I think a coworker likes me. I'm not sure how to proceed. (I like her too)

[dcm]

First things first, let it be clear that I do not speak to this woman regularly (I rarely see her during work hours). I only see her as she is leaving out the door after her shift. The thing is, she often goes out of her way to say goodnight to me when she is leaving. Sometimes I've had my back turned and walking away, and she still made an attempt to get my attention. One time, while working with another female coworker, I was barely visible behind my work. This woman shouted to me (and I think she waved), GOOD NIGHT XXXX, SEE YOU TOMORROW!" The other female coworker gave me a "wth" look as if she was disgusted that she only spoke to me, or she was surprised that she shouted the salutation as she was leaving with other people, who said nothing.

She could be just a friendly and polite person, one could say. Ok, there are also moments when we are sort of in close proximity to each other. Say, walking past each other, or standing idly by waiting for something. During these moments, she sometimes stares at her feet, or stares at me. When we crossed paths recently, as I approached her we made eye contact at a distance, and her eyes darted around as a "oh no here he comes" type of deal, then we made eye contact again, smiled,and spoke to each other. There were times in the past where she would stare at me and not say anything. Not creepy stares, but those "look long enough but don't get caught" kind of stares.

One time she was off to my side, I glanced over and she was staring dead at me. I smiled and there was a "oh hey, we inadvertently locked eyes while looking around the room, but I totally wasn't staring at you" smile from her. Then there was a time where she just entered the room and stared at me for maybe two or three seconds and didn't say a word. I thought she was staring at my mustache I was attempting to grow. Maybe she was, I don't know. Why would she stare into my eyes though...?

This has been going on for about 1 year. I don't really know what to do. She's about mid level on the totem pole, and I am at the very bottom. I don't want to create an uncomfortable situation for the both of us if I make an attempt to become friends. Although this is a very professional workplace, I fear rumors and teasing will start. Also, there are other coworkers here who are married, so I believe friendship++ is not frowned upon.

I'd like to maybe just have a conversation with her about something non work related, but I do not have access to her. I only see her when she is leaving. I can't exactly jump in front of her to chat her up at the exit, as my work does not technically allow that.

Any advice?

 

[elabed haidar]

well man hey listen I am in college and i think i can help when you feel like you can't talk to here get back up , like let your friend accompany you and help you out buy making jokes about one another it worked with me and when you gain the confidence start hanging out

 

[dcm]

well man hey listen I am in college and i think i can help when you feel like you can't talk to here get back up , like let your friend accompany you and help you out buy making jokes about one another it worked with me and when you gain the confidence start hanging out

This is a workplace where people work independently of one another. There are no opportunities for me to approach her with another coworker to start a conversation. I would have to leave my workstation, find another coworker, ask them to leave their workstation, then we both walk into the office where we are not allowed without official business, then chat up this junior VIP as if she does not have important work duties of her own to carry out.

Thank you, but unfortunately this is not a college campus. This is a professional workplace.

 

[Zryn]

Write her a letter and leave it under her car windscreen wiper. Sign it from 'Mr Smiles (in the workshop)'.

 

[dcm]

Write her a letter and leave it under her car windscreen wiper. Sign it from 'Mr Smiles (in the workshop)'.

I've considered writing her a letter, but mailing it because there are cameras in the car park. My concern with writing a letter is that it appears unmanly. I don't really have another option, though. I probably shouldn't worry about the manliness, since I think she already likes me, and has been for almost 1 year.

 

[Andre]

What the heck are you waiting for. It's not about the how to do it. Just do it. Talk. Tell her that you like whatever you like on her. Ask her if she likes to go and ...fill in whatever you like to do together... Think hike, walk, drink, lunch.

That gives two options, and if no, you just return to the smile - bye status.

 

[dcm]

What the heck are you waiting for. It's not about the how to do it. Just do it. Talk. Tell her that you like whatever you like on her. Ask her if she likes to go and ...fill in whatever you like to do together... Think hike, walk, drink, lunch.

