Little help with asking people out

  • Thread starter Thread starter St. Aegis
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AI Thread Summary
The discussion revolves around a user seeking advice on how to approach a girl he likes from school, emphasizing his uncertainty about whether she reciprocates his feelings. Participants suggest various strategies for initiating conversation and gauging interest, such as making small talk in class, inviting her to casual outings, or participating in shared activities. They highlight the importance of confidence and reading social cues, like body language and engagement during conversations, as indicators of her interest. The conversation also touches on the challenges of long-distance interactions, given their separate schools, and the awkwardness of asking someone out via chat. Overall, the consensus encourages taking the initiative to ask her out, while also stressing that casual interactions can help build rapport without the pressure of a formal date. The importance of self-esteem and not overthinking the situation is emphasized, with reminders that rejection is a possibility but should not deter him from trying.
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HI,
So I noticed that these here forums are pretty big on the romance thing...
So although I posted earlier, I just wanted to see if anyone else would be willing to help me.
Here is the scenario.
I like this girl at school, I would say that she is fairly pretty. I updated her picture on this link
http://m.flickr.com/photo.gne?id=2900130103&
Anyways, so I know that I like her, but I have no idea if she likes me back. Chances are, if she does, I would ask her out.
Anyway to find out?
 
Physics news on Phys.org
If she's in one of your classes, make with some small talk. If you get some positive responses, then ask her to lunch or dinner, or coffee in the middle of the day between classes or for a study break.

For me, if I was seriously interested in a girl, I'd just ask her out.
 
Try this one: Hi. I have a Porsche.
 
haha, that is the funny part.
Let me try to explain this again.
We have two schools in our town. I go to one side and she goes to the other side. The last time I had class with her was in middle school (I believe it was Space Station Design:-p), and I rarely see her that often. However, we do remain in good contact, mostly through facebooking and gchat. As I said, I am really attracted to her, but I have no guts, and no, I am not charismatic like Feynman. I think we have established that we are good friends at this point. Even if I do talk to her in person, what would positive results look like?
 
Just find something fun to do that you know she will enjoy, and ask her to join you. Don't make it a date. Make it a day - just have fun and the rest will take care of itself.
 
I bet you have lunch at the same time...If your town isn't that big you could meet somewhere sometime...

I have to ask, did the part about Feynman have anything to do with that xkcd comic?
 
Dude ask her out before it's too late. You will never go out with her if you don't ask her out and if you don't then it is just something to regret later on.
 
Well let's see, our schools are separated by 5 miles across and in 45 min, it seems very unlikely we could do something worthwhile, while we did come nearby.
Like I said, how would i ask her out. I find it iIncredibly lame to ask someone out on gchat. “Hi, want to go out with me?”=instant reject.
Funny thing is, I think the last time we bonded was at a science competition when our schools were competing. I think she would find it awkward if I said, suddenly to bring her somewhere, etc.
 
you're going to let 5 miles stop you?

you got to get the ball rolling. Its on you to do it.

the day she hooks up with another guy you'll regret it if you didnt do nothing.
 
  • #10
Well don't rush things. Just hang out with her more often...
 
  • #11
buddy let me remind you that i bike to school and it takes me ~20 to get there and another~20 to get back, so what does that leave me 5min?
 
  • #12
and i think if i think about it, it takes me 5 miles, and 7 miles, so sqrt(7^2+5^2) is the actual distance
 
  • #13
Do you have her phone number? If so, just call her up and say something like "Hey, how's it going? I'm going to X this weekend, and could use some company, care to join me?"...

Note: Don't actually say "X", replace that with something that you find interesting that's happening this weekend, or a park that you enjoy spending time at, or something like that. Make sure it's something that you'll enjoy doing even if she doesn't show, then just have fun.
 
  • #14
find a regional science competition and ask her to be your partner. That way you can spend time with her at her house or yours.
 
  • #15
these are good suggestions, but quite interestingly is, I rarely leave my house and the things i like to do, like tennis, she isn't so hot about (she is a swimmer and a runner).
I think science is the only thing that could link me to her lawl, and the next science event comes up in spring, any more suggestions
 
  • #16
Would it help to mention, that she has already dated someone else before?
 
  • #17
I don't really think so. Ask her out for coffee or something with some mutual friends. And then you guys can hang out but it's not a 'date'.

Postive results include if she plays with her hair while talking to you, listens to stuff you say, meets your eyes and doesn't look away immediately (longing glances are a dead giveaway that there could be something) and laughs at a joke you made that even you found completely lame.
 
  • #18
Generally what you look for is if she talks about you, laughs with you often, or touches you in a playful way. But as good friends, chances are you already get that.

So you're pretty much screwed.

edit: why is it that immediately after I post something someone says the exact same thing a few minutes earlier. every thread LOL
 
  • #19
Hmm...
well i don't know too much of the touching...
i guess it happens as friends, most of what everyone has mentioned.
so what is it, should I ask her out...
FYI-not a coffee, carbonated beverage, alcohol drinker...
 
