Need advise on strange situation.

[Holocene]

There's this married women at work that, as far as I can tell, is sending me some "signals".

Suggestive choice of words at times, sometimes random physical contact, and will absoluetly not stop looking in my dirrection; in fact looking right at me. It's getting almost awkward.

Now, I think she's extremely cute, and in my own selfish way I sort of wish she wasn't married. But because she is, I have essentially dismissed any ideas of anything ever happening. She's much older than me as well.

But she keeps sending all these signals, and I just don't know what to make of it. I mean, she knows she's married, why is she doing this?

I know I'm not mistaken about this. There's just too many singals flying around for it to just be a "friendly" type of daily interaction. There's more going on.

I find myself thinking about this women way too much. It's not healthy. As much as I am attracted to her, I sort of wish she would stop this, because the more she does it, the more I have to tell myself she's married and there's really no chance. Ironiclly, this cute women sending me these signals is actually inducing a depression of sorts.

What would you do?

 

[kingdomof]

What would I do? I'd ignore it and try looking for someone else; this woman is married, and certainly, I rather not invoke the drama that comes with a married woman having an affair.

 

[binzing]

Personally, considering how I've been feeling lately, I'd just confront her about it...

 

[Holocene]

Personally, considering how I've been feeling lately, I'd just confront her about it...

As much as I want to, I just don't know how to do it in manner that is not extremely awkward, obnoxious, or invasive.

ugh...

 

[Holocene]

What would I do? I'd ignore it and try looking for someone else; this woman is married, and certainly, I rather not invoke the drama that comes with a married woman having an affair.

It's really strange. I don't know her all that well on a personal level, but I cannot pictiure her to be that "type". But then again all these signs are there, and I just don't know what it means.

Do married women with young children that have reasonable stable lives really involve themselves in affairs?

 

[Hexnergy]

Just talk to her about it... if she's into you Id say go for it unless you don't like that sort of thing...

 

[Evo]

Do married women with young children that have reasonable stable lives really involve themselves in affairs?

Sure. She could be feeling ignored by her husband. She might feel she's getting older and needs to reassure herself that she's still attractive.

You need to stop and give serious thought before engaging in an affair with a married person, especially with kids. Think about all of the negatives. Her husband, her kids, what could happen to you, the burden she could try to place onto you. A relationship with a married co-worker would certainly stop me dead in my tracks.

 

[Holocene]

Just talk to her about it... if she's into you Id say go for it unless you don't like that sort of thing...

Call me morally corupt, but I'd not be the one who's cheating, so no guilt.

Even so, I doubt she wants that...though all these signals are like WTF?

 

[physics girl phd]

I'd personally try to send signals that you aren't available. Find a picture of a hot girl and put it on your desk. Imagine things about THAT girl instead. Then get out and find that girl!

 

[Holocene]

Sure. She could be feeling ignored by her husband. She might feel she's getting older and needs to reassure herself that she's still attractive.

You need to stop and give serious thought before engaging in an affair with a married person, especially with kids. Think about all of the negatives. Her husband, her kids, what could happen to you, the burden she could try to place onto you. A relationship with a married co-worker would certainly stop me dead in my tracks.

Well said. I can appreciate where you're coming from.

My own little theory is that "relationships" are essentially man-made ideas, whereas simple attraction is a biological aspect that cannot always be supressed despite current involment with someone else.

This can cause a lot of problems.

 

[Hexnergy]

Call me morally corupt, but I'd not be the one who's cheating, so no guilt.

Even so, I doubt she wants that...though all these signals are like WTF?

Yeah man talk to her about it see what's going on... if you say she has a stable life then she just want something on the side, nothing wrong with that... if she's under trouble at home or something then Id say don't get involved in her troubles... Be careful about sexual harassment stuff man too... but yeah, just talk and find out what's happening...

