College student dating her TA: privacy vs. academic integrity

[EnumaElish]

I thought of posting this under "Academic guidance," then decided to post here.

This friend of mine (I'll call him Jack) has a female friend (Holly) who lives in Europe and whose college-age daughter, Emma, is a freshman in a major U.S. college. Holly asked Jack to check on Emma once in a while.

Emma visits Jack's family during holidays; they converse and have food together.

Jack told me that in her last visit Emma told him that she has been going out with her TA. Jack asked for my advice as to what, if anything, would be the appropriate action for him.

He could: (a) say or do nothing, (b) tell Emma "she should have thought twice before going out with her TA," or (c) alert Emma's mother to the fact.

Options (b) and (c) could imply infringement of Emma's privacy, and trust. Option (a) could potentially mean turning a blind eye to the possibility of Emma's involvement in similar relationships in the future.

What do you think is the appropriate action for Jack?

 

[Cyrus]

(d) not jacks business.

People are free to date who they want to. Its the TAs responsiblity to know better if he gets into trouble.

Edit: He should ask her if the TA has changed any of his grading based on their relationship, and if so warn her that she could possibly fail the course. (Probably not likely, I would guess it would be the TA that gets into trouble more).

 

[Moridin]

(b), but a bit milder, as "Jack" where given trust and confidence to look after "Emma" by "Holly".

 

[moose]

Emma is an adult. Plus, dating a TA is nothing that bad. In the end, it's the TAs problem (if it were to become one...)

Option C shouldn't even be an option. That's just ridiculous. Emma will tell her mom if she so wishes.

Option B is ok... As long as its a friend to friend kind of talk.

Option A is also fine.

 

[thephoenician]

tell her mom? No way. He should stay out, she's confiding in him, why should he betray her?

 

[animalcroc]

I wonder if option (c) was put for a laugh. The only good option I see is (d) none of Jacks business.

 

[Gokul43201]

I'd ask Emma to make sure there isn't any college rule that will open her up to punishment for dating her TA. Many schools have funny rules.

 

[JasonRox]

I vote d) also. It's none of Jack's business.

Get a life too.

 

[JasonRox]

(c) alert Emma's mother to the fact.

You have to be ****ing kidding me.

 

[animalcroc]

I'd ask Emma to make sure there isn't any college rule that will open her up to punishment for dating her TA. Many schools have funny rules.

Good point, I should have mentioned that.

 

[Hurkyl]

I vote d) also. It's none of Jack's business.

Get a life too.

You have to be ****ing kidding me.

These responses have been very valuable; your brilliant use of argument by insult followed up by argument by foul language have conclusively settled the issue!

 

[moose]

These responses have been very valuable; your brilliant use of argument by insult followed up by argument by foul language have conclusively settled the issue!

This is because C seems so outrageous. Nobody in their right mind would think of that!

 

[JasonRox]

These responses have been very valuable; your brilliant use of argument by insult followed up by argument by foul language have conclusively settled the issue!

I find it appropriate. I like to keep things at the level of the conversation.

 

[Oerg]

I would date Emma! Lol kidding

My say is option b) on a mild, friend to friend talk

 

[EnumaElish]

I'd ask Emma to make sure there isn't any college rule that will open her up to punishment for dating her TA. Many schools have funny rules.

That's valuable advice; thank you, Gokul.

It seems to me that Emma is relatively safe because she's "dating up." OTOH, her peers may suspect foul play (e.g. with respect to her grades), and this peer reaction may end up being part of the bargain for her.

 

[EnumaElish]

My say is option b) on a mild, friend to friend talk

This is also helpful; thank you.

 

[JasonRox]

I asked my TA coordinator about that before and basically it came down to basically there are no rules against it.

It was in the TA's hands to decide. Also, if there was an affect on grades, then obviously action would take place. But action would take place whether or not you're dating someone. If your grades aren't consistent, you better watch yourself.

Also, I never dated a student in my seminars or even the class itself. Never considered even when it was clear I could have (any TA would know) and I just chose not to for my best interest.

 

[J77]

The OP confused me but...

Past experience from a UK uni: I had a friend (masters level) who went out with one of the postdocs in the group (TA?) -- people did get funny and it did get quite heavy, with the threat of my mate being chucked off the course.

I guess it's about protection of data that the postdoc may have known which could've been advantageous to the student.

 

[KingNothing]

Honestly, I don't think Jack needs to do anything. It's one thing to watch out for Emma, but I don't see how 'telling mom' is watching out for her. If he's concerned for her, he can talk to HER about it.

 

[Vanadium 50]

It's been four years. By now, I would hope he's no longer her TA.