Universities, boyfriends and lies

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The discussion revolves around a user seeking advice about their relationship with a boyfriend who has a troubling background, including aggression and extremist views. The user expresses doubts about their boyfriend's honesty and whether he is manipulating them. They mention feeling uncomfortable due to significant ideological differences, particularly regarding views on Jews, and the boyfriend's past involvement with the Ku Klux Klan. Many participants advise the user to reconsider the relationship, highlighting red flags such as the boyfriend's aggression and past legal issues. They suggest contacting a psychologist for support and emphasize the importance of self-worth and finding a partner who respects and aligns with their values. Ultimately, the user reflects on their feelings and recognizes the need to move on from the relationship, acknowledging that they deserve better and expressing interest in someone who treats them well. The conversation underscores themes of self-awareness, the impact of unhealthy relationships, and the importance of personal values in romantic connections.
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Are there anyone here who studies at the University of Wisconsin, Madison?
Does anyone KNOW any students there?

I need to find an answer to the following question and, please help, the questions concerns whether I will break up with my boyfriend or not because I think he is lying to me:

Has there EVER been a university that has sent "invitations" to their former students where they ask if they would like to finish their education, even if those students ended their education around 15 years ago?

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP! I need to find out whether my boyfriend is lying or not. I have a bad feeling about this relationship and I NEED TO KNOW if this is possible. I cannot stand being so worried and discomfortable about this anymore - I am sick of it. Please help! I hoped this would be a good place to ask as I know there are many Americans here and American students.
 
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Call the university registrar and ask them.

- Warren
 
I agree with chroot, Thallium. Ask around and see what you find out. Also, I suggest tricking him into vowing truth or something like that, then ask him. If he is lying to you, then he should get a bit nervous if you start hinting that you suspect him. If he doen't get nervous or twitchy or both, then he's either a really good liar or he's telling the truth, and you shouldn't be so paranoid about him.
 
I can't help being so paranoid. But no, he has never become nervous when I ask him questions of suspicion.
 
Your paranoia is going to ruin every relationship you'll ever have. Find a way to get past it. Go see a therapist if you can't.

- Warren
 
Thallium said:
I can't help being so paranoid. But no, he has never become nervous when I ask him questions of suspicion.

Has he gave you any reason in the past for you to doubt him? Has he ever done anything wrong?

As suggested, call the registrar and find things out for yourself. The truth shall set you free.
 
The_Professional said:
The truth shall set you free.


Ah the cliche...

Unless he has done something wrong in the past I doubt there should be any problems. Has be been talking on the phone a lot or anything? I mean, more than usual? Does he act differently, those are just a coupla hints that you know something is up. But do what the other guys said.

I used to worry when my (then) gf went out and I wasnt there, I could trust her but not all the guys in the club. We did have a few arguements till I just said "Fine, I won't give a crap then"...lol
 
The_Professional said:
Has he gave you any reason in the past for you to doubt him? Has he ever done anything wrong?

As suggested, call the registrar and find things out for yourself. The truth shall set you free.

Yes, he appears to be very aggressive. Fights, jail sentences, custody, fines,
ex-member of the Ku Klux Klan, and before he "received" that letter, I joked about not wanting to be with him if he was not well-educated and had completed his degree in engineering. Perhaps he took this seriously. I am happy with him as he is, and he seemed to understand that, but... I am still anxious. There are also other reasons for me being unsure: He and I share different opinion on Jews. He believes they are the Children of Satan(this is getting very personal), I DON'T. No people are the childran of Satan. We do not share the same views. He does not complain to me about my views, but he does not know this particular opinion of mine.

Well, I get so upset when teling about this. Please, no comments on my views relating to God and Jews, no criticism: I am asking for advice, not derision.

All of these bad signals are part of my displeasefulness with our relationship. Should I break up with him? I am closing in on that thought. I deserve something better than such a hostile and hateful man. I cannot stand it, but at the same time I love him. But I am not convinced that I have ever been in love with him.

Suddenly this turned into an enormously personal matter, but I have to air my grievance! Forgive me if I insult anyone!
 
Thallium said:
Yes, he appears to be very aggressive. Fights, jail sentences, custody, fines,
ex-member of the Ku Klux Klan
...
He and I share different opinion on Jews. He believes they are the Children of Satan

I don't even know if you're joking lol
 
  • #10
Ummm if he is like that, why would you want to be with him?? There are plenty of NICE guys out there... I don't want to offend but it just seems like the people who don't deserve it get all the the luck and the nice girls.
 
  • #11
That's why nice guys make great scientists; women are not interested in them :wink:
 
  • #12
uh oh...what about "nice guys are nobodies..."? I am not going to Uni but I'm a nice guy... Scout's honour!
 
  • #13
Uh yeah, Thallium, if you have such tremendous differences in your value systems, you will not work in a long-term relationship -- period. No matter how much fun you have here and there on casual dates.

I turn down women all the time over much less significant differences in world-view.

- Warren
 
  • #14
chroot said:
I turn down women all the time over much less significant differences in world-view.

You're not like Seinfeld are you? Manhands, the virgin, mulva, the girl who might have fake boobs, the girl who laughs like elmer fud sitting on a juicer...
 
  • #15
Not quite that bad, but I've turned down women for being too religious, too superstitious, even liking really bad music...

- Warren
 
  • #16
Oh, and virgins over the age of 21.. definitely, they turn me off.

- Warren
 
  • #17
Well that's not really fair since people in the US aren't even allowed to drink before 21.
Elaine: So what your saying is that 95% of our population is undatable?
Jerry: UNDATABLE!
Elaine: then how are all of these people getting together?
Jerry: Alcohol
 
  • #18
It's probably more like 99.99%, in my opinion.

- Warren
 
  • #19
I don't know if it's that high. Maybe you fall within that bracket because you're the one who keeps dumping people :biggrin:.

Since the divorce rate is around 50%, at least 50% of people are undatable. Then factor in that a lot of single people are undatable... hmmm maybe 80%?
 
  • #20
Thallium said:
Yes, he appears to be very aggressive. Fights, jail sentences, custody, fines,
ex-member of the Ku Klux Klan, and before he "received" that letter, I joked about not wanting to be with him if he was not well-educated and had completed his degree in engineering. Perhaps he took this seriously. I am happy with him as he is, and he seemed to understand that, but... I am still anxious. There are also other reasons for me being unsure: He and I share different opinion on Jews. He believes they are the Children of Satan(this is getting very personal), I DON'T. No people are the childran of Satan. We do not share the same views. He does not complain to me about my views, but he does not know this particular opinion of mine.

Well, I get so upset when teling about this. Please, no comments on my views relating to God and Jews, no criticism: I am asking for advice, not derision.

Thallium said:
All of these bad signals are part of my displeasefulness with our relationship. Should I break up with him? I am closing in on that thought. I deserve something better than such a hostile and hateful man. I cannot stand it, but at the same time I love him. But I am not convinced that I have ever been in love with him.

Should you break up with him? that's got to be the understatement of the year. Ultimately, it's your decision but with all the red flags you mentioned I won't be surprise if you break up with him.
 
  • #21
chroot said:
Oh, and virgins over the age of 21.. definitely, they turn me off.

- Warren

chroot said:
Not quite that bad, but I've turned down women for being too religious, too superstitious, even liking really bad music...

- Warren

That's a little bit too much don't you think. Those are pretty minor reasons, In my opinion. I would turn down somebody on the basis of having a bad attitude, inconsistency in behavior and actions, lack of integrity, inflexibility.
 
Last edited:
  • #22
No, I think it's right on target. I'd rather be alone than be with someone who doesn't fundamentally see the world the way I do. You can do what you wish with your life.

- Warren
 
  • #23
I'd be afraid of someone like that
 
  • #24
And I thought I was picky
 
  • #25
ShawnD said:
You're not like Seinfeld are you? Manhands, the virgin, mulva, the girl who might have fake boobs, the girl who laughs like elmer fud sitting on a juicer...

don't forget the good looking one he turns down because Newman even turned his nose up at her...and what about the one who always wore the same dress? i love seinfeld :smile:
 
  • #26
Anyone attending University of Memphis?
 
  • #27
Thallium, listen to me. If your profile is correct you just turned 18 a couple of weeks ago. You said that this guy dropped out of college 15 years ago. He's MUCH older than you. From what you've said about him "he appears to be very aggressive. Fights, jail sentences, custody, fines, ex-member of the Ku Klux Klan, and before he "received" that letter, I joked about not wanting to be with him if he was not well-educated and had completed his degree in engineering. Perhaps he took this seriously. I am happy with him as he is, and he seemed to understand that, but... I am still anxious. There are also other reasons for me being unsure: He and I share different opinion on Jews. He believes they are the Children of Satan(this is getting very personal), I DON'T. No people are the childran of Satan."

OMG! What are you thinking?!? RUN AWAY from this person! You were still a minor when you started dating this guy. Here in the US, that would be against the law.

Thallium, you are so smart, you have so much going for you. This guy is a MAJOR LOSER! Not to mention SCARY.

I don't ususally give relationship advice, but this is so serious, I will make an exception. DROP HIM NOW! This is NOT the person for you.

Please listen to me. I have a very bad feeling about this guy.
 
  • #28
chroot said:
No, I think it's right on target. I'd rather be alone than be with someone who doesn't fundamentally see the world the way I do.

I can totally relate. I can't even stand to be around religious people; they're just so fundamentally evil. Dumping girls who like bad music is also understandable.
 
