What do 'nerdy' guys like in girls?

[Astronuc]

So if everyone is doing it, it is ok? That is nowhere near an excuse.

I don't see that Dave is exhonerating the individual behavior, but rather I believe Dave is referring to the influence of societal norms on individual behavior. Individuals may behave in a way in order to avoid being ostracized or in extreme cases, to avoid being physically injured/bullied. The individual behavior may be conscious or unconscious.

 

[Astronuc]

So... why would any girl be attracted to such a guy? How lame would it be to have a partner that you can't socialise with, and can't introduce to people for fear of embarassing you?

A socially awkward person isn't necessarily incapable of socializing with others. Rather, it is perhaps simply difficult to initiate social interaction.

Individuals may be attracted to nerds because of insecurities (competition or control issues) or because of preferences for quieter, more cerebral individuals.


I'm wondering about what the consensus is regarding 'geek' and 'nerd'. Are these the commonly understood definitions (taken from Merriam-Webster.com) used in this thread/PF?

geek - an enthusiast or expert especially in a technological field or activity

nerd - an unstylish, unattractive, or socially inept person ; especially : one slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits

 

[DaveC426913]

Individuals may behave in a way in order to avoid being ostracized or in extreme cases...

Right, but even your take on it assumes some sort of "objective" moral behaviour.

An individual's behaviour is determined by the individual's society. These individuals are not behaving badly; they are behaving normally as per their society. In principle, it is not up to external parties to decide whether their internal behaviour is "objectively" correct or not.

Well, unless they are actually violating someone's human rights... This is a special case where the rest of the world can step in and claim an objective moral standard.


Now, all that being said, once a group begins interacting with the outside world, their behaviour will likely have to change.

 

[Monique]

These individuals are not behaving badly; they are behaving normally as per their society.

And slavery was not bad either, because it was normal behaviour in that society.

Well, unless they are actually violating someone's human rights... This is a special case where the rest of the world can step in and claim an objective moral standard.

Exactly, isn't equal opportunity a human right?

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I'm wondering about what the consensus is regarding 'geek' and 'nerd'. Are these the commonly understood definitions (taken from Merriam-Webster.com) used in this thread/PF?

geek - an enthusiast or expert especially in a technological field or activity

nerd - an unstylish, unattractive, or socially inept person ; especially : one slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits

Those are actually quite close to my own definitions. Except that I do not figure nerds as unattractive (eye and beholder and what) or socially inept. Socially I see nerds more as being people who simply don't care about social interaction as much as others.

I've always slotted socially inept under the term 'dork'.

 

[Crazy Tosser]

nerd - an unstylish, unattractive, or socially inept person ; especially : one slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits

My feelings are hurt but this is true >.<

 

[DaveC426913]

And slavery was not bad either, because it was normal behaviour in that society.

Precisely my point. Were they "emotionally immature individuals" as well? No, they were adhering to the morals of their day.

No one is condoning the behaviour, including me. I'm just pointing out that focusing on the individuals is missing the point.

Exactly, isn't equal opportunity a human right?

I didn't read anything in there about people being passed over for jobs.

 

[FrancisZ]

You all forgot "Dweeb."

 

[mcknia07]

By far, the best dweeb picture. Is that you?

 

[DaveC426913]

By far, the best dweeb picture. Is that you?

In case you're serious:
http://images.google.com/images?hl=...W&q=SNL superstar&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi"

 

[mcknia07]

I was totally kidding, I have seen the show before, lol.

 

[Proton Soup]

A socially awkward person isn't necessarily incapable of socializing with others. Rather, it is perhaps simply difficult to initiate social interaction.

Individuals may be attracted to nerds because of insecurities (competition or control issues) or because of preferences for quieter, more cerebral individuals.


