Navigating Heartbreak - Tips for A Good Night's Sleep

[JasonRox]

My gf and I just broke up a few hours ago.

I just got back from the gym. I wanted to like let it all out at the gym. I didn't workout hard or anything... I just wanted to go there.

This is definitely pretty hard... very hard.

So, any tips for sleeping tonight?

 

[Evo]

I'm very sorry to hear that. Nothing I can say to help, it just takes time.

 

[mattmns]

That sucks! Tips for sleeping: Couple bottles of [insert favorite drink here].

 

[JasonRox]

I wish I can drink, but I don't really drink (alcohol).

This is very very very bad for me. I never thought it could actually hurt, nor did I think it would happen. I guess it had too.

I'm thinking just staying up later until I'm tired.

I don't know how the hell I'm going to work tomorrow. I usually just think about her all day, but now I can't.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I wish I can drink, but I don't really drink (alcohol).

This is very very very bad for me. I never thought it could actually hurt, nor did I think it would happen. I guess it had too.

I'm thinking just staying up later until I'm tired.

I don't know how the hell I'm going to work tomorrow. I usually just think about her all day, but now I can't.

Time heals all wounds. So hang in there; it's just a matter of time.

I know it's hard to believe right now, but these things almost never seem so big in retrospect as they do at the time. Consider that your frame of reference is defective at the moment.

 

[Gale]

when my fiance left me, i spent a lot of time around other guys, because i felt really unwanted, and ugly... so i felt better flirting a bit. other than that, i played guitar a little, drew pictures... just... anything to keep my mind off it.

i also posted a lot on pf, cause i post here a lot when I'm sad.

 

[The_Professional]

My gf and I just broke up a few hours ago.

I just got back from the gym. I wanted to like let it all out at the gym. I didn't workout hard or anything... I just wanted to go there.

This is definitely pretty hard... very hard.

So, any tips for sleeping tonight?

Think of all the negative things she's ever done. Heck, make a list then read it for about 20-30 times a day. That should make it less painful.

 

[JasonRox]

Think of all the negative things she's ever done. Heck, make a list then read it for about 20-30 times a day. That should make it less painful.

Sorry, I can't do something like that. I still like her and I don't like saying bad things towards ex-gf and what not.

I miss her, and like this hurts.

I watch some Jay Leno tonight because he's awesome then maybe I'll fall asleep.

Looks like the weekend is me all by myself.

Note: Probably start some math or something.

 

[Moonbear]

Sorry to hear that. Nothing really works other than time. But, in the meanwhile, I find doing really strenuous, physical things that require some degree of focus (not too much; you'll be easily distracted, so don't want to start on something that would be dangerous if your mind wandered, but just that you can put all your attention on the task and try to get it off the break-up). You already hit the gym, which is good, but then at home, there's always lots of chores that can be done...even if they don't really need doing...that's a good time to scrub the floors, or get all the windows washed, or dig out that old tree stump that's been waiting to be dug out, or scrub every last bit of burnt on crud off the stove, or clean the bathroom from top to bottom, even all the grout between the tiles, etc. That way, when it's time to go to sleep, you'll just be too physically exhausted to lie awake thinking about her.

 

[JasonRox]

Sorry to hear that. Nothing really works other than time. But, in the meanwhile, I find doing really strenuous, physical things that require some degree of focus (not too much; you'll be easily distracted, so don't want to start on something that would be dangerous if your mind wandered, but just that you can put all your attention on the task and try to get it off the break-up). You already hit the gym, which is good, but then at home, there's always lots of chores that can be done...even if they don't really need doing...that's a good time to scrub the floors, or get all the windows washed, or dig out that old tree stump that's been waiting to be dug out, or scrub every last bit of burnt on crud off the stove, or clean the bathroom from top to bottom, even all the grout between the tiles, etc. That way, when it's time to go to sleep, you'll just be too physically exhausted to lie awake thinking about her.

I totally agree. I went to the gym and these guys invited me to play basketball and I practically forgot.

I didn't do too much, like you said. I don't know if I can do too much cleaning because I like to train really close to overtraining because you get good results that way. It's dangerous though... I got sick like twice already. I turned it down a notch now, so it's like safer. Funny though.

Like for the next week it will be hard to...

Work
Listen to Music
Eat anything related to girlfriend.

Well, hard in general.

I never really cried in my life, so yeah this is hard.

Note: The sad part is... she doesn't know if she wants a break up or not. She basically dumped me because she's a ***** to me sometimes, but that's because she's stressed out. I explained how that's not too often and when it happens it's very short, and I'm there to support her and stuff. At the end of the conversation, she started thinking again and then she was thinking that maybe she shouldn't have broke up with me.