  • #29
Evo said:
Thallium, listen to me. If your profile is correct you just turned 18 a couple of weeks ago. You said that this guy dropped out of college 15 years ago. He's MUCH older than you. From what you've said about him "he appears to be very aggressive. Fights, jail sentences, custody, fines, ex-member of the Ku Klux Klan, and before he "received" that letter, I joked about not wanting to be with him if he was not well-educated and had completed his degree in engineering. Perhaps he took this seriously. I am happy with him as he is, and he seemed to understand that, but... I am still anxious. There are also other reasons for me being unsure: He and I share different opinion on Jews. He believes they are the Children of Satan(this is getting very personal), I DON'T. No people are the childran of Satan."

Thallium, I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST SOME CREATIVE WRITING BY ANOTHER POSTER! You got to be kidding.
 
  • #30
Evo said:
OMG! What are you thinking?!? RUN AWAY from this person! You were still a minor when you started dating this guy. Here in the US, that would be against the law.

Thallium, you are so smart, you have so much going for you. This guy is a MAJOR LOSER! Not to mention SCARY.

I don't ususally give relationship advice, but this is so serious, I will make an exception. DROP HIM NOW! This is NOT the person for you.

Please listen to me. I have a very bad feeling about this guy.


And there was me trying to be subtle :biggrin:


And to the other guys I don't see what your problem is, I would do the same as Chroot would. Unfortunately I'm not in the position where girls throw themselves at me :mad: :frown:
 
  • #31
I am not letting him go. We have talked and reunited in many ways. The points which we disagree on, I hardly know anything about and I cannot base my decision on ignorance. I would probably regret it. I am thinking deeply and I no longer believe he is a liar as I used to. He has convinced me. He would not be as intelligent as he is if he was lying. It is my mind that is the problem. My mental state. I am thinking of perhaps contacting a psychologist. That is MY idea.
 
  • #32
Thallium said:
I am thinking deeply and I no longer believe he is a liar as I used to. He has convinced me.

You'll find out that people don't change a whole lot (unless influenced by rapid hormone changes). If somebody is a cheater when you meet them, they will always cheat. If they lie, they will always lie.
 
  • #33
i agree with evo
 
  • #34
ShawnD said:
You'll find out that people don't change a whole lot (unless influenced by rapid hormone changes). If somebody is a cheater when you meet them, they will always cheat. If they lie, they will always lie.

But he has never lied to me. I realized that today when we talked. I cannot think that he is manipulating me with every word he says. What would that say about ME? It was all in my head. I conceived all of this about the darn university. The way he spoke about was to me credible. Now I do not know about the "Jews-are-children-of-Satan"-theory. I will have to do some research.
 
  • #35
Thallium said:
Now I do not know about the "Jews-are-children-of-Satan"-theory. I will have to do some research.

That doesn't even need research. They're not, and neither is any race.
 
  • #36
Geez, honey, you're 18, go find someone in your age bracket (try and keep 'em under 25) that respects you and treats you well. I think your idea about seeking a psychologist is a good one. They would be a great resource for you to be able to talk about this relationship, because it sounds exploitive and manipulative.
 
  • #37
Hi Thallium,

I don't really know what to say here, except perhaps from what you have written, the man you love is able to put a spin on everything and brainwash you. He is able to do so because 1. he is much older and more experienced, intelligent and articulate than you are and 2. you are swayed (if not blinded) by your desperate love for him. I am not trying to divorce you from him, because I know nobody can, you will have to think for yourself and come to your own decision.

Seeing a psychiatrist is a good idea, so is keeping your distance from him so that you can think for yourself. Still your thought and ask yourself, if you could start your life all over again before you met him, would you date a guy like him?

All of us on the forum are nice people and can offer you both men's and women's perspectives, you are amongst friends.
 
  • #38
adrenaline said:
i agree with evo
I do, too.
 
  • #39
Thallium said:
Yes, he appears to be very aggressive. Fights, jail sentences, custody, fines,
ex-member of the Ku Klux Klan, and before he "received" that letter, I joked about not wanting to be with him if he was not well-educated and had completed his degree in engineering. Perhaps he took this seriously. I am happy with him as he is, and he seemed to understand that, but... I am still anxious. There are also other reasons for me being unsure: He and I share different opinion on Jews. He believes they are the Children of Satan(this is getting very personal), I DON'T. No people are the childran of Satan. We do not share the same views. He does not complain to me about my views, but he does not know this particular opinion of mine.

Well, I get so upset when teling about this. Please, no comments on my views relating to God and Jews, no criticism: I am asking for advice, not derision.

All of these bad signals are part of my displeasefulness with our relationship. Should I break up with him? I am closing in on that thought. I deserve something better than such a hostile and hateful man. I cannot stand it, but at the same time I love him. But I am not convinced that I have ever been in love with him.

