What do 'nerdy' guys like in girls?

[TheDoorsOfMe]

I agree with Dembadon, a curiosity is one of the most important things. Also what I think would help nerdy guys who are introverted is to date a Extroverted girl. Often it will take more effort by a girl to bring those types of guys out of their shell. But, I think in the long run it benefits both parties in the relationship. Because, that kind of girl can add excitement and different opportunities than a girl who is exactly like you. Extroverted people I find the older you get start finding introverted people more interesting. This is not as true in the adolescent years.

My GF is by far more social than I am. Which is great for me because often in social situations she takes the pressure off of me. Not that I am totally inept socially, it just doesn't come naturally to me like it does for her. And she loves talking about science and philosophy which is something she didn't have as much exposure to before dating me. Now she has to hear about it.

Basically I think opposites attract as long they are also like minded. Which I know doesn't make total sense but I know it does in mine, and a lot of other successful relationships I see.

 

[theJorge551]

Well, I usually look for these (but am usually pleasantly surprised with a different quality I hadn't quite anticipated):

1. Intelligence (not necessarily Marilyn Vos Savant level, but someone who can carry a meaningful conversation).
2. Ability to simply relax and extend that feeling to whoever she's around
3. Uniqueness
4. Confidence
5. Sense of humor

at least a couple of these qualities in a woman are enough to get me interested ;)

 

[Lancelot59]

but as we are guys we also like attractive girls.

Evolution at work...

 

[AverageJoe]

I'm just looking for a chick that is down to earth, isn't afraid of hard work and getting dirty while doing so and can understand what I'm saying even if it's not particularly interesting to her.
And I'll try to reciprocate those values in return. That's about it as I already know how to cook my own food and take care of myself.

Oh, not a slob. That's probably my pet peev.

 

[higgsnerd137]

For me it is someone who is VERY willing to debate.

 

[DanP]

To give context to my mention of a "desire and excitement to learn"; there are many times when we are discussing something and a word, phrase, or subject arises about which neither of us knows anything. During those times we both like to open up the laptop and look up the word, phrase, or subject in question and learn about it. I don't know if I could handle spending much time with someone who can't be bothered to learn about the unknown.

Would it be the same turn-on if the women would manifest thirst for knowledge in other ways ?
For example travel a lot, meet new ppl, understand new cultures 1st hand and not on internet, you got the idea.

Ill be frank with my case, first and fore-most (talking attraction here , not necessary long term relationship where other considerations enters in play supplementary ) I am attracted to physical attributes and easy going personality types, open and full of joy. Joy and nice smiles make my day.

 

[Dembadon]

Would it be the same turn-on if the women would manifest thirst for knowledge in other ways ?
For example travel a lot, meet new ppl, understand new cultures 1st hand and not on internet, you got the idea. ...

Absolutely. I was just giving one of many examples applicable to our situation.

 

[Leptos]

Women don't need wealth, power, or wit because they're physically attractive. Generally a man is attracted specifically to the body shape and health of a woman(both mental and physical). A woman may look at things such as how muscular or strong a man is but it's usually for a sense of security rather than direct sexual attraction and the same goes for a man's wealth, wit, etc.

There are certain differences in the male and female brain like how males tend to be better with mathematical and spatial thinking whereas women tend to be better with emotions, patterns, language, etc. It only makes sense that men and women have what resembles a symbiotic relationship. Men and women complement each other like peanut butter and jelly.

Anyway, these are just my opinions although a lot of it is heavily influenced by actual reasoning and information I've been presented with.

 

[Klockan3]

There are certain differences in the male and female brain like how males tend to be better with mathematical and spatial thinking whereas women tend to be better with emotions, patterns, language, etc.

Those vies don't go well with women, even though I somewhat agree with the concept but not the details.

 

[DaveC426913]

Women don't need wealth, power, or wit because they're physically attractive.

When did you grow up? The fifties?

 

[Dembadon]

Women don't need wealth, power, or wit because they're physically attractive.

When did you grow up? The fifties?

 

[Lancelot59]

When did you grow up? The fifties?

Nice one.

 

[Pythagorean]

Women don't need wealth, power, or wit because they're physically attractive. Generally a man is attracted specifically to the body shape and health of a woman(both mental and physical). A woman may look at things such as how muscular or strong a man is but it's usually for a sense of security rather than direct sexual attraction and the same goes for a man's wealth, wit, etc.

There are certain differences in the male and female brain like how males tend to be better with mathematical and spatial thinking whereas women tend to be better with emotions, patterns, language, etc. It only makes sense that men and women have what resembles a symbiotic relationship. Men and women complement each other like peanut butter and jelly.

Anyway, these are just my opinions although a lot of it is heavily influenced by actual reasoning and information I've been presented with.

(emphasis added)

I prefer to take the word of biologists who study sexual selection in humans. You may have hit on some common social aspects, but it seems to be a very narrow focus of what's actually going on.

Also, women do act on sexual attraction and judge males physically. It's a misnomer that they don't.

