Can Long-Term Marriage Retain Its Spark?

[wolram]

I mean sticking to one person for years and years, it is hard for me to imagine.

 

[Evo]

I mean sticking to one person for years and years, it is hard for me to imagine.

You're going to get as many different answers as there are members.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

We've been married for over twenty years now.

Every day is filled with bliss. I wake up every day hearing angels singing.

 

[wolram]

You're going to get as many different answers as there are members.

May be, i just can not understand the bond that keeps couples together.

 

[Astronuc]

As Evo said, there will be a variety of experiences as there are people.

When a marriage works, it's living with your best friend with both persons working for mutual benefit.

It's not always bliss, but hopefully the good times and good memories help both get through the rough spots. It is certainly hard work.

Marriage is full partnership - or is supposed to be - and an interdependent relationship.

My examples are my grandparents and parents.

 

[wolram]

We've been married for over twenty years now.

Every day is filled with bliss. I wake up every day hearing angels singing.

Is you being fed mushrooms, surly your condition is impossible.LOL.

 

[NeoDevin]

I've been married almost a year now, so I don't know if my thoughts count yet, but I think I like the way Astronuc put it

it's living with your best friend with both persons working for mutual benefit

It's not always romance, or angels singing, but it's knowing you have someone you can count on, who will work towards making a better life for both of you. (the romance and angels singing does happen fairly often though)

 

[wolram]

As Evo said, there will be a variety of experiences as there are people.

When a marriage works, it's living with your best friend with both persons working for mutual benefit.

It's not always bliss, but hopefully the good times and good memories help both get through the rough spots. It is certainly hard work.

Marriage is full partnership - or is supposed to be - and an interdependent relationship.

My examples are my grandparents and parents.

Grandad and grandmom lived together for donkeys years, i am sure they could only just tollerate each other.

 

[wolram]

I've been married almost a year now, so I don't know if my thoughts count yet, but I think I like the way Astronuc put it



It's not always romance, or angels singing, but it's knowing you have someone you can count on, who will work towards making a better life for both of you. (the romance and angels singing does happen fairly often though)

Live long and prosper, and happy future anniversary.

 

[Astronuc]

My mother's father woke up early to start the fires in the living room and kitchen (they cooked on a wood stove even into the 1960's). He then made tea and two slices of bread with butter and vegemite, and brought them to grandma (nana) every morning. And he did this for as long as I she was alive. She unfortunately died in 1971 due to a misdiagnosed illness.

As far as I can tell, my grandparents (maternal and paternal) were devoted to each other.

My parents will observe 51 years of marriage in November. My father has just gone through surgery, chemotherapy and radiation. He made the comment that he was glad that he had the support of my mother. They have been there for each other for 50+ years - and they are hoping for as many more years as possible. It is possible that my father's cancer could come back with a vengeance (and he could have a only few years more), and so he makes the most of every day and moment he has - with my mom.

 

[Evo]

If you are married to the wrong person, every day can be hell. Unfortunately, you don't find out how wrong they are until after you've been married for awhile. This is why I can't imagine people getting married without having first lived together for at least a year or two.

 

[wolram]

My mother's father woke up early to start the fires in the living room and kitchen (they cooked on a wood stove even into the 1960's). He then made tea and two slices of bread with butter and vegemite, and brought them to grandma (nana) every morning. And he did this for as long as I she was alive. She unfortunately died in 1971 due to a misdiagnosed illness.

As far as I can tell, my grandparents (maternal and paternal) were devoted to each other.

My parents will observe 51 years of marriage in November. My father has just gone through surgery, chemotherapy and radiation. He made the comment that he was glad that he had the support of my mother. They have been there for each other for 50+ years - and they are hoping for as many more years as possible. It is possible that my father's cancer could come back with a vengeance (and he could have a only few years more), and so he makes the most of every day and moment he has - with my mom.

Best wishes Astro.

 

[wolram]

If you are married to the wrong person, every day can be hell. Unfortunately, you don't find out how wrong they are until after you've been married for awhile. This is why I can't imagine people getting married without having first lived together for at least a year or two.

