessantly for a couple of days over someone that she'd only met once 20 years ago and never thought of since. Each to his/her own.
I'm an Atheist, so no prayers for you from my direction. Please know, though, that in whatever ritual or observance or belief that you hold, you have my support from afar. I'm sure that you can cope with this, and hope that the sincere responses that you have garnered in this thread will help to ease your way.

 

[fuzzyfelt]

I'm really sorry, Rhody, and you and your family have our condolences.

 

[rhody]

First, thanks for your kind and comforting words.

I am in Colorado and attending to Mom's affairs. Due to a serendipitous set of circumstances I wanted to relate two incidents that give one pause...

I was real tired after a long day of travel, got to see Mom to pay my respects, about 4:30 am I hear a low battery alarm on one of the smoke detectors in the house, so I pull both batteries. At the same time something light that sounded like leaves hit the roof of the house, which can't be because there are no trees nearby, and no rain when I looked out the window. Needless to say I got chills. When I got up this morning, I tested the 9 volt batteries with my tongue, they both gave me a good buzz, so I put them back in the detectors. So far as of mid afternoon all is quiet with them, no low battery alarms. If they go bad sometime soon I will chalk it up to coincidence. If they last the entire week without beeping again, it does make you wonder. At least for me. On to incident #2.

Mom's old truck is not reliable, so today being a Saturday, a car rental company picked me up, drove me to the rental place. Nothing unusual so far, right, on the way back something said to take the business district route. Now it gets interesting. Back up a year or so ago, Mom was recovering from a shattered kneecap, so I called a local restaurant to see if they would deliver her some food to lift her spirits. I didn't know it at the time but the manager of the restaurant delivered it for free. This this place doesn't do take out. Needless to say I was blown away, spoke to the manager after to thank him and wrote to corporate saying what a wonderful person he was for bring so kind.

Now comes the part that blew me away, as I am driving through a business district, lots of traffic, malls, etc... out of the corner of my eye I recognize the restaurant whose manager was special to my Mom. I promised him the last time we spoke if I was ever in town I wanted to meet him to thank him personally. I went and and sadly found out that he moved recently to Denver. However, the new manager knew him well and promised to relay my gratitude. Then, I order lunch. Mind you, the time between my order and when I got the check wasn't more than 20 minutes. The new manager handed me the check, free. I was shocked, and overcome with emotion, then the entire wait staff, present me with a dozen red roses and a sympathy card signed by each of them. They were behind him. At that point I lost it. I looked each one in the eye and expressed sincere gratitude that was beyond words. Kindness from complete strangers. amazing, maybe there is hope for us here on Earth after all.

Rhody...

P.S. and it just so happened that a UPS store was right next door where I could buy boxes. How convenient, and amazing at the same time. The main point of the story is that sometimes if you listen to your instincts, amazing things happen.

I plan to write corporate headquarters to acknowledge and thank the wait staff at that restaurant. Hopefully the same good fortune will come around to each of them in the future when they need it most.

links to: flowers, card thumbnails below:

 

[Evo]

Mom's old truck is not reliable, so today being a Saturday, a car rental company picked me up, drove me to the rental place. Nothing unusual so far, right, on the way back something said to take the business district route. Now it gets interesting. Back up a year or so ago, Mom was recovering from a shattered kneecap, so I called a local restaurant to see if they would deliver her some food to lift her spirits. I didn't know it at the time but the manager of the restaurant delivered it for free. This this place doesn't do take out. Needless to say I was blown away, spoke to the manager after to thank him and wrote to corporate saying what a wonderful person he was for bring so kind.

Now comes the part that blew me away, as I am driving through a business district, lots of traffic, malls, etc... out of the corner of my eye I recognize the restaurant whose manager was special to my Mom. I promised him the last time we spoke if I was ever in town I wanted to meet him to thank him personally. I went and and sadly found out that he moved recently to Denver. However, the new manager knew him well and promised to relay my gratitude. Then, I order lunch. Mind you, the time between my order and when I got the check wasn't more than 20 minutes. The new manager handed me the check, free. I was shocked, and overcome with emotion, then the entire wait staff, present me with a dozen red roses and a sympathy card signed by each of them. They were behind him. At that point I lost it. I looked each one in the eye and expressed sincere gratitude that was beyond words. Kindness from complete strangers. amazing, maybe there is hope for us here on Earth after all.

I'm blubbering like a baby. That is so awesome, but then you are an awesome person. I'm glad I've gotten to talk to you here, it's been a real pleasure.

I hope you're holding up ok.

 

[rhody]

Thanks Evo,

From someone I only know through our posts and occasional PM's it is very kind of you to be so open and honest with your feelings. It takes great courage to expose yourself this way. Oh, I just got chills again, as I am typing this an ad on TV came on advertising the restaurant chain that this took place in, how freaking weird is that !

