Girl in physics and I hate the attention :[

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A junior physics student at a university with a significant gender imbalance expresses frustration over the difficulty of forming casual friendships with male classmates. Despite not feeling academically intimidated, every attempt to socialize leads to awkward romantic advances, which disrupts potential friendships. The student seeks advice on how to navigate these interactions without fostering unwanted romantic interest, emphasizing a desire for platonic connections to discuss physics and share experiences. Suggestions include being clear about intentions, exploring friendships with other students, and considering online communities. Some responses highlight the challenges of male-female dynamics in academic settings, while others propose strategies like wearing a fake wedding ring to deter advances. The overarching theme is the struggle to balance social needs with the complications of gender dynamics in a male-dominated field.
  • #91
Astronuc said:
That would look really cool on a 4 m x 4 m canvas in an art museum, but not on a person. All it needs is proper lighting, and . . . . .

Yeah, if I saw that on a person I'd think, eye disease?
 
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  • #92
lisab said:
Yeah, if I saw that on a person I'd think, eye disease?

That's not a woman... its a test rabbit.
 
  • #93
Astronuc said:
That would look really cool on a 4 m x 4 m canvas in an art museum, but not on a person. All it needs is proper lighting, and . . . . .

Yes this would make a good painting. I'd be afraid to have so much makeup that close to my eyes!:rolleyes:
 
  • #94
  • #95
Monique said:
Gee, what a male comment to make. And when a woman wears a nice dress, that gives men permission to say anything they want?

Just the other weekend it was hot and I was wearing a dress inside the house, but I needed to go to the store. It was a perfectly fine dress, but I decided it would probably attract attention so I changed into about 4 other dresses until deciding it was not worth the trouble and changed into some jeans. Of course you then still have the men who decide to make a comment that you are wearing jeans in warm weather :rolleyes: Does it ever occur to men that you are not out to attract their attention?

Yes and no.
 
  • #96
Gee, what a male comment to make. And when a woman wears a nice dress, that gives men permission to say anything they want?
No, but don't act surprised and complain when they do.
Does it ever occur to men that you are not out to attract their attention?
I understand what you're saying, but my point is that women like the attention. They may complain about it, but that's just to let other people know that someone found them attractive. Complaining about it allows you to tell the story in a way that doesn't sound like bragging.
 
  • #97
I caution people about generalizing to either gender.

Some women want attention - many do not.

Some women/men play games - many do not.

Some women/men like makeup - some do not.

When it comes to matters concerning me, I'll speak for myself. I generally do not conform to what 'men like . . . ' or 'men dislike . . . .'. I have my unique preferences. Most women I know have unique personal preferences.

People just have to take others on a case by case basis, and a poor relationship with a member of the opposite gender (or any individual of any group) does not qualify/define the entire gender (all other members of said group).
 
  • #98
Astronuc said:
I caution people about generalizing to either gender.

Some women want attention - many do not.

Some women/men play games - many do not.

Some women/men like makeup - some do not.

When it comes to matters concerning me, I'll speak for myself. I generally do not conform to what 'men like . . . ' or 'men dislike . . . .'. I have my unique preferences. Most women I know have unique personal preferences.

People just have to take others on a case by case basis, and a poor relationship with a member of the opposite gender (or any individual of any group) does not qualify/define the entire gender (all other members of said group).

Ah, finally, the voice of reason.

Most of this "Men like this, girls like that stuff" is fairly off-topic. In fact, I think there are already threads for this somewhere in GD.

I don't think missilvy has visited this thread in a while, but I wonder how she handled/will handle this in the future.
 
  • #99
leroyjenkens said:
No, but don't act surprised and complain when they do.

I understand what you're saying, but my point is that women like the attention. They may complain about it, but that's just to let other people know that someone found them attractive. Complaining about it allows you to tell the story in a way that doesn't sound like bragging.
At what school of psychology did you learn that? :rolleyes:
 
  • #100
Whining over too much attention is like whining that you just got an A and not an A+ on a test. Your issue with the subject might be real but most will just see you as a braggart.

Also most likes attention, just not all the time and especially not from everyone. You might wish that only attracted the attention of intelligent charming cute guys and only when you are in the mood to chat but that is an impossibility. Either you have no chance on the golden moments or you have to go through all the dirt around as well.

In the same way guys have to go through a ton of girls who all get annoyed because he isn't the guy they wanted or it was the wrong moment or something plain random, or else he have no chance of finding someone he fits well with. This fate isn't any more pleasant than yours.

PS. Note that when I say "no chance" I of course mean "small" since even in this day females are very rarely making any moves, and even when they do make their "moves" they are usually just guiding the guy into making them rather than actively making them herself.
 