I'm wondering about what the consensus is regarding 'geek' and 'nerd'. Are these the commonly understood definitions (taken from Merriam-Webster.com) used in this thread/PF?

geek - an enthusiast or expert especially in a technological field or activity

nerd - an unstylish, unattractive, or socially inept person ; especially : one slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits

or... they may be attracted to the geek/nerd because daddy was a violent alcohol who was always broke. some seek excitement, and others stability. or, they may seek excitement when they're young, and then later look for a geek/nerd to settle down with.


and speaking of slavery and human rights and such, there's nothing i like more than a girl that gets into getting spanked.

 

[DaveC426913]

and speaking of slavery and human rights and such, there's nothing i like more than a girl that gets into getting spanked.

Then you'll love http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0274812/" .

 

[Proton Soup]

Then you'll love http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0274812/" .

seen it

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

In case you're serious:
http://images.google.com/images?hl=...W&q=SNL superstar&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi"

I met a girl at a bar one night that reminded me a lot of her. I almost fell in love.

 

[junglebeast]

There have been numerous threads on what girls like in guys, but now I'm asking the opposite question; what do smart guys like yourselves like in girls? If possible, I'd be interested in opinions on or from college-aged guys. Thanks!

('Sex' is not an answer. Nice try, PF but I'm looking for more subtle points

1) I'm sure physical attractiveness is not what you want to hear, but it's the truth. Physical attractiveness matters a lot. I personally like thin girls with small breasts, lively eyes and ever-present smiles. I like thin sexy legs and dark hair. I'm also really attracted to perfect complexion. Now that that is out of the way with...

2) No crack-pot beliefs. Nothing is more unattractive to me than religion, conspiracy theories, belief in pseudo-science, etc. A girl could be perfect in every way but if I find out, on the altar, that she is convinced (and can't be unconvinced) that intelligent design is correct, or that the moon landing was a hoax, or that aliens have visited Earth, then we are done.

3) Illogical behavior, lack of self confidence, over-emotionalism and neediness are huge turn offs. I want to support my girl through her troubles, but if she reduces herself to a whining crying baby I immediately lose all sympathy. I also like to help give advice, but if she calls me a million times asking what to do on every little thing as if she's not capable of making a decision on her own, then I also lose interest. Basically, you need to be an intelligent and independent person to date one.

4) Have a sense of adventure and be a risk taker. It's hard to find a girl that appreciates nerdiness but also isn't afraid to leave the computer room and do something utterly ridiculous and completely illegal just because it's fun. You don't have to take risks at every turn, but don't be a slave to the arbitrary rules of societary norms. Don't tell me you don't want to do something because its unusual. I'm a nerd and we don't care about what's socially acceptable because we all stopped fighting that battle years ago.

5) Have your own goals. Don't try to ride my coat tails. I want to think of my woman as someone who has a future and is going to make herself into a better person with each passing year, not a burnout who has nothing to look forward to and is just going to get older, fatter, depressed and emotionally dependent on me as she leaches more and more of my money.

6) Be very good at something. We nerds are usually very good at several things, and it's hard for us to respect people that are not good at anything. The thing you are good at must not be something I'm also better at! It must be something complimentary to my abilities that allows me to respect you and learn from you also.

7) Don't try to drag me into awkward social situations filled with people that share none of my interests. ie, I don't want to go to dance clubs. Not ever. I'd rather be alone surfing the internet.

 

[Kronos5253]

Let's turn the tables for a second: what qualities do 'nerdy' boys like in girls?

I love 'nerdy' boys and I'm very lucky that my school is quite science and tech focused. However, a lot of them are incredibly cute and endearing but very shy and give off mixed signals. With other guys, it's fairly straight forward but I know quite a few self-professed 'dorks' that I would go out to dinner with if only they'd ask.

There have been numerous threads on what girls like in guys, but now I'm asking the opposite question; what do smart guys like yourselves like in girls? If possible, I'd be interested in opinions on or from college-aged guys. Thanks!

('Sex' is not an answer. Nice try, PF but I'm looking for more subtle points

From a personal standpoint:

-Intelligence is a main thing. But what I like to call 'easy-going intelligence'. You're intelligent, but you can still admit when you're wrong.

