Got a girls number, what do I do next?

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Main Question or Discussion Point

FOlks,

THis is probably a common question submitted to this forum.

I was chatting to a hot chick last night and I quite like her. I think we found a commonality thorught sports and fitness and she said she was keen to go for a run with me (2 weeks time as shes away).

I got her number and she has mine in her phone (Actually she suggested I take her number....what does this imply?)

The problem is I dont know whether she sees me as a potential BF or just a friend.... We chatted for good while but nothing else happened. I didnt find any tell tales signs that she potentially likes me(maybe she was playing cool)

So what do I do...

  • How do I suss out whether its just a friend thing?

  • When do I text her, I dont want to make her think Im too keen.

In my experience, every time I meet girls (potential GF's in my mind) through my friends they always end just being friends. I always ask my self why and I think its because I am 'too nice' and do not have that xfactor that intrigues girls to say 'hes a potential BF'. So I am just wondering is this girl gonna be the same thing...just a friend...
 

Answers and Replies

  • #2
918
16
The first thing you should do is pass it on to me. I'll take it from here.
 
  • #3
Evo
Mentor
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You can't be too nice. Most women feel real attraction (not superficial) to nice guys.

Romantic feelings either happen or they don't. Just be yourself and see what happens.

If she said 2 week's time, wait 2 weeks to text her and just say that you're looking forward to taking that run, either suggest a time and place, or ask her for her preference.

If you want, text her in a day or two just to say that you'll be looking forward to getting together when she returns so that she knows you plan to see her again, and she's not left wondering. Personally, I would like this approach.
 
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  • #4
378
2
You can sing
Jenny, I got your number,
I need to make you mine.
Jenny, don't change your number,
8-6-7-5-3-0-9 (8-6-7-5-3-0-9)
8-6-7-5-3-0-9 (8-6-7-5-3-0-9)

Jenny, Jenny, you're the girl for me.
You don't know me but you make me so happy.
I tried to call you before but I lost my nerve.
I tried my imagination, but I was disturbed.
:rofl:
The first thing you should do is pass it on to me. I'll take it from here.
:rofl:
 
  • #5
5
0
Be flirty. Treat a girl like a male friend => Friend zone. Flirt with her and definitely break the touch barrier sooner than later. Let her know your intentions through body language, if she doesn't seem to keen then next her
 
  • #6
719
1
The first thing you should do is pass it on to me. I'll take it from here.
You wish.....:-) Find your own girl..! :-)

Be flirty. Treat a girl like a male friend => Friend zone. Flirt with her and definitely break the touch barrier sooner than later. Let her know your intentions through body language, if she doesn't seem to keen then next her
Good point...cant exactly do that when we go for a run :-)

You can't be too nice.

Just be yourself and see what happens.
Not sure I agree. For me to 'be myself' would just be a very average/boring guy which just doesnt cut it with girls...

Yea, of course ultimately women want to be with a nice guy in the long term but being 'nice and unchallenging 'doesnt work at the very initial stages of the dating game where you have to put on a show etc to impress them especially for good looking women because they are probably bombarded with average guys approaching them the whole time.....
 
  • #7
Evo
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Not sure I agree. For me to 'be myself' would just be a very average/boring guy which just doesnt cut it with girls...

Yea, of course ultimately women want to be with a nice guy in the long term but being 'nice and unchallenging 'doesnt work at the very initial stages of the dating game where you have to put on a show etc to impress them especially for good looking women because they are probably bombarded with average guys approaching them the whole time.....
Works on me every time. And for my daughters too, and for their friends. What is this myth that good looking women are stupid and shallow and are impressed by fools?
 
  • #8
6,265
1,275
You can't be too nice. Most women feel real attraction (not superficial) to nice guys.
This is true if by "nice" you mean attentive, respectful, concerned, etc. but only from a position of not having to be. When I was in college there was a famous case of the very average guy who had snagged an unbelievably gorgeous girlfriend. I asked around about it and found out she'd told someone he was the only guy she'd ever met who respected her as a person and wasn't just out for her body. Observing him, though, it was clear he also projected the confidence of someone who would not crumble into a heap and die if she dumped him. He seemed like his own person, like he owned himself, like he had a life focus. That is really the only reason his attention and respect meant anything to her.
 
