Dealing with a Ruined Friendship

[Physics is Phun]

well. exams are over, and I'm going home tomorrow. I have to deal with her again. her/my friend are having a party tomorrow night, and I'll see her there.
She keeps telling me she misses me and that she wants to see me. I hate it when she does that. It clearly means she didn't care about having a relationship. yet she tells me she DOES care and wasn't trying to mess around. She keeps doing that, telling me one thing then acting another way.
and she's back to her normal flirty self. I can't really blame her cause that's just how she is, she's like that with everyone. but sometimes it's hard to see past that fact.
I don't know how to deal with it. She seems intent on fixing our friendship. but there's really nothing to fix. ofcourse we're good friends, we're best friends, but it's based on the fact that I like her. and now that's been ruined. so I don't know how to be friends with her anymore.
She's leaving for school in 2 weeks though, and I'm tempted to just suck it up and be fine with it, and then maybe 8 months from now i'll be ok and we can be friends.
I don't know though, i think I'm just kidding myself. I never wanted to be only friends with her. could that romantic interest ever go away?

 

[Mk]

Kids these days seem like they are constantly going to parties.

If she says she misses you she probably really wants to see you.

 

[rocketboy]

here's something i decided when my gf broke up with my about 2 months ago:**** serious relationships, I'm young, time to go out and have some FUN. Being tied down to one girl sucks, go out and play the field bro.

There will be lots of time to be tied down when we're tied down for good! :D

 

[rocketboy]

oh ya, i forgot... i completely agree with you, girls make the devil look like a newborn puppy. (runs and hides before the women of the forum show up)

 

[Physics_wiz]

There's this girl I know who would always talk to me when she saw me, say I'm cute, play with my hair, etc... I asked her if she wanted to be more than just friends with me about 2 weekends ago and she said she didn't want to date anyone right now. Ever since I asked her, she hasn't initiated one conversation with me and whenever I talk to her the conversation ends really quickly because she doesn't talk. I think maybe she didn't expect it or something, I don't know. Maybe she just feels awkward around me now that she knows I like her.

 

[Physics_wiz]

Hmmm now that I think about it, maybe she felt bad about teasing me for a long time and now is just trying to do the opposite.

Edit: I can see how some girls can be evil.

 

[Physics is Phun]

lol, yup, my situation is pretty much opposite of yours wiz, she won't leave me alone...but not in a good way

 

[Soilwork]

here's something i decided when my gf broke up with my about 2 months ago:**** serious relationships, I'm young, time to go out and have some FUN. Being tied down to one girl sucks, go out and play the field bro.

There will be lots of time to be tied down when we're tied down for good! :D

That has to be about the dumbest damn thing I've seen anyone write...

I'm sorry, but I really can't stand this ****ing attitude. It's this that leads to irresponsible parents and high divorce rates. You see it (marriage) as being a bad thing, but you see it as the expected thing to do at a certain age. You also end up thinking that it's the expected thing to have children, but you don't realize the responsibility you take on when having children. Then you ***** and moan about how you can't do what YOU want and how **** your life is.

grow up!

 

[FredGarvin]

2 months is not even a drop in the grand bucket of things. Here's a novel approach...don't go to the party. Don't interact with her. Move on. She's doing the insecure little girl trick which is to keep as many people on a leash around her. It makes her feel better about herself. Meanwhile, you get put into a situation where you're posting an advice thread on an internet forum. The sooner you forget about her, the better off you'll be. MOVE ON! I can't believe it. You're in college man! These are your prime years. Unless your school is one big sausage fest, get out there and meet and greet. If for nothing else than to just to be social. You will most likely never have the same opportunities to do so once you leave college. I'm not saying play the field. I am saying to just be social and interact with as many different people as you can. It will change how you think about things. Short of doing a lot of travelling, it's probably your best way to become more "worldly." Heck, after meeting new people, you may either become even more infatuated with this girl or it may open your eyes to what you really want.