2 years, that is an eternity, if ones minds do not meld within 2 weeks i would pass.

 

[Astronuc]

If you are married to the wrong person, every day can be hell. Unfortunately, you don't find out how wrong they are until after you've been married for awhile.

That is the purpose of dating. The point is to find out about the person before one commits to marriage.

 

[Curious3141]

2 years, that is an eternity, if ones minds do not meld within 2 weeks i would pass.

You should be hanging out at Trekkies conventions - best chance to find a soul mate. Or is it katra mate?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Is you being fed mushrooms, surly your condition is impossible.LOL.

It is impossible, of course. The way that I see it, and I think Tsu would agree, marriage is a never ending process of learning to adapt as each person changes. First you have to love each other, but learning how to live together never stops. And when times get tough, such as when money is tight, or when there are medical problems, or when there is a death in the family, these are the sorts of times when this can be most difficult. Also, we all continue to grow as we get older, and since no two people will change in identical ways, by definition, over time, in some ways you will grow apart. This can be a challenge as well. But in other ways [hopefully] you grow closer and have tighter bonds.

In our particular case, we have two very strong personalities anchored by the stubborness of mules, and that is a recipe for fire, but [of course] we have never gotten violent, all in all we find that we have had the same difficulties that most couples do. In fact we have outlasted half of those who got married when we did, so we must be doing something right. But, in the end, I think it comes down to loving each other enough to put up with the rest. There is no way that it will all be easy.

 

[turbo]

I mean sticking to one person for years and years, it is hard for me to imagine.

I get up each morning thinking what I should do today and part of that thought is wrapped up in the concerns that I share with my partner of 33+ years (more of 32 years of which of which we have been married). I cannot imagine a relationship with my partner in which I held her in lower regard.

 

[hypatia]

I made a lousey single person. I was bored doing things by myself, with no one to share the stories with. I like haveing a partner to share life with.

 

[jmnew51]

This is why I can't imagine people getting married without having first lived together for at least a year or two.

I've been with the same woman for nearly 10 yrs. now and I don't want to get married, because I would rather leave well enough alone.

To be quite honest we don't have the perfect relationship, but I know enough about them to know that it doesn't get much better than this.

As Evo said 1 or 2 years. I think that would be the minimum.

Bottom line is: When the romance is gone(and it will be gone, in most cases anyway), there had better be something to replace it.
If not it's all over.

My girlfreind and I do not have a very romantic relationship anymore, but I feel we have graduated to the next level. We offer each other things that no one else can.
We compliment each other very well, basically I am the hands on and she is the brains.
And God bless the grandparents of astronuc. It's the simple things in life that count more than anything materialistic.

Jim

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Eighteen years ago, my wife and I took out a license to fight. Given the forces of repulsion, I don't see how two people who are not married can stay living together for eighteen days. But the court house is too far to walk and besides the forces of attraction have increased over the years. What's more, since I got married, as the song goes, I see better days and I do better things.

 

[J77]

Living in sin's the way forward

 

[Astronuc]

I like having a partner to share life with.

It's nice to have a partner with whom one can share one's life, to share stories. That is the ideal situation.

I believe studies show that a co-habiting couple is no more likely to stay together once they marry than a couple who simply gets married. My experience is that young couples who live together eventually break apart.

I've been with my wife for 26+ years. I've spent more than half of my life with the same woman. It would be very strange not to be with her.

Romance doesn't mean full time passion, but it can be sustained. It's the little things that each does for the other. It's expressed in the acts of kindness and consideration for the other.

Like Ivan, I've seen more than half the couples I know split. It seems to be a mid-life issue. People are not static objects and do change. It's a matter of adapting to that change, and that doesn't mean that it is easy.