-Conversation skills. I like to be able to talk with them. And going off of my first point, I like to be able to have an argument/discussion with them without having them tell me I'm wrong without listening to my point. Me and my fiance bicker all the time, but if one of us proves the other wrong, or one of us accepts that the other is right or made a good point, we'll shake hands and say 'good game'. It's good natured. We'll yell and argue, but we actually listen and hold the conversation while we're doing so.

-Physically attractive. Now, I realize that attractiveness is completely subjective to the individual, but if you're not attracted to the person, there's going to be something missing in the relationship. It's a key part of having a relationship (Intro to Interpersonal Communication 101 :) ).

-Someone who can handle themselves. I personally don't find helplessness attractive. I like a woman who can handle things herself. Whether it be from someone picking a fight with her, or picking up a power tool. My fiance grew up around a car garage. Her grandfather, father, aunt, mother, all of them were either mechanics or automotive technicians. So she knows how to carry herself, and how to take care of herself. If she needed to she could survive independently, and that's attractive to me.

-Having similar interests while still having differences. I don't want someone exactly like myself, but I don't want someone who's so far from me that we have nothing to talk about. The differences create conversation, but the similarities keep the conversations going.
^^ That's always been a problem for me, until I found my fiance, because I'm interested in everything, so I talk about everything.

-Patience. I consider myself to be fairly intelligent, but I still do some really stupid things sometimes (okay a lot lol). So the patience to deal with the stupidity that stems from intelligence is a big factor lol

I'm stealing this one from you junglebeast. I like the way you put it lol
-Have a sense of adventure and be a risk taker. It's hard to find a girl that appreciates nerdiness but also isn't afraid to leave the computer room and do something utterly ridiculous and completely illegal just because it's fun. You don't have to take risks at every turn, but don't be a slave to the arbitrary rules of societary norms. Don't tell me you don't want to do something because its unusual. I'm a nerd and we don't care about what's socially acceptable because we all stopped fighting that battle years ago.


That's all I can think of at the moment... If I think of anything else I'll let you know :)

 

[Focus]

-Having similar interests while still having differences. I don't want someone exactly like myself, but I don't want someone who's so far from me that we have nothing to talk about. The differences create conversation, but the similarities keep the conversations going.
^^ That's always been a problem for me, until I found my fiance, because I'm interested in everything, so I talk about everything.

I completely agree with this.

7) Don't try to drag me into awkward social situations filled with people that share none of my interests. ie, I don't want to go to dance clubs. Not ever. I'd rather be alone surfing the internet.

Sounds rather sad. You don't like trying new things? Plus dancing is more fun than sitting alone surfing the internet.

I find that a girl gets more physically attractive if she has other qualities that I like. Pretty weird.

 

[BobG]

4) Have a sense of adventure and be a risk taker. It's hard to find a girl that appreciates nerdiness but also isn't afraid to leave the computer room and do something utterly ridiculous and completely illegal just because it's fun. You don't have to take risks at every turn, but don't be a slave to the arbitrary rules of societary norms. Don't tell me you don't want to do something because its unusual. I'm a nerd and we don't care about what's socially acceptable because we all stopped fighting that battle years ago.

7) Don't try to drag me into awkward social situations filled with people that share none of my interests. ie, I don't want to go to dance clubs. Not ever. I'd rather be alone surfing the internet.

Aren't 4 and 7 in conflict with each other just a little bit? Or is it just the legal system where it's acceptable to take risks? In other words, you don't want anyone that takes personal risks; just one that doesn't let society affect whatever niche she's settled into?

I just don't see how 4 and 7 can be compatible with each other.

 

[junglebeast]

Sounds rather sad. You don't like trying new things? Plus dancing is more fun than sitting alone surfing the internet.

Yeah, I enjoy trying new things...but clubbing is not a new thing. I've gone with people dozens of times, and every time I regret it. I hate the music, I hate the people, I hate the atmosphere. Some people have a different idea of fun.

Aren't 4 and 7 in conflict with each other just a little bit? Or is it just the legal system where it's acceptable to take risks? In other words, you don't want anyone that takes personal risks; just one that doesn't let society affect whatever niche she's settled into?