BTW...you need to re-examine what it means to be a "best friend." A best friend is not a friendship based on the notion of one of you "liking" the other. That's infatuation. This girl is not your best friend. She may be a friend of some kind, but she's not a best friend.

 

[FredGarvin]

Oh yeah. I almost forgot...girls are indeed evil. I agree.

 

[Astronuc]

I am profoundly disappointed in the title of the thread - which seems a blanket condemnation of a group of human beings because someone didn't get what he wanted in a relationship.

Girls are complicated. Guys are complicated. People, by virtue of having independent minds, are complicated.

If person A wants person B to be a certain way, but B is just not that way, and then person A resents person B for not being what person A wants - how fair is that?

Please consider that the young lady is who she is, and one can't change that, only she can.

**** serious relationships . . . time to go out and have some FUN. Being tied down to one girl sucks, go out and play the field bro.

Go out and play the field?? That's a rather sad statement. That seems to be the attitude of one who views women as objects of pleasure or entertainment. Women are not toys! :grumpy:

I would echo Soilwork's last comment.

And I think this thread should be deleted!

 

[JasonRox]

That has to be about the dumbest damn thing I've seen anyone write...

I'm sorry, but I really can't stand this ****ing attitude. It's this that leads to irresponsible parents and high divorce rates. You see it (marriage) as being a bad thing, but you see it as the expected thing to do at a certain age. You also end up thinking that it's the expected thing to have children, but you don't realize the responsibility you take on when having children. Then you ***** and moan about how you can't do what YOU want and how **** your life is.

grow up!

Ok, you're taking this WAY TOO seriously.

Nothing wrong with being young and having fun. That DOESN'T imply getting kids and getting married. I have no idea where you got that from. Divorce rates are higher for many different reasons.

Just to let you know, you may even go through divorce in your lifetime. But you won't see me yelling at you for how irresponsible you are, not because I know you responsible (which I don't know), but because it happens for many different reasons.



And, I totally agree with Astronuc. Girls aren't toys and delete this thread.

 

[star.torturer]

i am suprised non of the females of the species have come to this thread yet, it is a complete and uter bad topic, and i agre with Astronuc, but he didnt have to get all sciency on it, but it should be deleted or at least renamed, i got baned for less than this

 

[Physics_wiz]

I think everyone is taking this more seriously than they should. I don't think the creator of the thread really meant to imply that ALL girls are evil. Moreover, I don't think he meant to even to imply that some of them are "evil" as the word is defined in a dictionary. I saw it more like a joke...kindda like when some say that "men don't ask for directions".

 

[George Jones]

I think everyone is taking this more seriously than they should. I don't think the creator of the thread really meant to imply that ALL girls are evil. Moreover, I don't think he meant to even to imply that some of them are "evil" as the word is defined in a dictionary. I saw it more like a joke...kindda like when some say that "men don't ask for directions".

Here's my take on this.

Women are trouble.

Life devoid of all trouble is boring.

 

[Gokul43201]

Why should this thread be deleted?? It's not at all obvious to me that the OP has violated any guidelines.

There have been dozens of threads like this that have gone on for countless pages, have there not?

 

[FredGarvin]

I took the whole "girls are evil" bit as completely tongue in cheek.

 

[Schrodinger's Dog]

Girls aren't evil they are marvelously complicated, and sometimes fickle, if you want to understand them, understand that you never will, and try to apreciate all the things that they do that make you care.

What do women want? Who knows and it changes on any given day? What do men want, more of the same and sometimes we're more consistent, but vivre la difference, or get bitter trying to find the answer

In this situation try and be a good friend, because you'll apreciate later that you tried in this relationship, and left on good terms, whatever the final outcome might be, at least you didn't come over as the jilted one. I can tell you though that friendship can be more important than a relationship and that you should cherish any moment where you apreciated love, be it platonic or otherwise.

It sounds to me that she's trying to be mature and not burn her bridges before she leaves, that never works. But what do I know, I'm not living your life and you do what you feel is best.

