So, this girl wants to be my roommate

[Aero51]

Which, I have no problem getting a roommate, but there are a few things that bother me about this situation.

1) I've only hung out with the girl 3 times
2) We talked about becoming room mates today and she wanted to move in...tomorrow
3) She hasnt even seen my place (though in all fairness we live in the same complex, but I have a 900sqft apartment and she has a 650sqft with a roommate)
4) Didnt care to make any agreements on anything before hand.


And to make things worse I haven't even slept with her.

Why can't I meet normal women...Why are they always screwed up and about 5 years older than me...

But

1) She has a stable job with a good income
2) Generally a nice person/easy to talk to
3) Seems willing to compromise and meet equally on expenses
4) Good looking

 

[Permanence]

But seriously bruv this sounds like a terrible idea. I don't think I need to elaborate or explain myself. You already know that this is a terrible idea yourself. Plus you run the risk of not even getting to sleep with her once...

 

[Aero51]

But I need the extra 450$ badly per month...

 

[256bits]

Why can't I meet normal women...Why are they always screwed up and about 5 years older than me...

The screwed up ones are always more exciting and challenging, with an element of suspense.
The other kind is just plain old boring. ;)

 

[Drakkith]

But I need the extra 450$ badly per month...

Flip a coin and let it decide?
Did she say why she needs to move in so quickly?

 

[Borg]

Be careful what you choose. The fact that she has a current roommate leads me to consider two possibilities:

• Her roommate isn't easy to live with and/or isn't paying bills on time
• She isn't easy to live with and/or isn't paying bills on time and she has worn out her welcome.

Perhaps talk to the current roommate and casually ask how things are going on the homefront without mentioning the potential move.

 

[Lavabug]

The screwed up ones are always more exciting and challenging, with an element of suspense.

All kinds of suspense. Like the one you get when you have to go see a GP about that itch a few days later.

 

[Aero51]

Well I had an interesting evening last night...She called me and showed up somewhat drunk at my place around 2am. With her, came a nice little dog. Anyway...

So first thing she does when she gets into my apartment is introduce me to her dog, then goes into the kitchen. She looks at my medication sitting on my counter and asks "Will any of these get me high?". What the hell? I tell her that they will turn you into a zombie long before you'll get high.

After that she takes one of my chicken wings, without asking me, and feeds it to her dog. I wouldn't have minded if she asked. I probably would have given her a plate full since I made 24. So her and the dog played in my living room for about 20 minutes, which is fine since I love dogs. She took a few more chicken wings, complementing on their flavor, and eating them.

She walks into my minni-office and immediately proclaims that it would make a nice bedroom for her, ignoring the desk, file cabinets, 2 laptops, printer, and my degree which is hanging above my office chair. I immediately told her no.

So later on she walks into my kitchen again and grabs my bottle of whiskey and a third of a Gatorade and mixes them together. You don't mix whiskey and Gatorade... She used probably 6 shots worth of my liquor and poured it all in my classic Sam Adams beer glass my dad got me as a gift.

Shes hanging all over me but I know she's drunk so I make a very strong effort not to sleep with her. And then she pops the question "So, if we are living together should we F***?" This could be a trick question, but I calmly and coolly said "I don't think it will be a problem". She was hesitant, typical woman.

Since her dog likes me so much (which is rare because her dog was abused and normally hates strangers) she wants to see if she will follow me to my bedroom (uh oh! ;) So I walk into my bedroom and sure enough the dog follows me and sleeps near me too. So she jumps on the bed and I am thinking "Hell yeah" but we get talking and she goes on about how she got out of a 7 year relationship and she is looking for a guy who will be in love with her (crap) before she has sex.

I make a good effort to change her opinion, but give up after she goes back to want to try some Seroquel again. It's dangerous to take with alcohol, since it will zombify you at low doses if you aren't used to it. "Ill be fine," she states. Well she took it then left my apartment, but not before she gave me some action.

Weird night. I doubt I'll let her be my roommate because I don't want someone digging through my pills in secret trying to get high off anti psychotics.

 

[Jorriss]

I don't think it's possible to back out this situation fast enough.

 

[Lavabug]

IMO, you've walked into a minefield. Better back out asap, or you better start learning reanimation/CPR techniques and getting yourself a good lawyer... because if something happens to her at your place, guess who her family or friends are going to come after.

