There is this woman I like to date, but

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The discussion revolves around a friendship where one person has romantic feelings while the other is seeking a serious relationship focused on marriage. The friend, who is older and more mature, has expressed a desire to settle down, which conflicts with the other person's current priorities of finishing college and exploring career options. Despite enjoying each other's company and having a strong friendship, the individual recognizes that their goals do not align, leading to uncertainty about the future of their relationship. There is a suggestion to maintain a friendship and enjoy shared activities without rushing into a romantic commitment. The conversation also touches on the importance of being clear about intentions and the potential for emotional complications if one party desires more than the other is willing to give. Ultimately, the individual grapples with feelings of frustration and the challenge of wanting to pursue a deeper connection while respecting the other person's desire for marriage.
ME_student
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She isn't sure what she wants... Should I run away?

My friend and I have been really good friends for about a year now. She realizes that I have some interest in her. She has a little bit of interest in me, but she wants to get married while I want to finish college not married. (Haha)

She is probably one of the nicest girls I have known and most mature... Well, maybe only because she is older than me by a few years. She has every single personality trai I want in a woman, outgoing, loving, she cares about her family, she is pretty smart(has a BS in Biology, I think), She isn't the needy type, very independent, and spends her money wisely.

Here brother is about my age, a little younger. We have a few things in common. He's got his BS in chemical engineering and her father has a PHD in chemical engineering. We kind of share the same interest, I guess. I get a long with the family really well and her bro is pretty cool guy to hangout with.

I don't get me wrong. I want to get married someday, but not now since I have tons of schooling I need to finish and find a career path in the ME field.
 
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She sounds perfect, a lot like my ex wife. ;)
 
Why not get out and see some films together, or go to some museums? You don't have to plunge right into a relationship - just have fun and enjoy one another's company for now. There is no need to be single-minded about future goals/plans - a lot can change, so be flexible and let things happen.
 
turbo said:
Why not get out and see some films together, or go to some museums? You don't have to plunge right into a relationship - just have fun and enjoy one another's company for now. There is no need to be single-minded about future goals/plans - a lot can change, so be flexible and let things happen.

Like I said we have been friends for about a year, within that year we have done everything you said besides the museum. I will just keep it at a friendship level.:smile:
 
ME_student said:
Like I said we have been friends for about a year, within that year we have done everything you said besides the museum. I will just keep it at a friendship level.:smile:
You're just friends, or is this a romantic relationship and she's your girlfriend?
 
Evo said:
You're just friends, or is this a romantic relationship and she's your girlfriend?

No, she isn't my girlfriend. I wish she was though. She is a friend I can have a good time with. I can keep the emotions out of this relationship as well. I made it clear to her if she wants to date another guy it wouldn't hurt my feelings.

She is looking for someone to marry while I want to date and have fun. Technically I am in a position of getting married, but I don't want to be married and attend school full time, it can be stressful.

My life has changed a lot since I am going back to college. A relationship to me isn't as important than it use to be. Is this unhealthy?
 
ME_student said:
No, she isn't my girlfriend. I wish she was though. She is a friend I can have a good time with. I can keep the emotions out of this relationship as well. I made it clear to her if she wants to date another guy it wouldn't hurt my feelings.

She is looking for someone to marry while I want to date and have fun. Technically I am in a position of getting married, but I don't want to be married and attend school full time, it can be stressful.

My life has changed a lot since I am going back to college. A relationship to me isn't as important than it use to be. Is this unhealthy?
Although she has expressed the general desire to get married, has she said anything to the effect that she wouldn't date anyone whom she thinks doesn't eventually hope to marry her?
 
zoobyshoe said:
Although she has expressed the general desire to get married, has she said anything to the effect that she wouldn't date anyone whom she thinks doesn't eventually hope to marry her?

She hopes the next guy will be the one who she marries.

