Should I even bother calling this girl?

[Topher925]

Long story short, I met a girl, got her phone number, but not sure I want to call her. We are almost complete opposites personality wise. If we were to have any kind of relationship, even just a simple friendship, I don't see how it could work as we have absolutely nothing in common. Plus she lives almost an hour drive away. She seemed very nice and I do believe in giving everyone a chance but I don't think there's a snowball's chance in hell of this going anywhere. Should I call her and see if things go anywhere anyway?

 

[Dembadon]

Long story short, I met a girl, got her phone number, but not sure I want to call her. We are almost complete opposites personality wise. If we were to have any kind of relationship, even just a simple friendship, I don't see how it could work as we have absolutely nothing in common. Plus she lives almost an hour drive away. She seemed very nice and I do believe in giving everyone a chance but I don't think there's a snowball's chance in hell of this going anywhere. Should I call her and see if things go anywhere anyway?

How long have you known her? I'm assuming from your post that it hasn't been very long.

That said, I think it takes a long time to really get to know someone. Usually, first impressions only tell you what someone thinks you want them to be. After spending lots of time with them, you'll begin to discover who they really are. Keep in mind, though, that some people are good at hiding things for a long time.

In summary, if you haven't known this girl very long, give it a chance; you might discover that your initial impression of her isn't as accurate as you thought.

 

[DanP]

Long story short, I met a girl, got her phone number, but not sure I want to call her. We are almost complete opposites personality wise. If we were to have any kind of relationship, even just a simple friendship, I don't see how it could work as we have absolutely nothing in common. Plus she lives almost an hour drive away. She seemed very nice and I do believe in giving everyone a chance but I don't think there's a snowball's chance in hell of this going anywhere. Should I call her and see if things go anywhere anyway?

Take your chances.

 

[lisab]

I vote for calling.

 

[Evo]

What lisab said.

 

[nucleargirl]

I agree with Dembadon - if you haven't known her long then don't decide who she is already - get to know her properly and you might find things in common, even if you don't it doesn't necessarily mean the relationship couldn't work.
And even if it doesn't work out romantically, its still nice to get to know new people and you might gain a friend out of it.

 

[Astronuc]

I agree with Dembadon - if you haven't known her long then don't decide who she is already - get to know her properly and you might find things in common, even if you don't it doesn't necessarily mean the relationship couldn't work.
And even if it doesn't work out romantically, its still nice to get to know new people and you might gain a friend out of it.

Exactly. I concur with the others.

One got the girl's number, so presumably she expects a call.

Start out as friends, and see where that goes.

Rather than be completely opposite, both might find each other complementary.

Having the same friend 30 or 40 years from now is a potential reward.

 

[DR13]

Simply put: Cant hurt

 

[GeorginaS]

What lisab and Evo said.

 

[Math Is Hard]

Having the same friend 30 or 40 years from now is a potential reward.

I agree. One of my best friends on the planet is a guy I dated in high school and college who is as opposite of me as a person could be. If you knew us, you wouldn't be able to imagine how we could even stand each other, let alone ever be romantically involved. But it's our differences that make our conversations so interesting.

 

[Upisoft]

Me and my wife are complete opposite, well except few things. Now we are going to have 2nd child. However it is your decision. My experience tells me everyone is unique, so you are not me.

 

[Mirzon]

What lisab, evo and georgina said.

 

[Hurkyl]

Long story short, I met a girl, got her phone number, but not sure I want to call her.

I infer from this that you enjoyed her company. Presumably, you would do so again.

 

[Evo]

And now, after all of this encouragement, he calls, only to find that she gave him the phone number for a tatoo parlor.

 

[Upisoft]

And now, after all of this encouragement, he calls, only to find that she gave him the phone number for a tatoo parlor.

You think very positive as usual. It could be that he gave him his number and actually he is a cross-dresser...

 

[lisab]

You think very positive as usual. It could be that he gave him his number and actually he is a cross-dresser...

...a cross-dressing tattoo artist.

 

[Topher925]

...a cross-dressing tattoo artist.

Let me just stop you all right there before this goes any further.

I decided to give her chance, even though there's a good probability it won't work out, especially the way my life has been lately. Like you all said, there's a chance I may be surprised.

 

[Astronuc]

Let me just stop you all right there before this goes any further.

I decided to give her chance, even though there's a good probability it won't work out, especially the way my life has been lately. Like you all said, there's a chance I may be surprised.

You can still be friends.

 

[GeorginaS]

Let me just stop you all right there before this goes any further.

I decided to give her chance, even though there's a good probability it won't work out, especially the way my life has been lately. Like you all said, there's a chance I may be surprised.