She thought it was getting too serious, and then I agreed. I explained to her how I had plans to go out with just me and friend... then on a camping trip to leave space between. Then she realized that I was just trying to ease things up... also another reason why she started re-thinking.

I don't want her going around thinking she made a big mistake or anything. I want her to be good.

That's life... whether you like it or not.

I hope she still e-mails me in a few weeks.

 

[Moonbear]

Breakups that you don't expect are always the hardest. You just feel blind-sided by it on top of everything else, plus it means you still have all the feelings for her that you don't want to be broken up. It's a lot easier when there's a decline in the relationship and you both know it's coming, and just a matter of one person having the guts to speak up and say it's time to call it quits.

That was good of the guys at the gym to pick up a game of basketball with you. They must have been through it themselves to know what you needed.

I guess at work, just resolve to immerse yourself in it as much as you can.

 

[JasonRox]

I guess at work, just resolve to immerse yourself in it as much as you can.

I hate my boss, so I never do more than the very little that I do.

That's what he gets for being a cheap ass.

Thanks for the support and everything.

Time will heal... I hope.

 

[Smurf]

I'm sorry man, I broke up with my girl a few weeks ago.

Almost over it by now almost.

Stay happy man.

 

[Astronuc]

My gf and I just broke up a few hours ago.

This is definitely pretty hard... very hard.

So, any tips for sleeping tonight?

Sorry to hear that Jason. Evo, Moonbear and Ivan pretty much covered it, so I can't really add anything. Keep the chin up.

 

[The_Professional]

Sorry, I can't do something like that. I still like her and I don't like saying bad things towards ex-gf and what not.

I said write in a paper. That's different from badmouthing her to people which I never recommend. Good luck.

 

[Smurf]

I said write in a paper. That's different from badmouthing her to people which I never recommend. Good luck.

I tried a similar technique, didn't really help me much. But if it works for you I guess it's worth a try for anyone.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I don't know how the hell I'm going to work tomorrow. I usually just think about her all day, but now I can't.

If it's possible, tell people as soon as you get there, that you don't expect to be your usual self today because of the breakup. It'll be easier to get through the day if you don't feel obliged to act like everything's perfectly normal for you.

 

[JasonRox]

If it's possible, tell people as soon as you get there, that you don't expect to be your usual self today because of the breakup. It'll be easier to get through the day if you don't feel obliged to act like everything's perfectly normal for you.

Someone that I will be working with tomorrow already knows, so I guess that's a step.

So... this is me in the middle of the night. It gets worse when I start thinking about how she started regretting the break-up, within an hour of the decision. That hurts... it's like tossing up an idea without giving it much thought, and like crushing not only someone else, but yourself.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Here's a thread to read that may give some insight into the thought processes of psycho/mind changing women:

Address:http://www.discussanything.com/forums/showthread.php?t=76909

 

[JasonRox]

Here's a thread to read that may give some insight into the thought processes of psycho/mind changing women:

Address:http://www.discussanything.com/forums/showthread.php?t=76909

Well, it didn't really help. All that said was that I might have been too nice, which my gf did say. Then she started acting like a ***** after awhile... I hope it's not intentional.

We were together a lot, but that's what she wanted. If we talked on the phone for a long, then I'd be like it's too late to come over now... then she be like, but I want to see you and start feeling really bad. I don't know... I'm just really confused. I also worked 2 evening shifts a week, so she had atleast 2 nights a week to herself, sometimes an entire day. She didn't even like the fact that we didn't talk on those days and she would ask me to call her late after work and everything. Very confusing.

Note: I tend to avoid comparing girls because they don't all do the same thing.

My question is...

Should guys actually be nice?

 

[Danger]

If you're inclined toward fiction writing, this would be the perfect time to get going on a book or short stories. My best writing always came when I was hurting. The only regret that I have about being on the meds now is that I haven't been able to write a word since.
Sorry to hear about it, but you seem to be taking it far better than a lot of people would. Although it might be the first time that you've experienced this, it won't be the last. Every time will be a little harder too, because every time you'll be more convinced that you've found the right partner. In another sense, it will be a little easier because you've had practise at it. Just hang in there.