  • #20
Touches you in the shoulder or takes things from your hand... don't get ideas =P

That is generally a good sign that she is not disgusted by your presence.


Is she happy to see you, says hi, etc? Or is she putting on an act and embarassed by you. These would be good signs of potential; nothing however guarentees a date as women are from Venus and they use a different system of logic. (This is why a lot of girls are frustrated with math)
 
  • #21
YES! Ask her out. And the term 'for a coffee' means just into town somewhere. Or to the movies, if she talks about a movie on gchat that's a good opening.

Oh, and if she kisses you it means she likes you. Just in case you're not sure.
 
  • #22
oh um she says hi to me when we see each other, but then again, she isn't the type who would blush... (at least I have never).
I don't think she is disgusted by my presence openly (hell, I scare myself, did you see my photo lawl), but I am not a frequent smiler.
She does laugh at my jokes, but I only say jokes when they are funny...
@edit
I don't expect a kiss, i mean touching is ok, but I think kissing is a bit off...
 
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  • #23
If you aren't fooling yourself I say you stand a decent chance then. Don't blurt it out though. Time it right and have confidence. The worst she'll do is say no, shrug it off and say "heh worth a shot".

And am I the only one who finds it rude to post someone elses photo on a public forum without that person's consent? Haha.
 
  • #24
St. Aegis said:
oh um she says hi to me when we see each other, but then again, she isn't the type who would blush... (at least I have never).
I don't think she is disgusted by my presence openly (hell, I scare myself, did you see my photo lawl), but I am not a frequent smiler.
She does laugh at my jokes, but I only say jokes when they are funny...
@edit
I don't expect a kiss, i mean touching is ok, but I think kissing is a bit off...

One thing. You are not disgusting and being here you should be smart enough to realize that. Quit saying crap like that or you'll never get a date. You want to see disgusting? Have you ever seen a picture of (name deleted by mentor). HE is disgusting!
Go ahead and ask her out. If you don't, but you keep hanging around pretty soon you'll be the "gay, best friend" you don't want to get that label. Ask her out, don't call her the next day and you'll be in like flynn.
 
  • #25
@tribdog;
I just am not happy with my appearance, I look rather too emo for my liking or some sort of serial killer because my nature lacks smiles.
@Howers
This is her picture off of facebook. Pretty aint she?
I think in general, I'll do it within this month :lol:, but when is the right time to ask?
 
  • #26
Yeah confidence is key. Since you are a "science guy", the scientific reason is that you are trying to show her that your genes are solid and that she should consider DNA recombination with you. But if you don't believe it yourself, you will have a hard time convincing her. Have you ever seen a car salesman sell you a piece of crap that he thought was a piece of crap? You just read his face and say no. This is what happens when you ask girls out. Think of yourself as Brad Pitt when you look at her, but don't do it excessivley as it will make you look like a wanker. And wanker's got their names for a reason...

And I can't answer your question without sounding like a pedophile =P
 
  • #27
well how hard is it to say "i love you, will you go out with me" to another person.
Just thinking about it makes my head queasy
 
  • #28
tribdog said:
One thing. You are not disgusting and being here you should be smart enough to realize that. Quit saying crap like that or you'll never get a date. You want to see disgusting? Have you ever seen a picture of Cyrus. HE is dreamy!
Go ahead and ask her out. If you don't, but you keep hanging around pretty soon you'll be the "gay, best friend" you don't want to get that label. Ask her out, don't call her the next day and you'll be in like flynn.

Please, I'm blushing.
 
  • #29
St. Aegis said:
@tribdog;
I just am not happy with my appearance, I look rather too emo for my liking or some sort of serial killer because my nature lacks smiles.

Get over it. If you were disgusting I would tell you. Name deleted by mentor is disgusting. Name deleted by mentor is even worse.
 
  • #30
Cyrus said:
Please, I'm blushing.
lawl?
 
  • #31
Isnt appearance everything for women?
 
  • #32
At a young age, appearance is everything (showcase your genes).

After about 24, money is everything a girl wants. For guys its still appearance, and after about 30 its anything with legs.



And you should postpone asking her out. Not because you are ugly, but because you think you are ugly. Girls pick that up with a radar.
 
  • #33
i never said ugly; I have decent features, i just don't like my outlook
 
  • #34
I got to agree with the appearance thing - although I hate to say it, good looks is prime. BUT I think you look awesome, St Aegis. And I think that girl will too. And if she doesn't she is missing out on some prime stock right there.
 
  • #35
aw thanks man,
my self-esteem is really high now
 
  • #36
don't get cocky
 
  • #37
St. Aegis said:
and i think if i think about it, it takes me 5 miles, and 7 miles, so sqrt(7^2+5^2) is the actual distance
Use a bicycle. Just don't push it too hard so that you get hot and sweaty.

When I was in high school, I once dated a girl who live about 90 miles from me.

My brother had a girlfriend who lived in the Philippines (stepfather was in the US Navy), while we lived in the US. They got married three years later when her family moved to the US, and she attended the same university as my brother.