  • #9
Evo
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This is true if by "nice" you mean attentive, respectful, concerned, etc. but only from a position of not having to be. When I was in college there was a famous case of the very average guy who had snagged an unbelievably gorgeous girlfriend. I asked around about it and found out she'd told someone he was the only guy she'd ever met who respected her as a person and wasn't just out for her body. Observing him, though, it was clear he also projected the confidence of someone who would not crumble into a heap and die if she dumped him. He seemed like his own person, like he owned himself, like he had a life focus. That is really the only reason his attention and respect meant anything to her.
Confidence is good, but I'm also attracted to guys with asperger's, go figure.
 
  • #10
I like Serena
Homework Helper
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Confidence is good, but I'm also attracted to guys with asperger's, go figure.
Asperger as in lack of confidence? Or just being shy around people?
 
  • #11
DaveC426913
Gold Member
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So what do I do...

  • How do I suss out whether its just a friend thing?

  • When do I text her, I dont want to make her think Im too keen.
She has extended the offer of wanting to get to know you better. You're not going to turn her off by taking her at her word.

But one thing to note: at this point there is no "just a friend thing". Your next date might develop into more, but for now, you're just getting to know each other. "Friends" and "more than friends" are indistinguishable at this point.

And don't text her. :grumpy: Call her.
 
  • #12
918
16
You wish.....:-) Find your own girl..! :-)
Now why can't my wife take a rational view like that?
 
  • #13
6,265
1,275
Confidence is good, but I'm also attracted to guys with asperger's, go figure.
Heh.

..........
 
  • #14
Evo
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Asperger as in lack of confidence? Or just being shy around people?
Neither. They just happened to have Aspergers, I didn't know it in the beginning. They were both very smart, one was brilliant, but both were extremely argumentative, both lacked social skills. One had to check out potential meeting places in advance and have his "escape" route planned for when he'd get overwhelmed. And then he'd back out altogether.
 
  • #15
256bits
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Neither. They just happened to have Aspergers, I didn't know it in the beginning. They were both very smart, one was brilliant, but both were extremely argumentative, both lacked social skills. One had to check out potential meeting places in advance and have his "escape" route planned for when he'd get overwhelmed. And then he'd back out altogether.
That must be a bit frustrating. I guess you have a level of patience and understanding to a degree that it would not affect your own confidence, to the point where you yourself would be soul searching and questioning your decisions, wants and desires. The best to you.
 
  • #16
256bits
Gold Member
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So what do I do...

How do I suss out whether its just a friend thing?
When do I text her, I dont want to make her think Im too keen.
You want to make her think you are keen on her. You want to make her think you are interested in her, whether that be as a friend or as something that might develop. You are keen on her so quit trying to over rationalize. Text her to say hi, and when she comes back call her up to do some of the things you mentioned together.
 
  • #17
You can't be too nice.
This is both true and untrue at the same time. The issue is what is perceived as "nice". For instance many "nice guys" feel as though they should leave the decision making up to the woman, that this is being "nice". Women do not typically consider this being "nice". Many women consider it frustrating. They will tend to expect you to at least participate in a decision making process if not make decisions about where to go and what to do on your own (a good way to see what sorts of decisions you make and if you consider them in the process). Attempting to know and consider the woman in your decision making is considered "nice"; attempting to "allow" them to make the decisions is not generally considered "nice".

The individual situations will vary but typically women prefer men who are confident. Most self described "nice guys" are not very confident and will act in a "weak" manner which they feel is being "nice" though the woman may not necessarily consider it as such. They may consider it patronizing, frustrating, or just plain disappointing. Respect and consideration are basically all you need to be considered "nice". Don't go too far.

Someone said not to treat a woman as you do your guy friends. That, I suppose, is up to you (and perhaps dependent on how your treat your guy friends) but treating a woman as though she were special because she is a woman is not necessarily the way to go. Women are people just like any guy friend you have. Treating them like normal people is not going to be a bad thing. And approaching her as a normal person rather than "OMG a Cute GIRL" will probably help you feel more comfortable and confident.

And don't text her. :grumpy: Call her.
And don't listen to Dave. Most young ladies today will have no issue with you texting them. It makes for a fairly good nonchalant manner of contact. The way phone etiquette goes these days, if you were to prefer an actual voice conversation, I would actually suggest texting her to make sure she is free to talk first. And as a personal preference (which I have found some women are appreciative of) don't use text speak.
 