 

[rocketboy]

I think people got the wrong impression of what I said. I wasn't saying treat girls horribly and go have sex with every one you can... not at all, those who read my thread awhile back know that I am not like that at all. I was saying that I have learned that at a young age it is silly to tie yourself down to one girl really seriously, because your just going to get destroyed in the end, I've been there. You can't meet one girl and say "i'm not going to look at any other girls now because i have a girlfriend". The whole point of dating is to meet new people. So by "playing the field" I basically meant to go meet new people, have fun, don't limit your social life by thinking that you have to focus entirely on one girl, even if she IS your girlfriend, there is nothign wrong with going out with other girls, sure it can be taken too far but just going out with them is completely legit.

Soilwork you really overreacted bro, you really blew my post out of proportion.

"(1)It's this that leads to irresponsible parents and high divorce rates. (2)You see it (marriage) as being a bad thing, (3)but you see it as the expected thing to do at a certain age. (4)You also end up thinking that it's the expected thing to have children, but you don't realize the responsibility you take on when having children."

where the f did this come from?

1)WHOA! how does that work? My point was to stay away from serious relationships, how does that lead to irresponsible parents and high divorce rates? last time i checked you had to be married to get a divorce, and if my point was to meet a variety of different people and not tie yourself down to one girl, then how is this going to lead to a corrupt marriage? Also, I NEVER said ANYTHING about going around having uprotected sex with random girls... so I have NO clue where you got the irresponsible parents thing from man.

2)I never said marriage was a bad thing, I said that there will be "lots of time to be tied down when you are tied down for good". I was half joking, and the other half was making the point that when married you are consent with your relationship, you love your husband/wife, you won't be going out dating anyone else (in a good marriage). But as a teenager, get out there and meet some people, you aren't married, the point of dating is to meet people so don't think its a bad thing... tying yourself down is preventing yourself from meeting people. Hope you understand that response it is pretty badly written

3)who the hell said that marriage is the "expected thing to do at a certain age"? dude, i dont' even know how to respond to you because you pulled that out of knowhere. People get married when they have found somebody they want to spend the rest of their life with and start a family, there is no certain age, I never said there was and i don't think anyone else implied that.

4)again... are you reading the same thread I am? Where did anyone say that we think its expected to have children? Dude that's the last thing I want at this point in my life...maybe oneday when I'm MARRIED.

Explain your post bud because it has me confused as hell.

EDIT: i forgot, usually when there is a smiley face (or :D ) or a statement like "(runs and hides)" it usually indicates a joking manner. What that means is that the post is not ENTIRELY serious and wasn't meant to offend anyone, the smiley's are like the fine print on a legal document protecting the company from a lawsuit! :D:D [<--those are smiles]

 

[Hurkyl]

the point of dating is to meet people

You know... you can meet people without dating them. :tongue:

 

[turbo]

You know... you can meet people without dating them. :tongue:

And you can date people without meeting them - at least to the point that you know them well enough to establish a real connection. I think it's best to have a friend with whom you establish a loving relationship after you have already accommodated each other's foibles as friends. I had a few infatuations in my teens and 20's, but those never worked out. I have been with my best friend for 31 years (as of August 18th) and we have been married for over 30 of them. As I write this, we are waiting for the mustard pickles to come to a boil, and when that happens, we will spend the next few hours processing and sealing them (probably ~20 qts). I grew up splitting and stacking wood, gardening, picking wild berries and vegetables, etc, and there is no way that I would be married today if I had settled for a fashion-queen who has to hit the malls every couple of weeks, and can't stand to get dirt under her nails.

 

[Astronuc]

As I write this, we are waiting for the mustard pickles to come to a boil, and when that happens, we will spend the next few hours processing and sealing them (probably ~20 qts).

Man, I need to drop by one of these days.

I grew up splitting and stacking wood, gardening, picking wild berries and vegetables, etc, . . .

:tongue2: I avoid malls as much as possible and prefer to stay away from areas of high population density.