Suddenly this turned into an enormously personal matter, but I have to air my grievance! Forgive me if I insult anyone!

This guy comes with a lot of ugly baggage. Do you really want to associate with him for the rest of your life? You said he is aggressive, and is a fighter has he ever hit you? Do you think he has this potential? Why isn't he with the mother of his child (you mentioned custody)? What was the jailtime for? Does he pay child support? Has he skipped out on this responsibility (is that what the fine was for)?

If you love each other, none of this matters. You can work through the problems. You said you love him, but does he love you?
 
  • #40
No, I do not wish to associate with such a man for the rest of my life. If I could rewind tme, I would definitely date someone different. Another thing is that I know another man who I also have feelings for. He is safe, clean and SO nice! And INTELLIGENT too! He is 25 but I am completely fine with that. I like men at that age and it is not so sad to think about... Compared to this other ex-Ku-Klux-Klan man who is 19 years older than me. Think about it, when I am 40, he is 60! Gosh, what am I thinking.

But beg your pardon, Polly! "Much more intelligent than you are"? Oh, thanks a lot! I am sure you did not mean to put it that way, though.. Well, he is intelligent and more experienced, but I do not believe in the experience-concept. If you know yourself, you have experience enough. And I know myself.

And you guys know what? This other guy that I am so fond of.. He makes me feel comfortable. The KKK-man does not. He just frightens me.

I would never believe that the Jews are the children of Satan. No one is. That hostile view of his makes me depressed because I do not have such prejudgements against others. I love Jews! They deserve far more respect than what they have received to this date. That is another discussion..

I have changed my mind. I deserve something better and I see the possibility of him manipulating me. I am not in love with him. Perhaps it was only desire though I am not the shallow type. And I do not need to go to a psychologist. I have sorted this out by myself.

And what a relief! Thank you all for your respons! It means very much to me and you made me think of certain crucial things that never crossed my mind. Thank you again! It will hurt a bit, but I will get over it. There is someone else waiting for me. Someone much better.
 
  • #41
Artman said:
This guy comes with a lot of ugly baggage. Do you really want to associate with him for the rest of your life? You said he is aggressive, and is a fighter has he ever hit you? Do you think he has this potential? Why isn't he with the mother of his child (you mentioned custody)? What was the jailtime for? Does he pay child support? Has he skipped out on this responsibility (is that what the fine was for)?

If you love each other, none of this matters. You can work through the problems. You said you love him, but does he love you?

No. He has never hit me, does not pay child support, he has no children, he was fined for having bought a care that was stolen and fined several times for fighting. I do not think he has the potential to hit me. He adores me, he says, and he would never hit a woman. Klansmen have great respect for their women so I believe in that. But as you see in my previous post, I have made ut my mind. I can fish something better from the ponds of the world! :)
 
  • #42
Thallium said:
No, I do not wish to associate with such a man for the rest of my life. If I could rewind tme, I would definitely date someone different. Another thing is that I know another man who I also have feelings for. He is safe, clean and SO nice! And INTELLIGENT too! He is 25 but I am completely fine with that. I like men at that age and it is not so sad to think about... Compared to this other ex-Ku-Klux-Klan man who is 19 years older than me. Think about it, when I am 40, he is 60! Gosh, what am I thinking.

But beg your pardon, Polly! "Much more intelligent than you are"? Oh, thanks a lot! I am sure you did not mean to put it that way, though.. Well, he is intelligent and more experienced, but I do not believe in the experience-concept. If you know yourself, you have experience enough. And I know myself.

And you guys know what? This other guy that I am so fond of.. He makes me feel comfortable. The KKK-man does not. He just frightens me.

I would never believe that the Jews are the children of Satan. No one is. That hostile view of his makes me depressed because I do not have such prejudgements against others. I love Jews! They deserve far more respect than what they have received to this date. That is another discussion..

I have changed my mind. I deserve something better and I see the possibility of him manipulating me. I am not in love with him. Perhaps it was only desire though I am not the shallow type. And I do not need to go to a psychologist. I have sorted this out by myself.

And what a relief! Thank you all for your respons! It means very much to me and you made me think of certain crucial things that never crossed my mind. Thank you again! It will hurt a bit, but I will get over it. There is someone else waiting for me. Someone much better.

Wise choice.
 
  • #43
how much is a ticket to Norway? if you are single i better get packing!
 
  • #44
Jimmy?? Wow, that is a compliment. I am single again now, yes. But... do you like me, Jimmy? :)
 
  • #45
If there were a blushing smiley then I would use about a million. I dunno. You seem cool, bout my age, and besides all girls from your part of the world are hot.
 
  • #46
Aww, this is so cute...
 
  • #47
oh PUH-LEASE!
 
  • #48
jimmy p, I think you've been watching too much Full House.
 
  • #49
like, duh! ... actually, what is full house?? we don't get it over here in Blighty
 

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