Smart Guy, Bad Decision - Dealing With Consequences

[MathINTJ]

So I am a physics major...This isn't relevant, just thought I'd mention as much. Anyway, after feeling a bit lonely in college, I tried, indiscriminately to meet women. I pretty much gave up on anything meaningful because I'm so much of an anomaly.Again, irrelevant information. One of the women I met was a girl who works at the school cafeteria. She doesn't go to my college. We slept together. No problem there right? Well, apparently, she told the ENTIRE cafeteria staff. They are so freaking obnoxious every time I enter the cafe now. There's a lot of sexual innuendo and inside jokes. A lot of giggles too.I'm starting to not even want to go there. The girl is being distant and cold now, so no help there. Anybody else ever dealt with this? Maybe at work, an organization, or at school?I'm really a quite, smart fellow. This type of situation doesn't fit me at all.

 

[Averagesupernova]

Sleep with another one of them.

 

[lisab]

Aw, so sorry to hear it, MathINTJ. You're in a situation that's not easy for males or females. I know you know physical intimacy is not a suitable substitute for emotional intimacy, but...hey, we're all human. It's hard to be lonely and meeting people is tough for INTJs (there are lots of us on this forum, btw).

If you tough it out and keep going to the cafeteria, the snickers will eventually fade. But it could take a while, I'm afraid. The small-minded people who are making jokes at your expense will eventually be distracted by something else.

Try going there with other friends, male or female.

 

[Drakkith]

She may be really embarrassed by the way the cafeteria staff is treating you since she made it happen and it involves her. I'd suggest just take it in stride and don't let it bother you. I mean, does it really matter if you slept with some girl? Do you regret it? If not, don't worry! I guarantee that if you don't let it bother you and you don't let others see that it does, it will fade away. Just don't even acknowledge the jokes. Make it your little game. Someone snickers or makes a joke, you break them with a "i won't even react" face.

 

[Averagesupernova]

I should probably clarify. The advice from Drakkith and lisab is certainly good advice. I do believe the girl you were with is quite likely embarrassed and if you were to get with another one it would not double your problems. Now it would be those two against the rest of the lunch ladies, or if you choose to make it three, well need I say more? I would also not worry about hurting the feelings of the girl you were with since she isn't very concerned for yours.

 

[Mentallic]

Me, personally, I wouldn't care. It's happened a few times before and I completely understand the others acting the way they do. The only thing that would bother me is the girl becoming distant.

 

[Drakkith]

I should probably clarify. The advice from Drakkith and lisab is certainly good advice. I do believe the girl you were with is quite likely embarrassed and if you were to get with another one it would not double your problems. Now it would be those two against the rest of the lunch ladies, or if you choose to make it three, well need I say more? I would also not worry about hurting the feelings of the girl you were with since she isn't very concerned for yours.

I seriously doubt this will improve anything.

 

[Averagesupernova]

While I personally would not do it, what do you think would happen if he got with every other lunch lady there? Unless he was really bad at it I don't think they would all be snickering.

 

[Drakkith]

While I personally would not do it, what do you think would happen if he got with every other lunch lady there? Unless he was really bad at it I don't think they would all be snickering.

I think the bigger issue is why would you sleep with a bunch of women just to try to make things better? Have you ever known casual sex in this manner to lead to anything but trouble? I think the best thing to do is to talk to her, not sleep with every other girl there. Besides, imagine how she would feel when she found out you had slept with all of her coworkers. Probably not too good. And then what would everyone else there think? Certainly nothing good, even if it wasn't necessarily bad.

No, I believe sex rarely solves any problems whatsoever. If you like to sleep around, then that's your choice, but that's different than doing it in an attempt to make things better.

 

[Averagesupernova]

I think the bigger issue is why would you sleep with a bunch of women just to try to make things better?

Remember, I said I wouldn't do it. I was trying to make a point.

Besides, imagine how she would feel when she found out you had slept with all of her coworkers.

Oh, I don't know, maybe the same way he feels about it that she avoids him and her coworkers are snickering?

 

[Drakkith]

Remember, I said I wouldn't do it. I was trying to make a point.

Not YOU specifically, but someone in general.

Oh, I don't know, maybe the same way he feels about it that she avoids him and her coworkers are snickering?

Yes, which isn't something anyone should be actively trying to do. Why would you want to make anyone feel that way?