Is it possible to grow up to be a popular person?

[En_lizard]

There are some people who are respected, loved, and cared for by almost anyone. Is there any mystery behind that? Is it possible to grow up to be a popular person? If there are ways for that and you are aware of them please share them with me. Dont forget to explain your reasons for your choice!

 

[George Jones]

there are some people whore respected , loved and cared by almost anyone. is there any mystery behind that? is it possible to grow up to a popular person? if there is ways for that and youre aware of them please share them with me.

Yikes, careful with the spelling! Sometimes small mistakes don't matter, but sometimes they do. If Zidane is reading this thread ...

 

[En_lizard]

Yikes, careful with the spelling! Sometimes small mistakes don't matter, but sometimes they do. If Zidane is reading this thread ...

the very first attempt for hijacking my thread? c'me on! the listener must be wise. its clear that's who are not whore. and what made zidande furious wasnt a typo nor a misunderstanding. it was a swear. the guy has told him "i prefer your sister" in response to zidane's question which was " do you want my shirt?"

 

[BobG]

Yikes, careful with the spelling! Sometimes small mistakes don't matter, but sometimes they do. If Zidane is reading this thread ...

People who are attractive are also perceived to be smart unless they're just so dumb that there's no denying it. In other words, most attractive people aren't perceived to be of average intelligence - they're perceived as being either very smart or very dumb.

 

[En_lizard]

People who are attractive are also perceived to be smart unless they're just so dumb that there's no denying it. In other words, most attractive people aren't perceived to be of average intelligence - they're perceived as being either very smart or very dumb.

attractiveness could be a reason for popularity even for men? does that work for impressing anyone or only opposite sex?

 

[BobG]

attractiveness could be a reason for popularity even for men? does that work for impressing anyone or only opposite sex?

It works for both, but more so for women. In fact, if you start comparing pairs of men/women, the attractiveness of the woman a man is with is more significant than the attractiveness of the man when people form first impressions of the man.

The Effects of Attractiveness on Popularity

Granted, their own experiment was conducted in a bar, which probably has an impact on the results of their experiment, but they also cite some other studies which support the idea that popularity is directly related to attractiveness.

Of course, not only did they observe how many times a person was approached by someone else in the bar, they also observed how many times a person approached someone else. Attractive people are more likely to approach other people which can definitely affect a person's popularity.

It might be true that attitude is the most important determinant of whether a person is popular and the main impact of attractiveness is on the person's own self-esteem and confidence. An attractive person who's afraid to talk to people isn't going to be very popular.

 

[DaveC426913]

I wish I knew. Popularity is as elusive to me as courage to the Cowardly Lion or a heart to the Tin Man.

But I think one word missing from the list is charisma.

 

[moose]

Confidence. Pretty much everyone in my entire dorm invites me places and says hey to me while walking past. My dorm has around 120 people. It's insane how many people will go out of their way to talk to me or chill with me now. I'm just confident and say something to everyone who walks by me (in my dorm at least...). There are a few of us like this in my dorm, and the only correlation is confidence. This causes people to start talking to you, and also for you to start talking to them. When someone is walking by with their head down and bad posture, nobody will say anything to them (lol I say "hey, what's up?" to those people sometimes, but they rarely respond).

EDIT: Lol, I think I may have sounded like jasonrox right there.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I wish I knew. Popularity is as elusive to me as courage to the Cowardly Lion or a heart to the Tin Man.

But I think one word missing from the list is charisma.

If you're not popular, Dave, it's because you're not exploiting your drawing skills in the right way.

First, get out your sketchbook and get a good drawing started. Once it's well along and looking good, find a cafe in your vicinity with a lot of customers. Get a cup of coffee, or whatever, and sit in there with your sketchbook working on the drawing. Pick a table where you're quite visible: don't hide in a corner. It will be apparent to you almost instantly that people are interested: they'll be glancing over at the drawing, and slowing down as they pass the table to check it out.

Now and then it will be apparent that someone is really interested: they especially hesitate and linger. You can look up and acknowledge them, even say "Hi." That usually precipitates a conversation.

It's a good idea to go to the restroom often leaving the drawing out in full view on the table for more shy people to stroll over and get a better look at it. Later they will often come over and say "I noticed your sketch earlier. That's really cool. You do this for a living?" or some such.

There's no end to the amount of exposure you'll get, the number of people you'll meet, and new friends you'll make. People like artists just cause they're artists. Just seeing you sitting there drawing will prejudice them in your favor.

 

[chroot]

The reasons for popularity change dramatically from middle school up through adulthood. In middle school, being physically attractive is usually enough; being physically attractive and funny is almost a guarantee.