I also developed a close relationship with a woman who lived 7000 km (4200 mi) from me.
 
  • #38
St. Aegis said:
well how hard is it to say "i love you, will you go out with me" to another person.
Just thinking about it makes my head queasy

I would stay away from saying "I love you" until after you've been dating her for a while.
 
  • #39
tribdog said:
Get over it. If you were disgusting I would tell you. Name deleted by mentor is disgusting. Name deleted by mentor is even worse.

Okay, I could probably handle being called disgusting, but implying I'm more disgusting than Name deleted by mentor is going to way to far! Nobody is more disgusting than Name deleted by mentor! And Nobody is more disgusting than me! (Which, I guess, doesn't completely eliminate the possibility I'm more disgusting than Name deleted by mentor ...)

And I know it was my name that was deleted! And, NO, I'm not suffering from insecurities! I just wish I were Somebody! Somebody is pretty awesome.

I'd offer the original poster some advice, but, somehow, I doubt they want any from me.
 
  • #40
"You know, my two favorite things in the world are commitment and changing myself."

Works every time. :smile:
 
  • #41
St. Aegis said:
Isnt appearance everything for women?
No, a great sense of humor, intelligence and kindness are the top three things, looks are not as important.
 
  • #42
Evo said:
No, a great sense of humor, intelligence and kindness are the top three things, looks are not as important.

So what you're saying here is that I'm screwed.


Personally, I think OP should just invest the time in something more fruitful, like, well, you know.

A business relationship.
 
  • #43
Evo said:
No, a great sense of humor, intelligence and kindness are the top three things, looks are not as important.
I wish everyone acted like you do lawl
At my school, I think people go out with each other based on looks ...
ok so from what i gathered this is what I should do
1)Talk to her and ask her to go somewhere with me (Ideally by ourselves, but groups work right?)
2)When we get there, have a great time
3)Somewhere in between there, separate from other people for a bit and ask her out, this doesn't have to be too romantic amiright?
4)Act cool and calm if i get rejected?

any suggestions would help, I don't plan to carry this out until i have a fool-proof plan on me
 
  • #44
I haven't read this thread, so I must apologize if these ideas have already been suggested or if they are not pertinent.

1. Before asking this girl out, practice on girls you are not attracted to. You will gain useful experience and who knows, you may change your mind.

2. Before talking to her, have an exit strategy, like "Oh I just membered, I was supposed to meet George at the mall, got to run. Bye.", and cut out. Then when you are talking to her, and you start to feel nervous and are afraid she'll see you in a bad light, exit. The next time you meet, you won't feel awkward.
 
  • #45
jimmysnyder said:
1. Before asking this girl out, practice on girls you are not attracted to. You will gain useful experience and who knows, you may change your mind.

2. Before talking to her, have an exit strategy, like "Oh I just membered, I was supposed to meet George at the mall, got to run. Bye.", and cut out. Then when you are talking to her, and you start to feel nervous and are afraid she'll see you in a bad light, exit. The next time you meet, you won't feel awkward.
That actually isn't a bad idea.
Lawl, although I feel really bad about the first part; ask someone then dumping her. Its like dating can be practiced like piano :smile:
Second part, I will keep in mind, but remember, if I bring her somewhere, what would be my excuse then?
 
  • #46
St. Aegis said:
Its like dating can be practiced like piano :smile:

Anything that is a skill can be learned through practice.
 
  • #47
then are you saying that romance is superficial?
 
  • #48
St. Aegis said:
That actually isn't a bad idea.
Lawl, although I feel really bad about the first part; ask someone then dumping her. Its like dating can be practiced like piano :smile:
Second part, I will keep in mind, but remember, if I bring her somewhere, what would be my excuse then?
A date is not like a marriage. You can take a girl to a movie, or to eat, or etc. and it doesn't commit you to anything.

Stay on neutral territory until you feel comfortable with her. You could break something if before that point you ask her out on a skiing trip and get nervous on the lift.
 
  • #49
But isn't a date something to show another girl that you like her?
I feel comfortable, but I would like more advice on my plan
 
  • #50
St. Aegis said:
HI,
So I noticed that these here forums are pretty big on the romance thing...
So although I posted earlier, I just wanted to see if anyone else would be willing to help me.
Here is the scenario.
I like this girl at school, I would say that she is fairly pretty. I updated her picture on this link
http://m.flickr.com/photo.gne?id=2900130103&
Anyways, so I know that I like her, but I have no idea if she likes me back. Chances are, if she does, I would ask her out.
Anyway to find out?

I only went through half of the thread.

1. Don't put other people picture online without their permission
2. IMO it's better to stay away from *serious* romance until you have graduated, have some money, and a sense of responsibility and maturity.

Personally, I am not looking at any girl until I graduate and travel at least some other countries/cultures/places and have a better understanding of what exactly I want.

Simple dating, having fun without any commitments is ok.

In addition, I don't think there's any way you can tell if a *young* girl likes you. They are hard to trust because they don't even know themselves and their choices change frequently.
 
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