Girl in physics and I hate the attention :[

[deRham]

I think a combo of what we are suggesting might be best. Try to be friendly and employ my strategy - it's meant to communicate interest in friendship, but to avoid any unwanted contact, without officially rejecting a ton of guys. Instead, be friendly with all the guys around, be gentle and don't acknowledge that they're being awkward, but instead continue being friendly, and awkwardness should reduce.

Now you're right, guys can get defensive. But that's because both men and women, frankly, are immature about relationships at a young age. It's implicit in the terminology - are we just friends, or "something more"? Why should friends be any less or more? A potential relationship takes great care and thought, and is a matter of many circumstances working out, including both parties having the necessary energy. I have come across women who don't understand this either, and crave relationships (fairly early on) more than I feel they should. If necessary, instead of accepting or rejecting these guys, if MissSilvy can be friendly with them, ideally she could convey this simple fact - that there is nothing to get defensive or offensive about, and that people can not only do physics together, but also deeply admire each other, without getting into a relationship, dating, or whatever else. Where men get irritated and defensive, I've found women can become upset or dejected. None of these things is necessary, and the person who knows this should be willing to be comforting and explain where needed.

 

[kramer733]

I'm sorry but i'mma have to issue a "pix nya0 or gtf0" xD

 

[estro]

Current junior in physics at a pretty well ranked university, but our physics department has an 11 to 1 ratio of men to women. I don't feel academically intimidated or opressed or anything but I HATE that I can't ever get along casually with my fellow students. The two girls I see sometimes and myself get along fine, but every single time I try to put together a study group or just hang out in the physics lounge with a few guys, it always turns into this awkward unreciprocated attraction. Literally, without exception so far. Which leads to poor nerdy guys working up to courage to awkwardly ask me out to get a coffee sometime and me gently saying no, but by then the friendship is shot.

This is in no way to be constructed as "Haha, I'm so good looking that everyone wants me!" because just having a pair of breasts seems to do the trick, but come on now. This situation is getting ridiculous. I don't want to date, I don't have time to date, and I am not attracted to any of them. I want a few people I can hang out with, talk about physics, and possibly moan about classes. It's going to be a lonely two years if this keeps up and I'm not looking forward to that :( Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Tell them about social sciences lectures. (So much girls so little competition.)

 

[AUK 1138]

Tell them about social sciences lectures. (So much girls so little competition.)

I can almost guarantee this would make me lose interest in a woman. coincidently, talking about physics seems to have the same effect on most women.

 

[Moonbear]

Not at all, providing they have a passing familiarity with soap and water.

I'll have to remember to tell the young gentlemen about this the next time one of the "girl trouble" threads resurfaces.

They're probably all reading our advice on PF to just ask the young lady out for coffee. Sorry, we didn't know it was you they were all chasing after.

For those who have suggested a fake diamond, I don't know how much that really helps, but it might. Don't say you're married or have a boyfriend or anything like that, just wear it. I actually did know someone in college who did that, not to avoid dating, but just because she liked the look of the ring. It actually helped her meet guys because they would talk to her without feeling intimidated because they assumed she was already taken. If she thought they were interesting, and the topic came up, that's when she'd tell them that it was just a ring she liked, and she knew people assumed it meant something else, but she didn't really care what they thought. Voila, she opened the door only to those she was interested in enough to share that information with, and by then, they had been friendly with her long enough that it didn't matter...all the awkwardness had been long passed by.

Unfortunately, at your age and in a major where there aren't a lot of females, it's bound to happen. I'm sure the male students in my nursing classes feel the same way. Maybe I should start setting up a mixer between the nursing and physics students.

 

[jreelawg]

I find it funny, that perhaps, the physics students who have crushes on her, might be going to this same forum. Maybe they go to the relationships forums to learn how to win her heart. And what they might find is this thread by the girl they want to ask out. Maybe posting this thread will turn out to be a partial solution in itself.

 

[Andy Resnick]

Current junior in physics at a pretty well ranked university, but our physics department has an 11 to 1 ratio of men to women. I don't feel academically intimidated or opressed or anything but I HATE that I can't ever get along casually with my fellow students. The two girls I see sometimes and myself get along fine, but every single time I try to put together a study group or just hang out in the physics lounge with a few guys, it always turns into this awkward unreciprocated attraction. Literally, without exception so far. Which leads to poor nerdy guys working up to courage to awkwardly ask me out to get a coffee sometime and me gently saying no, but by then the friendship is shot.

This is in no way to be constructed as "Haha, I'm so good looking that everyone wants me!" because just having a pair of breasts seems to do the trick, but come on now. This situation is getting ridiculous. I don't want to date, I don't have time to date, and I am not attracted to any of them. I want a few people I can hang out with, talk about physics, and possibly moan about classes. It's going to be a lonely two years if this keeps up and I'm not looking forward to that :( Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I'm late to the thread, but I don't think anyone really took you seriously.

I recommend approaching a female member of the faculty for mentoring. Your experience is (unfortunately) rather common, and the women that went before you had it a lot worse, believe me. I think if you can partner with someone who has experienced the same problem, you will feel better and get some coping skills.

There may also be mentoring-type groups for female grad students; if so, see if you can participate.

 

[stevenb]

I'm late to the thread, but I don't think anyone really took you seriously.

You are indeed very late to this thread, but worse than that, you didn't read it carefully and then didn't give anybody the benefit of the doubt. For the record, you are not the only one who took her seriously.

 

[Topher925]

Does this mean that you weren't actually washing your hair last Saturday night?

 

[AUK 1138]

Interestingly enough, I've recently realized that girls in my math/physics classes tend to be (on average) bitchier and more self-righteous than other girls. now, while i can't make a blanket statement and say this is true across the board, it does make some sense. consider that in my average math/physics class there are maybe 5 girls (which is being highly generous on the physics side and a bit low for math). these girls get bombarded with attention, or awkwardly avoided by guys in their classes. it does make sense to me that this gets to their heads and is responsible for the bitchiness. thoughts?

 

[HeLiXe]

*eyeroll*

 

[stevenb]

Interestingly enough, I've recently realized that girls in my math/physics classes tend to be (on average) bitchier and more self-righteous than other girls. ... thoughts?

It's been a while since I've been in school, and back then there were typically 0, 1 or 2 girls in a typical physics, or engineering class. I didn't find them any bitchier, or more self-righteous than other girls.

... wait, that didn't come out right. Let me add that in general I don't find that girls are self-righteous, as a rule.

... wait, that didn't come out right either. Well, you get the idea.

 

[HeLiXe]

I don't think girls are generally bitchy in any situation, but if there is a personality type that does not "mel" with theirs, they react accordingly. I always check my actions and attitude before I conclude that someone is just being bitchy. It may be something provoked. Same thing with guys.

Even the OP does not come across as "bitchy" because guys are giving her a lot of attention. It's just that the attention is unwanted, and she is tired of dealing with it...and she still manages to consider the emotions of the guys she's talking about.

 

[AUK 1138]

This is pathetic. in general.

 

[HeLiXe]

Better than being antipathetic in general

 

[Monique]

For those who have suggested a fake diamond, I don't know how much that really helps, but it might. Don't say you're married or have a boyfriend or anything like that, just wear it.

I did that trick as well Not that it worked, because now I had guys asking what that ring was for.
Of course I couldn't lie, so I'd say it's just a ring, nothing special

 

[Jack21222]

Switch to Biology. It's the only way.

 

[HeLiXe]

 

[leroyjenkens]

You could always go to class without taking much care in your appearance.
You say you don't like the attention, but I don't believe it. I bet you put make-up on and everything.

 

[HeLiXe]

>_> yeahh... I doubt that will work either. What about guys who don't like makeup? Taking care of yourself is a mark of confidence and self esteem, not an invitation for unwanted attention.

 

[HeLiXe]

I did that trick as well Not that it worked, because now I had guys asking what that ring was for.
Of course I couldn't lie, so I'd say it's just a ring, nothing special

THIS is soooo funny!

 

[AUK 1138]

You could always go to class without taking much care in your appearance.
You say you don't like the attention, but I don't believe it. I bet you put make-up on and everything.

I'm sure the OP doesn't have a problem with male attention. Rather, she doesn't want that attention coming from awkward nerds. i have two sisters, they used to put a lot of time into their appearances, it seemed to be the thing all their friends did too. You can't be mad at a woman for being a woman.

 

[Astronuc]

>_> yeahh... I doubt that will work either. What about guys who don't like makeup? Taking care of yourself is a mark of confidence and self esteem, not an invitation for unwanted attention.

Flies, as well as bees, maybe attracted to the same flower.

It's the law of unintended consequences.

 

[Klockan3]

You can't be mad at a woman for being a woman.

You can't be mad at guys for being guys either, asking girls out is just as much a guy thing as looking after your appearance is a girl thing.

What about guys who don't like makeup?

All guys likes makeup, the question is just where they draw the line. All guys likes makeup they don't notice which is why women who are really good at putting on makeup makes it in such a way that it is hard to notice. Then there are these freaks who wear makeup in other ways, that is what some guys don't like.

In a way I think that if she puts on noticeable amounts of makeup she would scare away the nerds, probably the easiest way to do it without scaring away all of the guys.

 

[Astronuc]

I actually don't like make up. I find it unnecessary.

I also really don't like perfumes and colognes. I much prefer natural human scents.

 

[Klockan3]

I actually don't like make up. I find it unnecessary.

Then you are neutral towards the whole appearance thing? I mean, makeup is no miracle worker but you should know that seemingly negligible things can have large impacts on peoples opinions. Just about every female plucks her eyebrows for example, so common that it has become a way to tell the sexes apart.

 

[cronxeh]

Then you are neutral towards the whole appearance thing? I mean, makeup is no miracle worker but you should know that seemingly negligible things can have large impacts on peoples opinions. Just about every female plucks her eyebrows for example, so common that it has become a way to tell the sexes apart.

I hate makeup and certain colognes that women wear. Makes me puke a little inside, more so when I see makeup. Its simply repulsive. Although what I do like about scents is that whenever I smell it again I instantly think about the female I liked before I smelled it, so that's a great thing that offsets anything else

 

[AUK 1138]

You can't be mad at guys for being guys either, asking girls out is just as much a guy thing as looking after your appearance is a girl thing.

true. however, awkwardly attempting to hit on a woman isn't very manly. It's cowardly.

 

[cronxeh]

true. however, awkwardly attempting to hit on a woman isn't very manly. It's cowardly.

You right. The alpha male approach is the best one all around

 

[Monique]

You say you don't like the attention, but I don't believe it. I bet you put make-up on and everything.

Gee, what a male comment to make. And when a woman wears a nice dress, that gives men permission to say anything they want?

Just the other weekend it was hot and I was wearing a dress inside the house, but I needed to go to the store. It was a perfectly fine dress, but I decided it would probably attract attention so I changed into about 4 other dresses until deciding it was not worth the trouble and changed into some jeans. Of course you then still have the men who decide to make a comment that you are wearing jeans in warm weather Does it ever occur to men that you are not out to attract their attention?

 

[baywax]

Current junior in physics at a pretty well ranked university, but our physics department has an 11 to 1 ratio of men to women. I don't feel academically intimidated or opressed or anything but I HATE that I can't ever get along casually with my fellow students. The two girls I see sometimes and myself get along fine, but every single time I try to put together a study group or just hang out in the physics lounge with a few guys, it always turns into this awkward unreciprocated attraction. Literally, without exception so far. Which leads to poor nerdy guys working up to courage to awkwardly ask me out to get a coffee sometime and me gently saying no, but by then the friendship is shot.

This is in no way to be constructed as "Haha, I'm so good looking that everyone wants me!" because just having a pair of breasts seems to do the trick, but come on now. This situation is getting ridiculous. I don't want to date, I don't have time to date, and I am not attracted to any of them. I want a few people I can hang out with, talk about physics, and possibly moan about classes. It's going to be a lonely two years if this keeps up and I'm not looking forward to that :( Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I can feel for ya... but... school is for learning and advancing your knowledge of the subject of your choice. Its not a social club. You can work at Starbucks and have a social club beyond that, what's a few years without 'friends'? You're spending good money... your's, your parents or the government's on your tuition to become something more than a hurried coffee serving drone. I would suggest you enjoy that fact and let the "nerds" and the "smelly fellows" continue in their own fantasy while you smoke em with better grades because your hormones are not dictating your actions... apparently.

 

[baywax]

Gee, what a male comment to make. And when a woman wears a nice dress, that gives men permission to say anything they want?

Just the other weekend it was hot and I was wearing a dress inside the house, but I needed to go to the store. It was a perfectly fine dress, but I decided it would probably attract attention so I changed into about 4 other dresses until deciding it was not worth the trouble and changed into some jeans. Of course you then still have the men who decide to make a comment that you are wearing jeans in warm weather Does it ever occur to men that you are not out to attract their attention?

Monique, if other guys are like me they're just interested because of two things...

1. Women are not men.

2. You have a nice eye.

 

[Monique]

Yeah, there is really nothing that can be done about it

Maybe we should just learn to not be bothered by it ;)

 

[cronxeh]

Rofl i have too much free time

The real nerds when confronted with a female will be something like this:
(contains some vulgar content not suitable for children under 1)

http://imagemacros.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/doing_science.jpg

 

[HeLiXe]

Flies, as well as bees, maybe attracted to the same flower.

It's the law of unintended consequences.

I agree Astronuc AND you put it well, the law of unintended consequences.

 

[Klockan3]

true. however, awkwardly attempting to hit on a woman isn't very manly. It's cowardly.

It is not cowardly, how else would awkward nerds get any girls? By just sitting in a corner reading books?

 

[HeLiXe]

All guys likes makeup

All guys like Dr. Pepper, gin, and salted peanuts.

In a way I think that if she puts on noticeable amounts of makeup she would scare away the nerds, probably the easiest way to do it without scaring away all of the guys.

^^this made me LOL

something like this then...
http://chicstories.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/new-year-make-up.jpg

 

[Klockan3]

All guys like Dr. Pepper, gin, and salted peanuts.

That is not the same thing since that is a specific taste, but roughly all guys likes to drink and eat. All guys have different taste in how they want women to look! "No makeup" is not a look in the same way as "makeup" is not a look either, makeup can however be used to alter your look in some way. Saying that you don't like "makeup" thus doesn't really make sense, it is kinda like saying that you don't like "spices".

 

[HeLiXe]

Some guys don't even like women

 

[Astronuc]

All guys like Dr. Pepper, gin, and salted peanuts.


^^this made me LOL

something like this then...
http://chicstories.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/new-year-make-up.jpg

That would look really cool on a 4 m x 4 m canvas in an art museum, but not on a person. All it needs is proper lighting, and . . . . .

 

[lisab]

That would look really cool on a 4 m x 4 m canvas in an art museum, but not on a person. All it needs is proper lighting, and . . . . .

Yeah, if I saw that on a person I'd think, eye disease?

 

[baywax]

Yeah, if I saw that on a person I'd think, eye disease?

That's not a woman... its a test rabbit.

 

[HeLiXe]

That would look really cool on a 4 m x 4 m canvas in an art museum, but not on a person. All it needs is proper lighting, and . . . . .

Yes this would make a good painting. I'd be afraid to have so much makeup that close to my eyes!

 

[Topher925]

Rofl i have too much free time

The real nerds when confronted with a female will be something like this:
(contains some vulgar content not suitable for children under 1)

http://imagemacros.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/doing_science.jpg

I loled pretty hard at this.

 

[MathematicalPhysicist]

Gee, what a male comment to make. And when a woman wears a nice dress, that gives men permission to say anything they want?

Just the other weekend it was hot and I was wearing a dress inside the house, but I needed to go to the store. It was a perfectly fine dress, but I decided it would probably attract attention so I changed into about 4 other dresses until deciding it was not worth the trouble and changed into some jeans. Of course you then still have the men who decide to make a comment that you are wearing jeans in warm weather Does it ever occur to men that you are not out to attract their attention?

Yes and no.

 

[leroyjenkens]

Gee, what a male comment to make. And when a woman wears a nice dress, that gives men permission to say anything they want?

No, but don't act surprised and complain when they do.

Does it ever occur to men that you are not out to attract their attention?

I understand what you're saying, but my point is that women like the attention. They may complain about it, but that's just to let other people know that someone found them attractive. Complaining about it allows you to tell the story in a way that doesn't sound like bragging.

 

[Astronuc]

I caution people about generalizing to either gender.

Some women want attention - many do not.

Some women/men play games - many do not.

Some women/men like makeup - some do not.

When it comes to matters concerning me, I'll speak for myself. I generally do not conform to what 'men like . . . ' or 'men dislike . . . .'. I have my unique preferences. Most women I know have unique personal preferences.

People just have to take others on a case by case basis, and a poor relationship with a member of the opposite gender (or any individual of any group) does not qualify/define the entire gender (all other members of said group).

 

[Norman]

I caution people about generalizing to either gender.

Some women want attention - many do not.

Some women/men play games - many do not.

Some women/men like makeup - some do not.

When it comes to matters concerning me, I'll speak for myself. I generally do not conform to what 'men like . . . ' or 'men dislike . . . .'. I have my unique preferences. Most women I know have unique personal preferences.

People just have to take others on a case by case basis, and a poor relationship with a member of the opposite gender (or any individual of any group) does not qualify/define the entire gender (all other members of said group).

Ah, finally, the voice of reason.

Most of this "Men like this, girls like that stuff" is fairly off-topic. In fact, I think there are already threads for this somewhere in GD.

I don't think missilvy has visited this thread in a while, but I wonder how she handled/will handle this in the future.

 

[Monique]

No, but don't act surprised and complain when they do.

I understand what you're saying, but my point is that women like the attention. They may complain about it, but that's just to let other people know that someone found them attractive. Complaining about it allows you to tell the story in a way that doesn't sound like bragging.

At what school of psychology did you learn that?

 

[Klockan3]

Whining over too much attention is like whining that you just got an A and not an A+ on a test. Your issue with the subject might be real but most will just see you as a braggart.

Also most likes attention, just not all the time and especially not from everyone. You might wish that only attracted the attention of intelligent charming cute guys and only when you are in the mood to chat but that is an impossibility. Either you have no chance on the golden moments or you have to go through all the dirt around as well.

In the same way guys have to go through a ton of girls who all get annoyed because he isn't the guy they wanted or it was the wrong moment or something plain random, or else he have no chance of finding someone he fits well with. This fate isn't any more pleasant than yours.

PS. Note that when I say "no chance" I of course mean "small" since even in this day females are very rarely making any moves, and even when they do make their "moves" they are usually just guiding the guy into making them rather than actively making them herself.