That gives two options, and if no, you just return to the smile - bye status.

So are you suggesting that I flag her down as she is leaving? The best I can do is say I like her shoes as she is saying goodbye, and I would have to continue working. Recently during a safety briefing in my work area, I had to interrupt her at least three times to make sure my work did not back up on me.

 

[Andre]

Don't you like her smile, the way she did her hair? Isn't she cute? Doesn't she have a great style? Don't you like the way she handles things?

If you have to say no to all that, then why bother? If yes, tell it.

 

[bp_psy]

Any advice?

I don't know if you are aware but there is an ample supply of women that do not work with you. "Don't crap were you sleep" or was it "Don't **** were you eat"?

 

[lisab]

Is it against company policy to write a sort-of-personal email?

Or maybe you could ask her if she has a facebook page, and use that as a way to start interacting with her outside of work?

 

[Borek]

Or maybe you could ask her if she has a facebook page, and use that as a way to start interacting with her outside of work?

O tempora, o mores! Facebook! :facepalm:

 

[lisab]

O tempora, o mores! Facebook! :facepalm:

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

hey I've asked a few girls out via facebook and they all worked out pretty well :)

 

[dcm]

Don't you like her smile, the way she did her hair? Isn't she cute? Doesn't she have a great style? Don't you like the way she handles things?

If you have to say no to all that, then why bother? If yes, tell it.

I was using the shoes as an example, my apologies. Yes, I like many things about her, but I don't know how to start a short conversation with someone who's moving quickly toward the exit. Although, maybe half the time, she stops, bends over, makes eye contact, says goodnight, waves, then continues on out the door. But I'm usually at least 10-20 feet away when this happens.

 

[dcm]

I don't know if you are aware but there is an ample supply of women that do not work with you. "Don't crap were you sleep" or was it "Don't **** were you eat"?

I understand. If you check my other thread I created, you would sort of see where I am coming from. I don't want to link it because I'm past that situation, in my mind at least. In short, ten and a half years in a cave, reemerging, etc.

Edit: I would also like to add that currently I'm not involved in anything such as school, clubs, volunteer program, etc. I'm only working at the moment. The only other women I see outside of work are not very interesting. This woman is the only one so far, and she has been at least mildly interested for 1 year, or so I think.

 

[Tregg Smith]

First things first, let it be clear that I do not speak to this woman regularly (I rarely see her during work hours). I only see her as she is leaving out the door after her shift. The thing is, she often goes out of her way to say goodnight to me when she is leaving. Sometimes I've had my back turned and walking away, and she still made an attempt to get my attention. One time, while working with another female coworker, I was barely visible behind my work. This woman shouted to me (and I think she waved), GOOD NIGHT XXXX, SEE YOU TOMORROW!" The other female coworker gave me a "wth" look as if she was disgusted that she only spoke to me, or she was surprised that she shouted the salutation as she was leaving with other people, who said nothing.

She could be just a friendly and polite person, one could say. Ok, there are also moments when we are sort of in close proximity to each other. Say, walking past each other, or standing idly by waiting for something. During these moments, she sometimes stares at her feet, or stares at me. When we crossed paths recently, as I approached her we made eye contact at a distance, and her eyes darted around as a "oh no here he comes" type of deal, then we made eye contact again, smiled,and spoke to each other. There were times in the past where she would stare at me and not say anything. Not creepy stares, but those "look long enough but don't get caught" kind of stares.

One time she was off to my side, I glanced over and she was staring dead at me. I smiled and there was a "oh hey, we inadvertently locked eyes while looking around the room, but I totally wasn't staring at you" smile from her. Then there was a time where she just entered the room and stared at me for maybe two or three seconds and didn't say a word. I thought she was staring at my mustache I was attempting to grow. Maybe she was, I don't know. Why would she stare into my eyes though...?