 

[turbo]

Man, I need to drop by one of these days. :tongue2:

Any time. Bring your berry bucket. My sister-in-law just left. She came to pick wild blackberries with my wife, and stayed a little over an hour. While they picked down back, I went through the woods across the road (it's pretty rough going in there with thickets and blow-downs) and ended up with over a gallon of blackberries. I had to come out once to unload my plastic bucket. When I came out the second time and met up with the girls, they looked my my bucket and said "Wow! you picked almost as much as both of us put together." I smiled and went in the house and brought out the first batch and gave them all the my sister-in-law. We also gave her a jar of each of the 3 varieties of pickles we've made so far, and she gave us 3 jars of home-made blackberry jelly. Ain't nobody starvin' here.

 

[Pythagorean]

Dude, girls in high school are just as confused as boys in high school. First of all, don't let a girl play that game with you where she makes you feel like their might be a promise of sex in the future. I know girls that have like 10 male friends that she has all whooped up on her (can get them to do nearly anything) and they all seem to think they they're getting somewhere with her. I know what FreGarvin is talking abbout.

BUT AT THE SAME TIME, any of those boys at the end of her leash are PLAYING the victim by CHOICE. Don't be one of them. You don't have to be mean and rude to her, be polite, just live your own life, focus on your education and comfrort for now. If the relationship with her is psychologically unhealthy for you, there's no reason to even try and make a subtle exit, but you don't have to be an ass either.

Go out and play the field?? That's a rather sad statement. That seems to be the attitude of one who views women as objects of pleasure or entertainment. Women are not toys! :grumpy:

No offense, this is purely conjecture on my part (Based on thorough experience though) but you sound like half of the boys that I knew on the end of these leashes (mentioned by fred garvin and myself above) in high school. A lot of these boys have convinced themselves that they're not mammals and they can hold special, platonic relationships with girls that they've known for only a week (when in reality, they're denying their instinctual attraction to the girl).

Playing the field in no way has to do with treating women as objects of pleasure or entertainment in a one-sided sense. That perception of women is independent of whether you play the field or have only ever had one girl. I know loyal, honest, hardworking husbands that treat their wife like crap because of the prejudices imposed on them in their raising (back when you could read articles about how to be a 'good house wife' in the 50's, you know?)

Playing the field doesn't mean pretending to be looking for relationships, and pulling a 'bang and spring'. Sure that's a technique used by creeps, but 'Playing the field' means you haven't settled on the first girl you dated/hung out with/kissed/ or yes, slept with.

Having sex is natural and fun part of life. Finding a mate isn't always easy, and if you hold out having sex until you're married, you're going to get married and find out that you're not sexually compatible with your wife, then you're going to have routine, habitual sex instead of impulsive, good sex. You're going to have kids and then try to hold together a relationship that has no BADA BING and everyone in the family is going to be dettached even though they manage to look like a funcitonal family to everyone else.

Also, women get treat men like objects without any sex being involved. (Of course, deep down, I believe that sex is one of man's main motivations, as it is a key to genetic survival, so if a woman is leading a man around with her pinky, she's probably really leading him around by the prick)

No offense meant to anyone, I used to be one of those boys that thought my love and worship of women was purely platonic. I've since gotten lead around by the prick like a dumbass, flipped to the other end, and became an ass, eventually found a medium, then 'played the field' and finally found a girl that made all that seem pointless (even thought it was probably a real good learning experience). I've been with this girl for a year and a half now, and I could imagine it going on a lot longer. I find her both physically attractive and intelletually stimulating. Both are important, and both have to be tested (for BOTH parties involved) to know the compatibility between the two of you.

 

[Pythagorean]

You know... you can meet people without dating them. :tongue:

I'd have to agree to this too. All of my good encounters with women were spontaneous. Everytime I set a date, it was ridiculously obvious to everyone (except me at the time) that the girl had no interest in me beyond friendship.

 

[Integral]

I am surprised that no one has posted the proof that girls = evil

Everyone who has ever dated nows that

Girls = Money * Times

But it is also true that

Money = time

so we have:

Girls = Money ²

It is also a universal truth that:

Money is the root of all evil so

Money = Evil ^.5
or
Money ² = evil

So there we have it.