 

[Drakkith]

There is nothing about that situation that could possibly be good. Even the sex.

 

[lisab]

I don't think it's possible to back out this situation fast enough.

That...

IMO, you've walked into a minefield. Better back out asap, or you better start learning reanimation/CPR techniques and getting yourself a good lawyer... because if something happens to her at your place, guess who her family or friends are going to come after.

...that...

There is nothing about that situation that could possibly be good. Even the sex.

...and that.

Get this psycho out of your life, pronto.

 

[micromass]

I don't think it's possible to back out this situation fast enough.

I don't think there is a sentence in the entire english language that could describe this situation better.

 

[reenmachine]

Do you like to have someone running your life and taking the decisions for you? Do you like having problems? If the answer to these questions is yes , then by all mean take her as your roommate.

The only fact that you've considered it is concerning.Never underestimate the amount of trouble and danger this kind of woman can bring into your life.

Right away she confuse your space for her space , your food for her food , it's only a matter of time before she considers your money her money , your sex organ her sex organ and your life her life.

This is the kind of woman who could try to cut a hole in a condom in order to get pregnant from you if she feels you're going to leave her.

DO NOT ENTER THIS HELL.

 

[Aero51]

But there is still this issue of $450 a month...maybe a psycho is worth it

 

[micromass]

But there is still this issue of $450 a month...maybe a psycho is worth it

Yeah, you're right. Go tell her to move in with you immediately then.

 

[Aero51]

Maybe if I lock all the cabinets an put child safety warnings on my pills she will behave.

In all seriousness though its sad because she could be a nice person if she didn't make dumb decisions.

 

[micromass]

Maybe if I lock all the cabinets an put child safety warnings on my pills she will behave.

Yeah, if you're considering putting locks on the cabinets for your roommate, then I think that says enough...

 

[Aero51]

I was kidding with that last statement. A more viable solution is to wrap her in bubble wrap.

 

[zoobyshoe]

But there is still this issue of $450 a month...maybe a psycho is worth it

The trouble with psychos is they don't pay their rent. I'm thinking she considers the bit of "action" you got a deposit. See what I'm saying?

 

[Aero51]

In all honesty she is financially stable. She teaches at a technical school, writes for a few companies, has her own dog watching business. She even gave me $30 for gas money yesterday for driving her to a clients house.

And she's not slutty, if she was she would have slept with me when I first met her months ago.

 

[micromass]

In all honesty she is financially stable. She teaches at a technical school, writes for a few companies, has her own dog watching business. She even gave me $30 for gas money yesterday for driving her to a clients house.

And she's not slutty, if she was she would have slept with me when I first met her months ago.

Yep, sounds like a winner. Go move in with her.

 

[Aero51]

Micromass, would YOU like to room with me?

 

[jedishrfu]

I don't think there is a sentence in the entire english language that could describe this situation better.

There is: No good will come of this.

 

[jedishrfu]

if she has your phone # on speed dial what name did she give you?

 

[Lavabug]

But there is still this issue of $450 a month...maybe a psycho is worth it

A prostitute is cheaper and won't land you having to pay tens of thousands in jail bonds or worse whenever she ends up in ER or croaks or goes (more) nuts and decides to ruin your life, something which she is in a very good position to do already. Maybe it won't stroke your ego as much, but then again, neither will your buff jail cell inmate.

 

[Borg]

In all honesty she is financially stable. She teaches at a technical school, writes for a few companies, has her own dog watching business. She even gave me $30 for gas money yesterday for driving her to a clients house.

And she's not slutty, if she was she would have slept with me when I first met her months ago.

So, she needed to be driven to a client after taking every drug and alcohol combination she could get? Why do you make excuses for something that everyone clearly sees as a train wreck in the making? Even if you get $450 a month in cash and 'services', you will regret it. The problems will be greater than you can apparently imagine. Everyone sees this clearly.

 

[jackmell]

Weird night. I doubt I'll let her be my roommate because I don't want someone digging through my pills in secret trying to get high off anti psychotics.

I personally believe living with a woman in an environment of psychosis will only make matters worst. Would your doctor agree or disagree? Actually it often makes things worst even if you're not psychotic but I digress. My opinion in this matter is to more recognize your mental health and to treat it in a way that makes you better: seek treatment, take your meds, socialize and engage, and at least for the time being, live alone and find happiness in solitude. This is the wise solution to this problem in my opinion.

And when you get older, you will look back at some of your failings and wish very, very much that you could go back and make wiser choices in your youth. So there you go: we're back. :)

 

[Mépris]

In all honesty she is financially stable. She teaches at a technical school, writes for a few companies, has her own dog watching business. She even gave me $30 for gas money yesterday for driving her to a clients house.

And she's not slutty, if she was she would have slept with me when I first met her months ago.

Why are you even trying to rationalise this? This guy below, he speaks the truth:

A prostitute is cheaper and won't land you having to pay tens of thousands in jail bonds or worse whenever she ends up in ER or croaks or goes (more) nuts and decides to ruin your life, something which she is in a very good position to do already. Maybe it won't stroke your ego as much, but then again, neither will your buff jail cell inmate.

Things could get that messed up. Or worse...a false rape charge or something.

Aero, I am willing to bet that if you just went out and spoke to more *young* girls (college bar, streets, coffee shop, movies, anywhere - nothing creepy about it), you will eventually get better at talking to strangers/women, and soon enough, you will find a woman that is attractive, pleasant, interesting, and not "five years older than you" and "insane"...and by then, you will realize how insane the very thought of letting this woman into your house is again.

 

[reenmachine]

You're still not convinced it's not a good idea? I'm thinking you actually enjoy the excitement a crazy psycho girl could bring into your life.Are you bored?? In need of some adrenaline rushes? Try roller coasters , they are much cheaper in the long run.

 

[Aero51]

1) In all truthfulness I am attracted to chaos as this is how I grew up.

2) I need the money badly. I know its a bad idea but right now I have $400 a month spending money, which is barely enough for food and gas.

 

[Lavabug]

1) In all truthfulness I am attracted to chaos as this is how I grew up.

2) I need the money badly. I know its a bad idea but right now I have $400 a month spending money, which is barely enough for food and gas.

Seriously man, you're an aerospace engineer right? I'm sure you can figure out a way to cut back on costs and earn some extra money on the side in a much safer fashion.

Is 400$ a month really worth the potential drama, court costs and months or years of income because of some bogus conviction she could easily concoct against you?

Let me be blunt(er). Let's assume the positive scenario in which she doesn't deliberately go out to screw your life up at some point as we have been hinting. Your DNA is all over her body and probably will be regularly if you keep this up. She could trip down some stairs while tripping balls. Good luck convincing her family or a judge that it wasn't a case of date rape or passionate homicide.

 

[cristo]

I think people are overreacting somewhat. Just because someone (a college kid) was drunk/high does not make her a psycho who's going to stitch you up, or is going to kill herself such that you would get the blame. That's the sort of thing that happens in movies.

Still, while the situation may be exciting, she's probably not someone you want to live with! If you really need the money, you could get a part time job?

 

[Drakkith]

1) In all truthfulness I am attracted to chaos as this is how I grew up.

Or maybe you just consider this 'normal' behavior for people and think it's acceptable. It's not. And the sooner you realize that the better off you'll be.

2) I need the money badly. I know its a bad idea but right now I have $400 a month spending money, which is barely enough for food and gas.

You have other options. Go put out an ad somewhere or ask around and get another roommate if you need money that badly. Move into a smaller, cheaper place. Move closer to work/school so you're not spending so much on gas.

 

[zoobyshoe]

In all honesty she is financially stable. She teaches at a technical school, writes for a few companies, has her own dog watching business. She even gave me $30 for gas money yesterday for driving her to a clients house.

And she's not slutty, if she was she would have slept with me when I first met her months ago.

If she stops paying her rent, you'll want to get rid of her, right? If she refuses to leave you'll have to start a legal action in motion. This ends with sheriff's deputies arriving at the apt. who will force her to move her stuff out onto the sidewalk if she claims she has nowhere to put it.

Regardless, here in San Diego is COSTS something like $250.00 to file an unlawful detainer against someone, and it takes as much as three months before the deputies come to kick them out.

You had better check into the way it works there, because here it's very hard to get rid of a roommate who refuses to move.

 

[Mépris]

I think people are overreacting somewhat. Just because someone (a college kid) was drunk/high does not make her a psycho who's going to stitch you up, or is going to kill herself such that you would get the blame. That's the sort of thing that happens in movies.