Old adages hang around forever for a reason. There's generally a kernel of something to them. With that in mind, I'll offer you this:

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Truly, Topher, you have nothing to lose. So, you step out, spend some time with a new person, and that's that. And there's nothing wrong with that. You'll likely hear new stories, gain some new experiences, see the world -- however or long or momentarily -- through someone else's eyes. All of that is always a benefit. Plus, you'll have another person in your arsenal of people. As you go through life, you never, ever know when you'll run into someone again and knowing them might even be an advantage for you. You just don't know.

Even if -- even IF -- you figured she was the woman of your dreams, try, try, try not to put too much stress and pressure on the situation. Just relax, take your time, enjoy the person for who they are, and let them enjoy you for who you are. If something romantic comes of it, then, nifty, if you gain a new friend, then, cool, if you've made a connection with a fellow human being that you learned even one small thing from, then, great!

What I'm trying to say is: enjoy the journey. Mixed metaphor coming up here. Quit trying to see the goal line before you even step on the field. The experience is the thing. It really and truly is.

 

[jackmell]

Does it even matter how old he is? I think it does and I'm not asking as I thing that is not appropriate to tell anyone. Also, I do not believe "it can't hurt". Actually it can turn into a catastrophe. Michael Douglas said it nicely on one of his movies: he was shown a picture of a beautiful woman and asked what came to his mind. "Risky" was his answer. It is a risk. But back to the age thing: If a teenager was asking me this, first thing that would come to my mind is the sex thing. That's right, don't be gettin' that girl pregnant and that is a conversation his dad needs to have with him.

But suppose he's a young adult. The unwanted pregnant thing still applies but also, I believe the first thing most guys would ask is, "she good-lookin'?" No one asked because that's what, dog-ish? But of course being guys, we wouldn't even be having this conversation if she were ugly. And that brings us to another distinctly guy-thing: if she's good-looking then most guys (I think) would say, "who cares if you don't have anything in common. Just call her and hook-up." But again, that is crude but unfortunately true quite often.

So my advice is to take care in any relationship you have with a female, don't rush to have sex, try not to period if you're a teenager, never have sex without protection unless you're prepared to have a child, and finally, learn what it takes to have a healthy relationship with a female even if you're a teenager.

 

[DanP]

Does it even matter how old he is?

Irrelevant. he can lie about his age, so you just respond to the question.

I think it does and I'm not asking as I thing that is not appropriate to tell anyone

Then why bring it up ?

Michael Douglas said it nicely on one of his movies: he was shown a picture of a beautiful woman and asked what came to his mind. "Risky" was his answer. It is a risk.

You can take your chances and do something, or rot in your own fears, stay safe from "risk", while your friend is screwing the beautiful women you liked. Yeah, a very hot women is a higher risk than a ugly *** one.
So what ? I don't see the point. You have to try to get what you want.

But back to the age thing: If a teenager was asking me this, first thing that would come to my mind is the sex thing. That's right, don't be gettin' that girl pregnant and that is a conversation his dad needs to have with him.

Rofl. Maybe he doesn't need your "education" ? You know, those things get old, always preaching anti teen sex.

So my advice is to take care in any relationship you have with a female, dont' rush to have sex and never do so without protection unless you're prepared to have a child, and finally, learn what it takes to have a healthy relationship with a woman even if you're a teenager.

Have sex as soon as both they are comfortable with the ideea. You main concern shouldn't be a unwanted child for having protected sex, but STDs. AIDS still kills. A child does not. It may screw your life, but at least you'll be alive.

if she's good-looking then most guys (I think) would say, "who cares if you don't have anything in common. Just call her and hook-up.

Yes. This is what your first years as an sexually active person are. Exploration. Its nothing wrong to be with someone just because they look good. It;s part of the exploration process. OP, call her up. You only live once. Learn to take chances.
Besides, you will never learn if you do have anything in common or not unless you hook up with her and spend personal time with her.

 

[jackmell]

Irrelevant. he can lie about his age, so you just respond to the question.
Then why bring it up ?

I think it is very relevant how old he is but at the same time I caution any young person giving their age on the internet because of sexual predators.

And I do not wish to be giving adult advice to a teen.

You can take your chances and do something, or rot in your own fears, stay safe from "risk", while your friend is screwing the beautiful women you liked. Yeah, a very hot women is a higher risk than a ugly *** one.
So what ? I don't see the point. You have to try to get what you want.

That comment in my view is dependent on how old he is. It is inappropriate if he's a teen as I will never approve of teens having sex no matter how hot she is.