 

[zoobyshoe]

It's a misnomer that they don't.

misnomer :1 : the misnaming of a person in a legal instrument
2 a : a use of a wrong or inappropriate name b : a wrong name or inappropriate designation

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/misnomer

It's not a misnomer, it's a misconception. (Or, at least, it's your assertion that it's a misconception.)

 

[MotoH]

I look for women who enjoy long walks on the beach and candle lit dinners.

Also they must love to hunt and fish, and make an excellent sandwich.

 

[DaveC426913]

Also they must love to hunt and fish, and make an excellent sandwich.

http://www.bordom.net/view/26464/Well_you_better_come_back_with_a_goddamn_sandwich_
Warning: Do not read with your girlfriend looking over your shoulder.

 

[Hurkyl]

they must ... make an excellent sandwich.

Hrm. I had a snarky retort, but I don't feel like simultaneously playing straight-man...

 

[mcknia07]

lol, that's funny, buttttttt... my man better not ever do that one to me! haha, then we may have some problems...

 

[K29]

Nerdy guys do not "like" nerdy girls. All guys generally like 1 specific type of girl that is common to the vast majority males. Allow me to explain.

If you read some books such as "The science of human emotion" by Viktor Johnston you will see that through a somewhat evolutionary process, girls who posess certain physical traits, will have "better genes" and the male will be naturally attracted to her.

Now, most relationship gurus really suck. But eventually I found one that was more logic based and this guy changed my life with his knowledge. He specialises in the initial attraction stage. Anyway after reading some of David De Angelo's e-books such as "Attraction isn't a choice" it will soon become clear to you that although nerdy guys may "claim" to like nerdy girls, in general they simply have no choice but to "claim" so, as they simply can't picture themselves being with hot girls, or do not know how to attract them. (please read further. At this point a lot of you may start swearing at me)

Although the system here is somewhat complex, it is actually quite stable. By simply considering a bit of extrapolation from Darwin and some De Angelo insight we see the following system:

1.Attractive girls who won the genetic lottery, are attracted to guys who show things like confidence, alpha-male charactristics etc because this guarantees better "provider" characteristics, support of the child and ultimately survival. This is not a choice, its embedded in humans.
2.All guys are attracted to girls with characteristics showing good genes(yes indeed intelligence is one of them, but generally physical characteristics over-power all others. I have never seen a guy drool over a girl doing integration by parts) This increases the chances of good genes carrying down the evolutionary chain and thus improves survival of the species.
3. Girls not so hot will automatically "settle" for guys "not so alpha-male." And vice versa. This is quite fortunate as it guarantees maximum chances for the species as a whole to reproduce. This is not a conscious decision, but it is easy to see why the aforementioned people will probably deny this. In the society we live in its a bit of an ego blow. I don't mean to offend anyone.

[by the way I know it sounds like I was advertising those 2 books but I don't really feel like doing proper quotes and references. I'm having trouble with some DE's and should be doing that]

 

[LydiaAC]

Nerdy guys do not "like" nerdy girls.

I agree, nerd men like exactly the same women than the rest of men.

But your picture is not complete. Actually men are not so selective choosing sex partners because any sex act is a possibility of perpetuate their genes. They are only selective when choosing a wife, because they would need to invest a lot of resources on her.

Many guys, nerds or not, are attracted to nerdy girls. If they have a lucky sperm, they can be half-replicated and the offspring will be well cared for the smart mother, without investing anything. And they can marry another woman, hotter (that is, young and fertile) and have additional offsprings.

And another addition to the picture: what you find hot is good for sex, but not precisely for stand living with someone the rest of your life (or at least part of it). When they are more experienced, both men and women start considering this question. And taking this into account, nerd guys could be very well with a nerdy girl which is not surprised by his being all day working in the computer, not liking to go to parties, or so on.

When I was young I wanted to marry Subcomandante Marcos. It seemed like an Alpha Male to me (you know, definition of "alpha" depends on your political preference). I am sure Marcos would have been the worst husband in the world.

"Did you take the trash out?

No, I am busy trying to overthrow the corrupt government of Mexico"

Lydia

 

[zoobyshoe]

It's my experience that girls are deeply and involuntarily attracted to sociopathic-type guys, exactly the opposite of good providers. I think this is because guys like this are unburdened by any sense of responsibility and are much more exiting and fun in the short term. The notion anyone is attracted to someone's good genes is nonsense. People are really looking for hot, fun sex, and are hoping most of the time this isn't going to lead to their genes getting passed on.

 

[DanP]

But your picture is not complete. Actually men are not so selective choosing sex partners because any sex act is a possibility of perpetuate their genes.

It's iffy and personal. While there are some very good looking man who would go in bed with just about anything that moves, others tend to be extremely selective even for a night stand. They would be very dismissive of anything which doesn't fit their expectations. I have both types in my circle of acquaintances.

They are only selective when choosing a wife, because they would need to invest a lot of resources on her.

I agree with you. A good spouse is an investment. It may sound cold, but its so true.

Many guys, nerds or not, are attracted to nerdy girls.

Nerdiness by itself doesn't mean much. I've seen a lot of hot chicks who where studying all
day long because they wanted a good career and the perks which come with it. I really don't see why a nerdy girl can't be sexy, conscious of her femininity, and stylish.