This has been going on for about 1 year. I don't really know what to do. She's about mid level on the totem pole, and I am at the very bottom. I don't want to create an uncomfortable situation for the both of us if I make an attempt to become friends. Although this is a very professional workplace, I fear rumors and teasing will start. Also, there are other coworkers here who are married, so I believe friendship++ is not frowned upon.

I'd like to maybe just have a conversation with her about something non work related, but I do not have access to her. I only see her when she is leaving. I can't exactly jump in front of her to chat her up at the exit, as my work does not technically allow that.

Any advice?

Well duh! do you think? Just go over to her and directly ask her out for whatever. Or are you married? If so and you go for it then be prepared to have your mind twisted in a very painful way and for a long time. Been there done it and seen it happen many times. No offense but life will pass you by and all you'll have is regret. What is the matter with you! "slap slap" by the collar. I really don't think there is any hope for you!

 

[dcm]

Is it against company policy to write a sort-of-personal email?

Or maybe you could ask her if she has a facebook page, and use that as a way to start interacting with her outside of work?

Only the VIPs have company emails. Yes, she has a facebook page, which I found by googling her name (If you haven't at least googled your own name for security reasons, you should). I do not use facebook, or any other social media service. I might consider it, as a therapist/psychologist I met back in college suggested it after I told her the story I wish not to link, but easily found by checking my profile.

 

[dcm]

I won't be able to reply for the next ten hours, sorry. I may be able to see her today in a meeting, but these meetings are serious in tone, and several other people will be there. I might write a silly letter and give it to her one day this week.

 

[nucleargirl]

:) awww!
next time you guys are alone, like waiting for something, and she's eyeing you, just smile at her and ask her what she's doing on the weekend, and ask if she wants to go out! like for coffee/movie/or if you need help finding/planning something e.g. present/dinner party... etc. if she really likes you she would say yes!
and if its been a year and she is still interested, then a couple more weeks is not going to make much difference.

 

[dcm]

Today was just like every other day, I only see and speak to her as she is cruising toward the exit. I'll just have to craft a humorous letter and if it works I'll join facebook.

 

[Zryn]

Do you work in such a regimental workplace that you can not leave your station for a moment and walk her to her car as she is leaving?

 

[turbo]

Just say a bit more than "hi or bye" if you're so intimidated. Chances are you're not the only one - she may be a wall-flower, too. When I first got to college, I was a short, skinny distance-runner in engineering school with a K+E sliderule holster hanging off my belt. She was a tall blonde goddess, but every once in a while, our eyes caught when we were coming and going in the quad or dining hall, and she seemed to brighten. One day, I was in the dining hall early, and she was too. I sucked it up and went over to her like the place was crowded and asked if I could sit next to her. She didn't even blink when she pulled out that chair and told me that she'd been saving that seat for me. We were inseparable after that, and it happened that quick. Go for it.

 

[dcm]

Do you work in such a regimental workplace that you can not leave your station for a moment and walk her to her car as she is leaving?

Yes and No. It depends on who is supervising at that moment. My boss wouldn't mind too much if I explained what I was doing outside. Now if his boss caught me, I probably wouldn't be working there anymore.

 

[dcm]

Just say a bit more than "hi or bye" if you're so intimidated. Chances are you're not the only one - she may be a wall-flower, too. When I first got to college, I was a short, skinny distance-runner in engineering school with a K+E sliderule holster hanging off my belt. She was a tall blonde goddess, but every once in a while, our eyes caught when we were coming and going in the quad or dining hall, and she seemed to brighten. One day, I was in the dining hall early, and she was too. I sucked it up and went over to her like the place was crowded and asked if I could sit next to her. She didn't even blink when she pulled out that chair and told me that she'd been saving that seat for me. We were inseparable after that, and it happened that quick. Go for it.