As you get older, people start realizing that stability, intellect, accomplishment, and kindness are much more valuable traits. In my experience, the most popular adults are those who are genuine, interesting, and go out of their way to take care of the people around them. I don't mean they play Mother Hen -- they just always notice when someone needs a kind word, and say it.

- Warren

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I've gone through phases where I've been popular, and others when I become very isolated. In the end I find that the more I'm true I am to myself, the less popular I am.

I think the problem is that social skills require effort, and in most situations I don't care to make the effort any more. I don't mean to say that I'm unfriendly, but I usually have one eye on my watch. I only care to be popular among the people who really matter to me.

 

[DaveC426913]

If you're not popular, Dave, it's because you're not exploiting your drawing skills in the right way.

First, get out your sketchbook and get a good drawing started. Once it's well along and looking good, find a cafe in your vicinity with a lot of customers...

But popularity isn't about making acquaintances, it's about keepnig them. Moreso, it's about other people wanting to hang with you.

In my next life I will choose to follow sports - whether I like it or not. I know of few other more universally accepted ways for men to interact.

 

[Cyrus]

The answer is the right combination of all your options, so I will chose none of them.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I've gone through phases where I've been popular, and others when I become very isolated. In the end I find that the more I'm true I am to myself, the less popular I am.

Being true to yourself usually involves knowing where you stand on important issues. Popular people instinctively avoid bringing people's attention to important issues that might get them concerned, worried, or fretful. They're all about feeling good.

 

[Chi Meson]

I am lucky to be married to a woman with a gift for social skills; ironically she's also full of several social paranoias and anxieties. It's an odd combination. But her social skills can be summed up with a simple lesson she taught me 15 years ago:

"Take a healthy interest in other people's doings!"

In other words, be interested in the people you are with (key word is "healthy," don't be obsessive). People who get to know my wife go out of their way to do things with/for her. e.g. after each of our 3 kids were born, her group of friends organized themselves to provide over a weeks worth of home cooked meals. All three times! No shake n bake here, Each tried to out do the other. I've never eaten so well.

She doesn't pretend, she doesn't try to be someone she's not, she simply expresses happiness when seeing someone she likes, and prompts people to talk about themselves, and engages in intelligent conversation. For some it is effortless.

Oh yeah, remember people's names. that helps.

 

[rewebster]

It's funny---I was the first one to vote for 'wisdom and intelligece (sic)' on a forum where that is, I thought would be, considered important.

(isn't Einstein, Maxwell, etc. popular?)

 

[Smurf]

Other - "Social Skills"... duh?

 

[rewebster]

The answer is the right combination of all your options, so I will chose none of them.

This seems to come up once in a while---are there more options for 'polling'? (giving the person ability to 'rank' the choices --like 1st, 2nd, 3rd... or percentage)?

 

[En_lizard]

There are some people who are respected, loved, and cared for by almost anyone. Is there any mystery behind that? Is it possible to grow up to be a popular person? If there are ways for that and you are aware of them please share them with me. Dont forget to explain your reasons for your choice!

see what the queen of loung has done to my first post:!)
evo why have you changed cared to care for? what i wanted to say was the situation where anyone care about what someone says or does. isn't care for use for the situation when you take care of someone?

 

[En_lizard]

It works for both, but more so for women. In fact, if you start comparing pairs of men/women, the attractiveness of the woman a man is with is more significant than the attractiveness of the man when people form first impressions of the man.

The Effects of Attractiveness on Popularity

Granted, their own experiment was conducted in a bar, which probably has an impact on the results of their experiment, but they also cite some other studies which support the idea that popularity is directly related to attractiveness.

Of course, not only did they observe how many times a person was approached by someone else in the bar, they also observed how many times a person approached someone else. Attractive people are more likely to approach other people which can definitely affect a person's popularity.

It might be true that attitude is the most important determinant of whether a person is popular and the main impact of attractiveness is on the person's own self-esteem and confidence. An attractive person who's afraid to talk to people isn't going to be very popular.

i think there's more in attractiveness other than physical prettyness. we usually call someone attractive when there's something both in one's attitude and appearnce which attracts us to here don't we? i think even tone of ones voice could be very important factor.

 

[En_lizard]

The reasons for popularity change dramatically from middle school up through adulthood. In middle school, being physically attractive is usually enough; being physically attractive and funny is almost a guarantee.

As you get older, people start realizing that stability, intellect, accomplishment, and kindness are much more valuable traits. In my experience, the most popular adults are those who are genuine, interesting, and go out of their way to take care of the people around them. I don't mean they play Mother Hen -- they just always notice when someone needs a kind word, and say it.