Since I live by simple rules, improvise and adapt mostly, to have plan C in my back pocket is something I plan. If any PF member who is able bodied and close to Grand Junction can recruit another person, I may need help emptying a small house: 900 sq foot of furniture this coming Tues/Wed. I am willing to pay 10$ an hour each. PM me if you want to earn a bit of extra cash. If it is real hot I may move things late afternoon or early evening.

Thanks... This place rocks...

Rhody...

 

[Evo]

Thanks Evo,

From someone I only know through our posts and occasional PM's it is very kind of you to be so open and honest with your feelings. It takes great courage to expose yourself this way. Oh, I just got chills again, as I am typing this an ad on TV came on advertising the restaurant chain that this took place in, how freaking weird is that !

Since I live by simple rules, improvise and adapt mostly, to have plan C in my back pocket is something I plan. If any PF member who is able bodied and close to Grand Junction can recruit another person, I may need help emptying a small house: 900 sq foot of furniture this coming Tues/Wed. I am willing to pay 10$ an hour each. PM me if you want to earn a bit of extra cash. If it is real hot I may move things late afternoon or early evening.

Thanks... This place rocks...

Rhody...

Odd, how that chain keeps popping up. Perhaps your mom was impressed by them too.

 

[rhody]

Well the battery mystery is solved, one smoke alarm went off at 6:30 am again, must be the cooler temperature somehow putting more strain on it. I changed it for a new one problem solved.

Hopefully I can get all that is needed to be done before Friday. Just got hit by a freak thunderstorm, 60+ mph winds, then rain. Little lightning though.

Rhody...

 

[Ivan Seeking]

rhody, for what it's worth, I have watched my parents, esp mom, suffer terribly [unbelievably at times] for the last five years. The day your mom died, my dad was in emergency surgery for a massive bleed in the brain. We don't know if he's still in there or not yet. He has had four major surgeries this year. All of the cutting and wacking on his body reminds one of something from a Frankenstein movie. He's 77.

I don't know what all you've been through, and I certainly don't mean to minimize the signficance of the death of a love one. It is some of the worst that we ever have to endure in life. But I have come to the conclusion that there are certainly things worse than death.

Please, no condolensces [we are all way too numb for that anymore]. I just wanted to make the point.

 

[rhody]

rhody, for what it's worth, I have watched my parents, esp mom, suffer terribly [unbelievably at times] for the last five years. The day your mom died, my dad was in emergency surgery for a massive bleed in the brain. We don't know if he's still in there or not yet. He has had four major surgeries this year. All of the cutting and wacking on his body reminds one of something from a Frankenstein movie. He's 77.

I don't know what all you've been through, and I certainly don't mean to minimize the signficance of the death of a love one. It is some of the worst that we ever have to endure in life. But I have come to the conclusion that there are certainly things worse than death.

Ivan,

I totally agree, prior to loosing Mom I watched as my Dad succumbed slowly to Alzeheimer's, before that my wife's Dad slowly over two years from cancer, at the same time her Mom developed dementia, so I understand your sentiment. After these two events my wife developed breast cancer six months after loosing her Dad, and after chemo and mastectomy we are approaching 4 years she has been cancer free. I never used to believe prolonged stress can allow cancer to develop, but after speaking with six other women who went through prolonged severe stress, more than six months worth, in each case they developed some form of breast cancer.

I try to keep a balanced perspective on life, and balance every part as much as possible to not allow stress to become a lingereing part of it. PF is good for my mind, there are a lot of interesting knowledgeable folks here who are a pleasure to interact with. At the end of the day, I feel lucky to have my wits and general good health. That's all that really matters anyway.

Thanks again...

Rhody...

 

[rhody]

Wow, I just got a call from my Mom's twin brother's son Steven in Philidelphia. My Uncle Ernie passed away in his sleep last night. Less than a month after my Mom passed, and they were pretty close. How sad, I will miss him he was a good guy, has seven children and lots of grandchildren, close family. Just like in my Mom's case, his son spoke to him on the phone last night before bed and he seemed fine, but unlike Mom, he died in his sleep.

This just sucks... It really does. We spoke last weekend and were planning to go see everyone this fall. He had started on dialysis for kidney failure this Monday. I have heard that those machines cause problems with your blood, the shape of the hemoglobin changes because of the artifical way the blood is cleaned, may have contributed to his heart failing from a blockage. It doesn't matter now though.

Rhody...

 

[lisab]

Wow, I just got a call from my Mom's twin brother's son Steven in Philidelphia. My Uncle Ernie passed away in his sleep last night. Less than a month after my Mom passed, and they were pretty close. How sad, I will miss him he was a good guy, has seven children and lots of grandchildren, close family. Just like in my Mom's case, his son spoke to him on the phone last night before bed and he seemed fine, but unlike Mom, he died in his sleep.

This just sucks... It really does. We spoke last weekend and were planning to go see everyone this fall. He had started on dialysis for kidney failure this Monday. I have heard that those machines cause problems with your blood, the shape of the hemoglobin changes because of the artifical way the blood is cleaned, may have contributed to his heart failing from a blockage. It doesn't matter now though.