Thanks. I'm not sure why I'm intimidated, she's a nice person. I think it is because she is showing interest and I'm so out of practice, I don't know how to act on it. I guess tomorrow evening I'll have to throw in a St. Patrick's Day quip as she is heading towards the door.

 

[Math Is Hard]

No letters on the car. That's creepy. Ask her to go to lunch with you and a group of friends from the office. This is easy, especially if there is a new place to go: "Hey, a bunch of us are going to check out Sal's Pizza tomorrow for lunch. Wanna go?"

 

[dcm]

No letters on the car. That's creepy. Ask her to go to lunch with you and a group of friends from the office. This is easy, especially if there is a new place to go: "Hey, a bunch of us are going to check out Sal's Pizza tomorrow for lunch. Wanna go?"

Unfortunately I am not a member of any groups of friends here. We are allowed 20 minutes for lunch, so going anywhere is pretty much a waste of valuable time. One has to drive all the out of the corporate park, then a half mile down a busy avenue for access to restaurants. We also do not work the same schedule. The end of her shift, is the middle of my shift.

My concern with intercepting her at the the exit is because I know her boss works 11hrs a day, and takes work home. I imagine she is putting in similar effort, since they leave at about the same time. I hope a letter through the mail isn't creepy. It appears to be the most effective way to communicate.

 

[Zryn]

No letters on the car. That's creepy.

Whats creepy about a short letter apologizing for the communication medium but expressing interest? They already have somewhat of a friendly rapport so its not like some random hobo put it there and as long as it is made clearly known whom it is there shouldn't be any problems.

It would be creepy if he already knew her number and sent her a SMS!

 

[Borek]

Whats creepy about a short letter apologizing for the communication medium but expressing interest? They already have somewhat of a friendly rapport so its not like some random hobo put it there and as long as it is made clearly known whom it is there shouldn't be any problems.

It would be creepy if he already knew her number and sent her a SMS!

MIH sees it as creepy, and I understand her point. Note that you don't have to see something as creepy - it is enough that others see it this way. They don't have to be right, but if they see it this way it is this way for them.

 

[Dembadon]

No letters on the car. That's creepy. Ask her to go to lunch with you and a group of friends from the office. This is easy, especially if there is a new place to go: "Hey, a bunch of us are going to check out Sal's Pizza tomorrow for lunch. Wanna go?"

I agree, somewhat; the letter method is too indirect.

dcm,

The following would probably take all of 8 seconds, which isn't an awkward amount of time during a situation when she's leaving. If 8 seconds is too much of an inconvenience for her, then I'd say she's too busy for a relationship.

If it were me, I'd literally say, "Hi (so-and-so), I'd love to go to dinner/lunch/coffee (whatever's most appropriate) with you sometime."

<hand her your card and then continue>

"Give me a call if you like." Then smile.

The ball is in her court; she has your number and is not likely to feel stressed by the invitation if her schedule is full. You've also successfully communicated your interest without coming across as creepy or timid, and giving her your card maintains some semblance of professionalism while still letting her know that you're interested.

 

[Tregg Smith]

Dude this is a sorry situation! You have a personality disorder in the social area. You need to stop the excuses and thinking. I have a friend like you but maybe worse. A very good looking guy he is afraid of women to where he will hide behind me if one comes along who he feels might be available. He lives in a little house by himself. He's afraid to try anything new.
Just go up to her and if someone's in the way push them aside. Go like this- "Hi how you doing? I've noticed you obviously" Introduce yourself. Say "my name's... " what ever your name is. Then she should give her name "my name's Jane." If she doesn't give her name you say in your best Brooklyn Jewish accent "What you don't got a name?" But unless she's making fun of your shyness she'll give it. And if she is she'll stop with the flirtyness. Then you say " We should go out sometime. Want to go get some pizza?" ( Now! and not sometime next year. ) Keep her safety/comfort margin in mind. Don't be too foward or she might think you're a little scary. You can say "can I call you later to set up a time?" if that's necessary.
She accepts your offer for a date. Now your head is swimming. You're totally in love-can't concentrate so be careful you don't run into the light pole driving out of the lot. If it don't work out don't give it a second thought. Time makes anything okay. Think of a role model. Try Clint Eastwood. If he got shot down do you think he'd go into a depression? Act as if you go out on a different date three times a week. Capture that feeling and you'll tend to act that way and be at ease.
Women get flirty with me all the time. Just can't wait to be friends but when I suggest we go out they panic-usually because they're married. Then they stop their advances. Be prepared to talk about her interests when you go out. Don't talk about yourself. Yes a note on the windshield is creepy. Just as bad as her seeing you hiding behind a tree watching her. And be sure to keep us informed on how you're doing!