  • #18
Astronuc
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This is both true and untrue at the same time. The issue is what is perceived as "nice". For instance many "nice guys" feel as though they should leave the decision making up to the woman, that this is being "nice". Women do not typically consider this being "nice". Many women consider it frustrating. They will tend to expect you to at least participate in a decision making process if not make decisions about where to go and what to do on your own (a good way to see what sorts of decisions you make and if you consider them in the process). Attempting to know and consider the woman in your decision making is considered "nice"; attempting to "allow" them to make the decisions is not generally considered "nice".
One can be nice, as in polite, considerate and thoughtful, and be assertive/confident. I believe that is the point that Evo was making.
 
  • #19
One can be nice, as in polite, considerate and thoughtful, and be assertive/confident. I believe that is the point that Evo was making.
I do think that is what Evo meant. I am just unsure whether our self described "nice guy" OP would understand. I know I was a "nice guy" growing up. I had very strange ideas of what it meant to be "nice" to women. And quite a few young men who are "nice guys" seem to have similar trouble.
 
  • #20
DaveC426913
Gold Member
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I do think that is what Evo meant. I am just unsure whether our self described "nice guy" OP would understand. I know I was a "nice guy" growing up. I had very strange ideas of what it meant to be "nice" to women. And quite a few young men who are "nice guys" seem to have similar trouble.
Perhaps because there is a fine line between "nice" and "overly self-effacing".

One's a turn-on, one's a turn-off.
 
  • #21
418
0
FOlks,

THis is probably a common question submitted to this forum.

I was chatting to a hot chick last night and I quite like her. I think we found a commonality thorught sports and fitness and she said she was keen to go for a run with me (2 weeks time as shes away).

I got her number and she has mine in her phone (Actually she suggested I take her number....what does this imply?)

The problem is I dont know whether she sees me as a potential BF or just a friend.... We chatted for good while but nothing else happened. I didnt find any tell tales signs that she potentially likes me(maybe she was playing cool)

So what do I do...

  • How do I suss out whether its just a friend thing?

  • When do I text her, I dont want to make her think Im too keen.

In my experience, every time I meet girls (potential GF's in my mind) through my friends they always end just being friends. I always ask my self why and I think its because I am 'too nice' and do not have that xfactor that intrigues girls to say 'hes a potential BF'. So I am just wondering is this girl gonna be the same thing...just a friend...
I've highlighted in red what you wrote because I would like you to focus on that. :smile: Hopefully, you will have a pleasant run with the girl in the upcoming future.:smile: Obsessing about what may happen prior to the event is in my opinion a waste of time and energy. The future of a relationship is not made up of *predictions* as far as I am concerned. Relax and enjoy each day as it unfolds.
 
Last edited:
  • #22
lisab
Staff Emeritus
Science Advisor
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Perhaps because there is a fine line between "nice" and "overly self-effacing".

One's a turn-on, one's a turn-off.
"Nice": "I'd love to take you to this great restaurant I found - are you available Saturday evening?"

"Overly self-effacing": "Would you like to go out with me, maybe dinner or something? Like, this Saturday, maybe?" (she agrees) "Great, so where would you like to go?"
 
  • #23
Dembadon
Gold Member
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A couple more things:

Follow through! If you say you're going to do something, do it! I can't stress enough how important this is. Lack of follow-through is a major turn-off. Trust me.

Have a plan! Don't just throw an evening together willy-nilly and cross your fingers, hoping it will work out. You need to make sure it works out. Have a plan for unexpected events (weather, closures, timing, etc) and allow for adjustments. You want the date to flow smoothly. It is very important to have things figured out before-hand so you aren't left flailing with nothing to do when plan A doesn't work out. Inadequate planning is a great way to kill a potentially good date, and maybe even a relationship.
 
  • #24
461
8
Be flirty. Treat a girl like a male friend
What if the guy isn't flirty with his male friends?
 
  • #25
5
0
Good point...cant exactly do that when we go for a run :-)
Well surely you 2 are going to do other things than running? Once you're sitting alone with her then start flirting abit. Maybe in the beginning compliment her a little and move on from there

What if the guy isn't flirty with his male friends?
I hope you're kidding. Read what i wrote more carefully
 

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