Girls = money ² = evil

 

[Schrodinger's Dog]

I am surprised that no one has posted the proof that girls = evil

Everyone who has ever dated nows that

Girls = Money * Times

But it is also true that

Money = time

so we have:

Girls = Money ²

It is also a universal truth that:

Money is the root of all evil so

Money = Evil ^.5
or
Money ² = evil

So there we have it.

Girls = money ² = evil

Misquoted the actual quote from Timothy 6:10 is "the love of money is the route of all evil" so you'll have to rework your equation to allow for this Believe it or not there is nothing inherently evil in being wealthy or in money only in the selfish desire to acquire wealth, that is the universal truth.

 

[rocketboy]

Playing the field doesn't mean pretending to be looking for relationships, and pulling a 'bang and spring'. Sure that's a technique used by creeps, but 'Playing the field' means you haven't settled on the first girl you dated/hung out with/kissed/ or yes, slept with.

EXACTLY... thank god somebody didn't see my statement as "immature" or in horrible taste and knows that "playing the field" doesn't involve mistreating women.

where did soilworth go? I want him to know that, I in no way meant what he thought I meant.

 

[Physics is Phun]

holy! sorry for the title, i didn't think it was going to offend anyone. it was just meant to be an exaggeration of my dissapointment of my situation.
sorry if I offended anyone.
Although, after that party, this girl is indeed seeming more and more evil.
So when she finally arrives (late) she has a present for me. a CD. she said 'i bought it for me but then i thought you'd like it.' that was unexpected. I took it as another, sorry-for-dumping-you-please-be-my-friend gesture.
a bit later in the evening, I'm sitting beside our friend on the couch. this is the same friend that she thought liked me while we were going out (i'm not sure if i mentioned her in a previous thread or not). but anyways. I'm sitting there, and she come and jumps on my lap and whispers to me 'i'm sitting here cause I think she's hitting on you.' like she was jealous that i was talking to her.
Other than that, she spent the rest of the night with her ex boyfriend. (the friend mentioned in an eariler thread, not the cheating ex boyfriend) and i have good reason to believe something happened between them last night (i overheard them talking in the morning, when I was "asleep")
So. pretty much I'm done with her. if she's actually going to go out with this guy again, or even if it was just a one time thing, she's just the biggest liar, and i don't want anything to do with her.
so it comes down to how to tell her off. she just doesn't get the message when i stop talking to her. (as i tried before) so i really got to tell her to buzz off and i don't want to see her again. I don't want to be mean. but something that gets the point across. a few friends suggest that i don't say anything and just be indifferent to everything she says. but to me that seems a bit immature and not really facing the problem.

 

[Cyrus]

EXACTLY... thank god somebody didn't see my statement as "immature" or in horrible taste and knows that "playing the field" doesn't involve mistreating women.

where did soilworth go? I want him to know that, I in no way meant what he thought I meant.

You care too much about how people read your posts, why? :tongue2:

 

[Pythagorean]

You care too much about how people read your posts, why? :tongue2:

if you don't care about how people read your posts, then you're just masturbating on a public forum.

 

[Mk]

I hope you don't get warned for that one. At least put a smilie at the end to make it not sound so serious!

 

[George Jones]

I hope you don't get warned for that one. At least put a smilie at the end to make it not sound so serious!

Why? Pythagorean is absolutely correct.

 

[Cyrus]

if you don't care about how people read your posts, then you're just masturbating on a public forum.

:rofl: Nice one, still don't care though. :tongue2:

Everyone needs some lovin'

 

[Schrodinger's Dog]

if you don't care about how people read your posts, then you're just masturbating on a public forum.

It's a good point, everyone who posts wants to make something understood and care that their opinion is carried over, less the insubstance, or take the whole and divide and forget the fraction , it's a mutual type of Mas...I can't even say it, for fear of the evil that such a phrase would condone. we're all adults here.:tongue: