What do 'nerdy' guys like in girls?

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The discussion centers around the qualities that 'nerdy' boys find attractive in girls, with participants sharing their experiences and preferences. Many express that intelligence, a sense of humor, and kindness are key traits they admire. There's a consensus that nerdy guys often appreciate directness and are more likely to respond positively when approached by girls. Some participants mention that physical appearance becomes less important compared to personality traits as intelligence increases. A recurring theme is the desire for mutual interests, with some emphasizing the importance of ambition and open-mindedness. The conversation also touches on the challenges nerdy boys face in dating due to shyness and social skills, with advice suggesting that girls should show interest and engage in conversations about shared interests. Overall, the thread highlights a blend of humor and earnestness in exploring what nerdy boys seek in potential partners.
  • #651
Edin_Dzeko said:
wow bro you're story's just amazing. Sounds like anything this girl would do you appreciated and found attractive even the tiniest things that she took to be embarrassing was not to you. Wow. Did she also exhibit this same level of interest in you and your little things that you did?

She was the reason I got more serious about science and math.

I think she liked that I can draw (a little bit). I'm no DaVinci by nay means; but up until about the age of 16 (when I realized I couldn't do anything else), I actually thought I would like to be a comic book artist. So I liked to draw a lot, and studied it privately for many years (like age 4-16).

By the time I met Jayne, I had actually given art up for a few years already; but she really like to read the newspaper, and the comics in particular (especially The Far Side). So, for a while, I thought I might try to get her attention by drawing little cartoons.

I had to draw a couple of things for school (and they weren't really intended for her), but somehow she came across these things (without my knowledge) and was somehow pleased by them. That made me happy, so I started doing this for her specifically.

I used to draw her into my cartoons (as herself, as best I could); and usually, I'd draw some ridiculous (but non-threatening) creature bothering her (which was supposed to be me).

She had a fondness for little woodland animals--like groundhogs, or moles even--so I used to have this recurring pest in overalls and bad eyesight always visit her somehow in the cartoon (even if he wasn't the main character).

She never said really how she felt about them, to me personally; but it usually got back to me that she was pleased. So I'd make her Valentine cards and things like that periodically.
 
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  • #652
FrancisZ said:
She was the reason I got more serious about science and math.

I think she liked that I can draw (a little bit). I'm no DaVinci by nay means; but up until about the age of 16 (when I realized I couldn't do anything else), I actually thought I would like to be a comic book artist. So I liked to draw a lot, and studied it privately for many years (like age 4-16).

By the time I met Jayne, I had actually given art up for a few years already; but she really like to read the newspaper, and the comics in particular (especially The Far Side). So, for a while, I thought I might try to get her attention by drawing little cartoons.

I had to draw a couple of things for school (and they weren't really intended for her), but somehow she came across these things (without my knowledge) and was somehow pleased by them. That made me happy, so I started doing this for her specifically.

I used to draw her into my cartoons (as herself, as best I could); and usually, I'd draw some ridiculous (but non-threatening) creature bothering her (which was supposed to be me).

She had a fondness for little woodland animals--like groundhogs, or moles even--so I used to have this recurring pest in overalls and bad eyesight always visit her somehow in the cartoon (even if he wasn't the main character).

She never said really how she felt about them, to me personally; but it usually got back to me that she was pleased. So I'd make her Valentine cards and things like that periodically.

wow :!) so like prior to Jane did you ever come across anyone else that you thought was "the one"??
 
  • #653
Edin_Dzeko said:
wow :!) so like prior to Jane did you ever come across anyone else that you thought was "the one"??

Not really, honestly. I liked a lot of girls--but THAT I would say was more purely physical (and not even especially intimately). It was just more: well, I like the way she looks--she has a cute face.

But Jayne--I fell in love with her spirit first. She was very funny--she'd make funny facial expressions even (not something a debonair woman does very often, I think), although she was also extremely intelligent and sophisticated.
 
  • #654
misgfool said:
How can an intelligent woman be a believer? What does the previous statement imply?