  • #101
leroyjenkens said:
... I understand what you're saying, but my point is that women like the attention. They may complain about it, but that's just to let other people know that someone found them attractive. Complaining about it allows you to tell the story in a way that doesn't sound like bragging.

(emphasis mine)

That's a pretty bold, general statement. To what type of attention are you referring? All types of attention?

I can't fault someone who is disgusted by perverted stares/comments, sexual objectification, or any other type of harassment.
 
  • #102
The first thing that came to mind was, "hmmm, she's looking to attract someone (gender unspecified) who is appreciates synesthesia or fine art in some way, lol.

10gdzci.jpg


Rhody... :biggrin:

P.S. I know, I know, get back to the https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=393977" and STAY THERE where you belong...
 
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  • #103
Astronuc said:
I caution people about generalizing to either gender.

Some women want attention - many do not.

Some women/men play games - many do not.

Some women/men like makeup - some do not.

When it comes to matters concerning me, I'll speak for myself. I generally do not conform to what 'men like . . . ' or 'men dislike . . . .'. I have my unique preferences. Most women I know have unique personal preferences.

People just have to take others on a case by case basis, and a poor relationship with a member of the opposite gender (or any individual of any group) does not qualify/define the entire gender (all other members of said group).

Totally agree Astronuc...

there are no women or men... there's only a bunch of different people.
 
  • #104
Monique said:
At what school of psychology did you learn that? :rolleyes:

I know how people think. I'm on to you. I know your secret and I'm going to spread the word.
(emphasis mine)

That's a pretty bold, general statement. To what type of attention are you referring? All types of attention?

I can't fault someone who is disgusted by perverted stares/comments, sexual objectification, or any other type of harassment.
Not harassment kinds of attention, but when guys fawn over them, they love it. I'm not even the kind of guy to do that, but I just really don't buy into their complaints. They'll sacrifice comfort to wear tight clothes, go to the club "just to dance" and then complain later about all the guys who tried hitting on them. Get real.
 
  • #105
Astronuc said:
I caution people about generalizing to either gender.

Some women want attention - many do not.

Some women/men play games - many do not.

Some women/men like makeup - some do not.

When it comes to matters concerning me, I'll speak for myself. I generally do not conform to what 'men like . . . ' or 'men dislike . . . .'. I have my unique preferences. Most women I know have unique personal preferences.

People just have to take others on a case by case basis, and a poor relationship with a member of the opposite gender (or any individual of any group) does not qualify/define the entire gender (all other members of said group).

Bien dit!

In addition to this, I was surprised to see people confusing personal opinion and preference with fact or general truth.
 
  • #106
rhody said:
The first thing that came to mind was, "hmmm, she's looking to attract someone (gender unspecified) who is appreciates synesthesia or fine art in some way, lol.

Ahhh yes! I appreciate both. Synesthesia rocks! well in my case, I experience it when I lose large amounts of sleep...I don't know what the connection is! Or maybe i should put this story on the synesthesia thread >_>
 
  • #107
leroyjenkens said:
I know how people think. I'm on to you. I know your secret and I'm going to spread the word.

Not harassment kinds of attention, but when guys fawn over them, they love it. I'm not even the kind of guy to do that, but I just really don't buy into their complaints. They'll sacrifice comfort to wear tight clothes, go to the club "just to dance" and then complain later about all the guys who tried hitting on them. Get real.

You know how people think...as in, you know how all people think? I think not.

You should study this thread...

https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=281171

...because it shows that science-oriented people (males and females) tend to be introverted more than the general population. You should then realize introverts *don't* like being the center of attention (e.g., "when guys fawn over them").

Then maybe you should re-think what you "know".
 
  • #108
HeLiXe said:
Ahhh yes! I appreciate both. Synesthesia rocks! well in my case, I experience it when I lose large amounts of sleep...I don't know what the connection is! Or maybe i should put this story on the synesthesia thread >_>

HeLiXe,

Yeah, pop over and have a look, link provided here to https://www.physicsforums.com/showpost.php?p=2789773&postcount=269". We would like to hear about your history and what form or forms you have. There are interesting personal stories there, including one with PF member waht who discovered his fragmented grapheme -> color synesthesia there by on-line collaboration and experiment. Cool stuff to be sure.

Rhody...
 
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  • #109
Dear lord, that's how desperate i'll be if I do physics?? if anyone needs me i'll be on the Geography forum.
 
  • #110
lisab said:
...because it shows that science-oriented people (males and females) tend to be introverted more than the general population. You should then realize introverts *don't* like being the center of attention (e.g., "when guys fawn over them").
I am quite sure that most introverted straight girls still wants to attract attention of some guy at times. Wanting attention do not necessarily means that you want to be the center of everyones attention.
 