 

[JasonRox]

If you're inclined toward fiction writing, this would be the perfect time to get going on a book or short stories. My best writing always came when I was hurting. The only regret that I have about being on the meds now is that I haven't been able to write a word since.
Sorry to hear about it, but you seem to be taking it far better than a lot of people would. Although it might be the first time that you've experienced this, it won't be the last. Every time will be a little harder too, because every time you'll be more convinced that you've found the right partner. In another sense, it will be a little easier because you've had practise at it. Just hang in there.

Yeah, it pretty much is the first time. I had other girls, but none of them that I really liked. This one was special, but I didn't think she was the "one" or anything. It just seemed like we hung out and had fun, you know.

Then bam... it's over.

It's getting better though.

 

[Danger]

This one was special, but I didn't think she was the "one" or anything. It just seemed like we hung out and had fun, you know.

In that case, continue as you are doing and keep the friendship alive. Whatever it is that put you together in the first place is still valid. Just drop the sex part out of the equation and carry on doing non-romantic stuff with her on a casual basis.

 

[JasonRox]

In that case, continue as you are doing and keep the friendship alive. Whatever it is that put you together in the first place is still valid. Just drop the sex part out of the equation and carry on doing non-romantic stuff with her on a casual basis.

Those are the intentions, but for now there is a break. I told her that the worst part... being pretty far apart... would be not seeing her ever again.

She said she will call in a few weeks (3 weeks maybe), by e-mailing the day before, so I get a notice.

I really hope she does.

 

[Dr.Brain]

Start thinking about all the scary things that could have happened to you if you had married her.

BJ

 

[zanazzi78]

I’m really sorry to hear about your split. Loosing someone your close to is probably the biggest test life throws at you, whether it’s the death of a friend/family member or a break-up of a relationship. The emotion is pretty much the same and sucks like hell!

As has been iterated many times, Time is the only healer! However understanding how/why the relationship ended can sometimes help and can stand you in good stead to be able to manage future relationships better. In my experience, (and I know all women and relationships are different), you can spend too much time with a person, It is far, far too easy to become complacent and the relationship becomes dull! In this case moving on and trying to focus on the good things that you did together and how nice it is to be cared about by another person is (for me at least) a comfort.

I have to disagree with Danger in post #23, “keeping the friendship alive” is a very dangerous thing, as it may not allow you to fully move on, I know I recently broke up with a long-term girlfriend, and we tried to be close friend after, It didn’t work for me, seeing her flirt with other men on nights out with our group of friend, hurt me more that the word she spoke when we split! And sent me spiralling into a depression, which wasn’t much fun for me or my family.

So to sum up, hang in there buddy, I promise you, you will feel better, love comes and goes, but went we experience it is truly beautiful. And most important of all don`t give-up on women, there fickle, irrational and sometimes highly annoying but … my god there make life worth living.

 

[saltydog]

My gf and I just broke up a few hours ago.

I just got back from the gym. I wanted to like let it all out at the gym. I didn't workout hard or anything... I just wanted to go there.

This is definitely pretty hard... very hard.

So, any tips for sleeping tonight?

So why'd you guys break up? Wait, am I not suppose to ask that? Sounds like from your tone she broke up with you. She didnt' pull that "oh its me not you" stuff did she? Or', "well you don't do this, or I can't do that, and we don't do this, and bla, bla,bla, yada,yada yada".

Did you say,"yea, yea, right whatever. You dumpin' me. It ain't rocket science. I see wus happin".

And she said, "well you don't have to put it that way".

And you said, "would you like me to tell you where I'd like to put it?"

She said, "you're being mean now".

You said, "whatever, you know, that's ok. take care of yourself. I'll be ok. Look at the bright side, I won't be gettin' any <insert something here that's very crude but guys would understand and women would tell me that's disgusting>

She says: "That's disgusting, I'm leaving"

You say: "wait, where ya' goin', I want to know all about Scientology, really I do".

Guys are crude. Common. Tell the truth. Like that time with the pudding and when my son got in an argument with his girlfriend. Let's just say I made wise-cracks about pudding and p*ssy all night. Yep, we crude. All there is to it. Better stop or else Evo will kick me out. I can see the thread now: Salty has been barred from GD for talking p*ssy.

It comes and goes dude. You'll be fine.

 

[JasonRox]

Time will heal, but I don't want the friendship to die. When I say that, I mean like MSN talk and stuff. I won't really see her flirt and stuff, and she doesn't want to see me do it either.

 

[Daminc]

We were together a lot, but that's what she wanted.

What did you want?

I don't know either of you so I may be out of line but it seems that she doesn't really care how you feel or she wouldn't have broke up the way she did.