I wish...I made a google search for "4 drunk girls false rape cab driver", and I saw 3 cases. I was looking for one instance, where the driver was about to be arrested, but his car had a camera, so he was let off the hook. He tried to sue, but I don't recall seeing anything positive coming out of it. The girls were drunk and smoking in his cab, he said they couldn't smoke. They said they'd get down, and they wouldn't pay their fare, and then said they'd call the cops and say he tried to (or actually? I can't remember) raped them. His life would have gone down the drain if it weren't for the video footage! [source]

Another more recent example (UK this time) is one where a girl's relationship was coming to an end. She couldn't deal with that. So, in a desperate attempt to get some attention from her boyfriend, she hits herself, tears off her clothes and says she was raped. Then, here's the worse part, she *randomly* picks two guys on Facebook and says it was them. Luckily, the court ruled in their favour, but they were not compensated and all she got was some community service iirc. [source]

Also this.

All sound like something that could be in a bad soap like Girls or Desperate Housewives. Those are just 3 examples, but if one were to spend a few minutes on a men's rights forum, one would easily find more examples. They usually have sub forums with numerous discussions on the subject.

Note how the men in these scenarios were treated more poorly than the women would have. In any of those cases, if those men did not have valid evidence, everything would be biased in favour of the women. Accusing a man of rape means he guilty of rape until otherwise proven. Recently, an international student was expelled from Vassar College just for being accused of having raped a fellow student (a professor's daughter, it seems). While we don't know if he actually raped her, we also don't know if she's lying. Why not suspend both? Or not allow them to take classes together until evidence is found?

I'm not well versed in the law, but this doesn't sound very right to me. That said, I choose to not complain about it, and instead, stay away from crazy people in general.

I will echo what others have said elsewhere: this is just disrespectful to women (and men!) who have actually been raped. The above examples are just pathetic. I read something a while back, which put this nicely: "I didn't want to pay my cab fare...no, I was raped" or "I just want some affection...oh honey, look! I just got raped!"

The bottom line is: watch for the red flags. A drunken woman wandering into your home, looking to get high from your pills, drinking your booze, having sex with you, and then actually taking some of your pills after drinking your whisky...well, those all look like red flags to me. Chances are nothing will happen to the OP, but if something does happen, and he has no evidence to prove otherwise (say, video footage - go see a lawyer, and see if you can get her to agree to have cameras in your house, haha), he will likely be considered guilty.

Let me put it this way: is this girl worth your career and your life?

Still, while the situation may be exciting, she's probably not someone you want to live with! If you really need the money, you could get a part time job?

AND he could cut down his expenses like someone else said. Chicken thighs instead of chicken breasts, ground beef, regular peanut butter/banana sandwiches, eggs (scrambled, boiled, fried, poached), oats, milk, rice...that's a healthy foundation for a diet, that's not too expensive. Buy whatever veggies and fruits that are on sale, and you're golden. Add some spices to the mix and use YouTube, and you can do a lot with that.

On that note, this is more or less my diet plan for the next few months.

1) In all truthfulness I am attracted to chaos as this is how I grew up.

Oh lord.

---

On another note, does anyone feel sorry for the dog?

 

[1MileCrash]

Sounds like she'd only be a problem, not a solution.

 

[Lavabug]

I think people are overreacting somewhat.

Not at all. My sister works in law and works with a few criminal defense lawyers. The amount of false domestic violence accusations on the part of greedy/crazy wives, ex-wifes or girlfriends she encounters are astounding. One of the more basic values of democratic law is the presumption of innocence, but it is rarely upheld in favor of men accused of committing violence against women. A lot of people DO get their lives ruined like this.

A more recent case she dealt with was that of a woman who suffered narcolepsy, she passed out and fell, bruising herself (something bound to happen to someone with a drinking problem that looks to combine alcohol with narcotics). She tried to accuse her husband (who he himself had asked for a divorce months earlier) of hitting her and tried to bring him to court. The medical examinations are jokes, nothing like in a CSI episode, just a bold-faced assertion, a quick look at the bruise, and you get a document from the doc indicating you were beaten. Changed her story around several times during the trial and she later gave up on it after the judge gave her a layman's run-down of the consequences of perjury, since he smelled something was fishy. Way to waste the court's time and taxpayer money, that kind of abuse of the legal system should carry some punishment.