 

[WarPhalange]

Just let her get to know you better. I'm sure she'll never want to speak to you again afterwards.OH SNAP! ZING!Okay okay, serious advice. What I do to repel women is the following:

• Have long hair. How messy or long it is is up to you. Mine is below my shoulders, but I wash it often. When you have to brush your hair out of your face every other second because of the wind, she'll know you won't have much time for her, or anything else really.
• Shave at random intervals (in days). You don't have to shave every Tuesday, you know. Make sure to do a poor job too, with tiny patches of your face that you missed that have like 3 long hairs and places where you nicked yourself with the razor.
• Wear nothing but jeans and t-shirts, preferably band t-shirts. Doesn't matter what you listen to, but having "Cannibal Corpse" is a lot better than "Led Zeppelin".
• Make sure to never "project" what kind of hobbies you have. If there's some activity you enjoy, by God make sure she has no way of finding that out.
• Lastly, and I think this is the most important part so listen up: completely lock up if she ever utters a word to you. I don't know how that one works, it's almost magical.

If you follow these steps, I can guarantee that if she ever sees you walking down the street, she'll cross the street just to avoid you.

A tad riskier, but more immediate measure you can take is if you ever sit next to her, like on the bus or at lunch or something, do your work or whatever, and constantly swear at your computer/book/pad of paper while making noises like a wounded animal. That's kind of harder to pull off, because you want to repel only her. If other people think you're f-ing crazy, then that's going overboard.

 

[offtheleft]

stay away. honestly, what would you do if you found out that you're (if you were married, especially if you were happily married) wife was cheating on you with someone at work? I, personally, would not be a happy camper and; would probably want to jeopardize your well being in a number of ways.

 

[OAQfirst]

Call me morally corupt, but I'd not be the one who's cheating, so no guilt.

No guilt? What if the family becomes broken? You know what that can do to kids? Not to mention a significant other who might go looking for someone to focus aggression for any feelings of inadequacy.

My own little theory is that "relationships" are essentially man-made ideas, whereas simple attraction is a biological aspect that cannot always be supressed despite current involment with someone else.

Well of course. That's why we have to administer self control.

 

[GCT]

There's this married women at work that, as far as I can tell, is sending me some "signals".

Suggestive choice of words at times, sometimes random physical contact, and will absoluetly not stop looking in my dirrection; in fact looking right at me. It's getting almost awkward.

Now, I think she's extremely cute, and in my own selfish way I sort of wish she wasn't married. But because she is, I have essentially dismissed any ideas of anything ever happening. She's much older than me as well.

But she keeps sending all these signals, and I just don't know what to make of it. I mean, she knows she's married, why is she doing this?

I know I'm not mistaken about this. There's just too many singals flying around for it to just be a "friendly" type of daily interaction. There's more going on.

I find myself thinking about this women way too much. It's not healthy. As much as I am attracted to her, I sort of wish she would stop this, because the more she does it, the more I have to tell myself she's married and there's really no chance. Ironiclly, this cute women sending me these signals is actually inducing a depression of sorts.

What would you do?

So she has been sending you signals for some time , days or weeks? Usually there is a progression to all of this - if she really wants something she wants it soon - she may be messin' with you.

 

[Holocene]

So she has been sending you signals for some time , days or weeks? Usually there is a progression to all of this - if she really wants something she wants it soon - she may be messin' with you.

Months.

 

[WarPhalange]

No guilt? What if the family becomes broken? You know what that can do to kids? Not to mention a significant other who might go looking for someone to focus aggression for any feelings of inadequacy.

He's not forcing her to do it, she came on to him. I don't have any obligation to check if you a girl is seeing anyone before I try to date her. It's up to her to say "no, I'm already with someone".

I don't get this whole "you stole my woman!" mentality a lot of guys have. No, she left you on her own.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Imagine that you're in bed together when her husband comes busting through the door wielding a 12 gauge. Keep thinking of that.

Okay, that is not likely [possible, which is worth remembering, but not likely], but you don't want the sort of trouble you might be getting into.

