So far so good! Thanks for your help, it's really appreciated. Your reply made me look back at my notes and read "Momentum is a vector but for now let's just consider it in one direction". That's probably why I was ignoring the vector stuff so far and why I thought we hadn't been taught that yet

Sorry.
Now, we have:
mv = (M + m)v2 -> this is the total momentum before (left side) and after (right side) the collision. Logically, if m = M, then v2 = 1/2v is that right?
Of course, my big question now becomes: when we add angular momentum, where does it "come from" if momentum is conserved? Maybe I'm mixing up some concepts but this is where I'm getting lost:
The bullet starts by moving with velocity v. Yes there is an external force that causes that to happen but once it's done acting the system is just the already moving bullet and the currently stationary bar, and it's a closed system at that point, correct?
If momentum is conserved, then we have a total amount of momentum equal to mv (I'm again falling back on the whole "it's all in a single direction" to avoid dealing with the vector stuff explicitly). Upon collision, the bar starts moving in a straight line and, because we hit it on the end and not right at the center of mass, it starts to rotate. If we've already accounted for all the momentum in the system: mv = (M+m)v2, then how can there be "left over" momentum to start it rotating? does that make any sense?
Thinking about it from the perspective of conservation of energy makes it even more strange to me, and this way we don't need to think about vectors anyway:
total energy in the system is 1/2 mv^2 before the collision. After the collision, it is still supposed to be 1/2mv^2 since energy is conserved. But, if m = M and v2 = 1/2*v, then the energy of the bullet/bar after the collision is 1/2*(2M*1/4*v^2) = 1/4Mv^2. At this point, we've apparently lost energy (if I've done everything right...) and we haven't even considered rotation, so it's not like we've accounted for the lost energy by dumping it into the rotation. If the system was closed, why did we lose energy? Where did it go?