- Warren

i don't think so. it depends on whom you are with. the majority of people don't appreciate
intelect and accomplishment unless they are intelectual and successful themselves.
if you are a caring and supportive person then you are popular only when people need you.

 

[Evo]

see what the queen of loung has done to my first post:!)
evo why have you changed cared to care for? what i wanted to say was the situation where anyone care about what someone says or does. isn't care for use for the situation when you take care of someone?

It wouldn't be correct English, I can change it to cared about, would that be closer to what you meant?

 

[En_lizard]

It wouldn't be correct English, I can change it to cared about, would that be closer to what you meant?

if its not correct english, then no! i was thanking you, evo

 

[zoobyshoe]

Ah, but how do you know that this is not because of some social skill you have and the art is simply a gateway?

I dunno. Just try it and see if it isn't the gateway to social skills you didn't know you had.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I voted Attitude since its the closest to Charisma. I've seen all sorts of "popular" people from grossly over weight drag queens to grizzly old chain smoking hobos.

 

[DaveC426913]

I've seen all sorts of "popular" people from grossly over weight drag queens to grizzly old chain smoking hobos.

You must live in a very boring town.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

You must live in a very boring town.

Yeah, unless you're into show tunes or philosophy over a bottle of night train. ;-)

 

[zoobyshoe]

Yeah, unless you're into show tunes or philosophy over a bottle of night train. ;-)

But you're right, and "attitude" is more to the point than the vaguer "charisma". "Charisma", after all, is a result of attitude. And there's no particular social status or normalcy required: once in a great while you do run into a bum or drunk who is very charming or otherwise appealing and seems to be known and liked over a large territory.

 

[zoobyshoe]

"Take a healthy interest in other people's doings!"

In other words, be interested in the people you are with (key word is "healthy," don't be obsessive).

Someone should have pointed out that distinction to J. Edgar Hoover.

 

[JasonRox]

Being true to yourself usually involves knowing where you stand on important issues. Popular people instinctively avoid bringing people's attention to important issues that might get them concerned, worried, or fretful. They're all about feeling good.

I disagree.

I think it's wisdom and intelligence. But you need to be extroverted and willing to share your experiences. Also, do it in a friendly way.

For example, at my work, we have high school kids looking for alcohol and I'm old enough to buy it for them. Although everyone else does it, I never do it for them. They never looked at me as uncool because I didn't. They see that doing the right thing isn't so hard after all, but obviously they still go out and drink. They enjoy some of things I have to say like don't do so-and-so because it disrespects people and whatever. Yes, they listen from time and time again. Yet, teachers themselves can't get these people to stop. They think I'm cool because I guess I know what to say and I'll say the most ****ed up **** they've ever heard. But I'm literally true to myself.

I remember one time at a party they were making fun of a religious person. Although I'm not a religion fan myself, I stood up for the guy and told everyone that it wasn't cool and it was rude. They stopped.

If you show high value, people will never forget you. I was popular in high school even though I was shy, but that could also be because I did funny things (school plays), and I was big. Of course it was a small school, but everyone knew me and I have no idea who they are. They'll add me to facebook although I don't like that because I've never talked to them before and I can't tell who they are.

The bottom line is be true to yourself no matter what. The "cool" people that are not true to themselves aren't "cool" for very long.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I disagree.

I think it's wisdom and intelligence. But you need to be extroverted and willing to share your experiences. Also, do it in a friendly way.

For example, at my work, we have high school kids looking for alcohol and I'm old enough to buy it for them. Although everyone else does it, I never do it for them. They never looked at me as uncool because I didn't. They see that doing the right thing isn't so hard after all, but obviously they still go out and drink. They enjoy some of things I have to say like don't do so-and-so because it disrespects people and whatever. Yes, they listen from time and time again. Yet, teachers themselves can't get these people to stop. They think I'm cool because I guess I know what to say and I'll say the most ****ed up **** they've ever heard. But I'm literally true to myself.

I remember one time at a party they were making fun of a religious person. Although I'm not a religion fan myself, I stood up for the guy and told everyone that it wasn't cool and it was rude. They stopped.

If you show high value, people will never forget you. I was popular in high school even though I was shy, but that could also be because I did funny things (school plays), and I was big. Of course it was a small school, but everyone knew me and I have no idea who they are. They'll add me to facebook although I don't like that because I've never talked to them before and I can't tell who they are.

The bottom line is be true to yourself no matter what. The "cool" people that are not true to themselves aren't "cool" for very long.