As for yourself, use this time to find more about what you want. Gym's great. What about your career. If you don't like your job what do you have to do to get one that you do like? Try new things, experiment a little. Emerse yourself into a creative hobby. Women are great but they're not as important as yourself (and vise versa).

It would be nice if you got back together again, but it isn't neccessary.
It would be nice if you remained friends, but it won't end the world if you don't.

Try not to take life so seriously. It's nice to be nice but not if someone takes advantage of it.

Good luck amego

 

[zoobyshoe]

What did you want?

I don't know either of you so I may be out of line but it seems that she doesn't really care how you feel or she wouldn't have broke up the way she did.

As for yourself, use this time to find more about what you want. Gym's great. What about your career. If you don't like your job what do you have to do to get one that you do like? Try new things, experiment a little. Emerse yourself into a creative hobby. Women are great but they're not as important as yourself (and vise versa).

Dude, the guy just broke up with his first girlfriend yesterday. He's still in pain. It takes a lot of time to sort this stuff out. (And, really, women are the only thing that's important.)

 

[Daminc]

Dude, the guy just broke up with his first girlfriend yesterday. He's still in pain.

I can appreciate that. But thinking about it too much makes things worse. Feeling sorry for yourself can make you depressed and ill.

His friends should kidnap him and take him to a wild party. Laughter is the greatest healing and time is a close second.

(And, really, women are the only thing that's important.)

Ah, you must still be young :)

 

[zoobyshoe]

But thinking about it too much makes things worse. Feeling sorry for yourself can make you depressed and ill.

Yeah, there are certain stages people go through in letting go. This guy is still in the initial shock. Your advise is at very least two weeks too early.

Ah, you must still be young :)

Ummmmm...Correct!

 

[JasonRox]

I can appreciate that. But thinking about it too much makes things worse. Feeling sorry for yourself can make you depressed and ill.

His friends should kidnap him and take him to a wild party. Laughter is the greatest healing and time is a close second.

Ah, you must still be young :)

Nah, we had some laughs on the phone. Just talking about stuff like we always do, so yeah that helped a little because I couldn't talk at some point.

I know what I wanted, and I plans to ease things up. I even told her that, and then later explained on the phone. Yeah, she didn't feel great knowing that I was trying to sort the "being together too much" problem. She could have just said something... like we both said... something that silly isn't worth losing a good partner over, but I guess it's too late for that now.

I hit the gym again today, not too hard like yesterday. Just hitting the bodyparts I didn't hit yesterday.

I'm doing better now, but the sleeping wasn't great.

Note: I watched Jay Leno, and got some laughs.

 

[Smurf]

Yeah, there are certain stages people go through in letting go. This guy is still in the initial shock. Your advise is at very least two weeks too early.

That's simply wrong, not everyone goes through the same stages in the same time in the same order, ect. I don't see any reason why your advice would help any more than his, neither of you know jason outside of PF do you?

 

[zoobyshoe]

That's simply wrong, not everyone goes through the same stages in the same time in the same order, ect.

This criticism is simply wrong, Smurf, because I never said everyone goes through the same stages in the same time in the same order. I simply said there are stages, and I said he was still in shock based on his reports.

I don't see any reason why your advice would help any more than his...

I don't particularly care if you see any reason for anything: you're 17 years old and don't know squat about getting over a breakup.

 

[JasonRox]

Any advice is worth considering, but if you've been through it I consider the advice meaningless.

I've never really cried in life until last night, and that was hard.

You lose a good partner and best friend in one night... that doesn't feel great at all.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Any advice is worth considering, but if you've been through it I consider the advice meaningless.

I've never really cried in life until last night, and that was hard.

You lose a good partner and best friend in one night... that doesn't feel great at all.

There is a definite feeling of loss, yes. What everyone said about their sureness you will eventually get over it, is true. In the meantime the best thing to do is just slog through the feeling of loss as best you can. Today will be hard. Tomorrow will be a bit easier.

 

[Gale]

heh, zooby must be young... har...

anyway... like danger mentioned, a lot of people tend to get much more creative when they're depressed. so now might be a good time to pursue writing, or drawing or music.

and with regards to should guys be nice? um, ya, definetly. the sort of girls you'll attract by being a jerk aren't really the type you'll want to be with ultimately. be a nice guy, and wait for that girl who'll know how to appreciate you, or who's willing to try to learn how. like you said, it wasn't meant to be, so its ok. you had some good times together, be pleased for that.

i had a really tough time getting over my ex. its different for everyone. just give youself the time you need and try to make the best of things.

 

[quantumdude]

Jason, I'll leave you with the following words of comfort from the movie Shaun of the Dead, which Ed said to Shaun when Liz dumped him.