I think it's quite possible, as long as she can interpret religious texts in a sensible manner she probably won't believe that the world was literally created in 7 days and that the egyptians lived at the same time as the dinosaurs.
 
  • #655
same interests, for example i can talk about guitar with a girl or anyone for hours, as well as physics (im not any physicists though, I am just trying to be one)

personality, if she cries for anything or doesn't seem to respond to my actions i start loosing interest

how hot the girl is is important but not as important as the personality (anyways, for me 95% of the girls are hot)
 
  • #656
I know a girl at uni who loves pure Maths and it's great because most days she will have some problem she's trying to solve - that I don't really understand since we're both second year students but she is doing some third year subjects - and try to explain the problem to me. Anyway a lot of our discussions are on meaningful topics that I love. We are just friends I would like to consider a stronger relationship but fear if that attempt fails I could lose a friend.

Anyway for me if a girl has an interest in what I study then having a discussion about that makes me a lot more comfortable to actually engage in a conversation. At the end of the day I'm not interested in someone who's fake (even if they are physically attractive).
 
  • #657
I would say that, imo, guys would typically look for girls with some of the same interests but also different interests, have somewhat of a social life so there is no 'suffocation', as well as having a good personality.

Some may beg to differ tho. :)
 
  • #658
I think I'm a nerd. At least I work hard to be one.

What I want in a girl that I'd like?
1. Understanding.
2. Not worrying too much when problems occur. Just keeps working on it patiently.
2. Appreciation about her life and not taking me as an intruder/spoiler. Ha ha.
3. Be nerdy about something of her own. Or passion maybe?
4. Not thinking about what neighbours/relatives are doing secretly.
5. About looks, well, cute/windy(i can't explain about it, just a personal definition that I can't find a word about).
 
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  • #659
Topher925 said:
I also like a girl who has ambition in life, for example pursuing a PhD or wanting to become a research scientist or doctor or something of the sort.

Well, I have an ambition. I want to be a theoretical Physicist:biggrin: But I could not tell if I have number 1. But number 3, sorry. I am currently a Roman Catholic.


And by the way, I am just replying for the sake of fun :biggrin:
 
  • #660
How about the Progressive Insurance girl?
 
  • #661
Loren Booda said:
How about the Progressive Insurance girl?

You're not the first guy I've heard who thinks she's hot.
 
  • #662
lisab said:
You're not the first guy I've heard who thinks she's hot.

At first I found her somewhat annoying and exaggerated. Of late, she seems more intimate (that is, for T.V.). More annoying was actually the set and exaggerated were her interactions with fellow actors. She herself acts coquettish and not pushy.

She's not a diet-driven video-vixen. She appears independent and not as silly on the surface as her role requires. Emotionally, I feel attracted to her, but here comes Detective Eames.

I wonder if my girlfriend would agree?:redface:
 
  • #663
FrancisZ said:
Normally, I don’t feel comfortable citing my preferences (my family doesn’t even know). But since it is now nearly 5 o’clock in the morning--and I am practically an insomniac anyway—I think I should like at least to describe the characteristics, of she whom I belonged to (and forever will, I pray).

She was way smarter than me; positively gleeful while at work; very humorous (laughed while reading the newspaper even); and, was religiously inclined (though, not a loony either).

She was fairly neat and organized too (though, again, not an obsessive neat-freak). Really, she was just very self-reliant about everything. I preferred always to be her helper, in any way she’d allow it—and which, I regret, was not often enough—but I admired her so, nevertheless. What an able person she was.

Truly, and in all ways I can think of: the woman that I belonged to, was everything I could ever aspire be myself. And she was very good, all of the time, to everybody. She’d TALK—a lot—to anyone; total strangers even, at length. And I absolutely adored her voice. Yet oddly enough: when we were alone together, I remember she would speak very softly, and use fewer, if any words. Really, she more sort-of glanced at me a lot, in order to convey herself.

I’m not one for speaking much either (I prefer to write); but she had a beautiful speaking voice—something, maybe, between a Kathleen Turner, and a Mackenzie Phillips. It was a deep, strong, but still distinctly feminine voice. I liked to listen to her sing at mass, but she was very self-conscious (and would sing low) because of the women she lived with. Frankly: she had a sexier voice than any of them (but again, wasn’t overt in any respect about it either).