I can't fathom how you see these 2 things to be in conflict. I don't see anything adventuresome or exciting about going to a club. I was thinking more like...break into a restricted area and make out, or randomly take on an excursion into the jungle, or make a crazy funny movie, just do something new and fun. Go oil painting in the mountains. Go sky diving. Spend the night in the forest

 

[Dadface]

I wouldn't stray but if I did my ideal girl would be over a hundred years old,on a life support machine but with moments of clarity and a sound enough mind to sign an important legal document and most importantly she would be extremely RICH.

 

[LydiaAC]

That's terrible! People making such derogatory comments about women are really emotionally immature.

DaveC and Astronuc are correct in which this is a cultural thing. However, you are correct in which this is plainly wrong.

This is a dogma that says that you never must criticize cultural differences. I do not agree with this. As Erich Fromm says in his book "The Sane Society", societies must be compared according to its ability to make their inhabitants happy. Mexican women are used to live in this way, but that does not mean they are happy.

Nevertheless, this situation is not uniform through Mexican territory. You will find more women rights consciousness in the leftist Mexico City than in the conservative north. In the Indian south, they are fighting to keep their traditions. Some people say that one of their traditions is to sell daughters but others says that this is a myth and everything which come from our Indian past is pure and beautiful.

Things were also worse in the eighties, when my math teacher said my mother that he felt so much pity for me because I was very good at math and that was a disgrace for a woman.

In the nineties, the song "Women must be beaten" was in the top ten for several weeks. When that song was played in the graduation of my brother-in-law, most women were dancing it enthusiastically. When I refused to dance such a thing, nobody could understand why.

Recently, (last year, maybe) the Supreme Court of Mexico refused to define that rape can happen inside the marriage. They said that it was only "to make use of a right in an improper way". A congressman boasted a document he make his wife to sign, acknowledging his right to have sex with her.

However, with exceptions, people cannot be oblivious about woman rights if they are in radio, TV or are pursing a political career. A trend now is sixty year old women divorcing from abusive husbands and setting up a tortilla, tamales, or cakes business and discovering independence and happiness for the first time.

To women of other cultures I would say:
Please... do not respect so much. Feel free to criticize what you see as wrong. Help us to change.

LydiaAC

 

[Astronuc]

I heard an interesting comment this morning about people wanting to find a mate - someone whom they looked forward to seeing at the end of the day. I'd agree with that. I look forward to walking in the door and kissing my wife - after nearly 27 years (28 counting the year we lived together during the summer and on weekends and holidays).

I'll get back to dave's response to my comment later.

 

[MissSilvy]

Perhaps I'm a tad bitter but guys seem to be a whole lot more demanding in a mate. It's contrary to popular opinions, I know, but if a guy dates someone who everyone thinks is weird or sub-par, he'll never hear the end of it from his guys friends. I once dated someone who I thought was cute and while my friends didn't agree, they acknowledged that I must've seen something in him that made him worth keeping. A guy friend of mine was in a similar situation but all his friends could say was "Do you put a bag over her head when you're alone together? Haha!" even though he explained that she was funny, caring, and a nice person.

 

[Kurdt]

They're just immature idiots. Its good to be concerned that your friend might be going out with the wrong person but ultimately you should respect their decision. Its just plain ignorant to be concerned because of the way they look.

 

[Dadface]

Perhaps I'm a tad bitter but guys seem to be a whole lot more demanding in a mate. It's contrary to popular opinions, I know, but if a guy dates someone who everyone thinks is weird or sub-par, he'll never hear the end of it from his guys friends. I once dated someone who I thought was cute and while my friends didn't agree, they acknowledged that I must've seen something in him that made him worth keeping. A guy friend of mine was in a similar situation but all his friends could say was "Do you put a bag over her head when you're alone together? Haha!" even though he explained that she was funny, caring, and a nice person.

Men!They can be so shallow.They're beasts I tell you...beasts!

 

[junglebeast]

Men!They can be so shallow.They're beasts I tell you...beasts!

Growl!

 

[Cyrus]

...and thread locked.

 

[rootX]

I can't fathom how you see these 2 things to be in conflict. I don't see anything adventuresome or exciting about going to a club. I was thinking more like...break into a restricted area and make out, or randomly take on an excursion into the jungle, or make a crazy funny movie, just do something new and fun. Go oil painting in the mountains. Go sky diving. Spend the night in the forest

So adventurous like breaking laws ..

 

[chroot]

Perhaps I'm a tad bitter but guys seem to be a whole lot more demanding in a mate. It's contrary to popular opinions, I know, but if a guy dates someone who everyone thinks is weird or sub-par, he'll never hear the end of it from his guys friends.

That's not contrary to popular opinion -- what you've described is actually the typical male. Men often have relatively low standards in their dating habits, but relatively higher standards in their ideals about a mate worthy of marriage.

That's why so many women end up in dead-end relationships where the guy is afraid to "take the next step," and why people write silly books like He's Just Not That Into You.

- Warren

 

[Cyrus]

That's not contrary to popular opinion -- what you've described is actually the typical male. Men often have relatively low standards in their dating habits, but relatively higher standards in their ideals about a mate worthy of marriage.

That's why so many women end up in dead-end relationships where the guy is afraid to "take the next step," and why people write silly books like He's Just Not That Into You.

- Warren

I have bad news warren. It's not you, it's me.

 

[Proton Soup]

Perhaps I'm a tad bitter but guys seem to be a whole lot more demanding in a mate. It's contrary to popular opinions, I know, but if a guy dates someone who everyone thinks is weird or sub-par, he'll never hear the end of it from his guys friends. I once dated someone who I thought was cute and while my friends didn't agree, they acknowledged that I must've seen something in him that made him worth keeping. A guy friend of mine was in a similar situation but all his friends could say was "Do you put a bag over her head when you're alone together? Haha!" even though he explained that she was funny, caring, and a nice person.

yeah, that's just the way women are. better watch out or they'll be trying to steal your man!

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn10966-beauty-is-in-the-eye-of-your-friends.html

and guys, this is the way you want to choose your profile pics for online dating: with the type of girl you'd like to date looking at you adoringly.

 

[Proton Soup]

That's not contrary to popular opinion -- what you've described is actually the typical male. Men often have relatively low standards in their dating habits, but relatively higher standards in their ideals about a mate worthy of marriage.

That's why so many women end up in dead-end relationships where the guy is afraid to "take the next step," and why people write silly books like He's Just Not That Into You.

- Warren

it's a little more than that. men tend to select on looks (maybe there's a reason we're so visual beyond chucking spears), and women tend to select on resources.

 

[Cyrus]

it's a little more than that. men tend to select on looks (maybe there's a reason we're so visual beyond chucking spears), and women tend to select on resources.

because women get stuck with babies for 18 years and men don't.

 

[zoobyshoe]

yeah, that's just the way women are. better watch out or they'll be trying to steal your man!

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn10966-beauty-is-in-the-eye-of-your-friends.html

and guys, this is the way you want to choose your profile pics for online dating: with the type of girl you'd like to date looking at you adoringly.

Women found the men who were being smiled at suddenly more attractive, while men who apparently elicited no such smiling approval were pronounced less attractive.

It's absolutely true. Simply having one girl attracted to a guy makes more girls attracted to him.

 

[turbo]

I am an old guy. Even one or two girls that showed an interest in me had a huge effect. I had had I had no money to commute with, so U of A Tuscon and other schools that wanted me on my SAT scores and others, didn't fare well. I ended up at a state UNI, and realistically, my best chance of advancing in astronomy would have involved getting a junior fellowship in instrumentation and getting experience that would have boosted me into advanced programs.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Perhaps I'm a tad bitter but guys seem to be a whole lot more demanding in a mate. It's contrary to popular opinions, I know, but if a guy dates someone who everyone thinks is weird or sub-par, he'll never hear the end of it from his guys friends. I once dated someone who I thought was cute and while my friends didn't agree, they acknowledged that I must've seen something in him that made him worth keeping. A guy friend of mine was in a similar situation but all his friends could say was "Do you put a bag over her head when you're alone together? Haha!" even though he explained that she was funny, caring, and a nice person.