"I'm not going to say, you know, there's plenty more fish in the sea. I'm not going to say if you love her, let her go. And I'm not going to bombard you with clichés. But what I will say is this…It's not the end of the world."

My point: Being dumped by your girlfriend is bad. But being dumped by your girlfriend and being chased around by zombies is a lot worse.

 

[The_Professional]

Start thinking about all the scary things that could have happened to you if you had married her.

BJ

That pretty much sums it up. There is a saying that in relationships two things happen: You break up or worst You get married.

Think about it, this girl could be the mother of your kids. Seriously, Isn't that scary?

 

[JasonRox]

That pretty much sums it up. There is a saying that in relationships two things happen: You break up or worst You get married.

Think about it, this girl could be the mother of your kids. Seriously, Isn't that scary?

Um... no I don't find it scary. I didn't think that far either.

I really really really like her, so yeah no negative thoughts coming.

My question is...

What was she thinking?

 

[Monique]

What was she thinking?

There's this sex in the city writer who wrote a book about relations that don't go as you'd like (I saw him on oprah). Maybe the conclusion is that "She's just not that into you", in which case it is best not to hold on too much.

 

[Daminc]

Ask her?

Get her a bunch of flowers a couple of glasses and a bottle of her favorite wine and have a chat with a promise of no pressure from either side.

Important: For this to be effective there can be no attempt at emotional blackmail.

 

[El Hombre Invisible]

Dawson's Creek doesn't seem that far fetched any more. There are two ways you could go from here: the dark path which involves alcohol, endless late night television, crappy love songs played over and over drowning out the shrieking, culminating in the drunken phone call at 3 am where the words you had planned in your head ("I just want you to be happy, and as long as you are then I want you to know I'll be okay") all come out wrong ("YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU EVIL SLUT!")...

Or you can skip that and start stretching your predator muscles, get back on the circuit, retrain the old eye, relearn the old language. Strike up some funky dance moves, etc. If you don't meet the other girl of your dreams, you're at least upping your chances. Of the distractions you might choose, a string of brief encounters and one night stands rates highest. Because no matter how drunk you are, you will not fall in love with Jay Leno.

 

[JasonRox]

Ask her?

Get her a bunch of flowers a couple of glasses and a bottle of her favorite wine and have a chat with a promise of no pressure from either side.

Important: For this to be effective there can be no attempt at emotional blackmail.

That's I'm thinking about.

I think I should just ask her. I don't think she gave me the truth either.

 

[Daminc]

I don't think she gave me the truth either.

People rarely do.

People have a thousand more reasons more to lie than to tell the truth either to others or themselves but there is always a message behind the lie.

eg

"Yes, that dress looks great"

Can translate to:
"That dress really shows of your body"
"Just shut up and let's go"
"It looks sh*t but I don't want to hurt your feelings"
"I hope that is the right thing to say because I want to jump your bones"
"that dress looks great"

Just because someone might have lied doesn't mean they're being nasty, you just have to find the meaning behind the words.

 

[JasonRox]

I don't know if she could have lied or not. I just don't think it's the whole story.

The relationship was truly amazing, so I guess I can always look back at that.

 

[The_Professional]

Ask her?

Get her a bunch of flowers a couple of glasses and a bottle of her favorite wine and have a chat with a promise of no pressure from either side.

This is called begging. Please don't get down on your knees and beg, I know Hollywood movies teach you this. She'll reject you.
You don't want to get hurt the second time around.

 

[JasonRox]

I never planned on begging or anything.

She's suppose to call me in a few weeks, but she said that it probably won't happen.

 

[Astronuc]

Get her a bunch of flowers a couple of glasses and a bottle of her favorite wine and have a chat with a promise of no pressure from either side.

That is not begging. That is just trying to have a reasonable discussion about what happened.

I was thinking the other day about recommending Jason just sit down and write about his feelings on paper - whether or not he shows it to this girl. However then I read Jason's comment about her being a ***** at some point, at which point, if I was in Jason's shoes, I would really evaluate the situation as to what I expected in the relationship.

Then with Daminc's suggestion I thought - just send her a nice card with flowers. Thank her for the good times you had and then, well it depends on what you expect to happen. Either you expect to get back together or you move on.

BTW, Jason, its not you so much as it is her. I know that won't make you feel better, but don't beat yourself up over it.

I wish I could offer better advice, but not knowing either of you, it's hard to give some firm advice.

It does take time to get over this stuff. Hang in there, mate!