Why am I looked down upon for being single?

  • Thread starter Topher925
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In summary, the speaker is a single engineering grad student who is constantly asked about his love life. He explains that he doesn't have time for a girlfriend and has yet to meet someone worth the time and effort. He questions why society puts pressure on individuals to be in a relationship and discusses the changing attitudes of friends when they are in and out of love. The speaker chooses to ignore social pressure and stay single.
  • #1
Topher925
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All my friends from high school and my closest friends are all married, engaged, or living together with someone. I don't have a girlfriend, and I haven't had one for a while and people always ask me about it. "So Kris, hows the love life, meet anyone special, you should ask that girl out, etc.", it gets pretty irritating. The truth is, I don't have a girlfriend because I don't have time for one and I have simply have never met anyone that is worth the time and trouble. Why the hell does society say that I HAVE to have a girlfriend all the fricken time? I'm an engineering grad student damit, we're not suppose to have girlfriends anyway.

PS: No Cyrus, I will not close this thread.
 
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  • #2
Stay single, and enjoy it!
 
  • #3
Topher925 said:
All my friends from high school and my closest friends are all married, engaged, or living together with someone. I don't have a girlfriend, and I haven't had one for a while and people always ask me about it. "So Kris, hows the love life, meet anyone special, you should ask that girl out, etc.", it gets pretty irritating. The truth is, I don't have a girlfriend because I don't have time for one and I have simply have never met anyone that is worth the time and trouble. Why the hell does society say that I HAVE to have a girlfriend all the fricken time? I'm an engineering grad student damit, we're not suppose to have girlfriends anyway.

PS: No Cyrus, I will not close this thread.

They're not looking down on you. They just care about you. Usually when I make this kind of inquiry it's because I know someone that I think the person might like to meet. o:)
 
  • #4
Math Is Hard said:
They're not looking down on you. They just care about you. Usually when I make this kind of inquiry it's because I know someone that I think the person might like to meet. o:)

They usually say it with such pity like they are trying to empathize with me. No one ever really offers to try and hook me up with anyone.
 
  • #5
It's the primitive human psychology.

"Birds of feather flock together"

For the longest time, I used to get looked down all the time by family, friends, and acquaintances who already found that special someone. But those friends who were single didn't seem to care, and me neither.

But when that person rolled into my life, suddenly I received more respect from people, and especially those closest to me. It's all fake. That's why I've grown to despise social behavior, it's all pointless, but got to play the game.

What ever state you are in, you are going to be judged by others no matter what.
 
  • #6
Awe, well don't listen to them. I seem to get hook up offers alot.(It gets old after awhile) Or people at work just hit on me.(Sometimes just as bad)
 
  • #7
Topher925 said:
They usually say it with such pity like they are trying to empathize with me. No one ever really offers to try and hook me up with anyone.

I can't speak for the guy perspective, but I know how it is with my girlfriends.

In Love: OMG, life is so perfect! I never knew true happiness until I found X. MIH, you must find your soulmate, like I found X. I want you to be as happy as I am.

Out of Love (a few years later): You were so smart to not get married. X turned out to be such a jerk. I wish I hadn't had all these kids and bought a house with him.

In love again (a few years later): My prince has finally arrived. You must find a prince like I have! What a blessing! I'm pregnant again. Hurry! You've got to have some kids before it is too late.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
 
  • #8
Math Is Hard said:
I can't speak for the guy perspective, but I know how it is with my girlfriends.

In Love: OMG, life is so perfect! I never knew true happiness until I found X. MIH, you must find your soulmate, like I found X. I want you to be as happy as I am.

Out of Love (a few years later): You were so smart to not get married. X turned out to be such a jerk. I wish I hadn't had all these kids and bought a house with him.

In love again (a few years later): My prince has finally arrived. You must find a prince like I have! What a blessing! I'm pregnant again. Hurry! You've got to have some kids before it is too late.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

They are just jellous of our perfect marriage.
 
  • #9
Topher925 said:
Why the hell does society say that I HAVE to have a girlfriend all the fricken time?

Because the herd expects you to reproduce. From a Darwinian point of view, that is your job in life. Just take it as a compliment and be glad that people don't ask you to not reproduce. :biggrin:
 
  • #10
Don't reproduce. :mad:
 
  • #11
If you read any literature on love it's unanimously positive.

