The great fortune-cookie fraud

[Ivan Seeking]

The time has come when I can no longer tolerate one of the great deceptions of modern life - fortune cookie fraud. Earlier I opened three prepackaged cookies provided by a credible and reliable Chinese restaurant, that were each clearly labeled as a "Fortune Cookie". But when I anxiously read my fortunes, so that I would know what to expect tomorrow, instead I got:

1). You have the ability to be persuasive
2). Talent does what it can. Genius does what it must.
3). You are contemplative and analytical by nature.

Clearly 1 and 3 were statement of fact cookies masquerading as fortune cookies. Yes, I am contemplative, analytical, and persuasive; all true, but that is not a fortune. If I want a statement of fact cookie, I will go to a restaurant owned by Obama supporters. In case 2, we clearly have a wisdom of the ages cookie. Yes, I am a genius, which is why I must write this post, but if I had wanted the wisdom of the ages, I would have gone out for Greek.

 

[Pengwuino]

Obviously this thread is bordering on fringe conspiracy theories. Fortune cookies are proven science and to demean the Chinese culture is a hate crime.

Locked pending moderation.

 

[Phyisab****]

I agree. At first I thought to myself, a real fortune would be too risky. But then I thought, a real fortune wouldn't have to be any more risky even. For example, "you will be contemplative and analytical tomorrow," that's a bit more of a fortune.

 

[Evo]

My older daughter solved the fortune cookie odds, when she turned it over and saw the string of numbers across the bottom. She read the fortune then turned it over and said "and the odds of this happening are 5 23 678 92 537", she was 5 years old.

 

[DaveC426913]

There is no question that fortune quality has declined over the years.

I must say though, I got the funniest fortune ever once:

The first love, the last love: self love.

Good thing I wasn't on a date...

 

[Evo]

There is no question that fortune quality has declined over the years.

I must say though, I got the funniest fortune ever once:

The first love, the last love: self love.

Good thing I wasn't on a date...

I opened a fortune cookie once...and it was blank. It was at The Happy Buddha in Houston, I was with 2 of my girlfriends. Sums my life up perfectly.

 

[Phyisab****]

There is no question that fortune quality has declined over the years.

I must say though, I got the funniest fortune ever once:

The first love, the last love: self love.

Good thing I wasn't on a date...

hahahaha oh man barely appropriate for physics forums

 

[Tsu]

Yeah, but what irks me the most is those dang 'bad advice' cookies. They're just the pits.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

"You will cross the Yellow River many times", received by a little girl who was still wetting her bed. True story.

 

[Newai]

Ivan, you're supposed to eat the entire cookie before reading the fortunes. Otherwise they turn into faux wisdom. You're also supposed to eat them with eyes closed, and more importantly, choose only the cookies on the highest quality china that happen to be pointing at you.

Then you have to eat the fortune to make it come true.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Ivan, you're supposed to eat the entire cookie before reading the fortunes.

Check. Did that. If I don't eat them quickly, my wife will get them.

Otherwise they turn into faux wisdom.

Wow, "wisdom" is more complicated than I thought.

You're also supposed to eat them with eyes closed

With my coordination skills, that gets tricky.

and more importantly, choose only the cookies on the highest quality china that happen to be pointing at you.

I did choose only the ones wrapped in the finest plastic.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Query: Does the expiration date apply to the fortune or the cookie?

 

[erok81]

I've got you all beat.

My wife got one that said "An alien will be appearing to you shortly."

That was the weirdest and best I've seen.

 

[DaveC426913]

My wife got one that said "An alien will be appearing to you shortly."

And...?

 

[GeorginaS]

I've got you all beat.

My wife got one that said "An alien will be appearing to you shortly."

That was the weirdest and best I've seen.

And...?

Well, obviously an alien appeared to her shortly. Duh.

 

[MotoH]

I have one that says:

"Come back later, I am sleeping (fortune cookies need their rest too!)"