Rhody...

So sorry to hear about this, Rhody. Sometimes when it rains it pours. Hang in there - my thoughts are with you.

 

[Evo]

Oh Rhody, I am so very sorry.

 

[arildno]

Just like in my Mom's case, his son spoke to him on the phone last night before bed and he seemed fine, but unlike Mom, he died in his sleep.

It can happen really quick.
My Dad had oesophagal cancer (in early/mid-stages), and insisted that my mother should take a few days' vacation.

The morning he died, they spoke on telephone, her last words to him was: "I love you".
Then, a few hours later, he was rolled into the surgery room for some tumor removal, he did not wake up again.

Invasive treatment DOES increase the risk of the patient dying, and we should not be too hasty trying to displace our grief by blaming the health personnel.

 

[rhody]

It can happen really quick.
My Dad had oesophagal cancer (in early/mid-stages), and insisted that my mother should take a few days' vacation.

The morning he died, they spoke on telephone, her last words to him was: "I love you".
Then, a few hours later, he was rolled into the surgery room for some tumor removal, he did not wake up again.

Invasive treatment DOES increase the risk of the patient dying, and we should not be too hasty trying to displace our grief by blaming the health personnel.

arildno,

No I don't blame the dialysis or hospital staff at all, it was his time I guess, thanks Evo, Lisa for the kind words as well.

Rhody...

 

[arildno]

arildno,

No I don't blame the dialysis or hospital staff at all, it was his time I guess,

That's how I thought about my Dad's passing as well.
Sometimes, a person is much weaker than he appears, and it is important for those of us left behind to understand that the moment was ripe anyhow.

My condolences to you all.

 

[Loren Booda]

Do husband and wife often pass away soon after the other? In any case, it makes a good practice to say "I love you," as arildno offered.

 

[rhody]

Do husband and wife often pass away soon after the other? In any case, it makes a good practice to say "I love you," as arildno offered.

Loren,

I have heard of many cases of husband and wife, but in this case it was my Mom and her twin brother Ernest, who were fairly close. They died about 28 days apart, Mom July 7, and Ernest yesterday August 2nd. May they rest in peace.

Rhody...

 

[medgar]

Loren,

I have heard of many cases of husband and wife, but in this case it was my Mom and her twin brother Ernest, who were fairly close. They died about 28 days apart, Mom July 7, and Ernest yesterday August 2nd. May they rest in peace.

Rhody...

Sorry Rhody to read of your losses. I know how it is to lose a mom, mine went suddenly less than a year after my pa. My condolences...

 

[Astronuc]

rhody, my condolences to you and your family again.

Do husband and wife often pass away soon after the other? In any case, it makes a good practice to say "I love you," as arildno offered.

I believe that the surviving spouse may pass away soon after the other as they get older.

My grandfathers survived their wives by ~10 and ~20 years. On the other hand, the parents of an associate died within 24 hrs of each other (they were in their 90's), and I know another couple who died withing a year of each other (both in their 60's and each died of a different form of cancer).

 

[rhody]

Well this time, within 2 hours of learning of my Uncle's passing I started getting a feeling in my chest (left side) of pressure, no numbness, just pressure and a bit of a small stabbing sensation. No other symptoms. Saw primary Dr yesterday, and everything (heart, etc...) checked out fine. I told the Doc that I would focus my attention on when the sensation starts, take a deep breath and remind myself it is an autonomic stress reaction, and no more. So far this seems to be working, it happens less and less, and when it does and breathing and a reminder to calm myself works, rather amazing to say the least.

Can anyone following this thread who knows of the exact brain response break it down for me. I plan to research it on my own as well. Isn't it funny what stress can do to you ? I never fail to be less than amazed by it.

Rhody...

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

I would like to add my late condolences as well!

My grandparents, early 90s, died within a week of each other. The stress it too much at that age I suppose.

 

[turbo]

So sad, Rhody. Condolences yet again.

My wife's aunts and uncles have been dropping off fairly regularly, which is sad, but her mother is in relatively good physical health, though she suffers from dementia and sometimes doesn't recognize her own kids. She used to be a sharp lady, involved in local politics and in management of the affairs of the town, so it's sad to see her lose all that. Healthy at 93, but needing 24/7 supervision. I really hope that doesn't happen to my father. He's 84 and he walks at least 2-3 miles every day. He's even got an ~80 y.o. female companion that meets up with him every morning for the walks.

 

[rhody]

So sad, Rhody. Condolences yet again.

I really hope that doesn't happen to my father. He's 84 and he walks at least 2-3 miles every day. He's even got an ~80 y.o. female companion that meets up with him every morning for the walks.

Turbo,

He stays active physically and I bet he has a healthy outlook on life, that helps, stimulating the body and the mind are all necessary to keep from getting caught in a rut. Thanks for your kind words, a second time.

Rhody...