Is Divorce the Best Option When You Can't Stay Together?

[Saint]

Without referring to religious opinions about it,
thinking independently,
do you think Divorce is the best choice if you really can stay anymore with your spouse?
if you have children, what can you do to avoid harm on them ?

 

[BobG]

It's certainly not the percentage play.

About 50% of marriages work out at least well enough for the couple to stay together.

Of previously divorced people, about 20% stay together. Considering about half of divorcees never even attempt marriage again, there's about a 10% chance of going on to have successful marriage.

Marriage is pretty intense. If it didn't work the first time, it takes an awful lot of faith and courage to put as much of yourself in the second one as you did the first one.

 

[singleton]

You should stay together, unhappy, and sleep in the same bed... for the kids of course

Honestly I don't know. I would think that it is better to separate but have both parents stay very involved in the children's lives. This means being together (as adults) whenever you need to (at all of the events in their life).

Divorce and children is the one reason I never want to get married or have kids. How do you "know" you can love someone for the rest of your life? How do you know feelings won't change?

Imagine you marry at 25 only to find out she starts boinking someone else from her office when you are 45... 20 years wasted *sigh*. Many people will say that you should have been able to read that from their personality yet look how much infidelity happens in marriages now? How could they "not have seen it coming" either? I don't know... I don't have much faith

 

[Moonbear]

If you're miserable together, it's better to separate. That's true for the kids too. IIRC, there have been studies done (or maybe they were just surveys) showing that kids are worse off living in a house with two parents who are constantly fighting than living with just one parent without the fighting. But, then it's also important for the divorced couple to remember they shouldn't use their children as pawns to continue the fight. If you bring kids into the world, you have to set aside everything else and do what's best for them.

 

[dekoi]

Marriages break down because people have lost understanding of marriage, and thus, can not articulate their true love.

If you can truly admit that you have absolutely no relationship with your spouse (which is in reality, highly unlikely), it is of course best to get a divorce.

 

[Evo]

If you're miserable together, it's better to separate. That's true for the kids too. IIRC, there have been studies done (or maybe they were just surveys) showing that kids are worse off living in a house with two parents who are constantly fighting than living with just one parent without the fighting. But, then it's also important for the divorced couple to remember they shouldn't use their children as pawns to continue the fight. If you bring kids into the world, you have to set aside everything else and do what's best for them.

I completely agree. How the parents handle the situation will determine how the children are affected.

My ex was an overbearing control freak that made my kid's lives (and mine) unbearable. My kids were so happy when I finally kicked him out. They still do not like being around him. Yes, he's their father.

 

[Saint]

Evo, you divorced?
How is your second husband? Good enough to meet your requirements?

 

[Evo]

Evo, you divorced?
How is your second husband? Good enough to meet your requirements?

I never remarried.

 

[Moses]

Well, Divorce for me is the most thing i HATE in life, but i think it should be done, when it should be done, as any other thing...

The thingy is living kindly together...or separate nicley "together!"
Thus why my strategy in life is to really study the other person before getting into a realtionship with her. So in case of "divorce" it will be "in a good process"

Divorce is a more complex way of "Breaking up", specially if it involved children, but it is still breaking up...