If you do the same with marriage and relationships it's a very different picture.
 
  • #12
I have seen this also: people in relationships or married think that they have surpassed you on the progress chain of life.

Ignore the social pressure. It's more about what you want. They could be jealous that you don't have a ball and chain.
Stay a swingin bachelor.

Did I mention swingin bachelor?

Yes, a swingin bachelor.
Ah swingin.
 
  • #13
Winzer said:
I have seen this also: people in relationships or married think that they have surpassed you on the progress chain of life.


If they are happy then they have; at least temporarily
 
  • #14
Did I mention swingin bachelor?

Yes, a swingin bachelor.
Ah swingin.

Well, I am a bachelor, although I don't know about a swinging bachelor. Academics keeps pretty busy and mundane. Its not that I desire to be a bachelor, I really don't. I just haven't met a girl that I could have a serious relationship with and don't want to get stuck in another 3 year relationship pretending I'm happy just because society says I should.
 
  • #15
Topher925 said:
Well, I am a bachelor, although I don't know about a swinging bachelor. Academics keeps pretty busy and mundane. Its not that I desire to be a bachelor, I really don't. I just haven't met a girl that I could have a serious relationship with and don't want to get stuck in another 3 year relationship pretending I'm happy just because society says I should.

For once I have to say that I completely understand you. Have you figured out any inventive ways to solve this problem?
 
  • #16
You should master these debates, if you can keep out of them, then there will more for us that want them.
 
  • #17
wolram said:
You should master these debates, if you can keep out of them, then there will more for us that want them.

I tried real hard to understand that, but I guess I just don't have what it takes.
 
  • #18
tell them you are waiting for keira knightly.. or natalie portman, etc etc
 
  • #19
mcknia07 said:
Stay single, and enjoy it!

I second that. One day you may be interested in hooking up with a gal when you have more time on your hands. Meanwhile, don't worry about it.
 
  • #20
Sourabh N said:
tell them you are waiting for keira knightly.. or natalie portman, etc etc

I went to school with Keira Knightley. I sat next to her in chemistry. That's about all I can say, I've got no dirt. She's a bit of a knobhead
 
  • #21
Topher925 said:
All my friends from high school and my closest friends are all married, engaged, or living together with someone. I don't have a girlfriend, and I haven't had one for a while and people always ask me about it. "So Kris, hows the love life, meet anyone special, you should ask that girl out, etc.", it gets pretty irritating. The truth is, I don't have a girlfriend because I don't have time for one and I have simply have never met anyone that is worth the time and trouble. Why the hell does society say that I HAVE to have a girlfriend all the fricken time? I'm an engineering grad student damit, we're not suppose to have girlfriends anyway.


Let's put it this way, the people asking you these questions are insecure, and therefore feel the need to ask you a question that will make them feel better about their own, possibly pathetic, life.

You can typically see the people coming from a mile away, they live in the material/social/yuppie world when in reality they are a hollow shell that is filled with BS and drama.


e.g. I seem to run into a certain woman all the time when I am back home from my travels...*quick back story*.. I grew up with her son, he hasn't amounted to much, wasn't able to get a job when the economy was good, obviously starving right now, but he is dating a decent girl for the time being...anyway.. she feels the need to ask me who I'm dating, did I know so-and-so is engaged, did I know that so-and-so had a baby, and when she first started asking, I was a little shocked, and she almost was trying to look down on me for not having started my own nuclear family by now...

I just simply smile and nod, chuckle and say, 'nope, not seeing anybody, still single.. but I'm doing alright and I'm pretty happy with my life right now.' And just let them go feel good about themselves for a while longer before they realize they are pathetic once again and they must find someone else to pester.


The facts show that couples that marry young have a high % of divorce rate. It's so very true. Many of my friends had 'shotgun' wedding, and are now single mothers. I feel sad for them.. I've dated a single mom, she asked me to marry her.. had to shut that down.. a little too fast, we'd known each other a week.


In the end, you do what you want or whatever makes you happy. Society shouldn't determine jack-****. You live your own life. Being single and dating short-term is a lot of fun though, but right now I don't take relationships too seriously. I'm too young to be serious about that, but learning about relationships is a good time.
 