 

[MJay82]

I'm sorry, I skimmed for the gist.
Is there a strict policy against dating coworkers? Usually not, just an unspoken understanding.

If there is no such policy, and you'd like to ask her out, just ask her out, man. Lord - she's waiting for you. Don't be a creep about it - that's sexual harassment, brotha.

Do you work the same shift? If not, do you ever come in after her?

I've got a few ideas:
1) Say "Hey Shirley (only say this if her name is Shirley, otherwise use her actual name), your friendly smile always brightens my day. Can I bring you something from Starbucks (or hopefully some better coffee joint) as a thank you?" Very unpresumptuous, and if she wants to pursue something with you, she'll take you up on the offer - even if she's not a coffee drinker maybe an "Oh a blueberry muffin would be great!" If she looks at you flatly and says "I don't drink coffee" while holding a cup in her hand - she's not that into you.

2) If you're ever getting off of work at the same time, time yourself to try to walk out with her and just say "I was thinking about grabbing something to eat at suchwhere place - do you have any plans? I'd love some company - my treat." Then when you get done eating, hand her the bill and say "I changed my mind - you're the one making all the money, boss lady. Then of course say "Just joking" - but don't pick it back up. Just joking...

3) This is the diplomatic way. Clearly articulatate that you understand that you are her subordinate by saying "Would it be impertinent for me to invite you to dinner some time?"

You've got to take the initiative - she's put all the signs out there that she's interested - at least as you've described them here. Best of luck to you.

 

[Zryn]

MIH sees it as creepy, and I understand her point. Note that you don't have to see something as creepy - it is enough that others see it this way. They don't have to be right, but if they see it this way it is this way for them.

OK ... you sound a little defensive, and I'm not disagreeing with you, so I'm a little confused.

Is there a reason that it's creepy in general to put a letter on someones windshield? I wouldn't have suggested it had I thought it was creepy, hence my surprise!

What did I miss ?

 

[FrancisZ]

No letters on the car. That's creepy. Ask her to go to lunch with you and a group of friends from the office. This is easy, especially if there is a new place to go: "Hey, a bunch of us are going to check out Sal's Pizza tomorrow for lunch. Wanna go?"

Have to agree here. In the past, I've often been one to write an actual handwritten letter; but if you don't know someone very well, that could definitely be misconstrued. Letters are for people in well established relationships.

Also, if your boss disapproves, you can be fired. And that's definitely not a cool way to meet someone.

 

[Borek]

Is there a reason that it's creepy in general to put a letter on someones windshield?

No.

What did I miss ?

Circumstances. There is no need for a letter if they see each other on a daily basis. Letter gives a clear signal there is something wrong with you - first of all, she would ask herself "Why letter and not just a talk, when I say Hi to him?" And remember girls/woman are much more sensitive to such things.

 

[Zryn]

I think I live in a significantly different culture, and I shall defer to the general consensus

So if he says he doesn't have time (courage) and/or is not available (willing) to do anything more than a smile and wave as she leaves in the afternoon, and letters are out, what's an appropriate course of action?

Man up ?

 

[Dembadon]

[...]