Also, to exemplify the "risk" associated with potential relationships, I ran across this story:

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/TheLaw/teens-battle-heroin-addiction/story?id=11994939

"Ashley experimented with drugs during her freshman year of college, and she regrets that one day, she tried smoking hash with a friend. After a few weeks of using the drug, her friend came clean; the drug that they'd been smoking was actually heroin. "

Rofl. Maybe he doesn't need your "education" ? You know, those things get old, always preaching anti teen sex.

I would very much prefer if his dad had talked to him about girls, sex, relationships, and pregnancy all through his young years but at the same time not too much to turn him away from him. So I do agree the "preaching" thing can cause problems.

Have sex as soon as both they are comfortable with the ideea. You main concern shouldn't be a unwanted child for having protected sex, but STDs. AIDS still kills. A child does not. It may screw your life, but at least you'll be alive.

Not if they are teens. You and I will never agree on this. I agree STDs are also a concern. However I wish to get across that the five second orgasism is not worth the risk of utterly changing your entire life by an unwanted pregnancy that young people are utterly unprepared emotionally, educationally, and financially to deal with in an adequate manner.

 

[DanP]

"Ashley experimented with drugs during her freshman year of college, and she regrets that one day, she tried smoking hash with a friend. After a few weeks of using the drug, her friend came clean; the drug that they'd been smoking was actually heroin. "

It has nothing to do with romantic relationships per se. Rather, with poor judgment, and lack of a through education in partner choice and the danger of smoking any substance whatsoever.
The danger for addiction through 3rd parties is not linked only to a "love interest" , but generally, to your entourage.

Abstaining from having social relations is very bad for the psychological sanity of a teen IMO.

Not if they are teens. You and I will never agree on this.

Yes, we won't But yeah, there is value in diversity.

the five second orgasism is not worth the risk of utterly changing your entire life by an unwanted pregnancy that young people are utterly unprepared emotionally, educationally, and financially to deal with in an adequate manner.

I agree with you, but the solution is not IMO hypocrisy and asking teens not to do what you do with your women and enjoy it on a daily basis. Rather, EDUCATION, EDUCATION, EDUCATION to prepare them to make sensible choices.

 

[GeorginaS]

Does it even matter how old he is? I think it does and I'm not asking as I thing that is not appropriate to tell anyone. Also, I do not believe "it can't hurt". Actually it can turn into a catastrophe. Michael Douglas said it nicely on one of his movies: he was shown a picture of a beautiful woman and asked what came to his mind. "Risky" was his answer. It is a risk. But back to the age thing: If a teenager was asking me this, first thing that would come to my mind is the sex thing. That's right, don't be gettin' that girl pregnant and that is a conversation his dad needs to have with him.

Emphasis mine.

Maybe completely wrongly on my part, but I assume when someone is talking about friendships and whether or not to even consider pursuing a relationship with someone else, they're talking about the emotional component. Every one of the conversations here could immediately turn into a sex ed class. We could have just one stickied thread on the "do(s)" and "do not do(s)" of sex and be done with it. The mechanics is the easy part.

Anyway, the ideas I discussed were the emotional ones, and I stand by them for anyone of any age. I'll let you deal with the sex questions because, even though you think Topher's father should be discussing this with him, you seem prepared to jump in at any rate.

 

[Topher925]

I'll let you deal with the sex questions because, even though you think Topher's father should be discussing this with him, you seem prepared to jump in at any rate.

Well, this thread certainly took an interesting turn.

BTW, there is an opportunity cost here. I could lose a few hours of my time (which for me is very precious these days), plus the gas required to drive where ever. Plus, if she turns out to be a psycho-@#$%& I could lose body parts or possibly have to pay lawyer fees.

 

[Evo]

She only lives an hour away? That's the other side of town here. When I lived in Houston, TX, Atlanta, GA, and Yardley, PA, I drove over 2 hours each way to work every day. Where the heck do you live that an hour is a long distance?

 

[Hurkyl]

If you enjoyed her company enough to ask for her number before, shouldn't that be a good indicator you would enjoy her company again?

If gas bothers you, then invite her someplace near you. If you are worried for your safety, then you should meet someplace public and safe. But quite honestly, it sounds like you're making excuses rather than citing things you are genuinely worried about. You can't make a good decision if you feed yourself bad information.

(You should probably do something public anyways, whether or not you think that one is a serious concern)

 

[waht]

Read 'Surely You're Joking Mr Feynman' and then call her. Who knows, you might get into some cool adventure. Even if you end up not dating her, something interesting could happen, and you would have a cool story to share.

 

[Hurkyl]

Yah, we want to hear the tale of how you got your arm chopped off, and couldn't pay your medical bill because you spent all your money on gas!