I've found that women talk poorly of their friends choices in dating material just as much as men. Men though are more likely to say it to your face and usually just consider it a way of making fun of their friend (making fun of each other is a passtime for males) while women will make it an actual topic of conversation.

 

[DaveC426913]

while women will make it an actual topic of conversation.

The 'tend and befriend' reflex.

 

[zoobyshoe]

The 'tend and befriend' reflex.

What's the "'tend and befriend' reflex"?

 

[Lancelot59]

I would like to know as well. :/

 

[wildman]

How can an intelligent woman be a believer?

Question:
What do these fellows have in common?

Isaac Newton
Georg Canter
Kurt Godel
Francis Collins

Answer:
They are (or were) all believers and they are (or were) all more than likely more intelligent then thou or anyone else on this forum. Please to imply that those who don't agree with one's belief system are not intelligent is very arrogant.

 

[Lancelot59]

Personally I like girls that aren't so...girly. If that makes sense.

Women without all the excess sass. Someone who likes to get their hands dirty, and work is someone I can relate to.

 

[Werg22]

Question:
What do these fellows have in common?

Isaac Newton
Georg Canter
Kurt Godel
Francis Collins

Answer:
They are (or were) all believers and they are (or were) all more than likely more intelligent then thou or anyone else on this forum. Please to imply that those who don't agree with one's belief system are not intelligent is very arrogant.

Seconded. I know a very intelligent, very pretty girl who is also a very strong believer. We may not agree on matters of religion, but I still think she's a delightful person. A very good friend. Whoever dates her is one lucky fellow.

 

[Moonbear]

Personally I like girls that aren't so...girly. If that makes sense.

Women without all the excess sass. Someone who likes to get their hands dirty, and work is someone I can relate to.

I don't think it's just nerdy guys who go for that. When I had the movers moving my furniture last week, the one single guy in the group was definitely hitting on me and flirting rather mercilessly just because I could pop a door off the hinges and connect my own washer and dryer! Seriously, that's all it took, and both are so simple to do. I was paying by the hour for the move, so I sure wasn't letting them waste time doing those things for me when they could be carrying other stuff to rooms that didn't need doors removed to fit the furniture in.

 

[turbo]

Personally I like girls that aren't so...girly. If that makes sense.

Women without all the excess sass. Someone who likes to get their hands dirty, and work is someone I can relate to.

Definitely. My wife wants a (rather large) raised-bed garden on the front lawn, and yesterday, despite the muggy weather and the black flies she and I worked out in a neighbor's woodlot tearing down an old stone wall for materials. While I was driving the tractor back here to dump the front-end loader, she kept selecting and piling up stones so by the time I got back into the woods, there were usually enough stones to refill the loader. Some of them, she had to tumble end-over-end - they were too heavy for one person to lift and it took both of us to get them into the bucket.

I can't imagine spending my life with someone who was too vain to risk some fly-bites and chipped nails to collaborate on a project like that. Next weekend, we're going to plant our vegetable garden - a couple of sweaty, black-fly-filled days, but it will be nice to have everything in the ground.

 

[Lancelot59]

Ditto to that. Only thing is women like that are pretty rare amongst the hordes of...sheep these days.

 

[Howers]

Most of my friends, much like myself, look for brains and looks. It also helps if you have food.

 

[Lancelot59]

Food is always a good thing.

Although you have to admit on the initial pass looks come over brains.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Although you have to admit on the initial pass looks come over brains.

I generally like geeky looking women. I think that glasses are dead sexy. Its always disappointing when an attractive woman with glasses turns out to be a ditz when she opens her mouth.

 

[Lancelot59]

Yeah, glasses can add to a look quite nicely.