Can't stop thinking about a girl

  1. I need help with getting a girl out of my head. We worked together on a project at school and spent a lot of time together. She's extremely nice and she's pretty and I would want nothing more than to be with her. I have no idea how she feels about me, but it doesn't matter. She has a boyfriend and she's probably moving across the country soon. I can accept that I'll never be with her and I'll probably never see her again after this semester is over. We're done with the project, so we won't be spending anymore time together, which I'm kinda happy about, since that just kept her fresh in my mind. But she still keeps lingering in my head and I can't get her out of there. I like her so much that I can't think of any girl in the world I'd rather be with than her. I know that feeling will fade, but I was wondering if I could facilitate that process a little bit. I have other stuff I need to focus on and I can't. I've felt like this about other girls before, too, but not this severely. Those feelings went away, just like this one will. But this feeling really sucks and it's making me miserable. I can't focus on school work nearly as well as I need to and my grades are suffering.

    I'm sure some of you have had this problem before, so I was wondering if you had any tips on how to get rid of it.

  2. jcsd
  3. She must have been something to get your head spinning this way.
  4. turbo

    turbo 7,063
    Gold Member

    The best remedy for a girl stuck in your head is getting another girl stuck in your head. Just like getting rid of those "ear-worm" songs that just won't go away.
  5. Yeah, she's definitely special. Unfortunately for me. If only she was arrogant or rude, but she's not. Even when she thought she said something that I might think was mean, she would immediately apologize.
    Yeah, but that opportunity has to present itself to me. I'm not the type of person who goes up to girls with the intention of dating them. I need to get to know a girl before I begin liking them. So that could take a while.
  6. Office_Shredder

    Office_Shredder 4,487
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  7. I recommend filling up your schedule with extra courses and hard work. From experience, I know that these feelings only affect what you're actually doing as much as you want them to. Unfortunately, deep down, we often *want* them to affect us so much. Ergo, lots of extra coursework.

    This does not stop this girl from messing with your feelings, but quite frankly, there is little you can do about that until the project is over. It does however help you with improving your falling grades and might give you some peace of mind when you're not near her.
  8. jim hardy

    jim hardy 5,460
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    Hobin has good acvice,

    Where the concious goes, the subconcious must follow.

    If you really care about her you'll wish her a happy life and get on with yours.

    So tell her that you hope there is one like her in your future and wish her and her beau well..
    Kindness is always good etiquette.

    Get your butt back on track so you'll be a good catch for some similarly devastating girl.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 25, 2014
  10. Thanks for the support, guys. The project was for a drama class scene that involved some touching of various parts of her body and hugging. So the nature of the interaction is what made these feelings so strong, I believe. Since that's done and the project is over, there's no more touching going on, so maybe these feelings will begin to fade soon.

    And you guys are right, letting my grades fall isn't going to help alleviate the pain, but instead make it worse. I really do have to get to work.

    Thanks again.
  11. *chuckles* Yes, that would not be the kind of class where it's easy to ignore such feelings. While I can't say I have had a comparable experience myself, I can understand why you had trouble.

    That you do. Now, off to work then. Chop chop! :wink:
  12. First of all You can concentration on your work, then you are no thing on any girl. you can thinking on only work.
  13. I know this feeling too well, and I'm not sure there's really a good way to suppress those desires to be with another person.

    I think the old "give it three months" is the only way. I've grown far too attached to certain girls in the wrong circumstances, and time has been the only cure for me.

    Definitely also keeping busy, not letting your mind wonder, and maintaining as positive a mindset as possible are very helpful (exercise and diet!!!).

    But when it comes down to it, when you are alone and idle, you will still be thinking about this person until the thoughts begin to fade.
  14. Hurkyl

    Hurkyl 15,987
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    You should seriously consider actually being friends and hanging out with her rather than trying to ignore her.

    This way, rather than being filled with constant longing for a idealized dream girl, you actually get to enjoy spending time with her. In addition, this has the potential to actually satisfy your feelings so that your thoughts can turn to other things, and when she leaves you'll be left with fond memories rather than regrets.

    Even if she's uninterested in being friends, your feelings will still probably be better off having tried rather than not trying at all.
  15. Monique

    Monique 4,445
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    :uhh: worst advice I've ever seen. Have a guy who is in love with a girl hang out with her while she has a boyfriend? Do you really think someone can shut off their feelings and engage in a platonic relationship? I've seen too many relationships strand for exactly this mistake.

    It's ok to have fond memories of the class that you had together, it's natural for feelings to develop in such a setting, use the energy that you're feeling to explore other facets of your life: such as doing your best in studying or enjoying other activities.

    It's about breaking the cycle, the chemicals in your brain are in a feedback loop: the more you think about her, the better you feel, the more you think about her. You can adjust your thought process by associating the good feeling with the success you get by doing good in class or other activities. Harness that power, it will do you good :smile:
  16. turbo

    turbo 7,063
    Gold Member

    Best advice. There is no advantage in classifying people as potential love-interests and casual friends. Things change. You can be friends with somebody, and find out that it develops into something more.
  17. nope.avi

    Doing this this way all leave him in a horrible place of feeling like no matter what he does he'll only be good enough to hear about how wonderful/bad her boyfriend/other guys are.

    seriously, don't do this

    Friends might become something more but something more won't develop into friends.
  18. Monique

    Monique 4,445
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    That's why there's a high divorce rate these days. It's the infatuation that people chase, but by it's nature it's short lived. If someone is in a respectful relationship they wouldn't put themselves into a compromising position.

    My boyfriend used to visit a bakery and he was pretty sure that the cashier had a crush on him, that can happen: no problem. However, should they go out for a conversational dinner so that they can be friends? No, of course not, that would be a stupid plan.
  19. turbo

    turbo 7,063
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    That might be the case, but I don't think that's a hard and fast rule. In HS, I had female friends. Some became closer over the years, and some became match-makers hooking me up with other girls. It is quite possible for friends to become romantically involved.
  20. Evo

    Staff: Mentor

    I'd say that real friends becoming romantic is very rare. If a guy has female "friends", that meant the women had no interest in them romantically, trust me. Trying to hook a male friend up with someone else is a way to keep the guy away from them. I know because us girls did that to men we weren't attracted to.
  21. Monique

    Monique 4,445
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    That really is a very different situation from the one described by the OP.
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