 

[Hurkyl]

BTW, there is an opportunity cost here.

Not calling her doesn't just give up on the chance for gain (or loss); it has a cost of its own. You seem to have already spent a lot of time dwelling on her, and will probably continue to do so for some time.

 

[waht]

Yah, we want to hear the tale of how you got your arm chopped off, and couldn't pay your medical bill because you spent all your money on gas!

 

[Astronuc]

Read 'Surely You're Joking Mr Feynman' and then call her. Who knows, you might get into some cool adventure. Even if you end up not dating her, something interesting could happen, and you would have a cool story to share.

I'd recommend the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. And take along a towel just in case.

 

[GeorginaS]

Well, this thread certainly took an interesting turn.

BTW, there is an opportunity cost here. I could lose a few hours of my time (which for me is very precious these days), plus the gas required to drive where ever. Plus, if she turns out to be a psycho-@#$%& I could lose body parts or possibly have to pay lawyer fees.

You're just all kinds of fun and adventure, aren't you?




As Astronuc said: bring a towel.

 

[lisab]

You're just all kinds of fun and adventure, aren't you?




As Astronuc said: bring a towel.

And get a tetanus shot.

 

[jackmell]

Emphasis mine.

Anyway, the ideas I discussed were the emotional ones, and I stand by them for anyone of any age. I'll let you deal with the sex questions because, even though you think Topher's father should be discussing this with him, you seem prepared to jump in at any rate.

Yeah, maybe that looks so but I do not wish to take his dad's place and don't wish to preach. I'm just giving my opinion. You guys do. Everything I said I though was reasonable. That's how guys are:

"well, she likes science?"

". . . ugh . . . not really"

"but is she pretty then?"

"yeah, hot"

". . . ugh, ok that's alright then."

There you go: whole universe for a guy in a nutshell.

And sex is a very integral part of a relationship, so integral you could differentiate it, . . . all kinds of ways, all night long even but I digress. And relationships are risky especially for the girl. Jesus, I'm glad I'm a guy cus' I'd be handing out red-flags right and left. Lemme' tell you a story, about a man name Jed, a poor . . . . But really, a female friend of mine, she's seein' this guy she likes and he sends her this photo . . . will this get deleted? It's a true story to illustrate the point. The photo is a stuffed pillow with a stuffed penis coming out of it and he says, "well, I know you like to sleep with your mouth open". Yeah, uh huh, red-flag, deal-breaker. You need to dump that dog I told her. See what I mean. Good luck with them ladies.

 

[GeorginaS]

The photo is a stuffed pillow with a stuffed penis coming out of it and he says, "well, I know you like to sleep with your mouth open". Yeah, uh huh, red-flag, deal-breaker. You need to dump that dog I told her. See what I mean. Good luck with them ladies.

Soooo, you're telling us that you know some slightly odd people, then?

 

[jackmell]

Soooo, you're telling us that you know some slightly odd people, then?

Georgina . . . I'm old and don't mind being so. She's an ex-girlfriend but I'm not interested in her. Poor thing. She's desperate and needs a relationship like most women I tried telling you guys in another post and by the way I was really hurt you guys accused me of trolling in that post and what does that even mean anyway? I'm sure it's bad though. But all the women in here got privs so I didn't say nothin'.

So I saw her a few days ago and asked her, "well, how's it going with that guy you seein'?" In a reserved, embarrassed, slightly hurt manner she uttered some deragotory term for a guy that only wants sex and said, "I'm not seeing him anymore."

I mean if a woman sent me some stuffed vagina and said something crude like, "here's were to put it to keep it warm" I'd be so . . . wait, lemme' think about that for a minute . . . are we talkin' about a pretty woman or what?

And look, women aren't any better:

"well, is he good-looking?"

"ugh . . . not really, kinda' bald."

"well, what does he do?"

"I think he's an engineer at Boeing. He drives a really nice car."

". . . ugh . . . ok then, that's alright."

See, perfect synergy. That's why we like soooo much to be together. :)

 

[GeorginaS]

And look, women aren't any better:

"well, is he good-looking?"

"ugh . . . not really, kinda' bald."

"well, what does he do?"

"I think he's an engineer at Boeing. He drives a really nice car."

". . . ugh . . . ok then, that's alright."

See, perfect synergy. That's why we like soooo much to be together. :)

I love these fictional conversations you write and offer them up as proof of other people's behaviour. "See what I wrote? That proves it." Perfect!

P.S. What's a "priv"?