 

[fruitengine_han]

I don't know know... Actually, I don't believe in the idea of two people adjoining themselves together for reasons like they signed a special agreement written in paper... Commitment should start inside their heart and not by signing any written documents...
___________________________________
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[turbo]

I don't know know... Actually, I don't believe in the idea of two people adjoining themselves together for reasons like they signed a special agreement written in paper... Commitment should start inside their heart and not by signing any written documents...
___________________________________
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There are practical reasons for marriage, including society's notions of joint ownership, sharing of resources, extension of some forms of benefits to spouses, etc. Those are good reasons to formalize the arrangement and not simply co-habitate. My wife and I have not spent 33+ years together because of a written agreement, but because of our bonds to one another. For this reason, I favor legalizing same-sex marriages. When people bond to one another so well, they should be able to formalize their relationship and enjoy the benefits that society confers on married couples.

 

[chemisttree]

It also means never forgetting where you put your shoes.

 

[Gale]

I made a lousey single person. I was bored doing things by myself, with no one to share the stories with. I like having a partner to share life with.

That's me. I'll be quite happy when I get married. Now just to find a guy...

 

[Ivan Seeking]

That's me. I'll be quite happy when I get married. Now just to find a guy...

Um, what about the guy in the photo?

 

[rewebster]

It also means never forgetting where you put your shoes.

here's something better than a string on a finger:


http://www.11alive.com/news/article_news.aspx?storyid=104584

 

[Gale]

Um, what about the guy in the photo?

Kind of a long story... Long story short, he's no longer in the picture. I'm still shopping for a potential mate.

 

[rewebster]

Kind of a long story... Long story short, he's no longer in the picture. I'm still shopping for a potential mate.

I see him --right there----he's still in the picture

 

[Astronuc]

I don't know know... Actually, I don't believe in the idea of two people adjoining themselves together for reasons like they signed a special agreement written in paper... Commitment should start inside their heart and not by signing any written documents...

Certainly commitment starts within the heart. If there is not commitment, there is no need to sign a piece of paper. That would be dishonest.

The marriage license represent a formal and legally binding contract. There are penalties and legal ramifications in order to break that contract - i.e. divorce.

Also consider -

https://www.physicsforums.com/blogs/astronuc-15685/getting-married-then-consider-811/

 

[Gale]

I see him --right there----he's still in the picture

OMG... Har har har...

You know what i meant...

 

[stewartcs]

If you are married to the wrong person, every day can be hell.

Isn't that the truth!

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Also consider -

https://www.physicsforums.com/blogs/astronuc-15685/getting-married-then-consider-811/

Good advice. Also, don't do like we did. Make sure you sign a pre-nup. We didn't and now neither one of us wants to get divorced.

 

[stewartcs]

Good advice. Also, don't do like we did. Make sure you sign a pre-nup. We didn't and now neither one of us wants to get divorced.

I feel your pain, I stuck it out with my first wife for that same reason. In the end, the money isn't worth it!

 

[wolram]

After careful consideration i think i am to far gone, i am sure i would not have the patience or will power to commit to a life long partnership.

 

[turbo]

Good advice. Also, don't do like we did. Make sure you sign a pre-nup. We didn't and now neither one of us wants to get divorced.

My wife and I were living in a low-rent apartment using thrift-shop furniture and just scraping by when we got married. We were both unemployed at the time because the mill we worked at shut down, and the construction season hadn't started back up (winter). Our pre-nup would have been hilarious, like "If we break up, I get the dented Revere-Ware pot with the lid that doesn't match and the knife with the replaced wooden grip, and you get the electric fry-pan and the aluminum 2-cup percolator." Seriously, I owned clothes, an old motorcycle (no car), some hand-me-down pots and pans and kitchen utensils, some blankets and sheets, a modest stereo, some albums, and a guitar. If I had owned a car, my possessions could have fit in the back seat, easy.

I had to ask her to marry me quite a few times over the course of months before she said "yes". I'm glad she did. We both worked hard and took care of each other, and saved our money for things that were necessary. The first big thing I bought her (her birthday after we were married) was a Moosehead Maple kitchen table and a set of four matching chairs. After 32 years, I refinished the table top this summer. Should be good for another 32 years.

 

[Lisa!]

After careful consideration i think i am to far gone, i am sure i would not have the patience or will power to commit to a life long partnership.