Of course, I don't mean here the "nerd" clichee, which doesn't give a damn how he/she looks and forget to wash her hair (to be polite , i only mention hair) with weeks because she is too busy finding the cure for cancer. Some balance must exist.

When I was young I wanted to marry Subcomandante Marcos. It seemed like an Alpha Male to me (you know, definition of "alpha" depends on your political preference). I am sure Marcos would have been the worst husband in the world.

Lydia

Ah, the mysterious man with no face Marry him after he overthrows the government, you'll have ordinances to throw the trash out :P

For me "the ideal" looks it's Catherine Zeta Jones. I really dig her. Ok, I dig Alenka Bikar too.

 

[LydiaAC]

It's my experience that girls are deeply and involuntarily attracted to sociopathic-type guys, exactly the opposite of good providers.

Remember that in the savanah we did not have a "society" and to be a "sociopath" had no meaning.

Do you think that one Wall Street stock expert, with tie and suit and used to pay for everything would survive the savanah?

We are not attracted to those who give good prospect to our genes today, but those who gave good prospect to our genes when we were in our natural habitat, in which we evolved.

We are notoriously unadapted to our present habitat. Sociopaths are extremely unadapted but maybe the reason is that they should still be in the savanah.

Lydia

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Nerdy guys do not "like" nerdy girls.

I agree, nerd men like exactly the same women than the rest of men.

I can not agree. I think that attraction is something a bit more complicated. I am personally intensely attracted to "nerdy" girls and am generally rather put off by the standard "hottie". I know many males who are possessed of a similar diversion from the apparent taste in women of the "typical male". Each person I meet (including typical males) seems to have particular characteristics which they admire and which are wholly independent of the standard measure of beauty.

Remember that in the savanah we did not have a "society" and to be a "sociopath" had no meaning.

I am unaware of any primates that are not possessed of a social structure. Sociopaths would have a distinct disadvantage in a socially inclined species. Really, I just think Zoob was perhaps using an exaggerated term to express his bafflement though.

 

[DanP]

. Really, I just think Zoob was perhaps using an exaggerated term to express his bafflement though.

It's not about sociopaths, IMO. It's about the fact that some qualities which sociopaths use as means to finalize their selfish purposes are very appealing to many humans. Charm, style, confidence , sexuality, and willingness to use them. The right dose of manipulative abilities. Possessing those doesn't make you a sociopath automatically. You can still be a *very* decent person, and still empathic to the needs of others. Just that you embrace yourself and don't freak out at the thought to use what you have.

 

[Klockan3]

I can not agree. I think that attraction is something a bit more complicated. I am personally intensely attracted to "nerdy" girls and am generally rather put off by the standard "hottie".

If we go by the same logic you do that to increase your chances of getting laid. Having some rare fetish means that you get less competition.

Also, how do you define the "standard hottie"? Many guys think that the "standard hottie" is a plastic airhead and that most males would love to have such a girl, that isn't true. Most guys would like a regular girl who is fit and have perfect skin, that is the only real ideal.

If you look at movies and such even the "non mainstream" women are fit and have perfect skin, there might be some rare occurrence of guys not having this ideal but saying that nerdy guys do not like hot girls is wrong for most of them. Otherwise the nerdy science fiction series would not have such an abundance of hot women in them.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

If we go by the same logic you do that to increase your chances of getting laid. Having some rare fetish means that you get less competition.

Also, how do you define the "standard hottie"? Many guys think that the "standard hottie" is a plastic airhead and that most males would love to have such a girl, that isn't true. Most guys would like a regular girl who is fit and have perfect skin, that is the only real ideal.

If you look at movies and such even the "non mainstream" women are fit and have perfect skin, there might be some rare occurrence of guys not having this ideal but saying that nerdy guys do not like hot girls is wrong for most of them. Otherwise the nerdy science fiction series would not have such an abundance of hot women in them.

Define "hot girls". Of course nerdy guys want hot girls. The issue here is "how do they define 'hot'?" Not all guys think that the same women are "hot". I have had plenty of conversations discussing who is "hot" and who isn't, most men have. The only thing I have been able to conclude from these discussions is that my friends and I all have our own idea of what "hot" is though it may overlap here and there.

And to answer your question, by "standard hottie" I simply mean what ever type of woman it is that everyone seems to think all men want. Adding to my theory on the subject, the "standard hottie" seems to have changed frequently through out history.

 

[DanP]

Define "hot girls".

http://www.uni-regensburg.de/Fakultaeten/phil_Fak_II/Psychologie/Psy_II/beautycheck/english/index.htm

The chick in the photo doesn't exist =)

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

http://www.uni-regensburg.de/Fakultaeten/phil_Fak_II/Psychologie/Psy_II/beautycheck/english/index.htm

The chick in the photo doesn't exist =)

I don't really find it to be particularly attractive. It is attractive. Its just a sort of generic attractiveness.

 

[Phyisab****]

http://www.uni-regensburg.de/Fakultaeten/phil_Fak_II/Psychologie/Psy_II/beautycheck/english/index.htm

The chick in the photo doesn't exist =)

That freaked me out she looks like a robot.