I think she is tired of dating and having fun, ready to settle down with a man. I am not too worried about her finding another guy any time soon and if she does then I will be happy for her. I told her if we ever date, don't expect me to put a ring on your finger within the first year or two because I don't want to get married. I think this is the reason she doesn't want to date me. The purpose for dating is to find that someone, right?
 
ME_student said:
She hopes the next guy will be the one who she marries.

I think she is tired of dating and having fun, ready to settle down with a man. I am not too worried about her finding another guy any time soon and if she does then I will be happy for her. I told her if we ever date, don't expect me to put a ring on your finger within the first year or two because I don't want to get married. I think this is the reason she doesn't want to date me. The purpose for dating is to find that someone, right?
OK, I get the picture now. I had a similar thing a few months ago. I met a really appealing single woman who seemed very interested in me. Then she laid her cards out with commendable honesty: "I want to have kids." That derailed that train.
 
  • #10
Need more advice, so I actually really like her now! Unfortunately, she still likes my "friend." I just figured out one of my other "friends" likes her... Ugh!

Her and I are hanging out tomorrow night, dinner and back to my house.:smile:
 
  • #11
ME_student said:
She hopes the next guy will be the one who she marries.

I think she is tired of dating and having fun, ready to settle down with a man. I am not too worried about her finding another guy any time soon and if she does then I will be happy for her. I told her if we ever date, don't expect me to put a ring on your finger within the first year or two because I don't want to get married. I think this is the reason she doesn't want to date me. The purpose for dating is to find that someone, right?
Initially dating is a way to get to know the other, or should be. It is also about companionship. One can date platonically, as friends, and see where the relationship progress. That was my approach >30 years ago. Eventually, I found someone who became my wife 30+ years ago.
 
  • #12
How do I win her heart over?

I don't plan on putting a ring on her finger right away, but I want to date her! Do I continue being a good friend, take her out to dinner and what not?
 
  • #13
ME_student said:
Need more advice, so I actually really like her now! Unfortunately, she still likes my "friend." I just figured out one of my other "friends" likes her... Ugh!

Her and I are hanging out tomorrow night, dinner and back to my house.:smile:
Has she shown any romantic interest in you?
 
  • #14
ME_student said:
How do I win her heart over?

I don't plan on putting a ring on her finger right away, but I want to date her! Do I continue being a good friend, take her out to dinner and what not?
Just be nice. Don't cling and don't smother her. Just be nice. You can try to woo a woman with dramatic expressions of affection and other bull, but that only gets you shallow women. just be nice. It takes time, but it works.
 
  • #15
turbo said:
Just be nice. Don't cling and don't smother her. Just be nice. You can try to woo a woman with dramatic expressions of affection and other bull, but that only gets you shallow women. just be nice. It takes time, but it works.
Or she won't be interested. He needs to realize that before he gets any more emotionally involved than he is.

I've had many guys blindside me with their thinking we could be a couple when they were only a friend to me.
 
  • #16
Evo said:
I've had many guys blindside me with their thinking we could be a couple when they were only a friend to me.
Here, too. There is no percentage in dealing with a member of the opposite sex when they are just pursuing their own agendas and not being (at least) friends and letting things happen. When somebody wants to rush to a conclusion without letting you both have a time to get to know each other, just back away. Not good.
 
  • #17
She let me kiss her on the cheek. Haha. No she is dated my friend...:frown:
 
  • #18
I think you should marry her right now :smile:
 
  • #19
takudo_1912 said:
I think you should marry her right now :smile:

She is a great friend. :smile:

We flirt with each other a lot.
 
  • #20
ME_student said:
She is a great friend. :smile:

We flirt with each other a lot.

It's the love,admire you :) I still don't have a girlfriend :(
 
  • #21
Just ask her out already. Can't hurt anything...
 
  • #22
mcknia07 said:
Just ask her out already. Can't hurt anything...

pshh women =p
 
  • #23
mcknia07 said:
Just ask her out already. Can't hurt anything...

I already did many times... I give up... I bust balls to try to get her but she still doesn't want to date me... My buddy didn't have to even try... Haha. Oh well, I will find someone else.
 

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