She liked to make waffles, and took a lot of pride in them, and in whatever she was up to cooking. Originally, my love came from Kentucky; and as you might expect of a southern female, was a superb cook. She made me ribs once, to absolutely die for.

I worked with her (that’s how we met), and I learned a lot from her. I think that’s very important in a relationship too—to be able to learn from someone, and share your talents with. Though I don’t honestly believe: that there was a darn thing ever that I knew, that I could have ever taught her; I still felt somehow that she appreciated my sensibilities too; and also the many dumb things that I made for her over the years.

She was a genius really, and was perfectly confident in herself, as far as academic and domestic things were concerned (like sewing for example—she made her own clothes too!). Yet somehow—and even despite how great she was—she lacked confidence in the sort of things that are maybe more artistically inclined. I truly feel however: that if she ever felt like sitting down and actually painting a portrait or landscape, she would have executed it far better than me (and supposedly, I was the artistic one); and yet, she never attempted to for some reason. It’s one of those things I had intentions of instigating in her, one day. She needed a shove, I thought.

She was a sports fan—liked football—and even though I’m not much of an athlete myself (nor do I follow much), I respected that about her immensely. It honestly made me want to learn how to play; I always figured that she liked the football player type (though she never said).

Physically speaking: she was tall (about 5’10”) and very broad-hipped. She was bosomy also, but narrow in the shoulders (which sloped nicely), and her hips were much bigger than average. Such that: even the most simple, no frills, mono-chromatic house dress, looked particularly lovely on her. She had a feminine neck; nice long arms, which were soft at the top; lovely hands; and a big toothy grin (which gave her trouble sometimes, but I still thought was so very cute).

She had beautiful, crooked, natural teeth. And when she smiled, she smiled big; just like a little kid. She was 55. And not gray, but silver-haired; and had beautiful brown eyes.

SHE NEVER WORE MAKE-UP, or painted her fingernails; and she (believe it or not) always wore a dress, when I knew her. Not an extravagant or revealing thing, mind you; but rather, something she literally made on her own (with a length, a little below the knee). Truly, she was one the only one of her kind.

Overall, I would say that she was pleasantly plump. AND, this is the ultimate: she had the absolute softest cheek I have ever kissed. From a little boy, I remember hearing about how women have softer skin than men; but I never understood what that meant exactly, until one day, I finally kissed her. No lie: she was like kissing a warm buttermilk pancake, lovingly crafted by GOD.

There will never be another like her. Her name was Jayne Goebel. And if she had finally agreed to marry me, before she died, I would have happily become Francis Goebel instead of she Jayne Ziegler. It’s the name I want for myself even now., because I know that I belonged to her.

Nerds, I suppose then, maybe just need to belong to a woman.

Francis, sorry for your loss.
She is not here anymore, but your ability for love, that you had shown in your beautiful writing is still here.
I understand why you want to write and remember: it is like it happens again.
 
  • #664
I wonder how many guys have found their soul-mates since I logged in Physics Forum for the last time.

Maybe I already said this before, but as a pretty nerdy woman I have observed this strange phenomenon:

A nerdy woman can also be seen as a trophy girlfriend!

Imagine this: I know I am intelligent and I do not feel obliged to prove I am intelligent at any moment of my life. I mispronounce words on purpose for comedic effects, comment about celebrity gossip trying to look as excited as I can, and do anything possible to break the solemnity of academic life.
In spite it was pretty obvious that I was much more intelligent than him, this guy felt embarrassed and asked me not to do such a things because "people could think I was an ignoramus".

I wonder how many men are not describing what they really enjoy in a woman, but what they think is desirable and will make them look as winners?

Forget nerdy or not nerdy, look for a woman you are able to enjoy!
 
  • #665
Loren Booda said:
How about the Progressive Insurance girl?

It seems funny to me to hear "girl" used to describe someone who is 40. But if we're going to go for insurance salespeople, my vote is for Erin Esurance. She's got a real Jessica Rabbit thing going there.
 