Refusing to buy booze and stopping the people from making fun of the religious guy doesn't demonstrate wisdom and intelligence as you think, but power and authority. That, in combination with extroversion, humor, and friendliness is the reason for any popularity you may enjoy. Giving an authoritative lecture on the superiority of Macs over PC's is just as effective as a lecture on the evils of liquor and taking over and stopping people from playing one kind of music at a party instead of another is just as effective as stopping people making fun of the religious guy. People tend to gravitate toward anyone who seems to be able to assume control of a group. The particular values that person demonstrates are immaterial. If you are normally shy, as you claim, then these unexpected, spontaneous assumptions of control are what impress people, not the values that prompt you to perform them.

 

[En_lizard]

The reasons for popularity change dramatically from middle school up through adulthood. In middle school, being physically attractive is usually enough; being physically attractive and funny is almost a guarantee.

As you get older, people start realizing that stability, intellect, accomplishment, and kindness are much more valuable traits. In my experience, the most popular adults are those who are genuine, interesting, and go out of their way to take care of the people around them. I don't mean they play Mother Hen -- they just always notice when someone needs a kind word, and say it.

- Warren

mother hen?

 

[En_lizard]

I disagree.

I think it's wisdom and intelligence. But you need to be extroverted and willing to share your experiences. Also, do it in a friendly way.



The bottom line is be true to yourself no matter what. The "cool" people that are not true to themselves aren't "cool" for very long.

i always asked myself why actresses and models like britnye are so popular, now youve explain that for me

 

[Astronuc]

I picked other for much the same reason as Cyrus didn't pick a particular characteristic.

Certainly charisma is a factor, and that is something of a measure of the way someone connects with others.

I believe one can find someone popular for anyone of the attributes listed, or a combination thereof.


wealth - Donald Trump (personally I can't stand the guy), Michael Bloomberg
attractiveness - many or most movie stars and athlete's
authority and power - US president, or mayor (e.g. Giuliani), or governor
attitude - I'm not sure I know someone who is popular simply based on attitude, although I've heard of a 'winning attitude', which may be a characteristic
knowledge and education - certainly Einstein and other award winning scientists
wisdom and intelligence - Dalai Lama, and various other spiritual leaders perhaps
sense of humor - any number of comedians, e.g. Jon Stewart of the Daily Show

I don't believe is an attribute with which one is born.

One could add success - e.g. winners of contests, e.g. NASCAR or Indy car races. Look at Tiger Woods, and other athletes. Certainly success at lucrative sports contests enables accumulation of wealth, and authority and power.

As you get older, people start realizing that stability, intellect, accomplishment, and kindness are much more valuable traits. In my experience, the most popular adults are those who are genuine, interesting, and go out of their way to take care of the people around them.

Excellent observation and point. I think Mentor, rather than mother hen, is the appropriate descriptor.

What matters in the end are people and relationships.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

mother hen?

Generally used to describe someone who is perhaps overbearing in their attempts to look after others. A hen with its chicks may remind one of a mother obsessively doting on its children.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I picked other for much the same reason as Cyrus didn't pick a particular characteristic.

Certainly charisma is a factor, and that is something of a measure of the way someone connects with others.

I believe one can find someone popular for anyone of the attributes listed, or a combination thereof.


wealth - Donald Trump (personally I can't stand the guy), Michael Bloomberg
attractiveness - many or most movie stars and athlete's
authority and power - US president, or mayor (e.g. Giuliani), or governor
attitude - I'm not sure I know someone who is popular simply based on attitude, although I've heard of a 'winning attitude', which may be a characteristic
knowledge and education - certainly Einstein and other award winning scientists
wisdom and intelligence - Dalai Lama, and various other spiritual leaders perhaps
sense of humor - any number of comedians, e.g. Jon Stewart of the Daily Show

I don't believe is an attribute with which one is born.

One could add success - e.g. winners of contests, e.g. NASCAR or Indy car races. Look at Tiger Woods, and other athletes. Certainly success at lucrative sports contests enables accumulation of wealth, and authority and power.

I don't know.

People with power and authority aren't exactly always popular or even respected. And I think there is a line between popularity and respect. Respect being what I see drawing from power and authrity more often. Even that can be only respect out of fear or somethign similar.

There are plenty of people who are wise and/or intelligent but who garner little popularity or respect, just look at your average "geek". Same with knowledge and education.

People who are physically attractive can easily find themselves drawing regard for things that have little to do with their self. Same with the wealthy. Perhaps a line needs to be drawn based on the motivations of the people who gather about them? Do these people see opportunity in being in this persons presence? Or their mere presence an opportunity?... not sure if that makes sense. :-\

It seems to me that there needs to be something else. Something that brings these attributes together and makes them more socially useful. Or that can stand alone. Attitude, confidence, charisma, or how ever else you want to label it. It's something difficult to define.

