zoobyshoe said:Isn't allowed to move? By whom and why not? This is very mysterious to me.
his familily, but thats his issue, not mine, if he wants to discuss, he can, but i shouldn't get into his personal life on here.
its definitely nice to hear i'm not alone in my predicament. of course, i make things a bit more awkward since i already decided to move, but the thought of moving is pretty much keeping me sane, so crazy as it is, i'm glad i'm doing it. i think the hardest part for me is that well, i'm dissapointed in myself. its not that i think i could do better, i'm trying, it just... i dunno, sleep seems more important than exams sometimes. i'm so young and its hard to take school seriously i guess, especially cause i never have before. i want to take time off just to straighten out who i am. I know i want a degree, and i'm lucky, cause i KNOW i want to study math. i just don't feel like i'm really ready for it.
sometimes i'll be in class, like.. today actually. we're going over quantum tunneling. i'm just like "WOW... i remember reading this in story books when i was kid, before i knew any real physics!" and then i realize, that was like, 3 years ago. its hard to even take myself seriously. how could i have learned that much in 3 years? i still vividly remember learning long division. honestly, its hard to believe i'm even supposed to do well in school. i can't blame myself for doing poorly, cause i'm just a kid. and thats the thing really, i go through "learning" stuff, but i don't retain it. i just keep pushing myself through the system fast as i can, but its more detrimental than anything. and i sort of feel like its time to slow down...
i dunno, then again, i feel like, if i take time off or slow down... i feel like i lose half of who i am. in lab i'm known as "little girl" cause i'm the only 18 year old amongst 20-21 yr olds, (one guy is like 35 too.) its just who i am to be young and bright and speeding through school... its what my parents brag about, its how my friends introduce me to strangers, its me..
i even feel like hosam will really see me differently, all my friends too. the biggest thing we have in common is our studies. if i lose that....
so i really didn't want to take a year off, i really didn't. but the more i've thought about it, it may be best. everyone knows i tend to rush through life, (remember when i was engaged.. heh) maybe its time to slow down and grow up a little before i get caught up in a life i'm not ready for. i don't know...
i've spent all afternoon looking into americorps programs and jobs online... augh