 

[Hexnergy]

stay away. honestly, what would you do if you found out that you're (if you were married, especially if you were happily married) wife was cheating on you with someone at work? I, personally, would not be a happy camper and; would probably want to jeopardize your well being in a number of ways.

wow this is disturbing! why would you want to hurt another person unless its self-defense? if i found out my girl was cheating Id be happy, now i can find another person that i can trust instead of living a lie...

No guilt? What if the family becomes broken? You know what that can do to kids? Not to mention a significant other who might go looking for someone to focus aggression for any feelings of inadequacy.


Well of course. That's why we have to administer self control.

kids don't need to know... if they find out they can be told like normal humans, they can adapt... lotta people grow up in worse situations and they come out fine... the husband can find another mate that will find him adequate, stop this nonsense of "my world is over" so stupid... if the woman is interested in him he can go for it, no need to repress emotions, feelings, its natural to be attracted

 

[Evo]

You need to ask yourself why you would want all this trouble for a girl that means nothing to you.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

You are more than hormones. I know this is hard to believe, but it's true.

 

[Ouabache]

It sounds to me like she enjoys flirting with you.. You may also want to flirt back, non overtly of course... You have no obligation to make this lead anywhere.. Just a fun exchange between friends.. If she is just looking for reassurance that she's still attractive, this would be enough..

 

[OAQfirst]

He's not forcing her to do it, she came on to him. I don't have any obligation to check if you a girl is seeing anyone before I try to date her. It's up to her to say "no, I'm already with someone".

I don't get this whole "you stole my woman!" mentality a lot of guys have. No, she left you on her own.

I think the difference is that he knows her situation. Why wouldn't that make him as guilty? She doesn't have to force anyone. If he decided to engage her in this, then possible consequences are completely obvious. Hence, risk. I don't follow how anyone could dismiss that just because the burden appears to be her responsibility. It's not just hers. How can he know that she doesn't have some vulnerability coming from a relationship problem. This could be a passing issue. Could be that the relationship is salvageable.

 

[OAQfirst]

kids don't need to know... if they find out they can be told like normal humans, they can adapt... lotta people grow up in worse situations and they come out fine... the husband can find another mate that will find him adequate, stop this nonsense of "my world is over" so stupid... if the woman is interested in him he can go for it, no need to repress emotions, feelings, its natural to be attracted

And you have some way of predicting that this pretty picture will be the end result?

 

[Hexnergy]

And you have some way of predicting that this pretty picture will be the end result?

and you have some way of predicting the scary picture will be the end result?

 

[OAQfirst]

and you have some way of predicting the scary picture will be the end result?

THE POINT IS one is far worse than the other. What reason can be given to risk the damage suggested for the sake of bedding a married woman?

 

[OAQfirst]

Holocene, I don't mean to come off as one of those infinitely wise pop tarts that just tell you what you should/n't do. Have you examined just why you might pursue action with her? If you have an underlying need, perhaps there are other ways to address it?

 

[Holocene]

Holocene, I don't mean to come off as one of those infinitely wise pop tarts that just tell you what you should/n't do. Have you examined just why you might pursue action with her? If you have an underlying need, perhaps there are other ways to address it?

She's just really cute; I feel somewhat drawn to her.

Not that that's an acceptable reason for acting on anyting, but as I was saying, it makes it kind of hard when you're apparently getting signals back.

If it's just a friendly sort of flirting, why does she always give me these long serious gazes into my eyes before returning to her office?

 

[OAQfirst]

If it's just a friendly sort of flirting, why does she always give me these long serious gazes into my eyes before returning to her office?

Because she likes you. Without knowing more, who can say? Certainly, you could find a way to express with her any concerns. You can't just get that conversation rolling? I'd be asking about her husband and how things are going.

I'm in a similar situation at work. Though, this woman is separated. So she's game. And lonely. But I established before hand if there was any chance of her marriage being saved. I suppose once you get through that part, then there wouldn't be any concerns for anyone. Is she in a position to leave her relationship? Will you be the line for her safety and comfort?