Are you sure that you'd have a long life , then? I mean studies show that married men live longer .But the're more willing to die

 

[wolram]

Are you sure that you'd have a long life , then? I mean studies show that married men live longer .But the're more willing to die

It may not be a long life but it will be a reasonably contented one, cockney slang for wife is trouble and strife.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

I feel your pain, I stuck it out with my first wife for that same reason. In the end, the money isn't worth it!

Don't call her my first wife. It'll go hard on the crockery.

 

[Chronos]

If you are married to the wrong person, every day can be hell. Unfortunately, you don't find out how wrong they are until after you've been married for awhile. This is why I can't imagine people getting married without having first lived together for at least a year or two.

You are a curse upon divorce attorneys, Evo. I don't need to live with anyone for much more than a week to figure out whether or not the relationship has long term potential. Your first encounter of the 'third kind' usually tells you everything you need to know about your prospective mate. Is he/she genuinely interested, or merely climbing a mountain?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

You are a curse upon divorce attorneys, Evo. I don't need to live with anyone for much more than a week to figure out whether or not the relationship has long term potential. Your first encounter of the 'third kind' usually tells you everything you need to know about your prospective mate. Is he/she genuinely interested, or merely climbing a mountain?

Tsu and I basically moved in together after the first date, but we waited a few years before making it official. My parents - married over 50 years - fell in love at first sight.

 

[Monique]

My boyfriend and I also moved into the same apartment within two months of dating. Now we've been living together for 3 years. Marriage is not something we really think about, we both don't like the whole theater that comes along with organizing it, only in case of a baby would I feel obliged to get married.

 

[Urvabara]

Hi!

I am 23 years old science nerd. I haven't ever even kissed anyone.

Well, back to studying some physics... -->

 

[wolram]

Hi!

I am 23 years old science nerd. I haven't ever even kissed anyone.

Well, back to studying some physics... -->

Hmmm, and i collect hens teeth.

 

[Urvabara]

Hmmm, and i collect hens teeth.

And I have thought that hens do not have teeth.

 

[wolram]

And I have thought that hens do not have teeth.

The old English game chicken does, it allso lays blue shelled eggs, some think it is a throw back to the dino age.

 

[Artaxerxes]

I think it's great that people stick together if they like it. I also think it's a great idea that they announce this by some ceremony, named e.g. marriage, to let the world know that they want to be considered as a union in social life and that the shop is closed for new relationships of the amorous kind.
But I don't think its a great idea that this ceremony should have any legal consequences. If the parties think there is a need for legal protection of their economic interests they should write a contract.
With the present status of marriage the consequences may be absurd if e.g. a wealthy man has married a penniless woman and they divorce after a short time.
You may consider what happened to the ex-Beatle Paul McCartney and ex-model Heather Mills.

 

[Lisa!]

Tsu and I basically moved in together after the first date, but we waited a few years before making it official. My parents - married over 50 years - fell in love at first sight.

My boyfriend and I also moved into the same apartment within two months of dating. Now we've been living together for 3 years. Marriage is not something we really think about, we both don't like the whole theater that comes along with organizing it, only in case of a baby would I feel obliged to get married.

Well I'm pretty sure that you know each other quite well before dating!

 

[cevdet.erturk]

I was surpised to see the users discussing social topics (I have just recognized it), but I appreciate that. By the way this is the most clicked topic I guess (: Anyways...

Everybody has a dream about the ideal love or the love in the movies...

Somebody make the dream reality (this rate is too small). This type of people finds the real love and never let it go... For them, marriage is not important... The importance is being together or sticking each other...

The other part of people can never make the dream reality (this rate is quiete big). They marry with someone who they supposed that they found real love. Then, the reality occurs. Love? Lost out of blue! Then, the marriage finishes. After that, they begin to search for the real one. Or, they die without tasting a real love. OR, they start a topic for searching the defition of marriage and married couples' situations to avoid their problems (:

I mean, the real love makes u blind and it never let's u ask anything about its future...