Back on topic: please heed our advice Aero. The risks far outweigh any benefits.

 

[chemisttree]

On another note, does anyone feel sorry for the dog?

He has already determined that the dog is a slut.

 

[Aero51]

Ok, I said this already but, apparently it didnt resonate with some of you: she is not slutty...at all. And her dog is very nice and well taken care of. I'm not going to let her room with me, but I'll try to get to know her and maybe that night she visited me was just particularly bad. Who knows? Anyone whos gone out drinking has had good and bad nights.

 

[jedishrfu]

Ok, I said this already but, apparently it didnt resonate with some of you: she is not slutty...at all. And her dog is very nice and well taken care of. I'm not going to let her room with me, but I'll try to get to know her and maybe that night she visited me was just particularly bad. Who knows? Anyone whos gone out drinking has had good and bad nights.

I think the key point is to be careful in this relationship, don't let your laisse-faire attitude cloud your commonsense and the warnings from your intuition. Clearly, you were bothered enough to even ask on this forum so for me that means just don't do it, just don't get too tied up into this situation. Be friends with her and then decide later on when things settle down.

Two-bits is worth more than one.

 

[chemisttree]

Ok, I said this already but, apparently it didnt resonate with some of you: she is not slutty...at all. And her dog is very nice and well taken care of. I'm not going to let her room with me, but I'll try to get to know her and maybe that night she visited me was just particularly bad. Who knows? Anyone whos gone out drinking has had good and bad nights.

Aero, I hope you know that I was kidding about the dog. My Kindle doesn't do easily. I was just noting that the dog warmed up to you immediately, followed you into your bedroom and...

 

[Aero51]

I wasnt sure. I just wrote your comment off as an obnoxious 16 year old who happened to rank very high in PF. Sorry. Vocal inflections and body language do not propagate well though the internet medium.

 

[Naty1]

Your job is to take care of yourself. You cannot 'rescue' anybody else...they will be who they will be.

Chicks be crazy sometimes...and some of those are almost impossible to resist. You must resist the crazies.

Having said that, if miss crazy takes good care of her dog, that says a lot about who she would like to be. You job is to figure out if she can get there on her own.

Another test: if you see her again, sober, tell her your impressions and why you are hesitant in a helpful, supportive way. See how she reacts. Set some boundaries for her and see how she responds. Be wary of false promises.

Good luck. You will need it. Let us know what happens!

 

[Aero51]

Id love to tell her how I felt about the night but she's a pain to get in contact with. Ill text her and hear nothing back, the one day weeks later she will ask me to hang out then claim she never got them. Last time she asked me I just was a snide jerk - you get like that when you have to deal with bs all the time. Well, if she ever decides I am worth her time shell let me know.

 

[Naty1]

Last time she asked me I just was a snide jerk - you get like that when you have to deal with bs all the time.

not really. YOU get that way because that's YOU.
we all revert to such behavior sometimes, but that doesn't make it nice.

 

[franklinwu]

It sounds like you already made up your mind that you need this cash badly, and that she's not that bad (from all the replies you've posted). Then why the heck are you asking the rest of us a question you already know the answer to?

 

[Enigman]

Maybe if I lock all the cabinets an put child safety warnings on my pills she will behave.

In all seriousness though its sad because she could be a nice person if she didn't make dumb decisions.

Well, as we know she DOES make dumb decisions. For Example:
1) She has hung out with you only 3 times and wants to be your roommate.
2) You talked about becoming room mates today and she wanted to move in...tomorrow.
3) She hasnt even seen your place
4) Didn't care to make any agreements on anything before hand.

My diagnosis is she is a controlling psycho or a plain iDiot.
Sorry to be a pessimist, but am in a bad mood right now.

 

[Chronos]

Nobody asks to move in with you after 3 dates - unless desperately broke, or nuts. Who needs that?

 

[Mk]

I don't see anything wrong with this girl. As long as she's not violent and loud and doesn't steal your stuff (feeding your chicken wings to her dog doesn't count), what's the problem?

You should try hanging out with her. Maybe you'd learn a little about the other side? Loosen up dude. She thinks you're ok enough to pay you money to live with you. And you said she looks good. Expand your boundaries! You might find something you like.