  • #22
Society will always want you to conform to its patterns of norm. Of course, there's no real thing as a society, but the individuals in the group are the ones that will push for you to conform. Why? Because deep down they are threatened by someone that acts a little bit differently and whom they don't see as embracing their roles, beliefs and norms. So, they will try to convince you otherwise.
 
  • #23
neu said:
I went to school with Keira Knightley. I sat next to her in chemistry. That's about all I can say, I've got no dirt. She's a bit of a knobhead

This may sound dumb... but who is she?
 
  • #24
mcknia07 said:
This may sound dumb... but who is she?

She's an actress.
 
  • #25
cristo said:
She's an actress.

Ah, ok. Holy crap, she looks sooo skinny!
 
  • #26
mikeknick04 said:
I just simply smile and nod, chuckle and say, 'nope, not seeing anybody, still single.. but I'm...

you shouldn't say that "BUT", then you'll sound more persuasive :)

to Topher925: I'll repeat the previous "speakers": this is your life, do whatever YOU like. and feel proud. Just ignore the excessive curiosity and "care".
Intelligent people won't look down upon you, and why should you care for non-intelligent Darwinists? You have something else in your life (for the preriod)...
It may sound trite, but it's true - every fruit in its season...
 
  • #27
Don't sweat it, bro. I just nod and listen to their "advice". It's simple social smarts, let them talk a bit about it, and then change the topic.

By the way, I understand your position. I had a girl for a while a "notGF". It was just fun, but I got tired, I'm too busy (grad student), and I don't want to marry (just 23), so I said bye bye. Right now, I'm single and happy.

As long as we are on the same topic, just let it flow, if you know what I mean.
 
  • #28
I don't get looked down upon, but people don't understand why I'm single. It's part of what Ivan said. People assume that everyone should go about two-by-two. I hear things like "it's such a waste" that I'm single, as if I'm depriving someone else. I don't know. I'm good where I'm at right now. I had fourteen years of someone making me spectacularly unhappy. I'm fine where I'm at. People don't understand it? You bet.

However, Topher, especially if you're young, just do your own thing. Seriously and for real. If you meet someone whose company you enjoy, then great, if not, then great. Live life, travel, meet people, do crazy spur of the moment stuff, live for what's important to you. That'll put you into a great position to be ready to share and compromise and be ready for what it takes to make a lasting relationship hold.
 
  • #29
Sourabh N said:
tell them you are waiting for keira knightly.. or natalie portman, etc etc

Or rather, that you prefer animals, but that the world is not ready yet to accept your difference :shy:
 

Related to Why am I looked down upon for being single?

1. Why do people look down on single individuals?

There are a variety of reasons why people may look down on those who are single. Some may have traditional or cultural beliefs that view being single as abnormal or undesirable. Others may hold personal biases or judgments about single individuals. Additionally, societal pressure to conform to certain relationship norms may contribute to the negative views towards single people.

2. Is being single seen as a negative thing?

Unfortunately, in many societies, being single is often viewed as a negative thing. This can be due to the societal expectation that individuals should be in a romantic relationship or marriage in order to be considered successful or happy. However, it is important to recognize that being single does not make someone any less valuable or worthy as a person.

3. How can being single affect someone's self-esteem?

For some individuals, being looked down upon for being single can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth. This can be especially true if the person is constantly bombarded with messages from society or their peers that being in a relationship is the only way to be truly happy. It is important for individuals to remember that their worth and value as a person is not determined by their relationship status.

4. Are there any benefits to being single?

Absolutely! Being single can offer individuals the opportunity to focus on themselves and their own personal growth and development. It can also provide more independence and freedom in decision-making and daily activities. Additionally, single individuals may have more time and energy to devote to their passions and hobbies.

5. How can we combat the negative stigma surrounding being single?

One way to combat this negative stigma is to challenge societal norms and expectations. This can involve promoting the idea that being single is a valid and fulfilling lifestyle choice. Additionally, individuals can work on their own self-acceptance and self-love, recognizing that their relationship status does not define them. It is also important to be respectful and non-judgmental towards others' relationship choices and to recognize that everyone's path is unique.

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