  • #667
um >_> definitely not the progressive girl...maybe a guy trying to pose as the progressive girl?
 
  • #668
The woman in the Progressive commercial is Stephanie Courtney, and you can find pictures, other work, etc. on IMDB.
 
  • #669
LydiaAC said:
A nerdy woman can also be seen as a trophy girlfriend!

Sure, if she is hot as well. Or to put it realistically, the total package is very important. Looks are many times salient, because humans perceives cues of attraction mainly visually. So yeah, a trophy wife or gf is usually extremely good looking.. This will attract the attention of other men, not really intelligence. Intelligence is hard to see unless you have a direct contact with the person in question, spend a time talking at so on. "Nerdiness" is many time a boring thing when you are socializing.
LydiaAC said:
In spite it was pretty obvious that I was much more intelligent than him, this guy felt embarrassed and asked me not to do such a things because "people could think I was an ignoramus".

Intelligence doesn't always equates the ability to navigate socially like a fish in the water. Yes, ppl can think that you are ignorant and awkward even if you hold a PhD or whatever else. I don't know the situation about you are describing, but try to look at it from different perspectives as well. Maybe he was more socially adept at reading cues from others than you. Or maybe you was right and you was really funny and fit perfectly well and he was complexes. Or maybe he just wasn't looking for a women which can fill the social niche of a group jester. Who knows. Something to think about.

LydiaAC said:
I wonder how many men are not describing what they really enjoy in a woman, but what they think is desirable and will make them look as winners?

Not too many. Believe it or not, not every men is a jerk who only looks at their current SO as a symbol of status. But at the same time, what's hot is hot.
 
  • #670
I just spent the last 3 hours reading the entire thread... made me register, I kinda felt you've got quite a community going here :)

and since I like the nerdy guys myself, I wanted to thank everyone for their participation.

on a personal and humouresque note:

learning new sutff makes my heart beat faster;
I looooove sarcasm;
I can cook;
I have a pulse

<sarcasm> boobies </sarcasm>

so, just PN me on where you plan on taking me out next friday. just as a fair warning: pick a virtual place, since I live in Europe ;)
 
  • #671
Small world, I live in Europe too :-p Unfortunately, unlike the world, Europe is big :frown:
 
  • #672
yeah, not THAT big though... drove across Europe, drove across Canada. liked Canada better, but it took much longer.

but that's off topic now, isn't it?
 
  • #673
Not at all, Canada is really nerdy :-p
 
  • #674
sponsoredwalk said:
Not at all, Canada is really nerdy :-p

:!) then I looooove Canada even more!
 
  • #675
We are very nerdy! Really.
 
  • #676
true nerd, strong and free, eh?
 
  • #677
Absolutely, eh! I actually never say "eh" it's funny. No one in southern Ontario says "eh" only northern Ontario. But all of what I just said is meaningless because I just said "eh" two times, damn it.
 
  • #678
and people in northern Alberta say eh, eh.

but if you ask around in the US, they will tell you that eh is a minnesotan thing... so probably everybody blames the north...

that would make a fascinating research "on the use of the particle eh in northern north america"... have to keep it in mind. would you volunteer?
 
  • #679
As a control?
 
  • #680
haven't figured out the exact design of the study yet...

but as an anthropologist I am more inclined to do some participant observation and case studies... so if you have a few weeks and feel like telling me your whole life in a series of narrative biographical interviews... :wink:
 
  • #681
Kevin_Axion said:
Absolutely, eh! I actually never say "eh" it's funny. No one in southern Ontario says "eh" only northern Ontario. But all of what I just said is meaningless because I just said "eh" two times, damn it.

What do you people say when you're brain is working it's magic then? I thought "eh" was a
universal? :bugeye:

Text Message: "What are you doing tonight?"
_My response: "Eh, I'm.."
I even text "eh" :redface:
 
  • #682
my brother actually has a t-shirt that reads

"why do Canadians say eh? - because it's better than saying huh!"

so, maybe in southern ontario they already use the - ascribed US-american - huh?
 
