DAC said:
How can the train observer who is moving towards one flash and away from the other be equidistant from both?
It isn't the motion of the light source, it's the motion of the observer.
We need to be really careful with terminology here, and I was a bit sloppy myself. What do we mean by flashes? The emission events, or the traveling pulses of light?
The train observer is in the middle of the train. The emissions occur at the front and rear of the train. By definition, then, the train observer is equidistant from the emission events, whenever they happen. If you dispute this, you end up saying that the front half of the train is shorter than the back half (or vice versa) in at least one frame.
In the embankment frame, the scenario is set up so that the emission events occur simultaneously with each other and the moment that the two observers are co-located. So the embankment observer is equidistant from the emission events. If you dispute this, you are saying that one half of the train is longer than the other half in the embankment frame.
Once the emission has happened and the light is propagating, then according to the embankment observer the train observer is moving towards the light from the front source. But, according to the train observer the embankment observer is moving towards the light from the back source. So you can argue that the emissions are simultaneous and the train observer sees them as non-simultaneous because he's moving forwards, or that the emissions are non-simultaneous and the embankment observer sees them as simultaneous because he's moving towards the later one.
You do seem to be using the description in the embankment frame as the "correct" description, and saying that the train observer ought to adjust his perceptions to match the embankment observer. But the point of the principle of relativity is that
he does not have to do that. Neither description is better than the other, so you use the one that is convenient. For the train observer it is convenient to consider himself at rest, so he can pour a cup of tea without worrying about how to hit a cup traveling at 0.9c. But in this view the flashes cannot be simultaneous.
DAC said:
How can an observer who is not equidistant know what originally occurred. e.g.Let the flash furthest from the train observer take place first. It could then be observed simultaneously with the front flash even though originally it wasn't.
You can easily measure how far away from you the light was emitted - triangulation or an intensity measure will do fine. And you can certainly set up different scenarios where the flashes are simultaneous for the train observer and non-simultaneous for the embankment observer. They'd be different scenarios, however.