I can scan it if you want!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

This one is interesting: Help! I'm being held hostage in a Fortune Cookie factory.

 

[joshuadavid21]

Well, I think you can find an information in some site that they show a recipe like fortune cookies like that. However, try to ask in some friend of you if they know the fortune cookie.

 

[Moonbear]

I haven't seen a good fortune cookie (meaning with an actual fortune as opposed to an ego boost statement) in a long time.

Whatever happened to ones like, "Money will soon come your way," that were followed by the waiter bringing back my change?

 

[chayced]

My favorite will always be "That wasn't chicken."

 

[rdanner3]

My favorites I first saw in an old DOS game...

"Man who invented baseball wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk."
and
"Man standing on toilet high on pot."

 

[Drakkith]

I'm waiting to get one that says "Meow..."

 

[FlexGunship]

I've gotten one that said "Please try again."

 

[PAllen]

Decades ago, when they contained actual fortunes, I had two amusing experiences.

1) I was at lunch with the people I worked with, including my manager. I got a cookie that said "You will soon get a salary increase". I handed it to my manager. He complied.

2) This was just a case of fortune cookie writers being way behind the curve on evolution of English. I got one that said "You will meet an important person at a gay party.".

 

[Ivan Seeking]

"You will meet an important person at a gay party.".

Well, did you? And was it actually a party, or a bar?

 

[PAllen]

Well, did you? And was it actually a party, or a bar?

Nope. Met my most important person at work. It was just the unintended meaning that I will never forget. (Never actually been to a gay party; have been to gay bars and clubs with friends and coworkers).

 

[Ivan Seeking]

It was just the unintended meaning that I will never forget.

I know. I just couldn't resist.

(Never actually been to a gay party; have been to gay bars and clubs with friends and coworkers).

Hmmm, can't say I've ever been to a gay party or bar. Of course, I've only been in a bar about four times and I don't go to parties. So that limits things pretty well.

 

[lisab]

So I just went looking at fortune cookies sites and found this site:

http://www.fortunecookiemessage.com/

I kept clicking "open a cookie" and then this one came up - "Do not upset the penguin today"...what the heck kind of fortune is that? Did Penguinino hack the site?!

 

[Moonbear]

One of my Facebook friends just posted that she got a cookie without a fortune. She wants to know if that means she has no future. :

 

[Evo]

One of my Facebook friends just posted that she got a cookie without a fortune. She wants to know if that means she has no future. :

It's not good, I had a great life until the day I got a cookie with a blank piece of paper in it.

 

[collinsmark]

Don't you people know that you're supposed to end every fortune cookie 'fortune' with the phrase, "... in bed"?

1). You have the ability to be persuasive

-in bed.

2). Talent does what it can. Genius does what it must

-in bed.

3). You are contemplative and analytical by nature

-in bed.

The first love, the last love: self love

-in bed.

"You will cross the Yellow River many times"

-in bed.

"An alien will be appearing to you shortly"

-in bed.

"Come back later, I am sleeping (fortune cookies need their rest too!)"

-in bed.

Help! I'm being held hostage in a Fortune Cookie factory

-in bed.

"Money will soon come your way"

-in bed.

"That wasn't chicken"

-in bed.

"Man who invented baseball wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk"

-in bed.

"Man standing on toilet high on pot"

-in bed.

"Please try again"

-in bed.

"You will soon get a salary increase"

-in bed.

"You will meet an important person at a gay party"

-in bed.

"Do not upset the penguin today"

-in bed.

 

[Evo]

LOL Collinsmark!

 

[ArcherofScience]

I went to a chinese grill in Houston here in texas the other week, I wish i could remember what my fortune cookie said. I do get allot of 9s on my cookie lol.

 

[rustynail]

I remember one time eating at a chinese restaurant, I took 3 fortune cookies. Two of them said the same thing : ''You love chinese food''.

 

[nucl34rgg]

I once received a fortune cookie with no fortune in it. It is the only fortune cookie that I have ever believed.