  • #683
I just stare at the person (into their soul to be specific) while I rub my unshaven face until I think of something intelligent to say.
 
  • #684
I myself am seen as a nerdy person and I mostly look for girls who have similar interests and girls with who'm I can talk about science/physics without her walking away xD
A profound love for sci-fi and fantasy would also be nice and well a pretty face if possible :P
 
  • #685
:!) sci-fi :!)

like that?
 
  • #686
we like really gorgeous, brilliant, good hearted girls with somewhat questionable eyesight.
 
  • #687
Questionable eyesight? This is the first time I've ever heard this! We?! And you're speaking behalf of...? :biggrin: Not trying to be rude, but giving the weird input, I just thought... You know... Hehe, forget about it. *shifteyes*
 
  • #688
mathwonk said:
we like really gorgeous, brilliant, good hearted girls with somewhat questionable eyesight.

:smile::smile::smile:

I guess that's why I never gave up my glasses in favor of contacts... Might as well advertise the "questionable eyesight"...
 
  • #689
Has "loving experimentation" been brought up? Not that it matters to me now that I'm old.
 
  • #690
MissSilvy said:
Let's turn the tables for a second: what qualities do 'nerdy' boys like in girls?

I love 'nerdy' boys and I'm very lucky that my school is quite science and tech focused. However, a lot of them are incredibly cute and endearing but very shy and give off mixed signals. With other guys, it's fairly straight forward but I know quite a few self-professed 'dorks' that I would go out to dinner with if only they'd ask.

There have been numerous threads on what girls like in guys, but now I'm asking the opposite question; what do smart guys like yourselves like in girls? If possible, I'd be interested in opinions on or from college-aged guys. Thanks!

('Sex' is not an answer. Nice try, PF but I'm looking for more subtle points :))

Exactly what non-nerdy guys like in girls.
 
  • #691
i'm a little bit of an older nerd, but what we honestly want:
1. Intelligence (of course, hard to hold a conversation with a flake)
2. Someone who is confident and comfortable with who they are (a woman who needs constant reassurance is very annoying and puts herself on the fast track to a breakup)
3. Someone who can hold a conversation (doesn't necessarily need to be high brow, but a good rhythm to the conversation and if she can point out things we didn't think of without sounding like a know-it-all or condescending, that is hot.)
4. She should have some energy to her (dating someone who's always down or depressed gets old because you feel like you always have to prop her up).
5. She should be excited about some of the things we are too. If your not kind of nerdy too, it will be a struggle and it sucks when you feel like you can't enjoy/share things with your significant other (trust me on this one).
6. A girl who might have to be a bit more aggressive initially. We were kind of shut out before and we don't want to offend, so we tend to be a little tepid. That being said, you shouldn't have to do EVERYTHING. If he can't learn to be a man after you guys are together for a little while, you might be stuck with a boy and that only goes so far.

There are probably others, but I think you get the point.
 
  • #692
think intelligence is the most important
 
  • #693
"If I met a girl that did, chances are that I would marry her".

Slightly off topic here, why do people think marriage secures their relationship?

I've been with my girlfriend for 6 years now and am not remotely bothered with marriage, if we want to go our separate ways that's going to happen with or without that ring isn't it?
 
  • #694
EMFsmith said:
I've been with my girlfriend for 6 years now and am not remotely bothered with marriage, if we want to go our separate ways that's going to happen with or without that ring isn't it?

No.

A marriage is a promise to spend your life with her.

You have not made a promise to spend your life with her. She is aware of this.


The question to ask yourself is this: if you are able to make a promise in front of all your friends and family to spend your life with her through thick and thin, will you be more or less likely to bolt when things get tough? If you won't make that promise for all the world to see and hear, why not?
 
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  • #695
You can make a promise and intend on spending your life with someone without having to get married is what i mean, you can have the best intentions going into a marriage but ultimately you can't say "Now were married were with each other forever". It just doesn't seem realistic to me.
 
  • #696
DaveC426913 said:
You have not made a promise to spend your life with her. She is aware of this.