Man up ?

Precisely!

 

[lisab]

...Say "Hey Shirley (only say this if her name is Shirley, otherwise use her actual name)...

 

[dcm]

I agree, somewhat; the letter method is too indirect.

dcm,

The following would probably take all of 8 seconds, which isn't an awkward amount of time during a situation when she's leaving. If 8 seconds is too much of an inconvenience for her, then I'd say she's too busy for a relationship.

If it were me, I'd literally say, "Hi (so-and-so), I'd love to go to dinner/lunch/coffee (whatever's most appropriate) with you sometime."

<hand her your card and then continue>

"Give me a call if you like." Then smile.

The ball is in her court; she has your number and is not likely to feel stressed by the invitation if her schedule is full. You've also successfully communicated your interest without coming across as creepy or timid, and giving her your card maintains some semblance of professionalism while still letting her know that you're interested.

Thanks for this idea.

Dude this is a sorry situation! You have a personality disorder in the social area. You need to stop the excuses and thinking. I have a friend like you but maybe worse. A very good looking guy he is afraid of women to where he will hide behind me if one comes along who he feels might be available. He lives in a little house by himself. He's afraid to try anything new.
Just go up to her and if someone's in the way push them aside. Go like this- "Hi how you doing? I've noticed you obviously" Introduce yourself. Say "my name's... " what ever your name is. Then she should give her name "my name's Jane." If she doesn't give her name you say in your best Brooklyn Jewish accent "What you don't got a name?" But unless she's making fun of your shyness she'll give it. And if she is she'll stop with the flirtyness. Then you say " We should go out sometime. Want to go get some pizza?" ( Now! and not sometime next year. ) Keep her safety/comfort margin in mind. Don't be too foward or she might think you're a little scary. You can say "can I call you later to set up a time?" if that's necessary.
She accepts your offer for a date. Now your head is swimming. You're totally in love-can't concentrate so be careful you don't run into the light pole driving out of the lot. If it don't work out don't give it a second thought. Time makes anything okay. Think of a role model. Try Clint Eastwood. If he got shot down do you think he'd go into a depression? Act as if you go out on a different date three times a week. Capture that feeling and you'll tend to act that way and be at ease.
Women get flirty with me all the time. Just can't wait to be friends but when I suggest we go out they panic-usually because they're married. Then they stop their advances. Be prepared to talk about her interests when you go out. Don't talk about yourself. Yes a note on the windshield is creepy. Just as bad as her seeing you hiding behind a tree watching her. And be sure to keep us informed on how you're doing!

As far as a personality disorder in the social area, I agree with you. As I described in a couple other posts, I have recently ended a self imposed exile. I made a thread describing most of the details, you can read it if you dare.

The other bits of your posts, I somewhat agree with what you are saying. This woman and I are not strangers. We have chatted in the past, but mainly about job related things. So I do not need to approach her in the way I would with a complete stranger. My problem is, because I have not been in the loop for a while, I keep questioning whether or not I am misinterpreting her actions. I do this because I don't want to make the same kid mistakes I made (way back) in high school.

I'm sorry, I skimmed for the gist.
Is there a strict policy against dating coworkers? Usually not, just an unspoken understanding.

If there is no such policy, and you'd like to ask her out, just ask her out, man. Lord - she's waiting for you. Don't be a creep about it - that's sexual harassment, brotha.

Do you work the same shift? If not, do you ever come in after her?

I've got a few ideas:
1) Say "Hey Shirley (only say this if her name is Shirley, otherwise use her actual name), your friendly smile always brightens my day. Can I bring you something from Starbucks (or hopefully some better coffee joint) as a thank you?" Very unpresumptuous, and if she wants to pursue something with you, she'll take you up on the offer - even if she's not a coffee drinker maybe an "Oh a blueberry muffin would be great!" If she looks at you flatly and says "I don't drink coffee" while holding a cup in her hand - she's not that into you.