  • #111
Oh boy...this thread is driving me to drink. *leaves it*
 
  • #112
HeLiXe said:
Oh boy...this thread is driving me to drink. *leaves it*
I have just the solution, er - beverage for that. :biggrin:
 
  • #113
Astronuc said:
I have just the solution, er - beverage for that. :biggrin:
:smile:
 
  • #114
lisab said:
You know how people think...as in, you know how all people think? I think not.

You should study this thread...

https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=281171

...because it shows that science-oriented people (males and females) tend to be introverted more than the general population. You should then realize introverts *don't* like being the center of attention (e.g., "when guys fawn over them").

Then maybe you should re-think what you "know".

I just made the generalization for simplification. Just like you made this generalization:
You should then realize introverts *don't* like being the center of attention (e.g., "when guys fawn over them").
Which may be true a lot of the time, but you couldn't possibly conclude that all of them are that way.
 
  • #115
Not all attention is pleasant, but that seems to be a concept hard to grasp by some. Maybe you are all polite gentlemen, but generally speaking those are not the ones with the blatant behavior. I'll leave it at that, since it is not an argument that can be won :rolleyes:
 
  • #116
*comes back to it*
Astronuc said:
I have just the solution, er - beverage for that. :biggrin:

Astronuc...if I didn't know better, I would think you're tryin' ta off me!
 
  • #117
HeLiXe said:
*comes back to it*


Astronuc...if I didn't know better, I would think you're tryin' ta off me!
Nah - just being a good host and offering a relaxing and restorative libation.
 
  • #118
Monique said:
Not all attention is pleasant, but that seems to be a concept hard to grasp by some.
None said otherwise, the deal is that they want attention they are just not getting the attention they want. Guys in general would do anything to get as much attention from the opposite sex as most girls do, so this discussion is like the C student listening to the A student whining about how he won't get a perfect 4.0 due to a B in some lousy course. To the C student this seems like the A student is just bragging by being shattered after getting that B while the A student don't really know anything else.

Most girls do want that attention, they just don't want it all the time and not everything of it is good, but they don't want to give it up. You know, every time a girl gets annoyed by the attention a guy takes the hit and that hurts way more for the guy than the girl unless the guy is already so damaged that he have detached himself from the whole deal, most call those guys creeps and players.

I understand that attention sucks in many cases but never neglect the other side, I think that this is partly the reason why this discussion is going. Attention is already the easy way out so it hurts to some when people complain about it.
 
  • #119
There was a polish woman who came through the foyer today and she had a humungious diamond on her right hand ring finger. She was quite striking with blonde hair and movie star sun glasses on. The queen was on the telly at the UN giving her speech and she asked me who's next in line for the throne. The Brit I was with immediately jumped in and said "Harry" and I said "no" it'll be William since he's oldest. Then I gave her a wink and remarked how it would be nice to have a young, very handsome King for a change... with hopefully some of Diana's sentiments about land mines, environment and poverty. We exchanged names and she said it was hot and that was it.

The English fellow immediately went into this frenzy of wink wink, nod nod... then said "but she's married isn't she"... and I said "no" the ring was on the wrong finger".

I wonder if she had chosen such a huge piece of glass simply to ward off stupid guys that don't know right from left before they say anything.

All of this reminded me of this thread.

Thanks, I think!
 
  • #120
baywax said:
There was a polish woman who came through the foyer today and she had a humungious diamond on her right hand ring finger. She was quite striking with blonde hair and movie star sun glasses on. The queen was on the telly at the UN giving her speech and she asked me who's next in line for the throne. The Brit I was with immediately jumped in and said "Harry" and I said "no" it'll be William since he's oldest. Then I gave her a wink and remarked how it would be nice to have a young, very handsome King for a change... with hopefully some of Diana's sentiments about land mines, environment and poverty. We exchanged names and she said it was hot and that was it.

The English fellow immediately went into this frenzy of wink wink, nod nod... then said "but she's married isn't she"... and I said "no" the ring was on the wrong finger".

I wonder if she had chosen such a huge piece of glass simply to ward off stupid guys that don't know right from left before they say anything.

All of this reminded me of this thread.

Thanks, I think!

You do realize that in some western cultures, that the wedding ring is worn on the right hand, while in some other cultures it is worn on the left. The only ones I know for sure are the US and Canada, where the ring is worn on the left hand. In Poland, however, I am almost certain it is worn on the right hand. I toured around Poland a few years ago visiting my brother-in-law in Krakow. I am almost positive this is the case there.
 

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