 

[fileen]

She might not know she's doing it. I am quite happy in my relationship, but sometimes someone really hot comes along and I get flirty and before I know it the situations gone way too far. A good friend of mine teases me about this continuously. I would never go much beyond a smile or a giggle but I am sure when they realize it was all for nothing they get rather ticked. She may really like you and be unhappy with what she's got. Its not fair to you but maybe she doesn't want much more than someone to flirt with. Once I realize I am flirting and I don't want to be or shouldn't be I always just talk about my boyfriend and how great he is. Its a great way to kill the mood. Even if youre not with someone you may be able to deter her by just talking about this new girlfriend and how freaking happy you are.

 

[mobiusdafrost]

man, you sure are lucky. girls don't even flirt with me let alone like me or want to date with me

 

[Holocene]

man, you sure are lucky. girls don't even flirt with me let alone like me or want to date with me

lol...no.

I'm 24 and have been in exactly ONE relationship. Only girl I've been with.

My problem now is all the older women I like have already been claimed...

 

[Cyrus]

http://gallery.dirtyhandschoppers.com/gallery/albums/Posters/this_will_not_end_well.sized.jpg

 

[LogicalTime]

She is probably really interested. However it's a tough situation since she's not only a coworker but also married. So if it turns out badly it can make every day at work somewhat painful.

Also remember that work is somewhat like high school again where people gossip a lot and one bad relationship can make a whole pool of ladies soured to you. This is a tough situation even if you have loads of experience in the area.

My advice is make friends with her, but draw the line clearly at friends. Once she's resigned herself to the friends state, she'll introduce you to her GFs. She probably has a few cute friends(maybe even a cute sister). These ladies even if they are married aren't coworkers so your work life is much safer.

I do agree that her marriage contract does not involve you, so you shouldn't worry about it. These contracts are more from an age where men actually owned women as property. If you unconditionally love someone and they'd be happier with someone else, you'd want them to be with that person and be happy. The culture will catch up some day, I hope...

 

[mobiusdafrost]

lol...no.

I'm 24 and have been in exactly ONE relationship. Only girl I've been with.

My problem now is all the older women I like have already been claimed...

i'm 21 and have never dated...

 

[mikeknick04]

I logged onto this forum just to reply to this thread.. and give some friendly and hopefully helpful advice. Mainly cause I'm bored on my night shift.. and I've been in a couple of these situations.


First off, I'm not there, so I don't really know what the situation is. But I've read through your comments and have an inkling..


In most cases, married women do this to younger guys for the attention. It makes them feel good about themselves without really having to do anything. Her prolonged stares at you are probably just to get your attention and keep her in your mind for a few hours of the day.. until she gets home to her probably boring *** life..

LogicalTime has some good advice also.. don't do drama at work.. It is painful! Trust him and I and that one.. it will make your life hell if you start something at work with a co-worker.. chances are you're not the first person she's captured for attention. Keep your ear to the ground for any rumors about her. If none come up.. she's a wild card.. and must be dealt with however you feel like.

Do NOT feel guilty about her situation or her kids or marriage or anything. Especially since this is just harmless flirting at this point. Hell, I really don't know what it is.. because I don't know the signs you are giving back to her. Have you even talked to her? That'd be a start. Most women that start stuff/affairs like this are dominant, so you just keep your cool and she'll come to you when she's ready.

And just be cool about everything. Let it happen as it may. If she's staring at you, just smile back and keep doing whatever the hell you do at work. Play it cool.. if you are sitting there looking like you might explode from excitement.. she'll probably just keep doing what she's doing to play you.. idk.


Some experiences in my life which have taught thouse valuable lessons...

...


Well, I got to get back to work.. I'll send my whole post (I deleted some stuff) as a private message to you.. not sure if I'll ever check the response to this or the message. Just had to get the word out.

So man, just do your own thing.. initiate some contact maybe, and have fun with it and learn from it. Peace.