2) If you're ever getting off of work at the same time, time yourself to try to walk out with her and just say "I was thinking about grabbing something to eat at suchwhere place - do you have any plans? I'd love some company - my treat." Then when you get done eating, hand her the bill and say "I changed my mind - you're the one making all the money, boss lady. Then of course say "Just joking" - but don't pick it back up. Just joking...

3) This is the diplomatic way. Clearly articulatate that you understand that you are her subordinate by saying "Would it be impertinent for me to invite you to dinner some time?"

You've got to take the initiative - she's put all the signs out there that she's interested - at least as you've described them here. Best of luck to you.

I do not know if there is a policy against workplace friendship++. As I said before, there are coworkers there that are married. At least two pair that I know of.

We do not work the same shift.

1)This idea might not work. It is difficult to explain. Basically I only see her when she is leaving. If I offered to buy her some coffee, donuts, or whatever, how can I give it to her? Leave it in the refrigerator?

2)We work different shifts.

3)This might work, but I would prefer to use it an excuse as to why I waited so long to ask her out.

I understand I need to take the initiative. I fear that I am misinterpreting her, and will make a fool of myself. I made that mistake twice in high school, and I had to deal with that embarrassment during the entire school year(s). As an adult I'm sure I would just have to brush it off as nothing, but this is our workplace. To me, I feel this is an excuse, but I still see it as valid.

Have to agree here. In the past, I've often been one to write an actual handwritten letter; but if you don't know someone very well, that could definitely be misconstrued. Letters are for people in well established relationships.

Also, if your boss disapproves, you can be fired. And that's definitely not a cool way to meet someone.

Just so everyone knows, the content of the letter I was planning on sending through the mail was going to be humorous in nature. The goal was to get her to come and talk to me about the content, because I cannot go and talk to her. For example, I was not going to put some fourth grade "Do you like me? YES or NO or MAYBE". I was thinking more along the lines of "Could you explain your job title? Because for some reason I view it as this: [insert silly drawn picture]" with a smiley face.

Circumstances. There is no need for a letter if they see each other on a daily basis. Letter gives a clear signal there is something wrong with you - first of all, she would ask herself "Why letter and not just a talk, when I say Hi to him?" And remember girls/woman are much more sensitive to such things.

This is why I was against the letter, I did not want to appear more timid and unmanly than I have already shown. I want actually speak with her, but the only opportunity I have is to intercept her at the exit. Unless, I write her a letter to draw her out of the office, and she comes to speak to me.

So if he says he doesn't have time (courage) and/or is not available (willing) to do anything more than a smile and wave as she leaves in the afternoon, and letters are out, what's an appropriate course of action?

Man up ?

The whole point of this thread. I'm ready to man up, but there is still the worry of me possibly misinterpreting her. I don't know how to handle that. I won't fall into a depression as someone touched on, the concern is awkwardness after the fact.

Thanks for the replies, hopefully this isn't too long of a post to read. I tried to do something different than just rapid firing 5 or 6 consecutive replies.

 

[MATLABdude]

Unfortunately I am not a member of any groups of friends here. We are allowed 20 minutes for lunch, so going anywhere is pretty much a waste of valuable time. One has to drive all the out of the corporate park, then a half mile down a busy avenue for access to restaurants. We also do not work the same schedule. The end of her shift, is the middle of my shift.

My concern with intercepting her at the the exit is because I know her boss works 11hrs a day, and takes work home. I imagine she is putting in similar effort, since they leave at about the same time. I hope a letter through the mail isn't creepy. It appears to be the most effective way to communicate.

Why not go over to her on a day when it's sunny out, and invite her to go outside and enjoy that 20 minute lunch break outdoors? At the very least, it gets you out of the chair / cube / building. Unless you work in a bunker or Cheyenne Mountain or the Antarctic (or some such).