A piece of paper isn't required to guarantee something like that, in fact I think divorce
rates are a confirmation of this fact. As you yourself freely admit this piece of paper is
required to convince other people of your choice. This indicates to me how much
other people matter in a personal relationship (from the point of view of society). There
is no justifiable reason why this needs to be the case, there is no justifiable reason why
a promise made between two people has to be officially registered in order for it to mean
something. The fact that it does matter gives an indication as to the origins of modern
marriage & it's heavy investment in property. Just like business contracts a marriage
contract ensured transfer of property etc... The modern version of marriage is similar with
some added stuff but again please justify why a piece of paper makes a promise any more
valid if it's about love, trust etc... and not just property related. What other area's of your
emotional life do you record trust & bonds between people on paper so as to give more
credence to the gesture? Hopefully you see my point. People may feel that it is a way to
officially commit but I mean it's completely illogical when you think about it considering
no other area of your emotional life is like that (indicating that property is the reason for
this practice & not love).

So to be clear, people now justify this practice as a way to tell other people of their choice
& to explain it away as some form of gesture (illogical as that may be) but the reality of
the situation is that it arose formally from property considerations (dowry's etc...) & bears
many of the hallmarks of that practice today. People's justifications don't make any sense
to me when viewed this way & I don't see any reason to think this view is wrong & I
certainly don't think viewing unmarried couples as being less committed is justifiable by
any (justifiable) standard whatsoever.
 
  • #697
DaveC426913 said:
No.

A marriage is a promise to spend your life with her.

You have not made a promise to spend your life with her. She is aware of this.The question to ask yourself is this: if you are able to make a promise in front of all your friends and family to spend your life with her through thick and thin, will you be more or less likely to bolt when things get tough? If you won't make that promise for all the world to see and hear, why not?

This is bogus like hell. In many relationships things goes south, and marriage or not, you are better off without the other one. Forget the "promises", nobody should stay in a bad marriage for the sake of some abstract promise. Too many ppl stay in half-assed relationships, for some is fear to break the bonds, for some fear of tomorrow or ending up alone, for some are economical circumstances, but in the end it has just the effect of slowly eating away the happiness of both.

Let both of you be set free, find another mate, feel alive again.Staying in a bad marriage just for the sake of a "promise" is the worst thing you can do to you, and is equally abhorrent and unfair to you and to her as well.
 
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  • #698
DanP said:
This is bogus like hell. In many relationships things goes south, and marriage or not, you are better off without the other one. Forget the "promises", nobody should stay in a bad marriage for the sake of some abstract promise. Too many ppl stay in half-assed relationships, for some is fear to break the bonds, for some fear of tomorrow or ending up alone, for some are economical circumstances, but in the end it has just the effect of slowly eating away the happiness of both.

Let both of you be set free, find another mate, feel alive again.Staying in a bad marriage just for the sake of a "promise" is the worst thing you can do to you, and is equally abhorrent and unfair to you and to her as well.

This is all a red herring. There is no implication anyone should stay in a bad relationship. Moving on.
 
  • #699
EMFsmith said:
You can make a promise and intend on spending your life with someone without having to get married
And?

Have you?


No, you have not gone to your woman and said "I will commit to staying with you even through the rough times. Heck, I will even provide a token that, whenever one of us doubts our commitment, we can look down at it and remember that this tough time will pass - that it's a drop in the bucket. So that you know - because I've told you - I will not jump ship next time I can't watch my Sunday sports."

You have not done it in front of all your friends and family who, when things get tough (and they will), will step forward to support you, and remind you why you wanted this, and remind you that you wanted to be in it for the long haul, not jumping ship the next time the credit cards max out.

A marriage says, explicitly and publicly, "I want you to know that I want to make a life with you."

That's what a marriage is.
 
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  • #700
Furthermore, since you don't want to make that promise, it's good that you don't (no one should be trapped in a life commitment they don't want to be in).

This sends a message to your grilfriend. Your take on this long-term relationship with her is... what was it? Ah...
...if we want to go our separate ways that's going to happen...
This is good for her to know. She can plan her life appropriately, without depending on you.
 

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