 

[Topher925]

Georgina . . . I'm old and don't mind being so. She's an ex-girlfriend but I'm not interested in her. Poor thing. She's desperate and needs a relationship like most women I tried telling you guys in another post and by the way I was really hurt you guys accused me of trolling in that post and what does that even mean anyway? I'm sure it's bad though. But all the women in here got privs so I didn't say nothin'.

So I saw her a few days ago and asked her, "well, how's it going with that guy you seein'?" In a reserved, embarrassed, slightly hurt manner she uttered some deragotory term for a guy that only wants sex and said, "I'm not seeing him anymore."

I mean if a woman sent me some stuffed vagina and said something crude like, "here's were to put it to keep it warm" I'd be so . . . wait, lemme' think about that for a minute . . . are we talkin' about a pretty woman or what?

And look, women aren't any better:

"well, is he good-looking?"

"ugh . . . not really, kinda' bald."

"well, what does he do?"

"I think he's an engineer at Boeing. He drives a really nice car."

". . . ugh . . . ok then, that's alright."

See, perfect synergy. That's why we like soooo much to be together. :)

I have absolutely no idea what point you are trying to make.

 

[Upisoft]

Go for her. At least she lives 1 hour away. The worst experience I had was with a girl living next door. Never make that mistake, as you'll have to endure the others that will come after you, see them and even hear them...

 

[jackmell]

I love these fictional conversations you write and offer them up as proof of other people's behaviour. "See what I wrote? That proves it." Perfect!

P.S. What's a "priv"?

You know I'm right with that dialog. And privs, that privileges, moderator privs. And that's ok to me. Don't mind at all.

 

[jackmell]

I have absolutely no idea what point you are trying to make.

That's kinda' my way of playing Topher even though I believe in what I say and the story about the pillow is real. But it's off-topic to your discussion about calling a girl. Sorry for that. You mentioned you called her. Good for you. That's what it takes: guts. :)

 

[DanP]

Never make that mistake, as you'll have to endure the others that will come after you, see them and even hear them...

Or you could simply grow a pair ?

 

[DanP]

And look, women aren't any better:

"well, is he good-looking?"

"ugh . . . not really, kinda' bald."

"well, what does he do?"

"I think he's an engineer at Boeing. He drives a really nice car."

". . . ugh . . . ok then, that's alright."

See, perfect synergy. That's why we like soooo much to be together. :)

I don't get you.

You basically aint very happy with how we are wired :P You dislike physical attraction as a reason to be with someone, and you equally dislike status and resources as a reason to be with someone.

You say woman aren't better. Better than what ? It's simply what we are. It should be enough for you. No wonder you dislike ppl having sex.

 

[jackmell]

I don't get you.

You basically aint very happy with how we are wired :P You dislike physical attraction as a reason to be with someone, and you equally dislike status and resources as a reason to be with someone.

You say woman aren't better. Better than what ? It's simply what we are. It should be enough for you. No wonder you dislike ppl having sex.

Lemms' see, wrong, wrong, I made a mistake, wrong, wrong:

(1) I'm happy the way we are wired since I'm a biologist at heart. If I wasn't happy the way we are, I could not be a biologist in my opinion.

(2) The dialog I wrote doesn't mean I'm against it but rather I wanted to illustrate how we all are in general (there are exceptions). I'm just as much a dog as other men.

(3) Ok, I should not have said "women aren't better". I should have said something like, "women have their own requirements too".

(4) And you just want to be mean to imply I don't like people having sex. I'm against teens having sex and you know that.

 

[DanP]

I'm just as much a dog as other men.

We are what we are. But I am starting to like you after this disclosure. Still, I wouldn't have liked you in my life when I was 16 :P

(4) And you just want to be mean to imply I don't like people having sex. I'm against teens having sex and you know that.

Yeah, I was mean

 

[jackmell]

We are what we are. But I am starting to like you after this disclosure. Still, I wouldn't have liked you in my life when I was 16 :P

Well I hope you got along with your dad at that time. I always got along with my son. He's 24. I know another family well where I live. He never got along with his son. I know because our family is close and the women talk alot. His son developed bi-polar disorder, had a lot of mental problems. A month ago, he committed suicide. He was 32. Not saying the reason was because of his relationship with his dad, but I suspect maybe things would have been better had they been closer.

 

[DanP]

Well I hope you got along with your dad at that time.

Yeah, my father and I, got along just fine during all my life so far. He is great. Both my parents are MDs and did a decent job educating me about sex. Never tried to stop me from having sex and after I was 18 he allowed me to spend the night with my gf in my parents home in "my" room.

 

[Upisoft]

Or you could simply grow a pair ?

What does that mean?

 

[DanP]

What does that mean?

It's her life. Be a man and move on, even if it hurts you for a while. Obsessing about the men she is dating won't do any good.