And then, if it gets more serious, consolidate your breaks (assuming you have coffee / smoke / etc.) Don't be creepy about it, and don't turn it into a date. At the very least, it might get you someone else to talk to at work.

 

[dcm]

Why not go over to her on a day when it's sunny out, and invite her to go outside and enjoy that 20 minute lunch break outdoors? At the very least, it gets you out of the chair / cube / building. Unless you work in a bunker or Cheyenne Mountain or the Antarctic (or some such).

And then, if it gets more serious, consolidate your breaks (assuming you have coffee / smoke / etc.) Don't be creepy about it, and don't turn it into a date. At the very least, it might get you someone else to talk to at work.

We work different shifts. During my first break, she is still working, during my second break, she has already gone home. We also do two completely different jobs, in different parts of the building. I only see her when she is leaving.

 

[Tregg Smith]

Thanks for this idea.



My problem is, because I have not been in the loop for a while, I keep questioning whether or not I am misinterpreting her actions. I do this because I don't want to make the same kid mistakes I made (way back) in high school.

You don't have no friggin problem! Just go ask her out for the pizza! If it don't work who gives a sxxx! It ain't no big deal! Act as though you do this sort of thing every other day!

 

[dcm]

I've decided to go with what lisab suggested, asking if she has a facebook page and would like to chat someday. On St. Patrick's day she told me she liked my green shirt as she was gliding towards the door. That was a huge missed opportunity.

Also, if she is interested, why won't she ask me for a chat? Could it be she is a wall-flower as turbo-1 says? We sat next to each other in a long meeting about six months ago. We did not speak at all. I wonder why when we are close, she is silent, but when far away, she is able to speak? I'll never forget that one day we had a party, she walks in the room, stares me right in the face for two seconds and doesn't say a word. I'm confused.

 

[bp_psy]

I'll never forget that one day we had a party, she walks in the room, stares me right in the face for two seconds and doesn't say a word. I'm confused.

She probably thought "Why does this wierdo stares me right in the face for two seconds and doesn't say a word. I'm confused."

 

[dcm]

She probably thought "Why does this wierdo stares me right in the face for two seconds and doesn't say a word. I'm confused."

Well, it has happened before, and the look on her face is like a deer in headlights. It is as if she doesn't know what to do for a second, then I either wave or smile.

 

[PhDorBust]

Don't worry about it. If it doesn't happen naturally, then it should not happen. There is nothing special about her. You are making her into this wonderful soul mate in your head while you don't really know her.

 

[dcm]

Don't worry about it. If it doesn't happen naturally, then it should not happen. There is nothing special about her. You are making her into this wonderful soul mate in your head while you don't really know her.

I've been thinking about that. Someone here in a different thread asked the OP why did he allow himself to become so enamored with a person he had not even had a conversation with yet. Then someone else mentioned something about placing imaginary value on a person. I think I'm going to shift my focus on chatting up random women in public places like a museum or something. I'll still ask her if she would like to chat online one day, but she hasn't spoken to me in two days. Maybe she doesn't like me anymore.

 

[mathwonk]

Maybe after a week of waiting she is giving up hope you will ever ask her out.

 

[dcm]

Maybe after a week of waiting she is giving up hope you will ever ask her out.

Well, if she is interested, why has she also waited this long to ask ME out? There is a lady on here that says she approached guys she was interested in by asking where the guy is taking her on Saturday night. Maybe she is shy? I'm not trying to absolve myself of my manly duties by expecting/waiting for her to make a move, but why would a woman wait this long? One would think if an assertive woman would just ask the guy, "hey, I've been dangling this carrot in front of your face for x amount of time, why do you not bite?"

 

[Math Is Hard]

Did you send the Facebook friend invitation yet?

 

[dcm]

Did you send the Facebook friend invitation yet?

No I did not. I wanted to ask her for her information first, instead of doing a random poke. I imagine that would be almost as creepy as writing a letter.