 

[Astronuc]

My personal view is that popularity is over-rated. It is not important or significant to be popular. Just be a decent and kind person.

I think too many people of notoriety or infamy who are too full of themselves.

I personally would rather be with people who aren't popular, but who are kind, decent, genuine persons.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I don't know.

People with power and authority aren't exactly always popular or even respected. And I think there is a line between popularity and respect. Respect being what I see drawing from power and authrity more often. Even that can be only respect out of fear or somethign similar.

There are plenty of people who are wise and/or intelligent but who garner little popularity or respect, just look at your average "geek". Same with knowledge and education.

People who are physically attractive can easily find themselves drawing regard for things that have little to do with their self. Same with the wealthy. Perhaps a line needs to be drawn based on the motivations of the people who gather about them? Do these people see opportunity in being in this persons presence? Or their mere presence an opportunity?... not sure if that makes sense. :-\

It seems to me that there needs to be something else. Something that brings these attributes together and makes them more socially useful. Or that can stand alone. Attitude, confidence, charisma, or how ever else you want to label it. It's something difficult to define.

I think you're trying to isolate a sort of true, pure form of popularity. The most popular, well liked guy I know here, gave me a hint once : tell people what they want to hear. In other words, he was a kind of cheerful, well tempered sociopath (think: Jack Nicholson in 'The Witches of Eastwick). Most people whose popularity is based on personal charisma choose to be charming as the most successful way to manipulate people. They actually don't give a damn about anyone.

 

[JasonRox]

If you are normally shy, as you claim, then these unexpected, spontaneous assumptions of control are what impress people, not the values that prompt you to perform them.

I'm no longer shy.

I share my wisdom with others.

I've had people talk to me about rape, pregnancy, cheating, steroids, anxiety, depression and the list goes on and on. Those are just bigger topics. They seem to enjoy how I make my decisions and/or my advice because they're not based fully on emotions and I won't judge them.

 

[JasonRox]

My personal view is that popularity is over-rated. It is not important or significant to be popular. Just be a decent and kind person.

I think too many people of notoriety or infamy who are too full of themselves.

I personally would rather be with people who aren't popular, but who are kind, decent, genuine persons.

You can be kind, decent, and genuine, but also popular.

Yes, it is overrated. But anyone with good character will become popular because people are going to want to associate themselves with you.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

My personal view is that popularity is over-rated. It is not important or significant to be popular. Just be a decent and kind person.

I think too many people of notoriety or infamy who are too full of themselves.

I personally would rather be with people who aren't popular, but who are kind, decent, genuine persons.

I certainly agree. I've never been one for the lime light. It's just an interesting sociological behavior to dissect. Lol.. that statement in itself probably illustrates my preference to observe rather than be observed.

I think you're trying to isolate a sort of true, pure form of popularity. The most popular, well liked guy I know here, gave me a hint once : tell people what they want to hear. In other words, he was a kind of cheerful, well tempered sociopath (think: Jack Nicholson in 'The Witches of Eastwick). Most people whose popularity is based on personal charisma choose to be charming as the most successful way to manipulate people. They actually don't give a damn about anyone.

I agree. I think our definitions are rather congruent. Those last two lines are probably what make me want to weed out wealth and physical attractiveness. Such people can easily be prey gathering predators rather than predators gathering prey. Not that I think of popularity quite in those terms but it's one aspect of it at least.

 

[En_lizard]

astronuc cyruc i think you missed the main point of the topic. if i just wanted you to mention the reasons of popularity id allow multiple choices. i didnt do that because i wanted you to mention the toppest reason for being popular.
smurf is right i should have added social skills to that but as for charisma it was in mind when posting the thread but i though its something you are born with is close in meaning with charisma.another reason for being popular is listening to people carefully and try to understand them

 

[Astronuc]

You can be kind, decent, and genuine, but also popular.

True. I was thinking more along the lines that I prefer to associate with people who have good character, as one mentioned, as opposed to someone who is popular, but not necessarily of good character.

Popularity is not an attribute or characteristic I consider when getting to know someone.


Another thought I had - popularity is largely subjective. In a large population, the population of anyone person is likely based upon others' perceptions, and not on some deep knowledge of one. Granted though, a person could be popular because of his or her good character and good deeds.

astronuc cyruc i think you missed the main point of the topic.

En_lizard, I think different people can be popular for different reasons. I don't believe that there is a single factor in all cases, and in some cases, it could be a combination of the factors listed.